Priest Sanzo Mama

How the hell did this happen again? I looked down on the smelly wiggly squalling thing on my bed. Why me?

Oh yeah it was all their fault.

As a group the three of them decided they had enough of my company for the day and left on a little trip. Good riddance. But now I was stuck with this mess.

I had been walking in the town market minding my own business as usual, when this strange woman ran up to and thrust a bundle in my arms. "I know I can trust this with you please take care of it for me." And then she faded into the crowd and I was left standing there stunned and holding something I really hoped wasn't what I thought it was. A muffled squeak confirmed my worse nightmare.

"What the hell?" I yelled. "Hey lady get back here and take this with you." But it was too late she was long gone. I trudged back to the inn with the bundle held out at arms length. It began to scream at the highest pitch I ever imagined. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?" after a couple of hours of on and off noise the innkeeper knocked on the door asking me to keep the noise to a minimum. "I'd love to believe me. But I have no clue what to do with it." He peeked at what was moving around on the bed.

"It's a shame really; a lot of female demons are abandoning their children to protect them from when the change comes over them."

"That's all well and good but what the fuck am I supposed to do with this."

"First change it and feed it."

"Good what can I change it into?" I made a weak attempt at humor." He gave me a badly concealed look of displeasure.

"I'll send the things up here."

"What? I have no idea how to do those things." I bellowed. That of course set the little noise maker off screaming again.

To my shock and horror I discovered just why the thing was wailing so hard. I had never seen such a mess. And to top it off it was a girl child. Oh this was just getting better and better.

After several fumbling attempts I managed to get it cleaned and changed. Onward to the feeding. How had Master ever handled things like this with me? I had been giving him too little credit when it came to this. All I could think of was thank god I was celibate I'd never have to go through this again.

We made it through the feeding with relatively few problems. And as the sun was beginning to set my crew of traitors returned. I was frazzled to the core. My head was pounding and I was out of smokes and booze. And had been the entire time. That was the purpose of my journey to the store in this god forsaken town.

"Here take this." I shoved the wiggling thing into Hakkai's arms. "I'm going out and get smashed."

Hakkai had his patient smile plastered on his face. Goku was staring open mouthed, and the pain in the ass cockroach was laughing his ass off.

"Hey wait up blondie I'll go with you." I didn't even have the energy to tell him off. "Does this mean you're a daddy now or are you the new mommy?" I aimed my gun at his head.

"If you value your life you'll shut the fuck up right now."

He shrugged. "Its okay Sanzo I'll play house with you." Then slung an arm around my shoulders. "Come on first rounds on me."

I vaguely remember being helped/dragged to my room and nothing after that. In the morning I discovered a lightly snoring redhead next to me. I shoved him out of the bed and he hit the floor with a thump.

"God damn it Sanzo what'd you do that for?"

"What the hell were you doing in my bed?"

"Sleeping." he stood up. "I got really drunk too."

"And why are you naked?"

"I always sleep like this."

"Figures. So why am I naked?"

"I just thought you'd be more comfortable." As if reading my mind he added. "Look if you're worried something happened, don't I'm too much of a gentleman to take advantage of someone who was as hammered as you were."

"Thank you for that." I was still skeptical.

He winked at me." When it comes time to get you in bed I want you to be alert."

"In your dreams."

There was a polite knock on the door. "Sorry to disturb you Sanzo but I wanted to let you know we found a family to take the baby."

"So early?"

"It's afternoon Sanzo. By the way have you seen Gojyo?"

"I've been asleep Hakkai how would I know where the bastard got to?"

The idiot was hardly trying to keep his chuckles quiet so I kicked him.

"I just wanted to let you know about the child." Hakkai said through the door. "Do you need something for the hangover? I could always…."

"No! I'll just sleep some more. I'll be fine." I heard him walk away. "You've got to get out of here now." I turned to the grinning kappa.

"Are you sure about that?" he leaned over and kissed me. "Are you absolutely sure?"

For some odd reason I don't remember anything after that.