Title: Nail Polish Party
Summary: "You know I always wondered how they got their nails that color. I just thought it was some sick jutsu. Who knew??" Once again, Sasuke tries to kill Itachi. Sadly, Itachi is a little busy.
Author Notes: This is just a random fic I wrote on my way to work. Definitely not to be taken seriously. Pre-Chapter 364.
Nail Polish Party
"At last! I have found you, my brother!" A maniacal Sasuke shouted to the empty lot as his eyes glittered and his sharingan spinned. His companions looked at him warily, his tone indicated that he had finally begun to crack.
But he was telling the truth, of course. Sasuke was standing right outside of the main Akatsuki Complex. Finally, he had found his brother.
Of course it had not been particularly easy. It was very rare that all of the Akatsuki met together in person. He had been following Zetsu for quite some time and it was not until now that he realized that he would only meet his brother if Zetsu and all the Akatsuki met in person.
Altogether, it took about seven months. And if you had spent seven months following a guy with a tree for a head who happened to have a taste for human flesh you'd be a little unhinged also.
Nevertheless, a slightly more maniacal Sasuke was outside and ready to attack. Somehow it never occurred to him that breaking into a room that contained nine of the deadliest ninja on the continent was a bad idea. He only thought of Itachi.
With Karin, Suigetsu and Juugo behind him, he kicked open the door and yelled,
"At last Itachi, I have found you!"
He vaguely heard Suigetsu whisper behind him, "I know things have been strained lately, but you think he'd be a little bit cooler about this….." Juugo made a noise of assent.
Of course, Sasuke ignored them.
But he stopped and looked around. What exactly had he walked in on?
Tobi skipped over "More people for the party?!?" What a pleasant surprise! Please sit down and join us!" At this he grabbed Karin by the hand and dragged her away. And then Sasuke finally got a good look at what they were doing. They were painting their nails.
"Do you have Poodle Pink?" Karin asked. Tobi nodded, "That's one of my favorite colors."
"What the hell is going on?!" Sasuke shouted.
Juugo rubbed his chin and stated, "You know I always wondered how they got their nails that color. I just thought it was some sick jutsu. Who knew??" At this Juugo walked over to the leader and sat down. Leader-sama was painting his nails dark purple.
"This is unbelievable!" Suigetsu yelled. Sasuke sighed in relief glad that at least someone else shared his sentiment.
Suigetsu stomped over to Kisame and yelled "What color are you painting your nails?!"
"Blue" Kisame responded barely looking up from his pinky toe.
"Good," Suigetsu said, apparently sedated, and sat down, "Mist-nin shouldn't be painting their nails some freakin pansy color."
"That's what I'm saying." Kisame responded with a slight smile.
Sasuke stood in the doorway looking at this disturbing scene. His team and the Akatsuki were sitting together apparently trading tips about nail polish. What the hell was going on?
Tobi flounced back over and said in a kind voice, "And what color would you like to paint your nails Sasuke-kun??"
Sasuke looked at him with disgust, pushed him out of the way and stomped over to Itachi.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Sasuke also noted, with a sort of grim satisfaction, that at least Itachi was painting his nails black.
Itachi looked up his sharingan also spinning and answered simply, "My nails were chipping."
"What the—? I am here to avenge my family!!!!"
"Of course you are." Itachi responded going back to his nails. "Now sit down and you can avenge all you want after my second coat dries."
Sasuke stared at his brother in astonishment. Realizing that his brother was actually serious he sat down. He had waited eight years, he could wait a few more minutes.
So he sat down and inspected his nails. Months of neglect had left his nails slightly uneven so he picked up an emery board.
Before he had even finished the first nail he heard a large crash. The door fell off its hinges as Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura and Sai rushed into the Akatsuki hideout.
"Finally, Sasuke! I have found you, now—" Naruto stopped talking mid-sentence.
"What the hell????" he asked weakly taking in his surroundings for the first time.
Tobi flounced over, "Are you all hear for the party??"
Sasuke turned back to his nails as he heard Sakura ask "Oooh! Is that poodle pink?"