AN: I don't own Naruto or any of its' characters.
So here he was.
Sitting in front of a ten year old boy, with a crazy, touched-in-the-head S-Rank criminal much like himself.
…Trying to explain…Well, to put it bluntly, sex. And if it wasn't for Itachi leaving his good for nothing dirty magazines lying around for the whole world too see, or, more precisely, showing the boy them, he wouldn't have to be here right now, in the most…Awkward position ever.
..Actually, if it weren't for Itachi in general, he just wouldn't have to be in anything like this.
Yeah, he was totally for kicking Itachi out of the Akatsuki and letting Deidara take his place…
…He'd have to remember to mention that to Leader…
"Sasori, un..?" The blonde boy asked, interrupting the red haired man from his thoughts, "Are we ever going to start, un?" Came another eager reply from the boy, practically bouncing off of his seat.
Now, Sasori was actually thinking of telling him the truth, and potentially scarring him for the rest of his life.
…And then he remembered that was something that Itachi would do…And he didn't want to be like Itachi, nor did he want to scar the poor boy. Sasori sighed, sending the Uchiha secret glares constantly.
"Okay kid, look…" Itachi spoke first, "When a man and a woman get really close, they get n-" Sasori quickly shoved his hand over Itachi's mouth. Oh good lord, letting him help him out with this wasn't such a good idea after all, he really had to think of better punishments for Itachi…Namely ones that wouldn't amuse him like this one probably did.
He laughed nervously, "See…Deidara…What Itachi meant was…When a man and a women love each other very much…They…" He stumbled over his words slightly, "They…"
"…They what, un?" The boy asked innocently, his blue eyes blinking once, a clear, confused look on his face.
Sasori coughed lightly, "Well…They…" Sasori jabbed Itachi sharply in the stomach with his elbow, hoping for a bit of help.
Itachi growled, holding the part of his stomach Sasori had hit, twitching, "They…Get really, really close…" He hissed out, debating whether or not to return the hit back to Sasori.
"And…They…" Sasori spoke again, "They, well…"
"They…Sleep together in the same bed?" Itachi spoke again, his sentence sounding more like a question instead of a statement.
"Right…" Sasori nodded, swallowing lightly, "Sleep…Together…"
The blonde was incredibly confused now. "But…Sasori un…We sleep in the same bed together…Does that mean we're-.."
"No!" Sasori said quickly, "N-No, Deidara. You see, this is a different kind of sleep…" He started, "See…This kind of sleep…You don't…Actually sleep…It's more of an…Active sleep…Between a man and a woman.."
The boy blinked, "Active, un? What do you mean?"
Sasori swore he was going to bash his head repeatedly into a wall. "Well…There's…A lot of kissing…"
"And after the kissing…They give each other…" Itachi started out.
"…Each other…" Sasori thought for a moment, "…Well, it's like a big…Hug." He explained, trying his hardest to keep it as non-graphic as possible.
"…Hug, un?" The boy groaned, "Sasori no Danna, un! I don't get it, un!" He complained, "If a guy and a girl hugged each other…Wouldn't there be a lot of babies being born then, un? Because I used to see people hug all the time…And I'm pretty sure they didn't have babies afterwards, un…"
…And then promptly smacked Itachi over the head. Why? Because like he had said so many times before, this was his fault.
Itachi growled, rubbing his head, "Dammit Sasori! I swear if you do that again!"
"Oh shut the hell up, Itachi…If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have to be explaining sex to a ten year old, now would we?!" He hissed defensively.
"Oh for the love of all that is holy…How hard is it to explain this Sasori?! A man shoves his-.."
Sasori had practically tackled Itachi to the ground before he could utter the last few words out of his mouth, "Don't you dare even finish that sentence…"
"Why the hell not?! The kid wanted to know how babies are made, so we might as well tell him!" Itachi groaned, rolling his eyes, "And get off of me, your ass is heavy…"
Sasori smacked him again, "I'm not heavy…And watch your damned mouth, you're in front of Deidara…" He said, clearly unaware of the own cuss words coming out of his own mouth.
"I'll swear whenever I damn well please!" Itachi huffed, shoving the puppet off of him.
"…Sasori no Danna, un?" The blonde spoke again, staring down at the two. "You haven't finished yet, un…I don't understand, un…"
Sasori groaned, "Deidara…" He mumbled, rubbing his own head, "This is why I didn't want to tell you, because this is something you won't be able to understand until you're older…"
"But…Sasori, un…" The boy pouted stubbornly, "You promised you'd tell me, un…"
"I did tell you, kid." He replied back, staring at him as the boy shook his head, his hair that had grown longer flipping in his face.
"No you didn't, un…You told me they hugged…I know that's not true, un! Because if a man and a woman hugged, there'd be a lot of babies on this earth, un!" The boy exclaimed, widening his arms for effect.
Ahh…He was still so innocent…
"Deidara…You see…" He sighed, placing a hand on top of the boys' head, "The hug…Isn't what creates a child…"
"Yeah, what creates a child is when the man gets ho-.."
"Itachi?" Sasori asked, his voice almost sweet.
"…Yeah?" He replied back bluntly, staring at him.
"…Get out." Sasori grumbled, pointing him back into the direction of his own room. Happily, Itachi took this as an escape route. Fine, if Sasori wouldn't let him explain this the real way, then he wasn't going to do it.
"Sasori un…" The boy said again, staring up at him, "If the hug isn't what makes the baby, un….Then what does?" He asked again.
Sasori slapped his hand to his own face, letting it slide down slowly, a small blush tinting his cheeks, "Well…Deidara…After the hug, the man and the woman get…N…" He stopped, taking a deep breath, "N-…Naked." He practically choked out, feeling a bit awkward.
"…Naked, un..?" It was Deidara's turn to blush as he looked up at Sasori, now unsure if he wanted to hear anymore or not.
Sasori nodded, "Right…" He said, "And when they're…Naked…" He mumbled out the last word, "They…Get…Close…"
And then Deidara was back to square one again. "But you already said that, Sasori, un…If they get close, then what do they do, un…?"
Okay Sasori, you can do this…
"Well….The man…I mean the woman...And…They…" He was completely lost now.
"..Huh?" A voice asked as they walked into the kitchen, "What's going on, Sasori-san?" Tobi asked, looking at the current situation, "What are you two doing?"
"Sasori's trying to tell me how babies are made un, but he's not doing a very good job, un…" He complained, looking up at Tobi, "…Tobi, un…Do you know?"
"Well…" Tobi blushed slightly under his mask, laughing, "What…Has Sasori told you?"
"He and Itachi-san said that a man and a woman sleep naked together in the same bed and then they give each other a big hug…" The boy said bluntly, looking up at Tobi, in hopes of getting a straight answer.
"I see…" Tobi said, "Well…Deidara…" Tobi cleared his throat lightly, "When they do that…What Sasori means is that they become one with each other, and when they do that, a seed is implanted in the woman, and the man becomes very protective of her."
The boy stared up at Tobi, for once not asking a question.
"And like everything else, a seed needs time to grow, right?" He asked.
The boy nodded, "Right, un."
"The child is like a plant…Only human. The woman has to be very careful of what she does, so she doesn't harm the child while it's growing inside of her." He smiled, "And after a long nine months of waiting, the child is born!"
Deidara blinked, "…So then how does the baby get out of the mother, un…?" He asked.
Tobi sweat dropped, patting him on the head, "I'll let Sasori explain that too you." He said as he quickly exited the room.
…And right about then, Sasori slammed his head on the table. Hard.
Ohhhh, there was going to be some serious ass kicking after all of this was over with.
Let round two begin…
Haha, so far this has been everyones favorite chapter over on dA. XD I must say, I had alot of fun writing it.
Read and review, please!