a/n-to tell you the truth, i'm not so sure about this story. all input is welcome!

Disclaimer-I do not own Harry Potter.

I didn't mean for it to get this bad. Really, I didn't. Honestly. I have no idea how things turned out this way.

But maybe I should start at the beginning. And the beginning, is September 1 of third year.

That idiot- but at the same time dashingly handsome and charming- James Potter asked me out. Of course, it didn't work out the way he wanted. I said no; he pouted. Then, he immediately asked the next girl he saw out. Stupid prat.

But once I said no, he didn't stop asking. All throughout third, fourth, fifth, and sixth year James Potter asked me out. And I'm quite proud to say that I said no every single time. Well, I was proud at the time. Things change. Like the way I thought of James, for instance.

Something seemed to change about him at the end of sixth year. Well, really, something changed with all of the marauders. That was their stupid little gang at school. They were a bunch of troublemakers. Anyway, it happened while Remus was on one of his frequent 'visits' to his mother. It made me laugh, to tell you the truth; every full moon, I'd ask one of the marauders where Remus had gone. It was so funny seeing them stutter like that.

But that isn't the point here. I'm trying to tell you something important.

It was the day after the last full moon of sixth year, that I noticed the change.

Sirius and James were rarely seen without one another, but that morning, Sirius walked into breakfast alone and sat at the opposite end of the table from where he and his friends usually sat. About ten minutes later, James and Peter came into the Great Hall, and totally ignored Sirius.

That was the first change.

Eventually though, the four of them made up, and in no time at all, the marauders were trying to make of for their brief absence from the world of pranking. Luckily for the rest of the school, we only had a week left until the summer holidays. It was at the very beginning of seventh year that the second change occurred.

James Potter, the boy who had constantly asked me out for years, said we should be friends.

I think I died of shock right then and there. Of course I got over it.

James thought we should be friends in the best interest of our new positions; our positions as the Head Boy and Girl. To be completely honest with you, I probable died of shock twice on that train ride. Once when James told me we should just be friends, the other when he told me he was Head Boy. That guy obviously has issues with getting me killed.

But anyway, James Potter and I, Lily Evans, became friends, and it was very quickly that we found out how easy it was to talk to the other.

I think that was what did it. James Potter quickly became one of my best friends. First we were always together, because of our head duties. Then, I slowly started talking to his friends as well. Remus, I was always friends with, but I soon found that both Sirius and Peter were fun to be around. And before we knew it, James and I were doing everything together.

Somewhere along the lines, my best friend started going out with Sirius, James' best friend, and the two of them were always together. So no one really noticed when James and I spent practically every waking hour together.

That was what changed everything.

As James and I became closer friends, the feelings I'd had towards him for six years started to change as well.

I, Lily Evans, was falling for James Potter.

Now, my time with James seemed to become a burden for me. When James and I had been spending time together as friends, I had been having so much fun. But when I discovered how much more I really liked James, I felt so alone. James didn't like me anymore. I knew he didn't. He proved that to me when he didn't ask me out once, for almost the whole of seventh year.

And as seventh year went on, I slowly started to stop spending time with James. If he noticed, he didn't say anything. The small amount of time I now spent with him was when we had to do our head duties. And during that time, he seemed strangely distant to me. As that happened, I started spending more time with Remus. He was usually in the library anyway, so James was never around.

It was Remus I poured my heart and soul into. I told him all about how James and I had become friends, which he already knew, but then how I started wishing we were more than friends. Then about how I started spending less time with him, because I knew he didn't feel the same way about me that he used to, if what he felt was even real.

Remus, for his part, really listened to me. He told me that I should just hang on; James was bound to figure it all out one of these days. And I listened. And I held on. And in the end, James did figure it out. He figured it out, and then he asked me out. And I said yes.

We were so happy together, and so much in love. But that was our problem. We got married the summer after seventh year. Lots of people did. It had something to do with all of the fear that Lord Voldemort instilled in people. James and I joined the Order of the Phoenix straight out of school as well. We wanted to fight Voldemort. We wanted our future children to be able to grow up in a world where there was no evil wizard out there who could possibly kill them. But that was our downfall.

A bit over a year after we were married, James and I found out we were going to have a baby. Harry was born in July, shortly after our second anniversary. That was when Dumbledore told us the bad news.

Voldemort was after a baby. A baby who had been born as the seventh month dies; born to 'parents who had thrice defied him.' Our beautiful baby Harry met those 'requirements', and Dumbledore said we should go into hiding. It was all to protect Harry, so in October the year he was one, we went into hiding.

That's where we are now. In hiding.

James is getting antsy, being here, tucked away from all of the fighting. He knows that it's to protect us. To protect our son, Harry.

You can tell that Harry's knows something is wrong. He misses his godfather, Padfoot, and Uncle Moony; Peter hasn't stopped by in ages, but he sends the occasional owl.

I didn't mean for it to get this bad. Really, I didn't. Honestly. I have no idea how things turned out this way.

James and I were supposed to fall in love, have kids, and live happily ever after. I don't know how we ended up in hiding. I didn't mean for it to get this far. I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't want my son to grow up in the shadows; to never be able to go out in the fresh air, growing up like a normal child.

I just want us to be a normal, happy family. I want my baby boy to grow up knowing his godfather and his grandparents. I just want Voldemort to disappear so that I don't have to watch my husband pacing up and down in front of the fireplace, waiting for news, almost every second of the day. I want our lives to be normal.

Tomorrow is Halloween. James and I are going to try and make it as normal as possible for Harry. He had so much fun last year, trick-or-treating with the marauders. We're going to make this the Halloween Harry will never forget.

I just hope we live long enough to see it happen.