Diclaimer: They're mine ALL MINE!!!! Mwahahahahaha!!!!
Kubo Tite : (looms in the corner)
Me: he...he he..he just kidding...he he... please don't hurt me!!

Warning: Mistaken identities can lead to involuntary yaoi...


Ikkaku was not drunk. The reason everything blurry was the lucky punch in the eye that he'd got in the earlier pub brawl; it had nothing to do with the amount of sake he'd just consumed.

He tried to walk further down the dirt road, but found himself eating it instead. Spitting earth from his mouth Ikkaku heaved himself on to his knees, using the wall beside him to balance. He ignored the nausea that had been caused by hitting his stomach so hard when he'd hit the floor. Not because the aforementioned consumed sake was feeling rebellious.

"You look a little ill," an effeminate voice told him.

"'M not drunk," Ikkaku informed the new-comer.

"Of course not, being drunk is incredibly ugly," the fighter finally raised his head to look at the new arrival. They had long black hair and wore a white kimono with large flower prints selectively dyed onto the top right corner.

"Who are you?" Ikkaku asked her with an irritated scowl.

"Ayasegawa Yumichika," that didn't sound like a girl's name; Ikkaku scowled harder, "and you?"

"Madarme Ikkaku," he told her roughly.

"Well, Madarme-san, would you like some help?" there was a teasing in her tone that Ikkaku decided he didn't like.

"No, piss off," he retorted as he tried standing. He must of hit his head pretty hard too because everything was swimming. Yumichika laughed at his attempts; something between a chuckle and a giggle.

"Where do you live?" she asked.

"Don't live nowhere," Ikkaku found himself telling her.

"Is that so? Well sleeping outside in this district is never a good idea,"

"I'll be fine," Ikkaku glared at her.

"Some how I doubt it," Yumichika noted dryly, "besides, being robbed is not beautiful you know."

"I'm not gonna get robbed," Ikkaku growled

"Not even if someone slits your throat?" she questioned innocently

"No-one could get close enough," he replied forcibly

"I did," she stated sweetly and Ikkaku inwardly cursed her. It was all the floor's fault, if it hadn't hit his stomach so hard then he wouldn't have been so caught up in feeling sick to miss the approach of the woman. Actually, scratch that, it was that idiot's fault, the one that had stabbed him in the leg last week. Obviously that had to be the reason he'd fallen over in the first place.

"Fine, what would you suggest?" he growled tetchily.

"Why don't I take you back to my place?"

"Not interested," Ikkaku cut across anything else she might have said.

"Why? Scared I'm going to rape you?" Yumichika teased

"No!" Ikkaku exclaimed in annoyance; God this woman was irritating.

She laughed again, "so you coming?"

"Fine," he growled in exasperation.

"Good, its that one there," she pointed to the shack opposite them.

"Not very beautiful is it?" he bit out unhappily.

"No but what do expect in a place like this?" she gave a long, suffering sigh and Ikkaku managed to frown with raised eyebrows.

"Whatever," he answered, finally pushing himself off his knees.

"Come on then," she replied, ignoring his uncaring retort. He followed her into the house and was surprised to find it empty (besides some Spartan furniture). Usually there were about 8 people crushed into one shack.

"Live with people in this place? So ugly," she'd told him when he'd asked, he wondered fleetingly why she was helping him when she was so obsessed with things that were beautiful. "Would you like some tea?"

"Err… yeah, please," he replied with some gruff politeness, which seemed to please the brunette. He scratched the back of his head before flopping down on one of the three chairs at the table. Unusual for someone who lived alone but girls were always having friends over or whatever, weren't they?

Ikkaku rested his head on the table and it didn't take long for sleep to drag his eyes shut. Unfortunately he was woken only a few minutes later and Yumichika's face swam into vision a few inches away.

"You're pretty," he told her

"Thank you," she replied with a large smile, obviously she liked being given compliments. Ikkaku leaned over and pecked her on the lips

"You smile pretty too," he added

"Thanks," Yumichika's smile turned more into a smirk," but no more kissing." She placed his tea on the table in front of him

"Why? I like kissing pretty girls" Yumichika smiled again

"Yes, but I'm not a girl," Ikkaku blinked again several times

"You know I'm drunk right?"


In poor Ikkaku's defence:

He is not a drunkard- but he hasn't had the best life so you can't really blame him for having a drink now and then.

He is not a pervert- he is a man, and a drunken one at that

He's not problem denying- just drunk

Nor is he a guard-letting-down fool- unless you're just insulting Yumichika, try to remember that he is drunk