Also: I do not own Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse/Breaking Dawn/Midnight Sun/Forever Dawn, dog whistles, Cheetos, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Final Fantasy, Hamtaro, McDonalds, Coke, Root Beer, Vampire Kisses (Book Series), Nail Polish Remover, I Know Who Killed Me (Movie), Free will, or Edward's pants.
Also, Also: I own Luca (who isn't really a mary-sue, and doesn't look or act like that), Blaine, Aubrey, Kate, and Stephan. No, you can't use them.
Also, Also, Also: Sexual references, implied slash (guyxguy), Swearing, minor Jacob bashing, general corniness, and making fun of myself, and every other person who has ever written a Twilight fanfiction.
I Don't Get It...
"Okay, so where'd we leave off again…?"
"Jacob and Edward just started making out…"
"Right…so what happens next?"
"I don't know! We have come up with something…"
"How about…we introduce another OC?"
"How do we do that?"
"How we do everything else."
"Make it up as we go along?"
Also, Also, Also, Also: If you have not read any of the three books don't read on because I will completely ruin them for you. Instead, you should scream at the top of your lungs and run as fast as your scrawny legs will carry you. Bye!
P.S. There are so many inside jokes in this chapter I can't even believe it. If you don't get anything tell me, because chances are you have no clue what "conversing politely" means or why the hell Edward having Jacob's child is so hilarious. I think this chapter is more "wtf?" then the last. That one was more "OMGIMADEAFUNNY."
P.P.S. There's more GAYNESS in this chapter if your offended by such, LEAVE.
P.P.P.S. Oh and –
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!" A loud, obnoxious person by the name of Aubrey suddenly shouted, smacking the authoress upside her head. "ON TO THE STORY."
"Shut up, Aubrey!"
"You shut up!"
"Ugh! You're so immature." Luca, our favorite mary-sure, screeched. "This is my –child block- story!" Suddenly, she turned away from the weird dude by the name of Aubrey and the idiot by the name of Sara, smiling. "Let's go find my half-brother and his boyfriend-husband-bitch thingie." She said excitedly, nodding.
"Omg, that dude is so hot." A random girl from CANADA said suddenly. The girl, we'll just call her Heroine for no real reason (really!) said, staring at Jacob's, admittedly attractive, boyfriend.
It was a random day in CANADA, and Heroine had decided to stop at McDonalds. Who knew she'd meet THE most sought after male in the world, Edward Cullen? Well, technically she was staring dreamily, not meeting. No, I don't believe there was any meeting involved. DAMN CANADIANS. They have a chance to talk to the hottest dude in existence and they just sit there with they're fancy pineapple crush.
"I'd liked to converse politely with him…" A creepy, (male?) voice whispered silently. Wait…what. "Whisper silently?" how the hell can you say something silently? It's like…like a parodox. Paradox. w/e.
"Goo Everly!" Heroine shouted suddenly, causing Edward Cullen and Jacob Black, his friend in the trench coat, to stare.
Edward, curious as always, tried to read the girl's mind. Perhaps, like Alice, she had escaped a mental intuition and needed to be returned immediately. Or maybe, she had brain damage and needed to brought back to the hospital. Edward could've spent all day coming up with other places where this girl probably belonged, except for the fact he couldn't name anything else from the top of his head and he was (much like the authoress) too lazy to actually think about it.
But, anyway, when Edward tried to read the CANADIAN'S mind, he was met with…nothing. It wasn't like Bella had been, there was just…nothing. The girl had no mind. Did she leave it the gutter? He wondered vaguely, but his friend in the trench coat quickly grabbed their food and dragged him off before he could really think about it.
"Jakey-Wakey! Eddie-Weddie!" Luca suddenly tackled "Jakey-Wakey" screeching like the moron she was. "where hav u ben ths whle time?!?!?? dos ti rly tak 6 hors ta get burgers???" Jacob and Edward stared for a few seconds, unable to decipher this alien language that Luca seemed to be talking in.
What was wrong with these people today? Why must girl's be so confusing? How did all those people who used chatspeak keep their eyes from bleeding?
"Screw you, bitch." Edward said, glaring at the girl. He had no clue what she just said, but he was pretty sure it was about his Jakey getting cut up into little bite size pieces and being eaten. And werewolves can't be hot (or THE EDWARD CULLEN'S BOYFRIEND) if they're cut up into little pieces. He then proceeded to do some weird snappy thing that no one really gets, no matter how much they claim to, and grabbed Jacob's hand, brushing past her.
"I don't get it." Aubrey declared, shaking his head.
"0mg y m I takin lyk dis?" Luca looked quite scared, and began shaking Aubrey frantically. "mak ti stp! I cnt stp! y? y cnt i stp?!?!"
"Shut up, you stupid salsa newb! Let me go!" He was shaking like a dog does when it's wet, trying to get her the hell OFF.
"I'm not a salsa newb!" She protested. But don't listen to her. I've never seen a bigger salsa newb. "…Hey! It stopped!"
Crap I stole:
Almost everything in this chapter is from Twilightdom. It's the first on the forums list. If you want to know specifically what belongs to who, review/PM me. If you want actual credit for something tell me and I shall give.