There is so much more of me than what lies on the surface, much more than you'll ever see. It doesn't matter how well you know me, you'll never know me completely.
Since no one knows me, I don't fit in anywhere, meaning I don't belong anywhere.
Everything is a facade, a mask I put on to be like the others. I'm trying to be what my family want me to be.
This has gone on for so long that I really started to believe it was true, that I really was that obnoxious little shit. Then you came in to my life.
It was love at first sight, for me at least. But... I still had this facade to wear.
I did my best to hide what I felt, trying so hard that I got annoyed. I took it all out on you.
My beautiful, adorable and oh, so sexy Harry. There is nothing I regret more than that.
It was unbearable, and one day my true self and my emotions were discovered.
You saw me crying in the tower. You comforted me, held me in your arms. I felt like I had come home.
We sat and talked for hours, you smiled at me and laughed with me for the first time ever. After sitting there for such a long time, I had gotten cold and had started shaking. You put your arms around me, saying: "It'll be okay, Draco..." So adorable.
When you leaned down to kiss me, I got surprised. I hadn't seen it coming. I was pleasantly surprised when I felt your tongue rub against mine, and moaned.
God... I love your green eyes, your smile with your brilliant white teeth, your firm abs and... Sigh... I love you, you and only you... I'm claiming you mine forever. I don't want anyone else to touch you, cause you are mine, for eternity.
If thing's were this easy, nothing would be a problem. But as they say, life is never easy. So why would this be any different?
The first problem started when... No, it was a problem from the beginning. My facade, my family, the war... Everything except our love... no, that was actually the biggest problem.
I want you to know, I really did love you. I still do.
Despise is all I feel for Voldemort and everything about him and his precious opinion's. His family got it wrong from the beginning. I know I shouldn't be saying it, especially not since I am a Slytherin... and a death eater.
I remember your face when I told you about that. You looked so hurt... I understand that, this must have been the utterly betrayal. That face... God... I just wanted to take you in my arms and never let go. Screw Voldemort, screw family honour, screw it all... as long as you'll stay in my arms.
I know this can never be... It wasn't meant... but that doesn't stop me from loving you.
I'd gladly give my all, my life, my last breath, everything, if I could just see you one more time.
I love you so much it hurt. The pain is agonizing.
I love you till death and in eternity. When we die we'll meet again, I hope we can be together then. No Voldemort, no war, no anything.
I hate this. I keep repeating it all in my head. That's why I'm writing this letter. To tell you that I love you... for eternity...
I know the auror's, might read this, but I don't care anymore... I can't stand another day without you...
You're my breath, my soul... you are simply my everything. I love you.
Yours for eternity,
P.s. I love you. I need you. I want you. I can't live without you any longer. Come back!
Draco was worried. What would Harry say? Would he even answer it? Or would he just throw it out? The question's was spinning through his head. He almost regretted sending the letter, but still... he wanted Harry to know what he felt. Cause their love had been real, at least for him.
"Harry... I need you..." Draco breathed out all over the window, making it dimmy. He wanted nothing more than to hold Harry again.
It took two day's. Then suddenly a white and beautiful owl, Hedwig, was knocking on the window, wanting to get in.
Draco let her come through the window and took the letter that was tied to her foot. He ripped it up, wanting nothing more than to read it... he could feel his inside burn... what would it say?
As he read the first line, he wanted to die... Though, he continued reading...
It pained me to read your letter. I really don't know what to say. Tonk's, who was the one reading your letter, decided I should read it, without anything getting documented. I'm glad about that... and Draco... the first time I laid my eyes on you, I fell in love.
I loved you deeper than anything... and all your evil word's hurt me, as silly as it might be... but I'm over that... The first time you told me you loved me I forgot everything... I just wanted to be with you forever... Now I know that was just a dream...
It wasn't real... nothing is... all that matter's is that this war will be fought and the good side win... That is what Nymphadora told me to tell you... But how can I possible do that? I love you more than ever.
It hurt me when you showed me your death eater mark, but my love for you is deeper than that... but... as you said... this was never meant to be... I try to convince myself that every night, but it's hard... cause all that do to me, is making me long for you even more.
But this can never be... This... we... I love you... and I always will...
I hate this feeling of never getting what I want, what I need... You. But how on earth could we make this work...? It can't and will never ever be.
Draco felt the tears build up in his eyes. He wouldn't let Voldemort separate them. It didn't matter that Draco was being observed by the death eater's and now locked in to the tower. Why was he locked in? Because he had destroyed a killing attempt on Harry... The others' thought that he had done a mistake, no one could know that it was because he loved Harry... forever.
Draco sighed and sat down at the table and started to write an answer.
I love you... and I don't think anything should be aloud to stop this... I can't accept it... I have to have you!
Remember what I said about starting to feel like that little shit I've been pretending to be? I actually felt I had it all... the money, the look, the perfect reputation, a family... but... what I don't have is what I want th... no, NEED the most. That's you Harry... I'm nothing without you. I don't have anything without you. I'm dead without you.
You're my life, my dream, my everything. Forever and ever.
Draco read through the letter he had written. He wasn't satisfied... what his heart felt would never be enough, that's what had driven them apart in the first place. With a sigh he tied the letter on Hedwig's leg and said: "Go to Harry..."
Hedwig flew away, going back to her master with the letter.
Draco felt frustrated... he wanted Harry back so badly... He couldn't stand one more night alone in bed. He needed Harry in his arms, beneath him.
A smile popped on his lips as an old memory came back to him. No... not 'came back'... it was always in his mind... The first time they ever made love... five year's ago...
They were 16 at the time... it was the first time with another boy, for both of them... luckily, it hadn't been a planned thing that gets you stressed and so... it just happened.
They had been together for a couple of months, in secret of course. As soon as they were in public they were meaner than ever against each other. But as son as no one saw them, they comforted each other, apologizing for everything... anyway...
They had been in the room of requirement and studied... everything had ended with... no... Actually, the book's never were opened... the book's was on the floor and Harry and Draco were on the bed, snogging... and when Draco had started to kiss his way down and unbuttoned Harry's shirt with his teeth, he made no objection's...
The look on Harry's face when Draco entered him... wooow... it was the hottest thing Draco had ever seen... it made him thrust harder and sonly Hary was moaning his name between gasp's for air. After both of them had reached climax they lay on the bed kissing for hours, until they fell asleep in each other's arms... Harry's head was on Draco's chest. God, how he had loved that feeling! How he missed that feeling and how he missed Harry!
But... for now, all he could do was wait... wait for answer, for Harry, for... all the thing's he had missed, lost because of his stupidity... If he could get everything back... If he could turn back time, he would have done it all different. He never would have taken it for granted. He wouldn't have listen to his father. And he would still have Harry in his arms.
Sighing, he laid down on the bed and buried his face in the pillow... to make sure no one saw the tear's that were streaming down his cheeks.
Draco felt like he was going to go crazy, locked in that tower. It had been a week since he had sent that letter and now he had gotten an answer... only problem was that the owl refused to give it to him... 'I wonder if it's okay to kill it and then take the letter?' he thought to himself, but then he realised that that would be plain stupid. That owl was his only connection to Harry, hell, even to the world outside.
He sighed and sat down on the bed, conjuring up a bate for the bird, who flew down to eat the treat, allowing Draco to finally get his hand's on Harry's letter. 'Why didn't he use Hedwig??? She's at least a better bird than this sh... No... I have to be nice... Harry left me cause of these evil thought's... I will not lose him again for something this stupid!'
Draco ripped the letter open; it was unbearable to open it careful. He was so eager on finding out what was inside of it. 'Obviously, patience is not a virtue I withhold' Draco thought, smiling sarcastically.
The letter was written with a green inc and many of the words were unreadable, like someone had spilled something over it.
'Or as someone's been crying' Draco thought painfully, he couldn't stand the fact that he had hurt Harry as much as he had... and the fact he was still hurting him, tore Draco up.
"I never want to hurt him again... maybe I should just leave him alone..." Draco said to himself.
"NOO!" a loud familiar voice said... and it came form the letter.
"Harry?" Draco looked at the letter surprised. What the hell was happening? He unfolded the second paper, that he hadn't even noticed at first... and out climbed Harry, straight to his arms.
"Harry, how did you get here?" Draco said, completely stunned, but he grasped the fact that Harry was there and held him tightly against his heart... but his hands and arms went threw Harry... "Harry... what's going on???"
"I decided to try out the auror's new way to communicate... I... I had to see you..."
"But... I can't touch you..." Draco said, pouting.
"Well... this is suppose to be a way to communicate..." Harry said teasingly, but added "with words, not body's..." when he saw the grin on the Slytherin's face.
"To bad... but... as long as you're here..." Draco said smilingly.
"Yeah... well... um... where exactly is here?" Harry eyed his surroundings trying to localize their whereabouts.
"It doesn't matter!" Draco said fast, before he could think... he didn't want Harry to think he was just using him to get out. He realised that he had been using a not-so-very-nice tone when he saw Harry's face hardening.
"Fine... and here I thought you had changed... forget the letter's... especially that one your holding..." Harry said and disappeared.
"NOOO! HARRY!" Draco reached out his hand; but all he caught was air. "DAMN IT!" he said, hitting the wall as hard as he could, leaving marks on the wall.
"Why did I have to..." he stopped as he realised that he was still holding the letter. He started reading, getting a more and more bad feeling about this.
I love you... but as Remus told me when I first tried to get you out of my head, it's not real; it never was... no matter how much I wanted to believe it was.
But... real or not... nothing seam's to take this feeling away from me... no matter how hard I try to get rid of that, of you... I never succeed... I love you.
I will probably never stop either... and though this love, our love, is not meant for this world... I can never accept that... I want you so... much...
I... I... I love you...
We need to talk... Nymphadora told me about a connecting spell... so I'm coming with this letter...
I don't care about you being a death eater... I love you and that will never stop.
"Why did I... I hate being misunderstood all the time..." He looked out the window and felt a tear pore down on his cheek. "Harry... come back... I love you..."
"Harry... how did it go?" Hermione looked worried at her friend when she saw the tears on his cheeks.
"How do you think..." Harry said between tears as he threw himself in her arms.
"Harry, relax... it's going to be okay..." she whispered as she rubbed his back soothingly. "We love you, you'll be fine without that jerk..."
"No I wont!" Harry said, pulling out of her arms and ran into his room at Grimaulds 13. He locked the door before he threw himself on the bed and started to cry on the pillow.
As he felt the pillow getting wet, he heard a knocking on his window and looked up. It was the owl he had sent to Draco. 'God... it hurt's even to think about his name...' he let another tear fall down before he got up and opened the window, sighing, to let Nymphadora's owl in.
She carried a letter. From Draco... of course.
'Should I read it? It will probably just hurt... making the hole in my heart deeper... but... I love him... I have to read it... even if I don't want to...' Harry tried to reason with himself and then decided to read it.
He put on the radio, the only muggler thing in the house. It was playing their song.
Harry sighed. It was like someone or something didn't want him to be able forget and move on... as if that would ever be possible anyway...
The song had reminded him of what once was... he couldn't read the letter now... cause then he would only fall for whatever trick the Slytherin tried to pull... he had been tricked too many times...
So, instead of reading Draco's letter, he went and got his notebook. He went to a blank page and started writing, as he did every time he'd been hurt.
What is it?
How can people use that word so vividly?
Does anyone know what it is?
The word loses it's meaning...
Harry sighed and turned the page.
Tears of sadness
Stronger then madness
A broken heart
A love fallen apart
Broken and fallen
With a heart stolen
Will never be returned
A missing part
A lonely heart
Can't bare more tears
Fulfilled are my greatest fears
He read what he had written down and felt another tear fall down his cheek. 'Draco... I love you... why do you always hurt me?"
Harry sighed again and whipped away the tear with his hand. He took the letter in his hand and started to open it. He was a bit scared what would happen if he did it, but he had to.
I'm so sorry for everything... I've hurt you so many times and I can't bear that feeling... I love you... but you're better of without me, we both know it...
I'm already lost and I understand that you hate me...
I'll always love you... and no matter how much it hurt's... I promise to leave you alone from now on.
Bye my love
"FUCK!" Harry yelled out. He wasn't ready to lose HIS Slytherin... no matter how much he needed to... the need to have him, to hold him, to love him was bigger...
"DRACO!" Harry yelled out before he threw himself on to the pillow again and started crying hysterically.
Draco sat with his knees pulled up to his chin and held his arms around them. The tears were streaming down. He couldn't help it, neither could he stop it.
"Harryy..." he mumbled out through the tear's "I love you... but.. I have to let you go... even if it'll kill me... you deserve better than me..." and with those words he practically collapsed on the floor by a tear attack.
"Draco...?" the door opened and Lucius stood there in the opening, completely stunned about seeing his son cry for the first time (at least what he thought). "Are you all right, son?"
"N... Ye... yes I am... I just hit my foot in the bed and it hurt's so much..." Draco said, angry with himself for almost admitting that he was in fact not feeling good at all. He felt like jumping out the window, do an Avada Kedavra on himself, hang himself with his shirt... anything that would make the pain go away...
"harry..." Draco mumbled to himself, completely forgetting about his father standing right in front of him.
"What did you say Draco?" Lucius asked, feeling concerned for his son... this couldn't possible be brought by hitting a foot on something. It was something wrong, he just couldn't put his finger on it... and then he had heard his son say that name, Harry, and felt the nausea build up in his throat... he needed to know what that shit-face had done to cause this to his son. 'I'm going to kill him if he has harmed a single hair on Draco's head!'
"N... N-nothing, daaad-d-d-d..." Draco said nervously through the tears.
"WHAT DID THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH-FUCKING-MUDBLOOD-POTTER DO TO YOU, DRACO?????!" Lucius yelled out, demanding to know.
"Nothing... dad... I... I'm..." Draco couldn't even end that sentence before he collapsed from a sleeping spell his father did on him.
"Sorry boy, but you clearly need to sleep... You're too upset to speak anyway... Whatever it is, I'm going to find out... straight from the source..." Lucius left the room, after have put a blanket over his beloved son. He was to busy to notice the owl that was hammering on the window, wanting to get in...
Draco woke up by a constant knocking on the window.
"God... my head hurts..." He mumbled to himself and looked over at the clock. It was 22:34. He had been sleeping for 2 hour's... 'But I don't remember falling to slee...' he stopped the thought as he realised what had happen. Suddenly the memory's came flodding back to him.
"Oh god! HARRY!!!" he screamed out before he could think. His father was on his way to Harry. "Oh dear god... please tell me this is a nightmare..." Draco felt the tear's stream down. Lucius would kill Harry, and here he was, trapped inside a tower...
He woke from his thought as the owl was giving a pleading sound, making him hurry over and let Hedwig in.
"What you got there, girl?" Draco asked and took the little package from her leg. Harry stepped out of it.
"God... I've been waiting for two hour's!" Harry said and stretched his back. Draco felt himself drooling at the sight of the Quidditch trained muscular body. He had to restrain himself from locking his arms around Harry and kiss him breathless. 'He doesn't need you, Draco...' he told himself and got depressed.
Harry saw the depressed look and sighed, throwing his arms around Draco. Draco starred in surprise at the other boy.
"Harry...?" he asked, noticing that Harry was crying. He put his arms around Harry possessively and made soothing circles on his back. Harry pushed away from Draco.
"Never, EVER do this to me again!" Harry said and threw the latest letter from Draco on the floor, before jumping back up in his arms.
"But... you deserve bette..." Harry interrupted him with a searing kiss.
"I think I deserve to chose myself... and I chose you... if you still want me...?" Harry looked up to the stormy grey eyes longingly.
Draco smiled and kissed the Gryffindor reassuringly.
"There is nothing that would make me as happy as th..." yet again, Harry interrupted him with a kiss. Draco moaned, he had been dreaming about Harry's kisses, his touches ever since they broke up. 'Stupid Voldemort...' Draco wanted that egghead dead. Then sudeenly a thought caught him.
"Harry... how did you get here this time...?"
"Well... Please don't hate me... I used a spell that would apparate me here when the bow was opened..." Harry began.
"Did you meet my father..?" Draco asked, knowing that there would have to be something like that there. Life was never fair; nothing was allowed to be happy.
The sad look on Harrys face turned in to a cry as he continued.
"Yeah... he came in when I was waiting... I don't know how... No one else in the house had noticed him... he was just there... saying that he would kill me for whatever I did to you... and he did a Crucio, but I was able to stop it with a force field... and then it hit him and..." Draco feared what was coming now, and closed his eyes.
"What happened, Harry?"
"I was able to remove the last of the Imperius spell Voldemort had put on him and healed him from the injuries he had gained from his own Crucio." Harry smirked.
Draco's eyes shot open and stared at him in surprise. As the words sank in he threw a pillow on Harry, who started laughing.
"HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME BELIEVE YOU KILLED MY FATHER?!" He yelled.
"Revenge is sweet... and so are you..." Harry said, silencing the Slytherin with another kiss.
"But what about Voldemort...? And my father... what did he do...?" Draco looked up wondering.
"Well... for starter's, your father is actually a nice man without that curse... especially after I've told him about this..." Harry kneeled in front of Draco, who looked shocked. "Draco Malfoy... will you marry me...?"
It only took a second, and Draco was in Harry's arms screaming out yes several times, before he was silenced by Harry's passionate kiss. After they had finally pulled apart, Draco started thinking.
"What about Voldemort?" Draco eyed his fiancé´ thoughtfully.
"Wha..? OH! I haven't told you that yet?" Harry asked, more to himself than to Draco. Draco shook his head.
"Then, my dear... I have the luck to share the passing of one Tom Riddle." Harry smirked.
"WHAT?! When was this...?" Draco stared at Harry in complete shock.
"Three day's ago maybe... you can't seriously say that you haven't noticed the celebration's out on the stree... HEY! There are no street's here! Where are we?" Harry looked at him confused. "Aren't we in Malfoy manor...?"
"Harry... I've been locked up in this fucking tower for a couple of weeks!!!!!!!" Draco sighed.
"WHAT?! Why?" Harry looked confused again. 'God... I just want to eat him up when he does that face... or any face at all actually...' Draco thought and smirked.
"Destroyed an attempt to kill you... and Voldemort thought this was a great punishment apparently..." Draco sighed. "But why did they keep me here when he was dead?!"
"You did that for me?" Harry smiled. "Well... most of them were just victim's of Imperius... and thought that Voldemort was just out on some mission... and... I had no idea you were locked up in a tower... I mean... a perfect opportunity to play prince and rescue you and clame you as a reward for that..."
Draco started laughing at the pout that appeared and Harry burst in to a laugh as well. They leaned in for another kiss, and knew that everything was finally going to be okay, they had each other and their love. Who could ever ask for more?