Disclaimer: I do not own the manga/anime Chrno Crusade (otherwise known as Chrono Crusade). Nor do I own the song "Cancer" by My Chemical Romance or the band themselves (as much as I wish I did- if they're for sale, let me know :P).
Casui Productions Proudly Presents
"Never Leaving You"
The First in the
Dying Is Easy (D.I.E)
Of Chrono Crusade
"Her time is limited." The doctors told Chrono on that fateful day at the hospital. The second those words were spoken, hospital lights became brighter; blinding him. He suddenly felt a wave of nausea overtake him, his friends Azmaria and Satella had to keep him steady before he fell over and would have his own room in the hospital. Chrono took a deep breath, telling his worried comrades that he was alright; they all had enough to worry about without him sudden falling into a coma of shock.
"Are you sure?" The smaller girl beside him asked; her pink hair falling in her face as her chocolate eyes scanned his garnet orbs for answers. Looking past her gaze at a nearby room, he nodded promptly "Fine, I just- have to go to the bathroom." Without giving them a chance to say anything more, he dashed through the white swinging door and rested his elbows on the porcelain counter. His blurry eyesight moved from the shiny metal faucet of the sink before him to look at the mirror. Chrono didn't look like the strong exterior he usually wore like a permanent mask on his face.
His ruby eyes stared at themselves, tears swimming out from the brims of his eyelashes. His dark, long purple locks hung in tangled curtains behind his earlobes. His shoulders, covered in a black muscle shirt heaved up in down in huge sobs. His hands clawed at his temples, wishing, hoping, praying for his mind to think of a cure. For anyone's mind to think of a cure! His heart thumped in his chest loudly, every pulse point in his body pumping away to an unknown beat.
He couldn't see straight, couldn't think straight, couldn't even breathe properly. This was just too much for him to handle. He knew it was coming, they all knew, including her; but for it to just come like this. It felt like it came too soon. It was incorrect, it wasn't fair play. "Life isn't fair" she had told him once; on the exact day they got the news of her diagnosis. "But if you sit around and pout, nothing's going to change" She had taken his hand then and twirled him around unexpectedly "Let's change the world together!"
Then they had fallen in the grass, people staring at them oddly as they went by. But their laughter made them oblivious to every rude stare and comment as they lay there in Central Park. That had only been a year ago, yet it felt like yesterday. Time flies too fast. Chrono swallowed, shaking his head. The remains of his tears fly off his face as he turned on the faucet, plunged his hands into the water and splashing the contents onto his face, washing off all evidence of his depression away. He glanced at his reflection one more time, forced an edgy smile on his face and decided that was the best it was going to get and left the room.
Chrono stepped back out into the lobby. Across the hall Azmaria and Satella stepped out of his girlfriend's room, looking glum. Even though their faces were sagging with pain, as soon as they spotted Chrono smiles instantly took over their features.
"Oi Chrono!" Satella smiled, waving with one arm, while her other patted Azmaria on the back. He walked over to his two friends and classmates. "How is she?" he asked, unable to help his melting smile and deep frown.
Satella nodded, looking away from his hazy orbs. Her own hazel eyes were prickling with unwanted tears "Same as always." Chrono sighed; that was all she would tell him. He didn't ask her anything more. He didn't say anything to Azmaria either- she was struggling to hide her emotions as several tears flew past her rosy cheeks and met at the bottom of her tiny chin. Closing his eyes to stop the upcoming liquid pain, he took a deep breath and opened the door.
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded
He stepped into the blank white room, closing the door behind him. His garnet eyes instantly met her aquamarine. She smiled and waved a hand at him "What are you standing there for? Get over here!" Chrono couldn't help but smile, complying with her request. "Hey sexy." He flirted shamelessly as he sat in the plastic seat next to the bed she rested in.
Rosette pouted; a firm blush covering her cheeks. "Cut it out, you perv." He stuck his tongue out at her
"You call me a perv for everything!" She glared knowingly, "Maybe because you are a pervert for everything."
"Nah!" He objected, poking her nose which he knew she hated the most.
"Quit it!!!" The blonde growled, glaring darkly at him.
"As if you can do anything." He teased, guessing what was coming to him. A bump formed on his head a second later, proving his assumption correct.
"You're such an idiot." She insulted him endlessly as he listened to her ramble on about how he was taking everything so lightly. "Hey Rosette," he interrupted, having no idea if she was still talking or not, he hadn't been listening from the start. Abruptly she stopped, waiting for him to speak. "I'm going to cure you, I prom-" she cut him off when she pressed her lips to his. It was a simple and quick kiss that ended seconds after it had began. She took his head in her hands and moved it to rest on her lap, so that he was leaning over the bed.
"Don't promise things you can't do." She said sadly. A lonely lock of hair at the front of her balding scalp fell over her left eye. "I'm not. Weren't you the one who said "Why bother trying if you're going to give up? You have to keep going right until the end." he asked, watching the woman before him nod nonchalantly. "So I'm going to try. Didn't I tell you that Harvard accepted me? I'm going to study in doctoring. I'm going to find the cure, I promise." This time Rosette didn't say anything back to him. She stayed mostly silent for the rest of the time they spoke; listening to him change the subject and chat along. She was sure she responded at times but it all seemed so quick, she forgot what she said as soon as it was spoken.
She was busy thinking over everything that would happen in the future. What would become of Chrono and the others after she was gone? She didn't want to leave him. She didn't want him to leave her. But it wasn't like she had a choice. This action was being forced upon them and it was forcing them apart. She remembered telling Azmaria and Satella to take care of Chrono after she passed, not knowing when that would be exactly, only knowing that it was approaching quickly. She just wished it would slow down.
Trying to think positive, she thought of all her dead family members. Her parents had died a while back and she had lived with her aunt and her younger brother. Her brother had died from a worse fate than her, a car crash with his girlfriend in a horrible, gaseous explosion. Their car had somehow caught fire after skidding off the road at night. Both lives were lost. She tried to think that she would be with all of them soon. That she wouldn't be alone in whatever was waiting for her after death. But all she could think of was the man sitting beside her and the eyes staring back at her from her lap and all that she had dreamt of with him; all that they could've been.
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
"Forever." She jumped, suddenly hearing Chrono speak after what seemed like and endless pit of eerie silence. "Forever?" she questioned. Chrono smiled "Yeah, you said you were going to die alone to go off with your family." She gulped, not having realized that she was speaking her thoughts aloud to her boyfriend. "But I disagree." Rosette raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what the hell he was going on about now. Before she could say anther word, Chrono continued.
"I will never leave your side, even if I die. I'll always be here. Forever and a day."
Rosette couldn't think of any words to say. Her eyes began to spill. Chrono's eyes widened in alarm; he hadn't meant to upset her! "I-I mean if that's too short-" She cut him off, kissing him deeply. He returned the action of passion before she pulled away. "You really are an idiot! No of course it isn't too short!" She sobbed as she spoke, her speech a bit unclear; the tears drowning her out.
The two stayed with each other for as long as they could until the doctors pulled them apart because visiting hours were up. But that didn't stop them. Chrono came back every day, coming early in the morning. He once even skipped school until Rosette made him go. But he'd come every morning and stay until he had to go to school and he'd come back every afternoon, cutting every thing he didn't need from his schedule to spend every moment with her. People told him it was unhealthy for him to spend all his time there, but what people said meant nothing to him. The only words that ever mattered were the ones Rosette and he spoke to each other.
A week after he had made his promise, Chrono walked up to the doctors after gathering up the bravery to ask the question that had eating him up since he was told that her time was limited. "How much time does she have left?" The doctors and nurses glanced at each other with sad stares before telling him.
"Less than a month, I'm sorry." But their apologies meant nothing. What were they sorry for anyway? Sorry that he had to watch her suffer? Sorry that in less than a month he would never see Rosette again? Sorry that there was no cure for her? Their apologies, their pity was useless if they couldn't do anything to try and stop it from happening.
Chrono had to run the bathroom again to calm down. As tears ran down his cheeks, he wanted to shake a doctor screaming "You aren't working hard enough! Why isn't there a cure yet?!" But he knew he couldn't do that, he wouldn't ever do that. But he was going to crack at this rate. The only thing that was keeping him going was the fact that every time he opened the white, wooden door Rosette was on the other side, a smile waiting for him everyday.
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.
Rosette herself was not dealing easily either. Every other day, when Chrono wasn't there she'd sit alone staring at her reflection. Her eyes watching her scalp closely, wishing that maybe a hair would grow and hoping that no more would fall out. But more and more of her golden locks disappeared every day. Her scalp was just a bunch of patched, blonde peach fuzz now. Her mop of gold was forever gone. She frowned when the nurses came in to check on her and take care of her.
She wanted to feel independent again, to not have to sit in a bed all day long, to be able to live while standing on her own two feet. Rosette didn't want the unnatural feeling of envy to control her every time she watched the nurse come in, her hair color varying on the dye she picked each day. But everyday, it was there. No matter what color or length, it was there. Swinging down her back, hanging from her head, never falling out. The nurse, whom she heard talking with her co-workers everyday, complaining about how their hair was always flat and they couldn't do anything to it, had no idea how lucky they were. At least they had hair.
But one thing that Rosette had that those petty nurses didn't- a good boyfriend. More than twice Rosette had seen the same guy play two nurses over and over again, cheating on one while cheating on the other. She had tried to warn them once, but they told her to stay in her own business, which is how she became very disliked by most of the nurses in the hospital. She was so glad she had a good boyfriend. But sometimes, though she trust Chrono and loved him very much, she wondered if he did think of other women or did things with other women. He could do it and get away with it since she couldn't leave the hospital.
Plus, she added to her thoughts while glancing at her reflection, she was ugly. An ugly, sick little girl who could do nothing to make her boyfriend happy anymore. She looked at the clock, seeing that his school had already ended; she began to believe that he wasn't coming, that he had actually found something better to spend his time with. In fact he was probably-
Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
At that moment Chrono came bursting through the door, almost knocking it down as he ran inside. "Sorry I'm late! The elevator broke down and I had to take the stairs and since you're on the seventh floor, I had to race up the stairs-" He cut himself off, seeing his lovers' expression, her eyes on the reflection staring back at her in a hand-held mirror. "Rosette? Rosette, what's wrong?" he finally caught her attention after he had sat down next to her. Her azure eyes reached his concerned stare and wondrous frown.
"I-I-" she paused, becoming unsure of herself. Chrono raised an eyebrow; it wasn't like Rosette to be acting so self conscious with her words and actions. "Look at me!" Rosette finally shouted, catching Chrono's attention, though it had never wavered from her. Her lips trembled as she whimpered "I'm so sorry, Chrono." "For what?" the automatic reply came from his shocked facial expression. "For being so…ugly!" He stared back at her, dumbfounded by her statement. "I'm sorry. If I didn't have this stupid cancer, my hair'd be longer- I'd be so much prettier. So much more fun to be around. I wouldn't take up all your time an-"
Chrono plastered his lips to her, knocking the breath from her body. He quickly pulled away so she could regain air. "Who's the idiot, now?" he asked teasingly, poking her nose. She glared as tears rolled down her flushed face. "You. Are. The. Most. Beautiful. Person. I've. Ever. Met." he said, taking time to kiss her face in different places in between each word. Rosette gave a small smile as he ended it with a deep kiss on her lips. "And don't let anything or anyone-" he said, purposely looking her in the eye "let you think otherwise."
Rosette, as always, was blown away by his words. She was still unsure and wanted to play it stubborn and move away from the kiss that was coming; but he caught her and though she was still self conscious, that kiss was pretty damn convincing.
Oh, my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know
The days passed and quickly turned into weeks of time, every moment passing and becoming memories in their hearts. Together, they remembered different times they had spent with each other. One particular event was spoken in conversation; it had happened a few months ago before Rosette was chained to the hospital bed.
"I don't have many years to live Chrono, if even years."
Chrono frowned at the sentence, turning his head in the opposite direction, as if he didn't want to face the ugly truth of its words. "I know." he replied, his eyes not meeting hers. Rosette's head lay on his chest, her fingers stroking his violet locks out of his face. "Do you love me, Chrono?" This caused Chrono to sit up abruptly and look directly at Rosette.
"Of course I love you, dummy!" she received a poke in the nose for asking such a ridiculous question "How many times do you want me to tell you?" She sighed, smiling. That's what she loved about Chrono. Most guys would get impatient with her, they would ask "How many times do I have to tell you that?" instead, Chrono just asked how many, she knew he wouldn't mind telling her over and over again because he really meant every word he said.
"I love you too and I'm not a dummy!" she childishly licked the tip of his finger. He blushed at her action "R-Rosette!" "What?" she asked slyly, moving his hand out of his face and leaning over to bite his lip. She pushed him down onto the bed they were laying on in his room. He didn't stop her from kissing him until her kisses began to trail down his neck and her hands flew over the buttons on his shirt. Her kisses became more and more open the farther she went down his exposed skin.
When she licked his navel and began to lower herself to his waist, he put his hands on her shoulders. "Rosette!" She sat up, looking hurt that he had stopped her.
"Did I do something wrong? Are we moving too fast? Have I-" he put a finger to her swollen lips. He rolled her over so he was on top of her and began kissing her wildly.
Forming hickies rested on their necks as they kissed each others and their bodies responded to each movement the other had made. "Rosette," Chrono panted in between kisses
"Yeah?" she answered, breathless.
"Are. You. Sure. You're. Ready. To. Do. This?" Rosette stopped the action for a moment, resting her head on the pillow beneath her, asking herself the question inwardly. "You aren't just doing this because you don't know how much time you have left, are you?"
Pausing for a second, Rosette thought. That would be a reason. If the cancer worsened, she wouldn't be able to live freely, she wanted to experience every inch of life that she could before it was all gone. She probably wouldn't live to get married and have kids one day. She probably wouldn't be able to reach graduation at the rate she was going. But she didn't want to think about the future. She didn't want to think about what she wouldn't have later. What she had now was enough for now, she was living in the present and she going to make the most of it.
So she answered Chrono, trying to sound as sexy as possible "No, I'm just horny actually." If Chrono could blush anymore he would've since he was frozen with emotion. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him downwards "Come here."
They could feel the day reaching closer every day, it could be today, it could be tomorrow, whenever and Chrono was always afraid to know if Rosette wouldn't be there waiting for him when he came to visit. But that afternoon, seeing the rushing nurses and doctors scrambling everywhere and the people yelling code-red everywhere. He didn't have to follow the doctors to know that they were going to Rosette's room. He ran, as fast as his legs would take him until he reached her room. Doctors were cramming through the tiny doorway. He could hear the heartbeat scans from where he was standing. He just needed to make sure that that beeping noise never stopped.
Satella, Azmaria and Rosette's aunt were sitting near the doorway biting off their fingernails. He rushed to the seat by them, his eyes not meeting theirs, his attention never leaving the doorway. Hours seemed to pass before a doctor came up to the four of them. "Chrono," the doctor said, knowing the common visitor by name "she wants to see you." He probably established a new speed record as he did so, ran into the room and sat in the vacant seat.
Chrono's eyes began to spill as he watched her nearly limp body sit in bed. Her hand that was falling off the bed reached out to him. He scooped the hand and held it in both of his own, holding it close to his chest. "Rosette…" his voice wavered as his said his love's name. She smiled at him, hearing his voice, though her head could barely move to look in his direction. She didn't speak and Chrono didn't want her to. She needed ever bit of energy she had left.
"I'm so sorry, Rosette…" The tears reached from his ruby's, past his face, and down onto Rosette's hand. "This…this physical struggle has got to be the hardest thing to live through. You have to suffer, slowly until death takes you. You didn't deserve this kind of death!" Chrono couldn't help his overwhelming sobs that overtook his sense of calm. Rosette wiggled her hand out of Chrono's grasp and touched his cheek.
That if you say (if you say)
Goodbye today (goodbye today)
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)
Rosette lightly shook her head, as if to say his words were not true. Chrono couldn't help the slight anger that bubbled within him "What could be worse?!" he couldn't stand her suffering like this. He knew he was losing control of himself but that wasn't important. He was losing her! She was going to be gone forever! She patted his cheek, making him look over at her and meet her blue eyes. Then she said to him in a weak voice,
"Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you"
His eyes widened; at that moment he remembered the promise he had made to her.
"I will never leave your side, even if I die. I'll always be here. Forever and a day."
Chrono leaned over and said the promise again into her ear. She smiled and he kissed her cheek silently. A doctor walked into the room at the exact moment that Rosette closed her eyes for all time.
Later as Chrono stood with his friends at Rosette's funeral, he realized that there were far worse fates than death. His tears became endless as he stared at the red roses sitting on her tombstone. He was the last one there, sitting on the newly dug ground. "I love you…" he whispered as the wind blew his hair out of his face. He smiled, feeling Rosette running her hands through his hair and moving it out of his face.
Even though Rosette had died, Chrono knew he hadn't really lost her. The memories of the time they had spent together were forever in his heart. She had been his first love, first time, first girlfriend; and he would never forget the significance that she was in his life. Now that Rosette had passed on, Chrono was urged to move on and tried to, knowing Rosette would want him to. But his promise was still clear in his mind and he was determined to live and die up to it.
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
My first One-Shot! Done! I hope you all enjoyed it and I hope the message reaches out to you all. Sorry if it's a little short, I wrote it in about 2 hours so it's only 17 pages. I loved the song so I just wanted to write something important with it.
I'd also like to publicly thank Snekochan who edited my work and made it sound a lot better than it did in the first place. Thank you once again Snekochan!
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