Title: Clue! (Kyle XY style)
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: Pretty general, but leans towards Jessi/Kyle and Andy/Josh. LOTS of ships though.
Summary: It's not just a game anymore. A Kyle XY fic adapted to the movie! A bit OOC.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kyle XY or Clue, BUT I insist on writing this crossover fic with no law suits on my arse! I merely own my imagination. Er… and I suppose this fic.
A/N: I've always ADORED this movie. I must have seen it hundreds of times. It's so old though, I hope someone else has seen it too. I'm sorry to make Andy such a side character, but I decided to incorporate the singing telegram lady more into the story just to fit her in. I just couldn't help but make Hillary the maid. Adam makes a perfect Mr. Boddy too! Poor Jessi got stuck as Peacock, but oh well[And I changed a few details in the movie for my own purposes
Enjoy! Here's a list so it's easier to remember who's who.
Yvette (maid): Hillary
Singing Telegram lady: Andy
Prof. Plum: Kyle
Col. Mustard: Declan
Mr. Boddy: Adam Baylin
Chapter 1- Introductions
The sky was cloudless and black; winds whirled around like a catastrophic harbinger pulling the glum pine wood trees that rested on the side of the highway looking for comfort from the soil holding it in by the roots like a bungee cord protecting it's dare devil. A tiny black beetle passed the wet ash black road… swelling with an immense bravery that the driver obviously would never possess. TOM FOOLERY! What kind of madman goes out in such weather? And for what cause could be more important then protecting a feeble life?
Professor Trager was a man for smarts, but not reason. A sharp tool (in the shed, and in a manipulative fashion that was a double-dose of expressions). Professor Kyle Trager had pale skin and spiky black hair that was immensely jelled and boxy black framed glasses on. His plum attitude made him appear to be a very friendly teen. Smartest in his grade! His school!
But Kyle was just a teacher's assistant (Josh had called him Professor as a nickname).
His car stopped to see a broken down limousine on the side of the wet and rainy road. The driver was leaning over her steaming engine- stiletto heel bended… connected to a flaunting thigh that just seemed to be flirtatious with anyone coming by. Her brown chestnut hair was completely ruined by the rain, and Professor Kyle felt bad for her. Poor Lori's vibrant red dress was soaked!
Miss Lori was obviously using all her feminine abilities! (Fergie knows how to word that…) The boy strike was still intact but miss scarlet cheeks was attracting more boys this year then before. She'd been running some secret club in school that worried Kyle. They met Tuesdays and Fridays in the gym after 12PM. It was quite curious.
"Hey Lori, need a ride?" asked Professor Kyle, exiting his black beetle to visit his friend. He should be completely uncomfortable by her flirtatious behavior, but she'd already seen him naked and when he first moved there he'd accidentally seen her in only a towel. Just about the strangest family situation ever! (Eh ABC family?)
The rain was making it quite a hard of hearing conversation, but from her expression Kyle was sure she'd agreed. He led her to his car awkwardly. Miss Lori jumped into the passenger's leather seats and scooted along trying to redeem her hair's bouncy quality in his review mirror. Kyle shut the car's hood, and locked it to make sure it wouldn't get stolen. The wet, bronze keys jingled in his trembling plum-gone hands while he entered the driver's seat.
He shot her a nervous smile, but Lori rolled her eyes and looked to the window.
"Where are you off to Miss Lori?" his voice was sweet and anxious. The poor muffin. Not really a piece of chocolate cake and but more like a cup full of prune juice to Miss Scarlet- er… Miss Lori. She was an experienced lady of finer social status. She'd been with movie stars, colonels, rich government officials and a yummy Venezuelan dancer who could do the salsa better than any guy she'd ever met. Mhm.
"Mr. Baylin's mansion." Her voice was indifferent, dripping with dissatisfaction. Professor Plum- I mean… Kyle was looking concerned.
"Isn't that just dandy! Me too!"
The car rumbled and a big puff of smoke chortled from the engine, Kyle gave a playful wink before setting the car off down the watery road to the distant mansion of Mr. Baylin. It stuck out from the rainy clouds like a giant Victorian-styled manor, with at least three stories. Yes, that Mr. Baylin was an aloof one.
At a large, heavy, mahogany door…
"Why… hello!" exclaimed Mr. Josh, holding a wad of green cash and putting it into the pockets of his lima bean green sweatshirt. His smug grin widened to show off white teeth and a content expression. His eyes went up and down the strange brunette.
She looked at him puzzled. A giant peacock feather sticking from her wavy black hair. Miss Jessi looked at Mr. Josh like he was from mars. She was dressed in an elaborate turquoise dress and sweater. Josh had lended her his bright green umbrella in an attempt to be a friendly gentleman, of course.
"You must be here to see, Mr. Baylin?" he asked.
Miss Jessi nodded.
"Alright then…" he opened the door and let her in. Mr. Green- er… JOSH. Anyway. Josh noticed two silhouettes from far away. One being his good friend, the professor and the other being his grossly flirty sister, Lori. He looked displeased at Kyle's strange kindness. That biatch better not be making a move on his dear sister. Josh shuffled over with a glare and saw that his sister shared the same expression.
"Well… er… thanks Prof!" Miss Lori jumped at her chance for a warm fire place; she went through the open mansion doors and went to converse with Miss Jessi.
Josh closed his umbrella and greeted Kyle happily (now that he knew his sister detested the idea of a relationship as much as he did).
Miss Jessi and Miss Lori looked around the mansion in awe. It was so olden looking. With those old wooden panels on the walls and a light grayish green paint. The rooms were stuffy and yet still freezing cold. Dust fluttered around, and hand painted pictures decorated the walls with portraits of famous men, places, and landscapes.
A bright shiny (and HUGE) chandelier hung from the lobby ceiling.
"So… why are you here, Miss Lori?" wondered Jessi.
Lori shrugged innocently then folded her arms and looked around.
"I was just invited-" she continued nervously, "A proper guest really."
"Good sport!" cheered Mr. Josh as he entered the room with Professor Kyle behind him. All four were standing in the lobby looking a bit worried, except for Jessi and Kyle who just seemed clueless to the days leading events.
"Mhm. A good proper guest? Did you receive this invitation too?"
Professor Kyle had retrieved a scrap of fine white paper from his pocket and showed it to Josh, Jessi and Lori. They all looked at it a little surprised. SUDDENLY the door opened, and out stepped a handsome elderly gentleman in a butler's uniform that was tidy and clean.
"Hello," the man greeted stepping from the shadows.
"And are you the host?" questioned Mr. Josh.
"Me, sir? No, I'm the humble butler."
"And what exactly is it that you do here?"
"I buttle, sir."
Jessi raised her eyebrows and asked, "Which means what?"
"The butler is in charge of the kitchen and dining room. I keep everything tidy."
The guests exchanged questioning looks. The man looked around nervously, acting a little impatient.
"And you are…?"
"Foss, the butler. That has a ring to it!" mocked Mr. Josh with a bright smirk. Foss gave him an icy glare.
Lori walked up to the young and handsome butler and played with his small black bow tie.
"You can come sweep my chimneys any time!" she bit her lip and smiled at him.
Foss rolled his eyes, "Sorry. Your jailbait."
"Damn!" she replied upset.
"HEY! That's my sister- why don't you go off and buttle!" yelled Mr. Josh.
"C'mon. The others are waiting in the study."
In the eggshell yellow study, the others were seated on couches.
Colonel Declan adorned in coffee brown suspenders and a fancy long sleeved white shirt. Along with a fancy butterscotch tie loosely wrapped around his high collar. On his face, a dazzling smile. He stood over the whisky with a protective ease, and poured himself a scotch on the rocks.
On the couch was Mrs. Amanda, dressed in a chaste white sweater with a plaid skirt and crazy ribbons and ribbons in her hair. She looked around the room with a delicate air, she being a quite powerful person in this world.
Entering the room was Miss Lori, Miss Jessi, Mr. Josh and Professor Kyle. He swooned at the site of Mrs. Amanda, but he quickly remembered her very long term engagement with the governor's son, Charlie. He sighed sadly, and saw Miss Jessi watching sadly.
"You look stunning in those glasses," she complimented before taking a seat by Mrs. White.
Professor Kyle lightly blushed, and took a seat next to her. A little flustered. No one had ever admired his glasses before. Did this Miss Jessi have a respect for smarts? He couldn't help but wonder.
"You have all received invitations by Mr. Baylin," addressed Foss.
Kyle looked through his pocket, searching for his pipe. While Declan took a seat and leaned back in his chair… giving Lori an ugly glare. Then he turned his attention to the newly entered maid, who was putting up the whiskey he'd disturbed.
She gave him a warning look, but he just smiled casually.
"Oops sorry! This is Hillary Yvette. The maid."
"Does she buttle too?" teased Mr. Josh.
Mrs. Amanda smacked him on the arm and he grabbed it in pain.
"My God! You are a strong one!"
"You have all been invited here today… BECAUSE… you all have secrets. Things… you don't want spilling out into the press."
Foss handed out a box to each guest, giving them curt nods and continuing his speech.
"Mr. Baylin has requested I hand you each your own box."
"This is tom foolery, Foss! I have absolutely NOTHING to hide!" she continued, "Innocent!"
Foss paused and gave her a stern warning, "You are dating the governor's son."
"Oh sure, but Charlie's as clean as a whistle!"
Foss plopped a box onto her lap and continued to speak, "I was left a note just like you guys."
Professor Kyle opened his box to discover… a dusty wrench. Probably viable to causing a disease if it cut your skin. The thing was less dangerous then most weapons. Kyle found himself feeling a wary disappointment.
Miss Jessi found a noose. She let her fingers roam it's tightly knit threads. The thing was from the middle ages!
Mr. Josh, a pipe. A very long and unusual pipe. Not the kind you find just- lying around.
The Colonel, a revolver. Very small and quite harmless. Why! The colonel had played around with snipers and guns from the set of Scar face. His old hunting gun was a bit more of a doozie then this little pipsqueak!
Mrs. White… found a knife. Small and curved. Not quite sharp.
Miss Lori… a candle stick. Glimmering in gold, empty of wax, and not what she expected.
They all looked up at Foss in wonderment. Until Colonel Declan stood up in outrage.
"IF YOU ARE GOING TO ARM US!" he tossed the revolver onto the floor… "Do it right, dammit!"
Foss shrugged, "It's what my note says."
"WELL. Tell Mr. Baylin I know where he can put his note-"
"DECLAN!" scolded Mrs. Amanda. Declan took a calm breath, and felt her hand yank him down to his chair. Her eyes icily colliding with his own. A mixture of mustard and mayonnaise. (I HAD to use that one!)
Until ketchup interrupted, "If you two are done getting your groove on…"
"Please!" whined Mr. Josh, "Let the man continue with his blackmail!"
"TOM FOOLERY!" yelled Mrs. Amanda again.
The door creaked open eerily, and out stepped Mr. Baylin himself. He was cool and swift, he leaned back and stuffed in his pockets into the pockets of his khakis, the man was in a plum sweater vest, white long sleeved shirt, and a dark black sports coat over it. Casual and dangerous, this new intruder walked by with his nose in the air.
"This," Foss begin, "Is Mr. Baylin."
TO BE CONTINUED.
A/N: I truly like this piece. I think it's rather solid. Enjoy! Reviews are great, probably more inspiring then most. I am so bad at long pieces… I just want to warn you guys, but I think this will last. I just… hope.