This is something I've been working on for a little bit now.. when I can't sleep I hop on my computer and begin to write. Its a bit darker, with a lot of angst, lust, and romance. It is definately becoming one of my favorites.

Read and Review.. reviews are my insparation.



Author: Candy

Rating: R, to be on the safe side.

Characters: Jeff Hardy, Trish Stratus, and Maria.

Distribution: WWELibrary, FanFiction(dot)net

Disclaimer: All characters belong to themselves and the WWE.

Summary: Feeling both alone and forgotten, Jeff Hardy turns from the young love he always knew, and seeks false passion and comfort in a woman pulled from the pages of his little black book. Jeff / Maria / Trish


I only wanted you to stay..

linger, and mean the words you said.

Foolishly I romanticized someone was saving my life.

For the first time, I only wanted you to be there

when I opened up my eyes.


A large, shiny beetle crawled up from the long blades of grass upon the cement porch flooring, its antennaes twitching as it moved around in pointless circles. I cringed at the sight of it, and sifted through means of insect-murder in my mind.. Should I stomp on it? Or trap it? Or feed it to the dog? I squinted, peering off into the large field of lazy, colorless grass ahead of me, but Molly was nowhere in sight. Placing the cigarette I had been smoking between my lips, I put my hands on my knees and peered down at the ugly creature.

Why did it have to be my porch that it decided to crawl upon? Why not make it's way over to the Hansel's next to us? Their porch was often filled with trash.. a much more suitable place for a bug than my seemingly always empty porch. Sure, Mrs. Hansel's trash was merely the casual desperate, drunken man.. ones she'd drag to her house when Mr. Hansel was away on "buisness." But surley bugs would rather find thier way to the lawn chair she always fucked them upon, for it was infested with AIDs and a meley of bodily fluids.. and smelled like cigarette smoke mixed with rum. Don't ask me how I know.

Lifting up the heel of my boot, I stepped on the beetle's head, flintching as it squirmed beneath me. Seconds later I knew it was dead, and angrily leaned over to reach for the hose, using the water pressure to rid the porch (and my shoe) of the beetle's corpse and guts. Sighing to myself, I took a long drag of the cigarette between my lips, then flicked it into the tin full of our half-smoked cigarette buts.

I rose from the brand-new patio chair as I stretched, my arms high above my head as I spotted the light grey storm clouds moving in from the skies ahead of me. Perhaps it would rain soon...I was getting sick and tired of the dumb-ass of a weather man telling me that the each and every rain cloud we'd seen in the past month would surley produce one hellish storm. It hadn't rained in weeks.

Beside me, I heard a screen door slide open, and turned to see Mrs. Hansel waving to me, clad in only shorts and lingerie. I groaned, waving only slightly before quickly turning to my screen door, where Molly greeted me with her goofy smile.

"Where were you a minute ago, girl?" I asked her as I slid the screen back, giving her a scratch behind her fluffy white ear. She swallowed, then made a soft whining sound when she nudged me in the leg. She did that quite often, even after being fed and walked and bathed, and I never understood why.

I took of my boots and threw them back onto the porch, slamming the glass door shut when I studied the clouds that seemed to have darkened since I'd first spotted them only minutes ago. From beneath me, I could hear the faint and distant clatter of someone in the kitchen. I turned to eye Molly, who had her wet nose pressed hard against the glass patio door, admiring a bug that flickered past.

"Where's Maria?" I asked her curiously, for no apparent reason at all. She just turned and looked at me for a slight second before the bug flew past again, and her attention drifted. I smiled to myself, and gave her a pat on her back before grabbing my pack of cigarettes from off the coffee table. I had found Molly as a small Huskie pup in New Hamshire while traveling with the WWE.. she was small and weak, sitting shivering on the side of the dirt road in a rainstorm. I took one good look at the mess of mud and fur, wrapped her in my sweater and stuffed her into the backseat of my brand new Mustang. She's been with me ever since, and still hides under the bed when it rains.

I walked down the long, carpeted staircase slowly, my knee twitching slightly under all the force and weight. When I had only a few more steps to go, my knee buckled, causing a sharp pain to flood throughout the entire lower half of my body. I let out a yelp, leaning against the thick wooden railing as my fingers dug beneath my knee cap, willing the pain to diminish. It did not.

Just then that sweet little face appeared from around the corner, her toothbrush stuck into the side of her cheek. "Baby?" She'd mumbled with a mouth full of toothpaste, "What happened? Are you alright?"

Nodding, I motioned toward my leg, doubling over in pain when I'd made the wrong decision of putting all my weight back on it again. I had injured it in a career-threatening accident a few months ago, and it'd been causing me a great deal of all kinds of pain ever since. "My knee." Was all I could manage to gasp.

She nodded her little brown head in understanding, her soft arms around me as she willed my body down, forcing me to sit down on the stairs and against the railing. "Just rest for a minute, Jeff." She cooed, tucking strands of loose, colorful hair back behind my ear. Dissapearing back into the kitchen, I once again heard her sift through some things on the counter, then the fridge.

She appeared again only a minute later, ice packs in hand and mouth free of toothpaste. "Why isn't your brace on?" Her voice was stern, as if she was trying to scold me and yet tease me at the same time. "You're supposed to be wearing it for another month yet." Resting the ice pack against my knee, she scooted herself closer, her head now resting against my shoulder.

"I hate that damn thing, I don't need it." I hissed, both impaitent and angry at the harsh pain I was still dealing with. Although, Maria's warm presence was comforting, as it usually was, and I felt myself melting against her as I placed my hand on top of hers.

"Look, do you want to get back into the ring or not?" She arched her perfectly shape brow at me, and merely nudged my shoulder with a smile when I only offered a sideways glance in her direction. "Then you're gonna have to wear the thing, Jeff. No matter how pointless you think it is." Slipping her fingers from beneath mine, she physically instructed my hand to stay upon the ice pack, then rubbed my back as she scooted away. "Where is it?"

Her voice was so gentle and sweet, I could only smile. "I wore it for a little while last night.. it's probably by the bed or something."

She quickly darted back up the stairs, and I watched her with a lust-filled admiration as I caught the slightest glimpse of pink panties hidden under dark running shorts. If I hadn't felt so trapped and helpless in my burden of pain, I would've succumbed to the desire and chased after her up the stairs and into the bedroom. My fingers went numb from the sweating ice pack in my palm, but before I could throw it across the room in a fit of anger, Maria came back down the stairs.

"It was tangled in the sheets," She informed me with a little devious smile. But I ignored her, and handed her the ice pack as I slid the tight, spandex brace up to my knee. Letting my hands flop down to my sides once it was on, I stared at it blankly, then offered the same look to her.. she only giggled, and kissed me lightly.

"Oh, stop.. it's not that big of a deal." She stood, pulling down the long tank top she was wearing, and tucked the ice back under her arm as she helped me up slowly. "See? You're alright."

I agreed with a nod, for the pain had subsided, and her cradeling arms felt like Heaven against my bare skin. Turning to look at her as she helped me walk up the stairs, I noticed the slight covering of makeup that was swept gracefully across her pretty face. I frowned. "Are you going out again?"

I thought for a moment could feel her body pause and stiffen against my own, but she continued so shortly after I was sure I was mistaken. "Yeah, you don't mind, do you?'s just for a little while."

We reached the upstairs, where we spent most of our time, concidering the first floor was more of the basement, despite the location of the kitchen and larger bathroom. She brought me over to the large fluffy chair I'd spent far too many hours trapped in, and forced me to sit down. I could look at her no longer.

"Just because you have a fake ID now doesn't mean you have to go drinking every night." I grumbled, fumbling through all the crap in the basket beside me looking for the remote.

She sat upon the arm of the chair, wrapping her arm around me. "Baby, I just turned 19... I wanna go out and have some fun while I can. Besides, I've been trying to help you through this damn injury for months.. you keep turning me away."

A wave of heat rushed to my head, and I could feel the anger and splitting headache begin to sweep through my veins. This was the beginning of a harsh but familiar fight we'd been having lately. I wanted nothing more than for her to care for me, yet pushed away most of the help she offered. I often told her to go make some new friends, have some fun in her youth, yet got angry when she went out to bars and house parties. Really, I needed her more than I ever felt I needed anything ever before, yet loved her too much to allow her to drop to my needs. I was starting to feel like I was weighing her down.

"Fine.. go ahead, you haven't been out in two nights anyway. ..I'll just paint or something until you get home." I refused to look at her anymore, the will to take her into my arms and ravish her completely was starting to gather in my groin.. and the quicker this conversation would end, the quicker she'd leave.

Maria smiled her sweet, white smile. "I'm never gone that long, sweetie." She laid a soft kiss upon my throbbing temple. "You just rest up and maybe we can have some fun when I get back tonight, hm?" I did not answer, as she knew I wouldn't, and slid of the chair's arm before heading into the bathroom to continue getting ready.

I watched her for the next half hour with half-lidded eyes as she swept on the rest of her dramatic make-up, tried on multiple pairs of pants and even a few pairs of panties. Each time teasing me like the devil woman herself as she danced around the bathroom, in my perfect line of vision, her naked lower half as exposed as it could possibly be. Shaking my head, I lit up another cigarette, noting how the half-naked, barley-legal woman dancing in the bathroom hadn't seemed to have changed since the day I met her.

That day was coming up to be almost four years ago.. She was a mature sixteen years old (although I hadn't known it at the time) and I was celebrating my 21st birthday with a bunch of the guys at a local bar. I noticed her when I first walked in.. she had been sitting outside under at a steel table, a large red umbrella that was attached casting an even darker shadow over her than what the night had already done. She was smoking non-stop and nursing a beer, chatting away with a blonde bombshell I now cannot recall what she looked like.

So of course, since she'd been drinking, I thought she must've been at least 21, and with the help of a few alcoholic drinks, gathered up the courage to go talk to her. I loved her immediately. She was small and petite, with long brown locks that glowed red in certain lighting. Her body was adorned in a classic, tight, black ensamble with the perfect amount of clevage and skin exposed to cause sweat to gather at my brow. Her smile made me melt, and as we talked late into the night out there on the sidewalks of a busy downtown (something that angered both our friends greatly), I managed to find and understand more about her than I ever thought possible.

Her father had split when she was a mere little girl, and although the memories she'd had of him then were fond, she did little to hang on to them as years passed. Her mother raised her and her older brother off foodstamps from an aging apartment complex, and worked hard despite her need for alcohol and cigarettes to keep the pain away. Her brother went on to succed in school greatly, and recieved a full scholarship to a wonderful college in Wisconsin to study in the medical field. She'd seem him only rarley since.

Maria herself was not the smartest child, and soon realized that she made more money flashing random men on the street than her mother did in tips at the local coffee shop. From there she'd made connections and casual friends, living her life on the streets with a smile on her face and a large amount of money always tucked safley into her back pocket. But despite her harsh life of booze and partying, I found her engaging and charming.. and began to want nothing more than to tell her all my secrets, for she was the only one who seemed to understand. She liked the idea of me wrestling, understood the dissapointment and regret of being compared to a successful other brother, and loved the carefree life I'd chose for myself.

I knew we were meant to be together.. my only wish being that the alcohol drowning my system wasn't making such an acuisation for me. For that night we rented a cab, made out like crazy all the way to my house, and procceded to have sex until the mid-morning hours of the night. And it was perfect.

Until two months later when she finally informed me that she was a mere 16, and the relationship we held was nothing short of a big, illegal scandal. I had been angry and dissapointed, fearing for my dream of being in the WWE, but did not have the strength to kick her out. Despite her age, I loved and cared for her dearly.. and told all who knew of us that she was eighteen and worked at a bookstore downtown. No one believed us, but let the whispers of gossip concering our relationship never sweep past our ears.

Over the years, Maria morphed into my best friend, lover, and greatest companion. She traveled with me everywhere and we paid close attention to the other's needs, for they were often one in the same. We were all the other one had. After all, Matt was the only person I could not lie to about Maria, and after chewing me out for falling in lust with a mere teenager, began to call me only once a week, and found other friends to train with. And Maria's mother met a nice but poor man, and the apartment they moved into had no room for her within it.

She came over once in the pouring rain, all her belongings stuffed into two bags with tears falling down her cheeks, and has been with me ever since.

"Where you goin' tonight?" I asked curiously, flipping through channels on the muted tv, so as I could her her soft hum as she prepared herself. "Theres only so many places to go around here."

"I know," She said lightly, glossing the pouty lips I yearned to take within my own. "But I haven't been out like this in years.. I'm still in that stage where everything excites me..ya know, getting used to the whole bar scene again." Her reflection in the mirror smiled at me, and I nodded in return before turning my attention back to the tv... Maria had stopped going to bars a few months after we'd met, for she said drinking only used to numb her pain, and was not much fun otherwise. But after catching up with an old friend who'd made her a fake ID as a gift, she began to miss the essence of bars and partying all together, and went crawling back.

Which didn't bother me in the least, really. After all, I'd been guilty of a few nights spent drinking out with the guys after a show while she waited for me in an empty hotel room. She still held her youth, one that always seemed to slip so quickly between her fingers before she could ever really grasp it, and I wanted her to cherish the few years of it she had left. My only wish was that her sudden phase of missing bars hadn't come at such a time in my life where I felt I needed her around always.

Maria emerged from the bathroom in jeans and a light pink shirt, her hair thrown up carelessly and purse swung over her shoulder. She rested herself upon my lap. "I'll be back in about.. I dunno, five hours? Depends on the band and the people there, you know." She smiled at me, but for the faintest of moments I could've sworn I saw a flicker of guilt in her pretty eyes. She kissed me then, deeply, before sliding herself off my lap. "Goodnight, sweetie.. try to stay up for me, k?"

I only grinned at her, and yawned coyly as I slouched down into the fluffy leather chair, and she winked in return before dissapearing down the stairs and out the door.

A half hour had passed in wait after she left as I sat quietly in my chair, petting Molly's head rythmically as my eyes rested upon the tv screen before me. I looked at the clock... a mere 11:30. Getting up from the chair, I turned off the tv and threw the remote down as I walked over to a small drawer on the side of a sidetable we never really touched. Digging through its random contents (dice, condoms, a deck of cards) I finally found what I was looking for, and slammed the drawer shut.

In my hand was a small notebook about the size of my palm, with a dark leather cover and the initials "JH" printed in gold leafing upon it. I thumbed through all the pages, each and every one filled with scribbles and pictures and numbers, random reminants of my life before Maria. Stopping upon a familiar page, I dug my cell phone from deep within my pocket and dialed the number quickly, my heart beating numbly each time it rang.. then stopping completely when she answered.