Disclaimer: I don't own A Great and Terrible Beauty, Rebel Angels, or The Sweet Far thing. Those rights belong to Libba Bray.
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It would never happen. No one would accept that…relationship. No one would think twice about an English girl and an Indian boy together; the thought was just foolish. Much was expected out of me. I was supposed to be the proper young lady whom drank tea, dressed appropriately, and smiled pleasantly.
That wasn't who I was at all.
I wasn't the girl who would take things standing down. I wasn't the girl made for pearls and roses. I wasn't the girl who would let someone else control my life. I lived my life for me; no one else. I refused to let someone draw a path for my life. I would create my own path and hopefully one day my choice would be made an example of.
It is ironic how things tend to fall into place. One simple situation-a simple click of the tongue-and a chain reaction can occur. My mother was the first to suffer. Father followed and let his vices overshadow his virtues. Thomas was left in shambles and forced to keep our dirty little secrets swept under a rug. Grandmother had fallen ill and yet still managed to make me feel like a china doll.
I lived this life for them-not because I was forced to-but because I chose to. I owed my family that much after all the pain I had put them through…after all the unhappiness I had caused.
Only one person in the world didn't expect much out of me. Perhaps in the beginning he thought I was some silly little girl; ambitious and yet a complete fool. No. Not now. Our destinies were entwined. We were two halves of a soul and yet the situation was so wrong. He was my fate, and I his. No one can fight fate. Even if I wanted to fight it I wouldn't. I embraced my destiny. I welcomed him.
A ghost of a whisper on my lips. I yearn to so his face. A face I've grown to seeing often. The image of his Adonis face comes to me clearer than anything in the world. Not even the beauty of the realms could captivate me as much as this Indian boy, no, man. The two of us grew up together spiritually. We both lost someone important to us and fought the dark evil. He betrayed his brotherhood of the Rakshana and I refused to do the bidding of the Order.
The only other people who seemed to stand side-by-side with me were my two dearest and only friends Felicity Worthington and Ann Bradshaw. Felicity was a vicarious girl and quite saucy. She and I shared affairs for men that weren't of our par. Ann was a quiet and miserable girl who thrived to make something out of herself. Even though they were my friends, Felicity and Ann made me uneasy. It was terrible of me to question their friendship, but I have witnessed first hand Felicity's wrath and Ann's eagerness to follow.
The two lusted after the power that I held. The power that flowed through my veins and soul. I was their link to the realms. With Kartik, I didn't have to worry about being used or deceived. With Kartik, I didn't have to act like such a bloody, perfect angel. With Kartik, I could truly be the girl I was born as. Gemma Doyle.
The prejudices of the world were never kind. Kartik's affection for me matched, if not, was greater than any other mans. He was a perfect gentleman and didn't expect me to be a child bearing machine, to paint, to draw, to keep quiet…He expected me to live my life for me, just as I intended it.
The relationship was forbidden and unspoken of. In England, I would be called a disgrace and most likely, banished from my family. I would be the scandal of all of England and subjected to gossip and harsh remarks. A slut. A whore. An ill-bred. All kinds of things would be said about me. My very virtue would be held in question.
We were most ardently involved, and yet from simple gestures. A caress on the cheek. A clasp of the hand. A lingering kiss…
Such affections weren't accepted anywhere. It was as if no matter how hard we ran we couldn't hide. I had a different fate. A proper fate. A life suited for my lifestyle and that didn't include a certain Indian. No. We couldn't hide. Religions and ethnicity would always overshadow love. Good didn't always triumph over evil. This wasn't a fairytale no matter how much it sounded like it. There were no happy endings.
My gaze strayed to the door where my daughter Anneliese stood timidly. Her eyes, wide and green, stared at me with curiosity and such innocence of undiscovered power. I swore to myself that I wouldn't have her live the same life I lived. A life full of monsters and hardships. A life without love. A life of their choosing.
I smiled down at my little girl and opened my arms as to welcome her. She walked towards me and perched herself upon my lap. I kissed her head full of sandy brown curls. I wouldn't punish her just because my life didn't turn out as I wanted it to. "Yes my love?"
"Papa said that you are to leave to the Davenport's formal soon," she whispered quietly. "And I wanted to ask your permission to let me attend the party. Papa said it was fine as long as you said it was okay."
"If that is what you wish," I sighed. I prayed every day that she wouldn't become like that cow of a girl Cecily Temple Davenport. I broke from my thoughts as I felt Anneliese's fingers stroke the medallion that hung around my throat.
"Did papa give this to you?" She asked childishly, twisting the trinket in her small fingers.
I took a sharp intake of breath. No. Don't trail back to unwanted memories Gemma. Don't let her see the pain that it causes you. You promised. "No sweetheart. My mother gave it to me and maybe one day you shall wear it too."
"That would be wonderful," Anneliese gasped lightly. She then bit her lip and whispered lowly in my ear. "Will you tell me another story about the realms?"
"As long as you remember not to tell your father," I said sternly. I wouldn't let him know. That was the one bond I held to my daughter. That was the one bond I held with my lost love…
"Gemma darling, we should be off soon," Simon said, appearing in the doorway as handsome as ever. He smiled at me and our daughter and took Anneliese from my lap. He gave her a hug and peck on the forehead while placing a tender kiss on my cheek. "I assume you gave permission to let our little Miss accompany us tonight?"
"Of course," I replied brusquely. "The little princess shall never be denied."
Simon let out a laugh and walked out of the room with our daughter in his arms. Once the door closed I felt I could breathe again. I clutched the medallion from around my throat for strength but I knew it was all in vain. I lost all hope I walked down the aisle. I lost all dignity in myself when I felt the ring slip on my finger. I lost all happiness the night that he claimed my virtue. I didn't want him. I wanted Kartik.
Come awake Gemma-he isn't part of your life any longer. He is dead.
Any emotion you held before died the moment he sacrificed himself to save you. Circe. Vengeance was mine and yet it wasn't sweet at all. His blood had been shed. He was gone and I was here living a new lie each day. This is why I let go of childish things all together. There might have been princes and princesses, but there was no forbiddance. Fairytales were a thing of the past. Caste would always matter. I would live this nightmare every day until I perished, but the chain would stop here. My daughter will not make the sacrifices I had to make.
Just because I didn't get my happy ending, that didn't mean she couldn't.
Authoress Note: Mindless drabble that I just felt while reading the series for the umpteenth time. I had to take a break from Twilight haha because too much of a good thing will just use up all the excitement. Tchao.