Goldilocks Cast Out
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Angel. Joss Whedon and some other people do
Summary: My interpretation of the meeting between Flooded and Carpe Noctem (weird format I know, its not a poem, every line is one of Buffy's thoughts)
Not the City of Angels
But somewhere in between
I'd describe it to you but it really doesn't matter. Because when he's around the lights dim everywhere else, and it's just us.
Here I am waiting leaning against my car.
Waiting for him to greet me the way we do.
By saying the each others names the way we do
Causing the other one's knees to nearly give out.
We don't have nick names
We've never called each other baby, sweetie, honey, or sweetheart.
None of them fit exactly what we are to each other.
Ok, actually we did have one nickname
But we try to forget it.
Understand why we don't have nicknames
My body is aching, like I'm going to collapse any second, just implode.
Then again I feel painfully full, like I'm going to burst.
Food either tastes like ash.
Or nothing at all.
I can't sleep.
I can't wake up either.
I'm stuck, can't move
I'm moving so fast, feel like I'm going to throw up.
Everything is so loud, just the rustling of my clothes drive me crazy, hell my breathing is too loud.
Everything is so quiet, I can't hear anything, the absence of sound hurts my ears.
Everything is so smelly, Earth smells like a huge ball of shit, floating through space.
Everything is so odorless, like my nose is constantly stuffy.
Everything is so bright, the street lamps burn my retinas as if I was staring at the sun.
Everything is so dark and I'm lost in the shadows, just like a big coffin.
Everything is so hard and rough, my bed feels like and boulder covered in sand paper, pounding and scratching at my skin.
Everything is so soft and smooth, I can't feel anything, no friction, no pressure. I feel numb
Everything is so cold, I'm in California, wearing a sweater, but I feel like I'm in the artic.
Everything is so hot, the sun disappeared hours ago, yet I feel like it's looking over my shoulder.
Would you listen to me, jeez enough with the whining already Summers, your a big girl.
But I can't help it.
Nothing makes any sense
I'm like Goldilocks, and I'm stuck on this hard bed that is the world.
Nothing's just right
I even have my version of the three bears
Bills to pay
Goldilocks had it easy.
I feel him now.
That special feeling comes when ever he's near me
Every part of my body tingles and pulls in his direction.
I turn around and there he is, standing completely still in the shadows he doesn't want to bring me in.
Shadows are fine
They won't hurt my eyes,
Just don't let go of me,
Guide me through them.
Angel's looking at me in tear filled eyes, scanning all of my body with every sense he can from that distance to make sure I'm not some disgusting prank.
I try not to cry anymore, but some tears escape my lids anyway
I sometimes wonder if too many tears would give me scars on my cheeks
If water can carve out the Grand Canyon, why not a few cuts?
He's standing there in his usual attire, black shirt, black pants, black jacket.
Not looking a day older since that night in the alley where we met.
His face is still angelic.
I must look horrible
But he won't care, Angel's not like that
He doesn't expect me to be beautiful
He just always thin... knows I am
And he's seen me when I wake up.
He also doesn't expect me to be happy and save the world like everything's normal.
Like some other people
He always does
"Buffy" he says in a whispering question
A plea really, his way of asking if its really me, and if he goes to embrace me will I disappear in a puff of smoke.
"Angel", I say in a whispering answer
My way of saying yes it's me, now please hold me before I fall apart.
All the energy in my legs are spent
And I collapse like the Colossus of Rhodes
Like it, I was towering Wonder of the World
Demon world that is
But all wonders crumble eventually
But before my knees could strike the cold hard ground he's there
Why couldn't he have caught me first time I fell.
Off the tower
I forget how fast he can be, faster than me even, just he's usually so still
His strong arms are around my torso pulling me up
It's about time someone did
The world's too heavy for one pair of shoulders
My friends do their part
Ok, lets say I am like Atlas
And I do carry the world on my shoulders
My friends are braces around my feet making sure I don't lose my balance
They don't share the weight
They balance me
But the world is still crushing down on me
Then there's Angel
My own Hercules
He's the only one who I can share some of the weight with and not worry.
He's a champion just like me, doing whats right because it's right. Not for money or to get into my pant's
Sometimes he'll even take it all so I can go eat some golden Apples
Not exactly how the myth goes but you catch my drift.
As Angel holds me I bury my face in his chest, and hug him back with all that's left of my slayer strength.
We fit so well together
If I wanted to I could hide behind him forever
Right now I do.
As he hold me I can't help but feel better
I'm wide awake
His hold is not restricting, I'm not trapped
But snug, he's not letting go unless I want him to
He has no loud thump thump emitting from his chest, or rapid breathing from his mouth
But his voice is wonderful as he coos soft nothing into my ear.
He has a pleasant smell
And it's not overloading my nose.
His skin is like the combination of soft silk, it won't pound me till I hurt
And hard marble, I can feel him, make sure his really there
His dark clothes reflect little light, allowing my eyes to be wide open
And his pale skin reflects enough of the moons rays, so I can see his handsome face perfectly
He undead body is cool, and calms my hot itchy one
But it's not too cold because his clothing is a little warmer than he his.
I don't think right now is the time to see what he tastes like.
Everything about him is just right.
He's the baby bear's bed.
If you ever tell him I said that I'll kick your ass
I sometimes wonder if Angel is just a name.
I would be the one to know wouldn't I?
I know now
Everything is going to be okay
I've got my guardian Angel.
Then he lets go of me
"Buffy I've have to go."
And I'm back in Hell
I almost can't talk
He doesn't answer
Just starts to walk back into the shadows.
I go after him
He is walking so fast I almost can't keep up.
I grab his arm and spin him to face me.
"Angel stop, you just got here"
"Buffy let me go NOW!"
The tone of his voice scares me a little
But I still keep hold of him
"No you can't just come to see me for a second and just leave."
You cant leave , I'll crumble into dust, just like the vampire I slay
"Let go Buffy!!!!!!!!!!"
He starts giving hard pulls and shoves' like a wild animal
He's really trying to get away now
But I really don't want to let him go
"Angel why are you doing this, tell me what's wrong"
I'm getting desperate
And so is he
He slaps me
I lose my grip
Did he just?
Oh no he didn't
I punch him back
Then I punch him again
He and I sometimes have this tiny communication problem
But your not suppose hit girls
As I pour my frustration out on his face
His expression hardly changes
Even if I am a little stronger than he is.
Angel takes a beaten better than anyone I've ever known
I will always remember trying to punch the smirk off Angelus' face
He always kept smiling
As if he was enjoying it
Took a sword to show him I wasn't joking
After about the eighth punch my knuckles started to hurt
My punches slow
Now I'm just batting at his chest, sobbing
Eventually my legs tire once more
I fall to my knees and hug his legs
It reminds of when he came back from hell
"Please Angel don't leave me again." I cry
What, this is the lowest point of my life
Superheroes are not excluded from begging
From the look on his face I can tell he wants nothing more than to hold me forever
But something's holding him back.
"You don't understand I was in... in..." I try to explain
They stole my gift.
I try to explain that to him that I was in Heaven not in Hell
It's not like it was for him
He got to escape Hell
I have to get used to it
If he can survive 100 years in an actual Hell
Maybe he can help me survive a week in this one.
"Heaven", I finish
There I said it
I expect him to be in shock
Go in a fit of rage
At least say "Oh Buffy"
He just says
How does he know
I haven't told anyone but Spike
And Willow had told Angel her version
He lowers himself down
We're now roughly eye to eye
"Were else would you've been?" he says
Why didn't Willow think of that
I try to be sympathetic and think that what she thought made sense
A girl who has saved the world six times and dies the seventh time to save her sister
Then goes to Hell
All my friends seemed to like the idea
I'm not going to tell them the truth
Being a fool is not a crime.
"Buffy knowing that your were in heaven was the only thing that kept me from staking myself. You were finally happy, at peace. And someday way down the road I could be with you if I tried hard enough."
He always did think of me like some kind of salvation
"Buffy I swear I didn't know they were trying to bring you back"
"Angel if you know why are leaving me, don't you care"
"Buffy it's not that you don't understand..."
"NO you don't understand!!!"
I grab my head
"People aren't supposed to come back from there, Nothing makes sense to me anymore, nothing in this world is right, I cant take it anymore!!!!!!!"
I remember telling Angel that he was the only thing in my senseless world that maid any sense, please prove me right and don't leave me.
"Buffy you can't give up remember what you told me, strong is fighting it's hard and painful, and we do it everyday. It's what we have to do. Buffy your the strongest person I know, you can get through this I believe in you."
He remembers that
"If you remember I said 'And we can do it together' why wont you stay with me." I reminded him
"Buffy your have all your friends, you don't need me."
There he goes again thinking he's worthless
Don't change the subject
"Fuck my friends, this is not about them, why won't you stay with me. When I need your help."
"Believe me Buffy when I say I'll cause more trouble then I'm worth."
Angel turns to leave again
He starting to piss me off with that
"Were not done yet!!!!!" I yell as I turn him around again
But this time as I look at his face him his angelic face is gone and his demonic one had taken it's place
He roughly grabs my biceps and yells into my face
"FINE!!! You wana know why I can't stay, here it is BUFF, even though I know you are at the lowest point in your entire life, I couldn't be happier. Right now as we speak I'm am so close to perfect happiness because my the love of my life is in my arms, I can feel my soul just itching to fly off. And I really DO NOT WANT TO GO ON A K I L L I N G S P R E E E !!!!"
I hadn't thought of that
I would not be able to handle Angelus right now.
I'd probably let him kill me
Or turn me
Angel did say it was an easy way to live.
All this time Angel was trying to get away with out admitting that he was happy that I was back
"I don't blame you for being happy Angel"
I really cant blame him
When he came back, after the shock wore off I was so happy that he had come back to me
Those mornings when I would wake in the mansion were some of the happiest of my life
By then his face returns to his handsome form
"Just give me some time Buffy, let it sink in, wait till it's safe to be around me. I love you"
"I love you"
He turns again this time I don't stop him as he walks off into the shadows.
In a way that's the second time an angel has cast her out of happiness
Only this time it wasn't a real angel.
It took Angel over a year to see Buffy
With the birth of his son he didn't want to risk the chance he would get to happy with both Buffy and Connor in his life.
Then there was that period he was locked in a steel coffin under the ocean for three months
After that he had to find Cordellia
Fight the Beast
Stop Jasmine and World Peace
Very busy man
If this story got any good authors out there the urge to write a lengthy Season 6 rewrite with B/A I've done my job.