Gannbatte ne, Oiroke-chan
A Naruto crack-fanfic
It wasn't much of a difference really, just a few careless, scornful words from a chunin Naruto had never even met before.
"What the hell are you doing Jiraiya-sama? The second most powerful ninja in our village deserves better than to have a brat like you following him around. You should just leave him alone."
The chunin's face didn't even register in his mind, but his words echoed in his head like the tolling of some massive bell.
The second most powerful ninja... Naruto really had to get that man to train him.
It wasn't much of a difference, but it was enough.
"Then will you supervise my training?"
"Yes, but there is one condition... You must remain in that form whenever you are with me."
Naruto could feel her eyebrows twitching, her jaw clenching instinctively. That idiot! That stinking stupid pervert! She almost let her control over her jutsu slip, almost told him exactly what it was she thought of him, but...
...Second most powerful ninja in the village...
And there was Hinata too. She'd seen her in her dreams last night, first standing injured and defiant against that asshole he now had to fight, and then later, lying battered, bruised and unconscious. Naruto barely knew the girl, but she still deserved vengeance, and she certainly didn│ft deserve to go around believing that she would always have to play second fiddle to her ass of a cousin just because some stupid fate decreed it. Even Naruto himself... she didn't want people in the village believing all those things about destiny and fate, because one day she was going to be Hokage, no matter what fate had to say about it.
"Alright..." her voice was quiet for once. She might need the damn pervert's help, but she didn't mean she had to like what he wanted her to do.
"What was that?" The old man looked taken aback, surprised even.
"I said Alright," she repeated. Louder this time, irritated, "I'll stay like this if you promise to train me."
The old man's huge grin spread back out across his face, and Naruto wondered if she'd been wrong. Maybe he hadn't been surprised at all before, or maybe he'd just misheard her. He reached his arm right out and placed it on top of her head. Gently mussing her hair.
"Alright. A deal's a deal after all. What should I call you?"
"What the hell was wrong with my other clothes?"
It was hard to keep respecting the toad sanin when he kept grinning like that every time he looked over her.
"What's the point of me agreeing to teach you if you look like a babe if you just go and cover yourself with those stupid baggy orange clothes. Anyway, were at a river, and babes are supposed to wear bikinis at the river."
Naruto grumbled to herself, but conceded the point. The swimming costume that Jiraiya had given her didn't even have any orange in it, being white with pale blue flowers instead. At least it did a fairly good job of covering her up, for a bikini, but she was still determined that if the old man was going to keep making her do this that she'd buy herself a bikini tomorrow. Anything had to be better than something he'd chosen for her, and she'd feel more like herself if she could at least manage to wear something orange.
"Okay then Naru-chan, why don│ft you try walking on the water again."
"Stupid Ero-senin! My name's Naruto, not Naru!"
"Hmm," the older man said, turning away from her, his voice suddenly completely uninterested, "Naruto doesn't sound much like the name of the sort of sexy babe who I'd want to train."
"Wait, I didn't mean that..."
"Well then! Naru-chan it is!" and suddenly he was all smiles again, and Naruto was feeling both stupid and confused, "Well then Naru-chan, try to walk on the water again."
She stepped off the bank and onto the water's surface as gently as she could, trying to keep the chakra flow steady, and regulate it as the water shifted beneath her. It had been tricky enough to start with, but now while she had to keep her chakra trickling into the oiroke no jutsu as well, the task was near impossible. She wobbled, her feet sinking beneath the surface of the water. She turned slightly, hoping her new sensei would have advice that might save her. Instead he was staring hard at her now bare midriff.
It turned out that the water here was quite cold.
Shivering slightly, she pulled herself up from the water, wrapping her arms around her stomach and wondering why her new sensei wasn't handing her the towel so she could quickly dry off before trying again. In fact he was actually letting it drop to the ground from limp fingers.
Naruto's first real indication that something was wrong was when she felt the bikini briefs start to slide too easily down her legs.
"Oh god," Jiraiya finally spoke, "Oh god its horrible, but I can't look away."
Naruto looked down.
At some point he'd stopped maintaining the Oiroke no Jutsu.
After that incident he was significantly more careful.
By evening time Naruto was exhausted enough that she was even willing to lean up against the old man for a little extra support as they walked. Strangely enough, he had yet to do any of the sorts of things she'd worried he might. In fact, ever since he'd insisted that she wear a dress that he'd pulled from somewhere instead of just using transformation to change into her usual clothes, he'd been strangely inoffensive. She was glad that he wasn't doing anything worse than keeping her steady with one hand on loosely on her shoulder, but it made her worry if anything was wrong with him. He didn't even seem to be leering at her. For such a big pervert that seemed really strange, but then maybe he was just waiting until they were at the bath house.
The lady at the kiosk seemed to know Jiraiya. It was remarkable how many people seemed to, and more remarkable still that for all his age and quite apparent perversion that so many of the girls seemed quite pleased to see him.
"Ahh hello Jiraiya. Nice to see you again," and then as her eyes switched to Naruto, "And who is this young Lady? Your daughter maybe?"
"Granddaughter is more likely." Naruto snorted, but the older two just ignored her.
"Ahaha, no," Jiraiya laughed unconvincingly, leaning forwards on the kiosk, his voice growing louder as his eyes found the neckline of the lady's top, "This is Naru, my new student."
"Oh really?" she asked, stealing a very pointed glance in Naruto's direction, "Is she a good student?"
"Oh very," Jiraiya replied easily, though with the way he was drooling Naruto wasn't sure if he actually knew what he was saying, "She's very enthusiastic, willing to learn, and can keep going a long time! Just the qualities I'm looking for a student. But my evenings are still free, in case you find yourself getting bored."
The women frowned a little more with each compliment that the sanin gave Naruto, and by the end of it Naruto could almost feel the glare on her skin. It was no wonder the old man kept getting slapped if this was how observant he was when talking to women.
"Well I suppose you'll be wanting towels for your baths," Jiraiya looked like a kid whose candy had been stolen when the lady turned away to grab towels for both of them, "Enjoy your baths."
Naruto sighed as she followed after the old man. She hoped the lady wasn't going to hold this against her. The one and only redeeming feature of having to spend the day in oiroke no jutsu had been that the angry glares from the town populace had been absent. Well now there was at least one woman who would be happy to glare at her again.
"Stop Naru-chan," the old man was holding her at arms length now, "Where do you think you are going?"
"To the baths?"
"Naru-chan, do girls normally go into the boys side of the baths? Well, unless... maybe you are that sort of sexy babe, hmm Naru-chan?"
She coloured immediately, cheeks feeling incredibly hot at the suggestion. She hadn't meant to, she just hadn't thought about it. At all.
"I'm nothing like that, you stupid old pervert!"
"Well off you go then Naru-chan. Have fun." His leer, and the way he wiggled his eyebrows gave her a very good idea of what type of thing he was thinking, and she swallowed trying very hard not to think along similar lines.
The girls side wasn't as different as she had expected. The tiling was edged with a soft pink, instead of green, but apart from that differences seemed rather minor. The biggest difference Naruto was able to notice was the ominous feeling that she got every time she considered walking out of the doors of the changing room and into the actual baths. She'd never felt like that in the guy's baths. Well she couldn't stay here forever, and besides if she did she'd just end up seeing the people after they'd gotten out.
When she finally did step out she did her best to keep her back to the guys section of the baths – there was no telling if Jiraiya had a peeping hole here too or not – shuffling crab like along the edge of the pool. Naruto slipped down into the pool as quietly and stealthily as was possible in her current condition, taking a seat far enough from the other customers to avoid the chance of accidental body contact. Right now her best wasn't good enough; the woman to her right seemed to have noticed her.
"Are you alright, love?" Her voice was gentle and matronly.
Naruto nodded, doing her very best to keep her eyes trained on the water. Don│ft make eye contact, she told herself, and she might leave you alone. "Uh yeah, I'm fine. Better than fine really. Really, I'm great."
There was a long enough pause that Naruto thought that the lady had forgotten her, but alas it was not to be.
"Was it your first time dear?"
"What?" Naruto was confused enough that she actually looked up. For a second her eyes stayed on the woman's breasts, before springing up to her face.
"Well, you were walking a little strange. Don│ft worry, the soreness will disappear in a day or so."
Behind her Naruto could swear she heard the faintest traces of giggling.
"Uhh.." she still had no idea what they were on about. Was this some secret women's language or something? If she revealed she didn't understand would they know she was an impostor? "Uh, I'm just tired after sensei trained me all day."
"Oh really? Is that what young people call it nowadays?"
"Well yeah, I guess that│fs what we call it." Though what else they could call it eluded Naruto right now.
"I remember my first time," the woman on her other side commented, sighing, "He took me all the way up to Mount Horai, and we did it amongst the wildflowers. My dress was practically ruined by the pollen."
It was funny, Naruto noted as she inadvertently looked over at the woman, she didn't look much like a ninja. She wondered what she'd been training for.
By now however, she was absolutely certain that she could hear giggles.