AKATSUKI

"..I'm bored." Itachi sighed as he glanced at the Akatsuki members gathered around in the room.

All heads shot up and eyebrows rose simultaneously.

"If you're bored, then I'm Sasuke un." Deidara snorted back at Itachi, examining his nails.

"..You're Sasuke?"

"Yeah. I'm Sasuke if you're bored un." Deidara's eyebrows raised in amusement.

"But he's not fucking bored, so you're not fucking Sasuke. Stop talking shit." Hidan wheezed out as he stabbed himself with the pike.

"Jesus, do you have to do your ritual here? This carpet is expensive and I'm sure I'd have to go kill at least a few monks to get enough to pay for it." Kakuzu groaned as Hidan continued to stab the pike through his stomach, guts continuing to stain the carpet.

The rest of the members wisely placed their hands on their ears as Hidan started screeching about Christianity and how Kakuzu was a god damned fucking heathen and shit like him should go to hell where all those Christian priests and Jesus will be awaiting his arrival.

"I'm still bored." Itachi stated monotonously once Hidan had decided that "screaming at shit like Kakuzu wasn't worth it."

"So apparently, Deidara's still Sasuke." Sasori joined in as he continued polishing his puppets to squeaky cleanliness. Why, nobody knows, for cleanliness in battle didn't really matter.

"But you can't be bored...You're Itachi." Kisame crossed his arms, obviously finding Itachi's newfound boredom more than just a little weird.

"No. I'm bored." Itachi stated again.

"AND I'm Sasuke..un"

"Exactly! He's bored, your Sasuke, and I'm Deidara-sempai!"

"You're not me Tobi...un"

"I'm not you, because I'm Deidara-sempai, so you're Sasuke, and he's bored!"

"Exactly."

"So I'm Sasuke if he's bored and since he's bored, I'm Sasuke, and if I'm Sasuke, then you're Deidara...un?"

"Nooooo. You're Sasuke if he's bored and since he's bored, you're Sasuke, but since you're Sasuke I'm Deidara-sempai."

"That's what he just fucking said you dipshit."

"Right." A Pause. "Deidara is a good boy!" And...a chorus of groans.

"Deidara's a good boy? What's this all of a sudden? Deidara isn't a good boy, he's a fucking idiot who explodes clay--no no..Deidara's a fine artist who--the fuck cares, I'm hungry let's go find some fresh meat." All eyes land on the new and very green occupant of the room.

"..What?"

"Leader came along today and he told us that there's some fresh meat for you in the refrigerator Zetsu-san. Apparently, he might be needing you today, so you can't leave the base."

"Thank you for informing me Sasori-san."

"So what's this shit about Sasuke---san? The young boy from Konoha? Itachi-san's---fucking younger brother right?"

"Yeah. The Uchiha brat. Well you see, Itachi-san over here was feeling a bit bored.." Kisame started. And before the others could stop him, Tobi leapt up to explain...again.

"Since Itachi-san is bored, Deidara-sempai became Sasuke! And Since Deidara-sempai is Sasuke, I'm Deidara-sempai!" He explained as if it made total sense.

"You're Sasuke?" A brow was raised as he chomped on his human flesh."Mmm. Tasty."

"No I'm not!..un."

"But you said you were."

"No I didn't--what I meant was, If I were to say I'm bored, then you would say that you're Sasuke...un"

"..."

"So you're Sasuke."

"NO! I said that you would say "I'm Sasuke" if I said "I'm bored!..un!"

"You just stated that you were Sasuke."

"No I di--What I was saying was--what it meant was--UN!"

"I'm bored."

"And I'm Dei-no-Sasuke! You're confusing me...UN!"

"Who are you calling Sasuke? My name is Itachi."

"Un?"

"I am Itachi."

"You're LYING!"

"I'm not lying. If I were lying that would mean that I wasn't stating the truth, which is obviously not the matter at hand."

"But if you were lying when you said you were telling the truth about not lying then you're not telling the truth!"

"But I'm not lying since I'm telling the truth meaning that you would be lying!"

"What if you were lying when you said that you aren't lying and that I was lying?"

"What if he was lying right when he said that he was a liar so he doubled lied meaning that he's not lying and he's telling the truth!"

A long silence.

"What the fuck?"

"So I'm Sasuke and you're bored..un."

"If you're Sasuke then I'm bored.."

"YES...un."

"But I'm not bored."

"...AND I'M NOT SASUKE...un"

A roar of a thousand chirping birds was suddenly heard and the members turned their head to the direction. A young man with bleeding red eyes and spiked hair stood there, foaming at the mouth as he howled in rage, thrusting forward what looked like lightning in his hand. "DIE ITACHI! DIEEEEEE!"

"Ah..and here comes Hidan-san!"

The members froze. Sasuke froze. The whole world froze.

"...What?"

"Well, it would make complete sense, since Deidara-sempai is Sasuke after all!" Tobi chirped as he finished making his peanut butter jelly sandwhich and skipped away.

Complete silence...then..

"I'm bored." Sasuke declared, completely forgetting the fact that Itachi was sitting right there.

"AND I'M SASUKE UN!" Deidara exploded, quite literally actually.

A shrug.

"Whatever."

"About fucking time it happened."

"Well, I've got to go now."

"Me too."

"Same here."

And then there were none.

Except Sasuke.

And that was how Sasuke really killed Deidara.

"But seriously. I'm bored."


Seriously. I AM bored. That's actually why I wrote it. Review if you wanna. I like reviews, but this story isn't that wonderful.