ZOMG! I was sooooooooo bored when I wrote/typed this! And watching that three day Naruto marathon... I need a life...

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, nor do I make any money from it.

But I am now God(dess) of the Naruverse. What I say fucking goes! If you got a pro'lem wiff t'at, then screw y'all. Also, I was listening to Buiiki Kaesu (don't say the U) from Maximum the Hormone. And then Kuso Breakin Nou Breakin Lily.

And my personal little side note, even if most don't agree (though I don't see why they wouldn't)...

Lestat from Queen of the Damned is fucking hot!


Anyone who had passed Nauro's house at any time the last few weeks heard the sad music, loud and trully heart-wrenching. Those who had cared enough to get to know the loud-mouthed shinobi knew something was wrong with him.

But everytime someone went to try and ask, he opened the door, picked them up, and literally threw them out onto the street. And thus, no one bothered with him anymore and all were left to worry.


"JIRAIYA!!! Are you listening to me!?"

Jiraiya turned to the clearly angered woman, whose eye was twitching madly. Why would he listen when he was surrounded by women clothed in only towels? (AN: I luv the song Double Jeu!!!)

"No, not really."

Before Jiraiya could even properly blink, a fist connected with his jaw and he was sent flying backwards. He blinked and rubbed his bruised (more like broken) chin. Tsunade was glaring darkly at him.

"I was asking if when you took Naruto with you, something happened to him." What a weird question. It left Jiraiya wondering. "No. The brat seems as good as e-"


Jiraiya jumped at just how loud the woman could be. She lowered her head, staring sadly at the ground and that's when Jiraiya started to worry.

"He hasn't come out of his house in three months and before that, when someone tried to talk to him, he kicked them out. There's always sad music playing and the lights always off." Even Jiraiya knew that was not like the brat at all. "I want you to go see if you can find out any reason as to why he's acting like this."

"What!? Why me!?"

"NO QUESTIONS! Just do it!"

Jiraiya jumped again and quickly ran off in the direction of Naruto's house.


Okay, this was definitely NOT what Jiraiya had expected.

The house was indeed dark, but oddly enough...

it was clean.

He had expected trash to be strewn about on the floor and clothes everywhere. All-in-all, dirty and chaotic. But he did notice a trail of kunai leading to a closed door. He furrowed his brows; this was seriously unlike the brat.

And it was that moment the closed door was thrown open and Jiraiya felt like turning and running far away.

Naruto stood there, pale and sickly. His wild, blonde hair was now dirty and fell limply against his head. His outfit was covered in blood - his blood. And his eyes, the same eyes that once held so much emotion, now seemed dark and soul-less.

When those blank eyes landed on Jiraiya, he glared and asked in a soft voice filled with sadness and anger, "What are you doing here?"

Jiraiya, for the first time in his life, was at a lost as to what to do or say. When Naruto noticed this, he sighed and picked up the closest kunai. "If there is no reason to your intrusion, then I ask you to get the fuck out of my house." He walked past Jiraiya and opened the door, pointing outwards. "I won't do to you what I did the others, seeing as though you being so much older should know when to leave." Jiraiya didn't like this, not one bit. This Naruto sounded so much more intelligent than the Naruto he know. So much calmer.

"What happened?"

Naruto looked to Jiraiya with one eyebrow raised. "Nothing. There's nothing different and nothing happened."

"Oh, bull shit!" Naruto blinked and stared at the now seething older man. "Don't you fucking dare just stand there and tell me nothing is different!" When Naruto just stared at him blankly, he took a few large steps towards the boy and grabbed his arm. "What the hell happened to you!? You're starting to piss me off!"

"And you wouldn't be the first, nor the last." Jiraiya blinked and saw the boy now looking to the ground, a rather depressed expression on his face. And that was when he finally noticed all the scars. 'Wait... he shouldn't have any scars. Not with...' "Naruto... did the Akatsuki get Kyuubi?"

Naruto nodded once, and only once. "Then how did you...?"

"Sasuke ended up giving up his life and saved me."

So that's why he was so upset. Sasuke had died, and he had lived. He went to say something when it dawned on him. "The village... they attacked you because they thought you had killed him?" Another nod from Naruto.

Naruto jumped and looked up when he heard a growl and saw Jiraiya glaring at the door. He growled again and slammed the door shut, pushing Naruto over to the couch. After making the boy sit, he turned back to the door. "You stay right there. If I find that you've moved even one inch I will not hesitate to throw you back out there to them. I'll be back in a few minutes." And with that, he disappeared and left Naruto surprised.


"... Little brat..."

When Jiraiya had returned, he found the boy fast asleep in a bed on the complete other side of the house.

"I told him not to move and what does he do?"

"Mmm... shut up, pervy sage... tired..."

Jiraiya's eye twitched; even after beatings and depression this kid was still annoying. He grabbed the end of the sheets and flipped the boy into the air and said boy promptly fell to the ground. "OW! What was that for!?"

"You're an annoying, loud-mouth brat. I don't need a reason."

"And you're an evil, pervy sage!"

Jiraiya waited for the kid to sit on the bed before pushing him off again and sitting on the mattress himself. Naruto rolled on the floor, holding his head as he whined. "You're such a whiney child."


Naruto glared at Jiraiya, who laughed. The glare was more like a pout and it was adorable...

...Wait a second...

Adorable!? Since when did Jiraiya, legendary Toad Sannin, think that Naruto, loud mouth brat, was adorable? 'Oh, my aching head.'

"Perrrrvyyyy saaaaaaage?"

"Stop calling me that!" And it hit him again. "When did you cheer up?"

"Huh? Oh! I dunno. Maybe just 'cause you didn't judge me and try to hurt me like everyone else. Even Sakura decided to hate me. Iruka didn't hurt me, but he no longer talks to me."

"So everyone just gave up on you besides a choice few?" Naruto nodded and stretched, popping his back. And it was then Naruto did something that Jiraiya never saw coming. He reached over and placed a soft kiss on his cheek before jumping up and walking leisurely to the kitchen.

Jiraiya blinked and stared at the doorway, blankly rubbing the cheek the boy had kissed. "What... was that?"


When Jiraiya finally walked out of the room, Naruto was curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. He was half asleep and again, Jiraiya's mind thought of a word but leered more to the word 'fuckable' than 'adorable'.

He shook his head quickly. 'Gyah! What is wrong with me!?'

"Whatcha doin'?" Jiraiya looked to down to the tired boy. "Nothing."

"Yeah, I noticed that. I meant why ya just standin' there? You can go home or whatever; I'm not going to try to kill myself." He yawned and snuggled into the blankets. "Yeah, I can. But I'm not going to." After that was said, Jiraiya slipped over the back of the couch and behind the boy. Naruto squirmed. "Nyuu! What are you doing!? You're messing up teh shnuggly blankets!!!" (AN: Sounds like me XD)

"Did you suddenly lose the ability to speak properly?"

"They were so shnugg - Waaaarrrrm."

Jiraiya laughed loudly as the teen snuggled against him, mumbling something about 'warm and snuggly pervy sage'. Now to think about the options.

1. Push the boy off, yell at him for kissing his cheek, and run off, probably leaving the boy in a worse state than before...


2. Said the hell to all morals and his thoughts of being straight and fuck the boy senseless.

There was nothing to think about there. He should've just said 'fuck it' when he thought of choice one.

"Naruto..." The boy blinked and turned his head to look at Jiraiya, who quickly pulled Naruto close and pressed his lips against the boy's. Though it took a few seconds, Naruto responded by wrapping his arms around Jiraiya's neck and pressing closer to said man. Honestly, Jiraiya had expected to be pushed away. Naruto gasped when he felt a tongue slide over his lower lip before darting into his mouth.

Jiraiya was ecstatic that Naruto hadn't pushed him away when said boy moaned. Jiraiya moved so Naruto was lying on the couch and Jiraiya stradled his hips. Naruto mewled contently as Jiraiya started to nip at his jaw and neck. He let out a noise of protest when he pulled his lips away to remove his shirt, but it turned to a gasp and a moan when Jiraiya drew his tongue over one nipple.

Naruto started mewling again when Jiraiya went to lapping at his stomach. He was so content with the licking, he never once noticed when Jiraiya pulled his off his pants and boxers until he felt that same tongue from earlier run over his whole length.

Naruto moaned loudly as Jiraiya's tongue continued to stroke his member. The moan turned to a gasp when he felt something warm and wet surround him. He tilted his head back over the arm of the couch as his breathing became more struggled. Jiraiya smirked and worked the boy until he was painfully close to his climax before pulling away completely and receiving a whimper.

Jiraiya chuckled and reached up to place a kiss on the boy's lips. "You sure you want to continue?" All he got for an answer was a short nod. He licked at the boy's neck and put three of his fingers in front of Naruto's face, who pulled them into his mouth and rolled his tongue over the digits. Jiraiya bit back a moan as he decided to finally rip off his own clothes, having forgotten they were still on.

Soon after, he pulled his fingers away from the boy's mouth and proceeded to push one inside the boy's entrance. Naruto cringed and Jiraiya placed a kiss on his collarbone. "Sorry. Forgot to mention it would hurt." Naruto just gave a weak nod as Jiraiya added a second finger and made scissor motions. The teen squirmed and moaned loudly when those fingers brushed that special bundle of nerves.

And Jiraiya's will power snapped. "Fuck it." Naruto opened one eye quesioningly but both eyes were thrown open when the fingers were removed and something much larger took their place. Naruto bit down on his lower lip, eyes shut tightly once again as Jiraiya buried himself deep within said boy before pausing. He waited until Naruto moved his hips before he pulled almost completely out of the boy and slamming back in. To him, the boy brought the rough movements upon himself.

Naruto began moaning loudly as he started to move along with Jiraiya, meeting with his every thrust. A few thrusts later and Naruto latched onto Jiraiya, practically screaming his climax. Soon after Naruto, Jiraiya came deep inside the boy with a possessive roar and flopped down on the boy before moving to try and give said boy space.

Naruto sighed contently and snuggled up against the older male, smiling softly. Jiraiya smiled as well and placed a kiss on Naruto's forehead before both fell asleep.


Naruto woke up and tried to sit up, wincing and realized that isn't such a great idea. Jiraiya, who had woken long ago, laughed at the boy and received a glare.

"C'mon! Don't laugh at me; it hurrrrts!"

"You didn't complain last night." Naruto blushed brightly and started sputtering. Jiraiya laughed again and kissed him softly, succeeding in making the boy stop talking. Naruto gave him a confused look. "I love you."

Naruto's eyes grew wide before he smiled brightly. "Love ya, too, pervy sage!"


HAD TO DO IT!!!!! My mind was so stuck on it when I saw the episode with Naruto and Jiraiya and Naruto used Sexy no Justu. So... yeah...

I'm a perv toooooooo, Jiraiya-senseiiiiii! -hugs all pervs who dare to hug her... and is gay- I luvs the gay people... they have so much fun...

Just like me, I'm planning on a sex-change when I get enough money (and old enough). And then being gay because it seems awesome and I doubt my sexual preference will change.

There is look into meh mind... 'sides the story...

REVIEW, MY LURVLY SLAVES!!! (and butt buddies XD)