Disclaimer: Pokemon belongs to a lot of people who have a lot of money and power, both here in America and abroad. Unfortunately, I'm not one of them. No one should get bent out of shape; I'm just borrowing these guys for a while. All apologies also to any pop culture references warped. I'm just borrowing them, too. And finally, I don't own the song "MotownPhilly" by Boyz II Men; I'm breaking all sorts of rules by parodying it. I do own "MotownPallet," though. ^_~
Prelude: So, what happens when I find old cassettes and try to counter my intense writer's block on the same day? Um, stuff like this. Somehow I took a fun song and made it an Eldershipping anthem. O_o;;;; This is based on the old song "MotownPhilly" by the group Boyz II Men. Does anyone remember these guys? If you've never heard it, find it somewhere and try substituting these lyrics: I think they work frighteningly well... All lyrics are in italics. The lines credited as Eldershippy lines came from the show/ musical! I swear! Oh, and this fic is supposed to "look" like a music video. Enjoy, send intelligent comments to [email protected].
MotownPallet (Eldershipping's Back Again)
A strange songfic parody, directed by Latonya Wright
Darkness covers the scene.
Then, like a bolt of lightning, a spotlight flashes to reveal Bill, Kurt, Professor Elm, and Spencer Hale. They are dressed in matching '60s era black suits; the vision of the four of them standing in a row, wearing identical outfits, should bring to mind visions of the Temptations or the Drifters. They are Scientific Method!
Another spotlight flash to the left highlights DJ Master Brock. He is surrounded by a number of turntables. He wears typical DJ dress: baseball cap backwards, jersey emblazoned with the Random Popular Team of the Moment, baggy jeans. He poses as an '80s era rapper would, with arms crossed over his chest and hands in goofy twists of gang symbols.
Yet another spotlight flash, this time to the right, reveals MC Sketchit. He is dressed in the same fashion that Brock wears. However, his outfit is enhanced by many, many gold chains of varying lengths. The "centerpiece" is a medallion imprinted with Rodin's "The Thinker." He is still Tracy, after all.
Behind all six, a huge video screen descends, framing them.
Below this elaborate tableau, a spotlight shines on a very confused group: Professor Samuel Oak, his grandson Gary Oak and granddaughter May Oak, Mrs. Delia Ketchum, her son Ash Ketchum, Misty Waterflower, Pikachu, Togepi, and Mr. Mime.
Gary: Grandpa, what the hell have you done to the ballroom?
Samuel: I... I don't know, Gary, this was all Tracy's idea. Tracy, what's all this about? And what are you professors doing here?
Tracy: (making gang signs and sounding wrong for this role) Yo, yo, homey, this be dope!
Delia: (abruptly clinging to Samuel's arm) Sam, I'm scared! Tracy's acting ghetto!
Samuel: Don't worry, Delia, I'll protect you!
At this cry, the six performers exchange knowing grins. Bill steps forward.
Bill: To answer your question, Sam, we're here because we're the hottest a cappella group in Indigo. We are Scientific Method!
May: So you guys are a boy band or something?
Professor Elm: (as Scientific Method sweatdrops) Something like that, I guess...
Bill: Anyway, we have been summoned here to help expose your secret passion to the world! In the name of Eldershippers everywhere-
Scientific Method: We shall reveal you!
Samuel and Delia exchange a worried look.
Misty: Eldershippers? What's that?
Ash: Does this mean what I think it means?
DJ Master Brock: Depends. What do you think it means?
Ash: Gary and I won't be having that rematch right now?
Misty: (as she beats him with her mallet) Will you get your mind off Pokemon battles for once and help us figure out what's happening?!?!
Spencer: Don't worry! We'll show you what's happening right now!
Kurt: (sounding too old to be doing this) Kick it, Brock, get jiggy wit' yo' bad self!
The whole room sweatdrops.
DJ Master Brock: Uh, yeah, here we go.
Brock starts to spin a few records. He begins with a fast, dance/ R&B beat, then mixes and scratches in extras: synthesized brass and drum hits, random little clips of Samuel and Delia's voices saying shippy things, Scientific Method singing the phrase "Sam and Del" in perfect harmony. As Brock creates the wall of sound, the video screen flicks on, starts to show a continual loop of Eldershippy scenes and random shots of both Samuel and Delia.
Scientific Method dances along to the beat, using crisp, Temptations-style dance steps. Tracy rocks back and forth to the beat, partly of his own accord, partly from the weight of his medallion.
Scientific Method's estrogen brigade, comprised of Professor Ivy, Nurse Joy, and Officer Jenny, bursts into the room. They run to the edge of the stage, cheering and screaming and weeping with joy at the sight of their idols. The guys look very satisfied at having fangirls and getting fanservice.
May, moved by the power of the music, sways her lush form in a manner thoroughly intended to entice men. Samuel reaches into his lab coat pocket, pulls out a notebook, clubs May with it before she can shame her family more.
Ash, Gary, Misty, Delia, and all the Pokemon appear confused by the whole spectacle.
Sam: Good morning, Delia! Ash: Mom! What are you doing there? Delia: And I'll invite Professor Oak! Sam: This is the time of year when the sun shines every day! Hehe... Scientific Method: Eldershipping's back again Doin' a little P-League swing Sam and Del, going off Not too hard, not too soft
As they hear the chorus, Samuel and Delia bury their faces in their hands, turn two thousand different shades of crimson.
The Pokemon like this "strange human ritual" a lot. They begin to dance too. Pikachu's pretty good at dancing. Mr. Mime will be, once he stops accidentally making invisible walls...
Elm: It's long overdue but now Pallet's slammin' Sam and Del, A and G, M and M The secret family Always had the nerve, yeah While at the preserve At his place, plenty of space Kurt: And all the Pokemon you can catch
Ash perks up at the first non-scarring line of the whole song, smiles weakly but peacefully.
Gary and Misty facefault.
Delia finally raises her head from her hands, shrugs, and grooves along to the music.
Bill: While Ash trained they used to dream about this everyday Spencer: Could it really happen? Bill: Just when the kids are away Scientific Method: Then they started dating and we said it sounded smooth Spencer: So we started a ship and here we are Bill: Pointin' it out for you
May recovers from her concussion and continues to dance hoochie-mama style. Samuel tries to club her again, but Gary's cheerleaders enter the scene and begin dancing around him seductively. As his blush, still strong from the first time, grows darker, Delia looks extremely pissed. She storms out of the scene.
Scientific Method: Eldershipping's back again Doin' a little P-League swing Sam and Del, going off Not too hard, not too soft
While the overly developed teen girls dance near him, Samuel wonders exactly what "not too hard, not too soft" is describing. He resolves never to speak to his friends about anything ever again. The girls have grown somewhat bored with the old man, and turn their attentions to Ash and Gary.
Misty mallets the girls flirting with Ash.
Time for Tracy's first rap solo! He's clearly eager...
MC Sketchit: Yo, these four old profs is real Smooth on the evidence tip! Bill, Spence, Elm, and Kurt, You know the mentality-- Keep flippin' the ship!
But poor Tracy trips on his medallion, gets tangled up in his chains. He falls down, struggles to free himself before his next solo.
Brock salivates over the cheerleaders; he manages to continue with his DJ duties.
Elm: The spotlight is on us now Watch us do this:
Scientific Method gives us two measures of perfectly harmonized doo-wop and slick moves. As they sing, Brock mixes some Eldershippy lines underneath.
Sam: No matter what, Delia, I won't let Giovanni hurt you! Delia: Well, thanks, Professor! Spencer: Live and direct from Pallet Town Elm: Prof and mom can always get down Spencer: We are ready to roll So now the world will know what we show
Delia returns to the scene, dressed in her "Holiday in Acapulco" swimsuit. She strikes a flirtatious pose as the cheerleaders sneer. Samuel picks up his jaw from the floor and hurriedly tries to cover her with his lab coat.
Ash and Gary die of shame.
Bill: While Ash trained they used to dream about this everyday Spencer: Could it really happen? Bill: Just when the kids are away Scientific Method: Then they started dating and we said it sounded smooth Spencer: So we started a ship and here we are Bill: Pointin' it out for you
Misty is rendered so traumatized by the whole scene that she begins to believe Scientific Method is hot. She joins the fangirls at the edge of the stage, screams and cheers along with them.
Delia, now wearing the lab coat, quickly convinces the cheerleaders to join her in a Paula Abdul style dance sequence.
Scientific Method: Eldershipping's back again Doin' a little P-League swing Sam and Del, going off Not too hard, not too soft
Brock mixes and scratches Scientific Method's phrases "Sam and Del" and "Then they started dating and we said it sounded smooth" from the song. The cheerleaders dance ever closer to him; he drools over their figures and over the stereo equipment.
Togepi is jammin', man! He "prii"s along happily, boogies down with Pikachu and Mimey. Unfortunately, he waves his arms just the right way. He and his other Pokemon friends are teleported away to Mew alone knows where.
During the DJ showoff interlude, a Muk and a small group of Digletts smother Samuel and carry him offscreen. Seconds later, Samuel returns with a bit of dirt on his clothing and an irked glare.
Tracy has finally extricated himself from his cocoon of gold chains, though he still wears them. He's ready for his rap duet with Scientific Method!
MC Sketchit: Now check this out One day back in Pallet Two folks, they wanted to date They came up to me I said, "Well, what's your name?" Scientific Method: "Sam and Del!" MC Sketchit: Hey, ya know what I'm sayin'? Then I said, "Alright, fellas, Well, let me see what you wanna do." And then the smart one named Sam here said, "Yo, Trace, check this out, See if this one moves you!"
Scientific Method breaks it down once again, this time giving us eight measures of doo-wop over a beat and smooth moves. The fangirls are going wild. Brock mixes more Eldershippy lines underneath their breakdown.
Ash: Mom! What are you doing there? Sam: Say, that was awfully strange... Delia: In case you're wondering, Professor Oak and I are on vacation. Sam: If you have women, the people will come! Delia: I might as well tell you... Sam: Ash, my boy... Delia: I've got a secret... Sam: I'm not...we're not...I didn't... Delia: I'll keep this secret...it's better that way. Sam: I'll explain later.
Samuel signs away the last rights to his dignity and joins Delia and the cheerleaders in their dance sequence.
Brock and Tracy lead the crowd in a rhythmic chant of "Go! Go!" They and the crowd pump their fists in the air, Arsenio Hall style, as the guys sing.
Scientific Method: Eldershipping's back again Doin' a little P-League swing Sam and Del, going off Not too hard, not too soft
The cheerleaders, now freestyle dancing again, notice that DJ Master Brock is in fact quite handsome. Some of them join him behind his turntables, dance with him seductively. Brock's in heaven as he places the system on AutoDJ.
May leaps onto Tracy's stage and begins dancing with him. Before she starts, however, she gazes quizzically at his medallion. Tracy sweatdrops.
The Scientific Method fangirls are at the height of ecstacy. Bill gets smacked in the face with a bra tossed onstage.
As he and Delia dance, Samuel decides that this whole interlude has been cute and a lot of fun. However, his lumbago is acting up, and he wants all these random people out of the house, and Delia looks too damn sexy in his coat, so it's time for the spectacle to end. What's the best way to finish, though? With a bit of tangible proof, just to assure everyone that they're right! He grabs Delia, sweeps her into a tango dip, bends and gives her a kiss that goes on and on and on...
As the backbeat grows to a dramatic finish, Scientific does one last smooth step, then stops in a stylized pose before delivering the last line of the song a cappella and getting the last Eldershippy mix from the turntable.
Scientific Method: Sam and Del, A and G, M and M... Sam: I'll explain later. Delia: Well, thanks, Professor! Ash: Just don't keep my mom out too late!
Tracy and May are so engrossed in dancing that they don't notice the song's end. Of course, Tracy trips on his chains and falls off his stage. As he falls, he grabs May. She falls off the stage with him. The light on Tracy's stage fades.
Kurt collapses, because he's too old to be dancing and singing at such a fast pace. As Misty and Professor Elm rush over to help him, Bill and Spencer leave the stage and meet their fangirls. Spencer leaves with Professor Ivy; Bill leaves with Joy on one arm and Jenny on the other. The light on Scientific Method's stage fades.
The cheerleaders jump on Brock and ravish him. Do you think he's inclined to stop them? The light on Brock's stage fades.
After absorbing the song and the lines, and seeing Samuel and Delia locked in a passionate kiss, Gary pulls a sword from pocketspace and commits ritual suicide.
Ash briefly considers following his rival's example. However, he decides that having Samuel for a stepdad isn't so bad. He raids Gary's corpse for Pokemon and money, then leaves.
The remaining light shines on the couple, who are still in a passionate liplock. Finally, Sam raises his head.
Samuel: I thought they'd never leave!
And he bends again to kiss her. Delia's bubbly laughter echoes as the light on their scene fades, thank goodness.
Scientific Method Featuring DJ Master Brock and MC Sketchit "MotownPallet (Eldershipping's Back Again)" Mating Habits of Pokemon, Volume 1 University of Indigo Productions, (c) 2001 Anyshippers Records
Postlude: So... uh...O_o;;;; Well, I'm insane, but it was fun to write. Let me know what you think, whether it scarred your future generations, forced you to crack a smile, or caused you to run to the emergency room for split sides. Eldershippers unite! ^_~