This story was inspired by the movie "The Nutty Professor." The old one with Jerry Lewis, not the new one with Eddie Murphey. I dunno, call me a sucker for older comedies.
Anyway, while the plot will be similar, and many of the quotes from the movie will be used, this is not gonna be a carbon copy of the film, but will hopefully be seen as a Brandy and Mr. Whiskers story that pays tribute to a classic. Or, at the very least, I hope you find it funny. lol. Enjoy!
(I do not own BaMW, or The Nutty Professor.)
Another calm day in the Amazon, as the animal denizens of the jungle went about their businesses as usual, shopping in the Mayan temple-slash-mall, when suddenly an explosion rocked the entire structure.
As the quaking finally came to a halt, Gaspar jumped from the rubble of his demolished store and growled angrily. "Who is responsible for this?!" he demanded.
"I'll give you one guess," Margo grumbled as she walked by, covered head to toe in black soot. "That hair-brained hare and his otter pal were messing around in the new fireworks store!"
"Oh, he was, was he?" Gaspar asked, and turned to his monkey henchmen. "Bring me that rabbit!"
Meanwhile, in what remained of the fireworks shop, Ed was looking through the rubble in search of his friend. "Mr. Whiskers?" he called. "You here, buddy?" Suddenly, he heard a knock and looked down to see he was standing on a door, which had been blown down hinges and all. He reached down and opened it, to see Mr. Whiskers smashed into the floor. "You alright, Mr. Whiskers?"
Whiskers pulled himself up out of the rabbit-shaped hole in the ground, and rubbed his head. He was covered in soot, and his orange jumpsuit was terribly scorched. "I think so, Ed," he replied with a cough. "But that is the last time I eat red-hot chili in a fireworks shop!"
"Yup, I would definitely say that has some potent consequences there, Mr. Whiskers," Ed agreed.
Whiskers nodded and stood up, brushing himself off. But then, his arms were grabbed by Gaspar's two monkey henchmen. "Oh, hey guys…" Whiskers said with a nervous chuckle. "What, uh… brings you here"
"The boss wants to see ya," the shorter monkey said, and Whiskers gulped nervously.
Later, Whiskers timidly approached Gaspar, who sat in his throne in his cavernous lair, glaring daggers at the rabbit.
"Sit down, Mr. Whiskers," Gaspar commanded, gesturing to a plush chair nearby. Whiskers complied and sat down, but nearly sank into the enormous cushion. Gaspar glared down at Whiskers, before looking up at the trail of sooty rabbit tracks all over his floor. He then looked back down at Whiskers. "So, tell me," he said at last, "How long have ju been in the jungle now?"
"Um, do you mean in terms of an exact date," Whiskers asked, "or do you just want a ballpark figure? Or maybe you'd rather…"
"HOW LONG?!" Gaspar shouted, causing Whiskers to sink farther into the cushion.
Whiskers cleared his throat nervously and pulled out an old pocket watch he'd recently found. He opened it, and it began to loudly play the Mickey Mouse Club theme song, until he finally closed it again. "Um, two years, eleven months, and three weeks, give or take a day… By the way, impressed that I can tell time now?"
"No. And in all that time, do ju realize how much damage ju have done to my glorious jungle?"
"Um, did you want an exact percentage, or…"
"A lot, Mr. Whiskers, a lot! And if anyone will be causing chaos and destruction, it will be me! Do ju remember last year, when ju were trying to build your own time machine using that old crashed airplane? What the main fuel for it was?"
"Um… gasoline, gunpowder and nitroglycerine?"
"Jes. And do ju remember what the results were?"
"Noisy?!" Gaspar jumped angrily from his throne. "Ju demolished an entire Mayan pyramid! Half the rainforest was wiped out, because of ju!"
"Oh yeah, that reminds me," Whiskers said cheerily. "I saw Norman the other day. You know the marmoset that was there that day?"
"Oh? And how was he?"
"Oh he said he was starting to feel better and that the bandages would be coming off in just a couple more months."
"Ah, well that is good to hear, I—See?! That's it exactly!" Gaspar pointed accusingly at Whiskers. "Ju are a menace to this entire jungle! Now, don't get me wrong, Whiskers," Gaspar calmed himself a bit and smiled, "Everyone has their own… eccentricities. Einstein hated haircuts; Da Vinci loved to paint and Newton…"
"Something about figs, right?"
"And ju, too, are a little… eccentric. But try not to blow things up anymore! Especially considering my upcoming birthday. I will be throwing a stupendous celebration in honor of the jungle's most glorious leader—me! So I don't want ju messing it, up, understood?!"
"Sure thing, Gaspar, you can count on me!"
Gaspar nodded, but motioned for Whiskers to come closer. "Oh, and, Whiskers? That watch ju found… Does it always…?"
"Oh, no," Whiskers replied and took the watch from his pocket. "Only when I open it like this." He opened the watch, and both their ears were bombarded by the sound of the Mickey Mouse Club theme, before Whiskers sheepishly closed it again and left.
Later that same day, Whiskers had joined his best friend in the world, Brandy Harrington, at the watering hole, where she was now sunbathing on the beach.
"So you managed to blow up the mall," she said with a scoff, "again. Nice job, Whiskers."
"I know, I know," Whiskers sighed. "I just can't help it! I'm always messing things up…"
"Yeah, that is true."
"Oh, great job cheering me up…" Whiskers sighed again and sat down next to Brandy.
Brandy sat up and looked over at the hare next to her and sighed. "Alright, look, you want my advice?" He nodded. "Just stop doing dumb things like running around fireworks stores, and building explosive time machines… or dressing up in lederhosen and trying to teach wild boars to square-dance."
"Yeah, that really wasn't my brightest moment, was it…?"
"No. Whiskers, I'm not saying you shouldn't be yourself, just… try to be a little less destructive. I guarantee people will like you better if you do that."
"Oh good… I'm getting really tired of always being stepped on. Just then, a large animal ran by, right over Whiskers. He pulled himself up, spitting out sand and shouted, "Hey! Why dontcha watch who you're walking on, you big jerk?!"
Suddenly, the animal—who happened to be a large jaguar—stopped and turned to growl at Whiskers. "What was that?" the Jaguar demanded.
Suddenly, Whiskers felt himself shrink to two inches high and squeaked "um… nothing."
The Jaguar stomped over to Whiskers and glared down at him, his fangs glistening and his claws flexing. "I don't think you had any right to be calling me names, rabbit!"
"Oh, uh, well, I may have been a little rash… Oop!" Suddenly, the Jaguar picked Whiskers up by his ears and slammed him down again, burying him up to his chest in the sand. The Jaguar laughed cruelly and jogged away.
Whiskers struggled to get free, as he could hear the other animals chuckling at him. "Well don't just do something, sit there!" He shouted, then shook his head. "Uh, I mean… aw, forget it."
Brandy sighed to herself and began to dig her friend out. "You okay, Whiskers?" she asked as he crawled out of the hole.
"Yeah, except for my pride…" Whiskers replied sheepishly. "I guess I shoulda known better than to stick up for myself."
"No, Whiskers, you were right to stick up for yourself." Brandy picked up her beach towel and stood up, placing a comforting paw on Whiskers' shoulder. "Don't let guys like that get you. Just because he's stronger he thinks its okay to pick on a smaller animal."
Suddenly, Brandy's words began to echo in Whiskers head. "Pick on a smaller animal… pick on a smaller animal…"
"Oy!" Whiskers' brain shouted. "I think it's about time you did something about the echo in here, Bubalah!"
Ignoring his brain, Whiskers smiled. "Thanks for the advice Brandy! I think I know how I can finally become a new and improved Mr. Whiskers!"
"Great, great," Brandy answered half-heartedly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta get home and get ready for a date. See ya Whiskers!"
Whiskers waved as Brandy walked away. "See ya later, Brandy! As for me… I'm off to the gym!"
Not much later, Whiskers had indeed traveled to the Amazon's only Gym, "Jungle Bob's Gym and Health Spa." He entered the building, trying not to be intimidated by the larger, stronger animals around him.
"Welcome to Jungle Bob's Gym," a muscular howler monkey greeted him at the door. "My name is Dave, how can I help you?"
"Well," Whiskers replied, "I'm hoping I can build up my muscles a bit."
"Well, you've come to the right place, Buddy! Here at Jungle Bob's, we can turn even the wimpiest wimp into a Herculean marvel!" Whiskers smiled. "You might be more of a challenge, but we'll give it a shot." Whiskers' smile faded quickly. "So buck up pal, we'll have you in shape in no time!" Dave gave Whiskers a friendly pat on the back, but ended up knocking the poor rabbit down, instead.
"Whoa, sorry about that!" said Dave, as he helped Whiskers back up. "You okay?"
"Uh, yeah," Whiskers answered, "I guess so… if you'd call a man with an ulcer and a splinter in his finger and a nail in his foot who was then struck by lightning was fine, then yeah, I'm fine!"
"Great. Well, come over here and we'll get you started. You'll start by working on your upper body." Dave led Whiskers to a wall where there were two pulleys, attached to weights on the other side of the wall.
"So, what do I do here?" Whiskers asked.
"You pull on these," Dave answered, demonstrating for Whiskers.
"Oh, I see! Lemme try…" Whiskers took one handle in each hand and began to pull. He discovered, though, that this took all the strength he could muster, and when he had pulled the cords their full length he found himself pulled right back to the wall. "Okay, I think I got it," Whiskers said proudly, though he was already out of breath.
"Great!" said Dave. "Well then, I'll see ya later. Happy muscles!"
Dave walked away, and Whiskers nodded. "Yeah, I hope so…" He pulled against the weights with all his might again, and was pulled back to the wall. He pulled again, and again he was pulled back. "Yeah, not too bad," Whiskers lied to himself, as he pulled with all his might away from the wall. What he failed to realize, however, was that a repairman was working on the other side of the wall, and just as he had pulled as far as he could the cords came loose and he zoomed foreword, crashing into the opposite wall.
The rest of his time at the gym wasn't much more successful, either. He tried bowling, but even after he had found a ball light enough for him to lift, he couldn't manage to hit a single pin. If flamingos counted as pins, however, he would have gotten several strikes. And when he tried running a treadmill, he ended up caught in the gears. How he managed that, even he couldn't say. One day, he watched as a very large alligator twice his size struggled to lift a very heavy dumbbell over his head, and whistled in amazement.
"Hey, how do you do that?" he asked. "Wow, that must take a lot of patience!"
"Yeah," the Alligator huffed back. "And a little muscle!"
"Oh yeah, I guess it does… say, think I could try?"
"Well… I don't think you'd have the patience for it," the alligator grumbled sarcastically.
"Maybe, but I do have the other thing—a little muscle. Ha, funny, huh?"
"Well, alright, shrimp," the alligator lowered the weight and turned to Whiskers. "Give it a try." He shoved the dumbbell into Whiskers hands.
Whiskers huffed and puffed, trying to lift the weight, but the dumbbell wouldn't go any higher and instead fell to the ground. Unfortunately, Whiskers didn't let go, and his arms were stretched all the way to the ground. It wasn't all that bad, considering how that night he was able to scratch his feet while he was lying in bed, without sitting up.
Two weeks later, Whiskers and Ed sat by the river, as Whiskers somberly tossed rocks into the water.
"Oh, Ed, I don't know what to do!" Whiskers sobbed. "I've been trying for two weeks, and I'm still not strong! I think I'm even weaker than before!"
"Well, Mr. Whiskers," Ed replied in his usual, slow way, "I don't claim to be an expert, but my guess is that not everyone responds to physical training. And I must say, I'm pretty surprised to see you working so hard at this. I mean, is getting even with some random bully really worth it?"
"Oh, no, Ed! This isn't about getting revenge! Well, it may have started that way, but now I'm trying to improve myself, to make myself a better bunny!"
"Well, Mr. Whiskers, I personally think there's really no need to improve yourself, but who am I to argue if you want to better yourself somehow. After all, plenty of people try to improve their lives with diet, exercise, a change in lifestyle, even using products created from the rainforest we live in."
Suddenly, a light went off and Whiskers got an idea. "Wait a minute…" he said, "I'd almost forgotten about that!"
"Eh, forgotten about what?" Ed asked.
"The rainforest! All those herbs and plants have different purposes, right?"
"Well, that's true, Mr. Whiskers, but I fail to see what this has to do with your problem."
Whiskers ignored Ed now, as he hopped up and down excitedly. "This is perfect!" he shouted excitedly. "Look out world, cause here comes the new and improved Whiskers!" Whiskers hopped away excitedly, leaving Ed sitting alone and confused.
"Um… was it something I said?"