Author's Note: This fic is what happens when you watch HSM2 with your roommate who loves Corbin and slash and knows you write fanfic- after the "I don't dance' number, she pouts at and begs you and tells you she'll leave you messages at you account and your live journal until you write her a Chad/Ryan fic. And then even when you tell her you don't write slash, and you've never written HSM, she just pouts more and begs again, so you give in
Thus, this is my first HSM fic and my first ever slash. I apologize if it sucks. It might. I don't even read much slash... and I'm not sure it... flows ok, but I did try for Megan.
So- Chad/Ryan slash, with swearing and implied past twincest and implied sex- so its an 'm' but its a light 'm'. Nothing graphic... but for theme and everything-slash and incest and swearing and all. Be warned.
Disclaimer: Obviously- I don't own HSM.
"You got game?"
"You'll never know."
'Oh I know'
'I'm not saying I'm going to dance in the show...but if I did what would you have me do?'
Ryan is lonely. It isn't new, its just worse. Usually, he has Sharpay and as impossible as she can be, she's always been there when it really matters. She understands him like no one else does. She loves him like he sure no one else ever will. And he knows- he knows they need some time apart. He knows they're too close, and that the whispers and the rumors aren't unfounded. He knows that the moments of secret touches and glances are far too many. He knows all of that, but still now that she's shut him out, now that she is devoting all her energy, attention and affection to Troy Bolton- Ryan is feeling lonely and empty.
Chad is bitter. No one ever told him that growing up meant your best friend would become some one you didn't recognize, and he doesn't like it. He's accepted the singing, he still doesn't understand it, but he's accepted he. He's accepted the dating of squeaky-clean Gabriella, even though the site of their handholding Mayberry wholesomeness does make him queasy. He doesn't even get post date recaps anymore because Gabriella 'isn't that type of girl'. But even though he's taken to taking Taylor just so they can all double date and he can actually see Troy once in awhile, he's accepted it. But what he cannot accept is this new Troy. This Italian shoe wearing, golf playing, Sharpay hanging out with, food sending back, blowing off his friends, Troy. That, Chad cannot accept. And it leaves him with a bitter taste in his mouth.
Ryan is in trouble. He's always known that he just might be this way. He's always known he's different. He's caught himself before, staring at other guys, mind almost drifting to fantasy before he stops himself. But this? This baseball camaraderie and long looks across the pitchers mound, and catching flashes of skin, too much skin, in the locker room, and switching outfits, and the teasing and the arms slung around shoulders and the dance moves, and this-this could be very real. It's impossible of course. He can't. The little rich white boy drama geek cannot fall for the ultra cool African American sports god guy. Interracial and Homosexual? He's pretty sure his parents would rather he slept with Sharpay. So he can't- of course he can't, but god how he wants too. He's in serious trouble.
Chad is confused. Because he likes girls doesn't he? He's got a little black book and a stack of pornos and he loves summer because the babes wear such skimpy clothes right? And when he gets the new car he is planning on sitting in the back seat with Taylor and trying to talk her out of her clothes isn't he? So why did he... flirt with Ryan? Was it even flirting? When he replays it in his mind it sounds flirty and innuendo laced, but that's impossible isn't it? So then why did he keep holding Ryan's gaze? And why in the locker room could he not tear his eyes away from Ryan's half naked body as he changed? And why the hell, when they decided it would be fun to switch outfits, and their hands touched passing them to each other, did a shiver run down his spine? And why is all he can think of Ryan and more ways to touch him? And why is he overanalyzing it all like a woman? He's straight. Of course he is. This is ridiculous. And even if he was gay, he could never, would never fall for a guy like Ryan would he? All these fantasies and new dreams and new found wants and desires mean nothing, because he's not gay. He's just confused... isn't he?
Ryan is selfish. Or at least he feels selfish because he's never had this much fun and he's never wanted anything so badly, so it must be wrong. But he's doing it anyway. He's adjusting Chad's legs and arms and upper body and his everything at rehearsal. He's having maintenance keep the temperature in the break room up, knowing Chad is the type to pull off his shirt as soon as it's hot. He's agreeing to meet for batting practice or at the pool or anywhere else really, so they can 'hang out,'. He's seeing him multiple times a day now, and he still wants more. The meetings have become more like dates, and the atmosphere is charged and he's pretty sure Chad can feel it too. They keep locking eyes and grazing hands and maybe it's not so impossible after all. Maybe its worth it because he can't get enough of this game they're playing, this dance they're doing-the most exhilarating dance Ryan has ever done. And one day, when they're sitting on the baseball diamond, just sitting and talking for hours like they've been doing all week- Ryan can't take it anymore. He goes after what he wants; he pulls Chad to him roughly and kisses him, screw the consequences. And when Chad kisses him back, Ryan thinks maybe being selfish isn't such a bad thing after all.
Chad is rebelling. He's rebelling against himself and his reputation, against Troy and the team, against that part of him that denies he could feel this way or do this at all, against everything he's thought until right this now at this moment. Because this? This is new and exciting and dangerous and -fuck- the best feeling he's ever known and this he thinks he could do forever. This is intoxicating. This moving fast, so fast, but he doesn't care because Ryan's mouth is amazing and his hands are electric and all Chad wants to do is pull them closer and closer to each other-and all these damn clothes are just in the way. Because this feels like something he's been waiting for his whole life. This is needy and hungry and passionate like nothing he's ever known or felt or even imagined. And he knows there is no turning back now, but it doesn't matter, because this is his rebellion, and it changes everything.
Ryan is brave. It's new to him, this bravery thing. But some how he finds the strength to stand up to his sister. She calls him a traitor and asks when he became 'one of them'. She looks at him like she doesn't even know him anymore. And maybe she doesn't, because he's never done so much with out her, never had so many secrets from her. In the past few weeks his whole world has changed and she's not its focus anymore. Looking at her, he almost feels guilty. He thinks he's falling in love, and she doesn't even know. He hasn't even told her, and how can that be when he's always told her everything? But then, he remembers why he can' tell her. She shut him out. She chose Troy, she abandoned him. So he stands his ground and locks eyes with her and says,
"I'll take that as a compliment" and walks away. He can't wait to tell Chad how brave he's just been.
Chad is secretive. He's never been very good at keeping secrets, but even though they've never really talked about it, they both know this isn't something they should broadcast. So he hangs with the guys and 'scopes out chicks'. When Taylor walks past, swinging her hips and saying something flirty- he responds and forces a smirk or a grin, texting Ryan under the table the whole time. Because they are in constant communication now. He finds himself wanting to tell Ryan everything about his day, from mean customers to the car adds he saw. It's like a best friend x10 and he wonders how no one can see it. He knows he's been grinning too much lately, certainly much more than he had been, ever since he fought with Troy. But these days he's smiling and he almost feels glowy and it amazes him that no one has called him on it. But no one is asking so he keeps up the act and keeps the secret. Because maybe the world isn't ready for them yet.
Ryan is jealous. Not that he didn't want Chad and Troy to make up. He wants to Chad to be happy, of course he does. But if this summer has taught him anything it's that he is no match for Troy. He's afraid that loosing Chad to Troy too just might kill him. There is this terrifying moment, when they're reconciling, when Ryan feels Chad has forgotten he's there. When he's petrified that Chad has been swept up in the glory of Troy. Troy who's everything Ryan's not, Troy who always wins, and Ryan is so tired of loosing. But then, Chad swings an arm around his shoulders, and grins, and praises his baseball skills. Ryan can't help it-he beams. Troy shoots them a look that seams to speak volumes. And later, when Chad shows how happy he is with extra affectionate kisses, Ryan realizes that jealous is just another way to say insecure.
Chad is nervous. The anxiety is forming a ball in the bit of his stomach and he's pacing. Because Troy keeps shooting him these looks- these eyebrow's raised, questioning looks. Now that Troy is paying attention again, he can tell something is up. So when he goes off with Kelsi practice his new song, Chad pulls Ryan into the nearest closet and they work through his stress. But as their stumbling out later, they run, smack into Troy. He levels them a long look and there is a moment of silence, then turns to Ryan and says,
"I guess I don't have to worry about you and Gabriella." And then he looks at Chad and asks simply, 'are you happy?" and Chad reaches over and grabs Ryan's hand for courage and says,
'Yes'. And then Troy nods, and amazingly that's pretty much it. There are some awkward comments and questions, but Troy seems to understand, or maybe just accept, and that's all Chad needs. Then he looks over at Ryan and grins. He doesn't know what he was so nervous about; these days he's a pretty lucky guy.
Ryan is loved.
"I've missed you Ryan'" Sharpay breathes throwing her arms around him after the talent show, the show she awarded him winner of, '"and I'm so sorry" she says, when she pulls back and looks into his eyes, Ryan call tell she means it. Then she babbles on about Troy and about how she wanted to prove to herself she could get him and be normal, and that she wasn't just some freak who practically made out with her brother in corners when no one was looking. "I just wanted to be normal, and I thought Troy was the only way," she says, looking at him pleadingly. He forgives her. He understands more than she thinks. After some tears and hugs, he sits her down and tells her all the things he's been dying to tell her for weeks about Chad and love and she listens, and when she says she's happy for him, he knows she means it. They cuddle on the couch for a while, and she tells him about maybe giving Zeke another chance, and he knows he'll be ok-they'll be ok. Later he finds Chad and in between banter and kisses and hands in just the right places, Chad whispers,
"I think I'm falling in love with you Ryan," and the best day of Ryan's life gets even better.
Chad is happy. Deliriously, can't stop grinning happy. He's a fool in love cliché and he doesn't care. This has been the best summer of his life, even though it turned out nothing like he planned. He's never been one for 'what does it all mean' type thoughts, but he can't help thinking that if Troy and Sharpay hadn't ditched him and Ryan, they never would have found each other- something he now finds unimaginable. So maybe everything happens for a reason after all. Although, now that they're all friends again he supposes it doesn't really matter. He knows at one point he'll need to tell people, his parents, and probably Taylor, and it might just be awful. But he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it. For right now, all he wants to do is lay here, on the ground with Ryan, feet touching and hands locked, starring up at the stars. They're talking about their days and their families, about their pasts and their futures, about anything at all really. They're occasionally turning their heads in for a kiss, or a whispered declaration of love. It's the simplest thing in the world and Chad has never been happier.