Chapter 57: The Big Anticlimax

The crew of the Black Pearl, the Great Ship Willabeth and the HMS Sparrabeth I all tumbled into 'teh 3 swans in' at around the same time, still shouting, still sword fighting; a rabble of yelling, moving violence that made their way to the back of the bar, and down the steps to the basement, pushing each other out of the way in their haste.

"We've got to stop things going all un-canon!" Willabether Captain Anne cried.

"We've got to get Jack and Elizabeth together!" Sparrabether Captain Abby cried.

"We've got to get my pen!" Temporary Captain PoeticPoetry2 cried.

When they all got into the basement, they were sorely disappointed. There was nobody here; just Clara suspended from the ceiling, and a dead body in the corner. The body of Cutler Beckett. Confused, the fighting stopped immediately; the echoes dying down in seconds.

"Well, what are you waiting for?!" Clara demanded, "Get me down from here!"


Will: So... I guess xXoRLXx is ours now! We have the pen, so we can do whatever we want with it!

"Oh, but do any of us have any good plot ideas?" Elizabeth mused.

"Well," Jack said, and everyone else groaned, but he continued regardless, "I think that me and Anamaria should find a bucketful of treasure and end up living in a massive mansion just off of Tortuga, and we have this lavish wedding with no expenses spared, and then we go home where we have eleventeen kids and..."

Davy: We've heard this one, Jack. Endlessly.

Tia: I thought you always wanted to be at sea? And what's to say Anamaria would play ball anyway?

"I'm Captain Jack!" Jack said, proudly, "Of course Anamaria loves me! She can't resist me! And yeah, I'll still sail, and dear Ana can stay at home with the kiddies..."

"You sexist pig," Elizabeth said, but she was laughing.

Davy: Looks like we've got a bright future of whatever we want ahead of us, then. It's all good... for once.

"Well, not a bright future of whatever we want. A bright future of whatever I want," Jack said, waving the pen in Davy's face, "And as the keeper of the Pen, I think that you should get a sex-change and fall in love with Maccus, and have many beautiful babies. And when I say 'beautiful', what I really should say is 'fishy'..."

Davy: Sod off! (he steps forwards to try and grab the pen off of Jack)

"Jack, you can't always keep the pen, that's not very fair, is it?" Barbossa said with a scary smile, drawing his cutlass. Davy pulled out his as well. Will, feeling left out, pulled out a sword. Elizabeth, following her love, pulled a sword out also.

"Hey, hey! Stop with the swords, all of you!" Jack said, pulling his own cutlass out.

Will: Can you at least get us out of script form?

"Eh... nah. I don't think there's much point. It'll be easier to beat you if you have limited movement," Jack said, waving his sword in Will's face.

Tia: All of you! Stop it! We have to work together, you arses! How else are we going to map out a future that makes us all happy?!

"Easy. We're not. We're going to map out a future that makes me happy," Jack said with a smirk. He turned to Barbossa. "Hmm, now what do I see in store for Barbossa? An angry old wife who you left on land who comes rushing in complaining about how rubbish at sex you are, methinks..."

"Give that pen here!" Barbossa growled, bringing his sword down on Jack's cutlass.

Will: Jack, I just want me and Elizabeth to be happy, with one son called William and a nice little cottage by the seaside, and...

"Are you kidding, Will?!" Elizabeth asked, "I was only pretending to be happy with that rubbish little island you left me on. I want a big manor like the place I used to live... oh, and Jack, please bring my daddy back..."

"Hmm..." Jack tapped his chin, "I think we can compromise. You can live in a cave that is decorated with portraits of your father stark naked – doesn't that sound nice? And your son can be born with dreadlocks and dark brown eyes..." He smirked, "And I reckon Will can have a little accident one day, and poor, lonely Elizabeth goes looking for company; that French Cheval fellow seemed quite – uh, nice... Or what about Jimmylegs?"

"Jack, come on," Bootstrap said, rolling his eyes.

"Jack!" Elizabeth whined.

Tia: All of you, do you mind...

Davy: Jack, stop being an ass! We've all worked for this together!

"Yeah, but I was the one that got the pen in the end, wasn't I?" Jack said with a smirk, "So if you want it... you'd better come get it!" And with that, he turned and ran off down the street. Barbossa took up chase immediately, waving his sword inches behind of Jack. Will dived after them, holding Elizabeth's hand, Bootstrap was close behind, and Davy came after too, crab-leg throwing sparks off of the cobblestones. Jack turned and clashed swords with Barbossa for a second, and then turned and had to fend of Davy too.

Tia: All of you! Stop it! (runs after them)

"We all worked together for this! What the hell, Jack?!" Bootstrap asked.

"Hmm... I sense much Marlene-ness in my upcoming masterpiece, Bootstrap," Jack smirked, "And maybe even a walking-in-on-Elizabeth-naked incident..."

"Ugh," Bootstrap wrinkled his nose.

"I think, though, in my story, Tia's going to have bigger breasts," Jack said, "And my dear Lizzy can end up stranded outside wearing nothing but her undergarments... oh, oh! I have an idea! And we cant forget Will's eunuchy-ness, can we...?!"

"Jack!" Elizabeth squealed, but she couldn't stop a giggle.

"You're just being a prat now," Barbossa said, rolling his eyes, but a small smile came onto his face too. Tia ran into the scene, trying to get them all to stop fighting, but she suddenly found that they were all laughing. Laughing merrily, joyfully, happily. That was a prize in itself, happiness.

And that is where we leave our heroes. But it's still not over yet... but nearly, folks. Nearly there now.


When I said that all of the people down in the cellar were disappointed, one person wasn't. PoeticPoetry2. She felt a tapping on her shoulder, and spun around, though she felt upset. She found James there, smiling at her; he hadn't left the cellar yet.

James: (gently) I think this is yours...

"Ohmygod!" PP2 squealed, as he handed her the pen she had been looking for all of this time, "Oh, thank you James, thank you!" She looked up at him with a big smile, and then skipped off, probably going back to her own story. James smiled at her. He was going to give this story a happy ending, no matter what it took.

The Willabethers and Sparrabethers, having found nobody here to ship, had simply shrugged and decided to settle their differences over a drink and nipple piercings of friendship. He could hear them now, chattering above him in the pub. But he knew that before long, they'd all be arguing again – it was just the way Willabeth and Sparrabeth was. It only worked one way or the other.

There was one person left. He turned around, to face Clara, sitting by Beckett's body, looking strangely alone.

"I'll bring you back, Beckett," She was muttering, taking the pen from his lifeless hands, "You just wait and see..." James walked up to her and squatted down next to her, cocking his head.

James: It's too late for that, Clara.

"Why?" Clara demanded.

James: (smiling) Because it's...

The end.


NB: That's it, everyone! The ride is over! It's the end of the xXoCeaNRoMaNCeLoVeXx line! Wont you all feel the pain of no longer having it in your life? Heh, jokes... still! It was fun while it lasted! As for a sequel, I'm still not sure about it - don't want to kill the story, folks. No, I think xXoRLXx is a one-off... for now. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone to left their kind comments! Thank you for concrit and thank you for love!

Leave your final comments bidding adieu, and, of course, check out my other stories because plugplugplug etc. Only joking... let us all hope that the fandom wil be free of the Sues, typos and nonexistant plotlines once and for all! But somehow, I doubt it, fellow writers; but that's what makes it all the more amusing to write about them. Be sure to check out the Hall of Fame forum, they're all incredibly nice over there.

I'm not a big fan of overly long A/N's including canon characters popping up and talking nonsense, soooo... I suppose this is where I leave you! So long, farewell, and have good and productive lives! For it is now... the end!

squeeks x