Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are copyright of J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros., and they were used without permission. However, they were used with consideration and with no intention of making money. This story is simply an appreciative fan's attempt at writing something to contribute to the world of Harry Potter.
Author's Note: Deathly Hallows spoilers ensue. This story is being written as a response to JKR's comment in an interview where she said if Snape could choose to live his life over, he would choose Lily over the Death Eaters. So, that said, this is obviously AU.
Rated PG-13 for thematical reasons, language, and mild sexual references.
Sindie Presents a Harry Potter Fanfic:
The Moment It Began
The moment when everything comes back
To the moment it began, And round and round in circles we go,
Dizzy and high-flying; it's pure ecstasy.
Blurred vision didn't hinder the decision
To jump off the cliff of reality - Diving, dwelling into blue waters of bliss
And lunacy some label imagination.
Remember the talks and the holding of hands,
How the swelling feeling, well, it's swell.
Expands to... oh, hell -
Does it really matter, anyway?
And then, so insanely, believe it or not,
The moment again: Everything comes back to the moment it began.
That was the last thing he saw before everything went black.
The blackness was thick, almost like a solid mass pressing on all sides of his body. (Did he still even have a body?) At first, he panicked because he couldn't breathe, but then he supposed breathing wasn't really necessary now that he was dead. He couldn't be sure how long he remained in this state of being in this place and time - if there was any such thing as either of those after life.
But then, the surrounding pressure lessened gradually and kept decreasing, until the point of nothingness, of weightlessness. The blackness turned dark grey to grey to light grey to white, so blindingly white.
His initial impression that he was in hell was now questionable. Heavy blackness could constitute hell, but light, both in terms of mass and brightness?
In front of him materialized a pair of eyes. He had been hoping for green ones, but piercing blue was better than malevolent red. The vividness and sharpness of them was unreal, but those eyes no longer belonged to the living Albus Dumbledore, so their quality could be extraordinary if the laws of super-nature allowed, if there were any such laws.
"Severus," the old man uttered blankly.
Severus Snape found he could nod, but to find his voice was proving difficult. He exhaled, realizing he could breathe again, oddly enough. That one exhalation felt like he was releasing years of pent up anger, frustration, bitterness, sadness, and anything negative he had experienced in life. He breathed in and found himself filled with a strange, almost foreign sensation - hope?
Finally finding his voice, Severus replied, "Dumbledore."
"Yes, my boy," Dumbledore said simply.
Even though he felt better than he had in years, Severus's prickly personality was still there, so he found himself growing quickly annoyed with the old codger's purposefully vague manner.
"What," he asked pointed, "do you want, Dumbledore? Are you here to issue me to the 'other side,' as it were?"
Dumbledore, in spite of himself, chuckled. "How are you feeling, my dear boy?" came the inquiry from the bearded lips.
With a withering sigh, Severus groaned, "Actually quite well... better than that, in fact, but you still haven't answered my question. If I'm dead, I assume this is the afterlife, and you're here as a sort of required guide."
There was that inane chuckling again. Severus scowled deeply, crossing his arms over his chest, surprised for the first time that he still had a body.
"Well, you see, Severus, that is what I'd like to discuss with you. Few are given the chance to return, to do things over again, but every so often, the Powers That Be grant that special privilege to a person."
His dark brow furrowed, Severus asked, "What are you talking about, Dumbledore?"
Dumbledore's jovial expression left, replaced by a sober one. "You have been dealt a difficult hand to play in life, Severus. Your life was never yours to live, and I am sorry for the part I took in enslaving you to yet another master to serve. You made mistakes, yes, but you did more than enough to right any wrongs you've committed, and yet, your life was still unfairly cut short in a cruel, horrible way. Just when you could have finally been free, you died mere hours before Harry finally defeated Lord Voldemort. What I'm trying to say, my boy, is this: If you were given the chance to live your life over, would you?"
Puzzled, thinking this a joke, a game, for it had to be impossible, Severus said softly, unable to look into Dumbledore's eyes, "Yes, I would... There are so many things I'd change." He paused, remembering his awful childhood, but then meeting Lily, and how she was the light in the darkness of his world. For a few short years, they had been best friends, but he remembered the day when he had ended that sacred connection forever by uttering one word: Mudblood.
"It all fell apart that day I called Lily..." he murmured, unable to finish the sentence.
"Yes," Dumbledore said sadly, nodding slowly. "What you've called your worst memory, if I'm not mistaken."
Severus glared at Dumbledore sharply. "No, you're not mistaken, Dumbledore. So what of it? Are you trying to tell me you have the power to send me back, that I can do things over again? That's impossible."
"I don't possess that power," Dumbledore said serenely, "but there are powers far greater than any man can understand. Yes, Severus, you can return if you like. You will, however, retain all your memories from your past life. Even though you think knowing what you've done wrong may benefit you in this new life, you may find those old memories haunting. Are you sure you wish to return?"
Severus considered for a time, whether long or short, he couldn't tell. Finally, he said, "Yes."
"Very well," Dumbledore replied, smiling. "Good luck, Severus."
Severus made to blink, and when he opened his eyes, he was dressed as a student once again, outside on the Hogwarts grounds on a sunny afternoon in early summer. He looked over his shoulder and saw James Potter and his gang approaching. He knew the exact date.
This was the day of his worst memory, when everything had spiraled down, down, down afterward.
Author's Note: This chapter was replaced on 06/13/16 with this important update on my writing:
Important update! Some of you have expressed an interest in reading something original by me. Well, I've finally done it! I've spent the past year or so writing an original story called Hannah's Rainbow: Every Color Beautiful. It's gone through several edits and is currently being read by a few friends in its final draft before I submit it to agents. My goal is to get this story published. I'm already working on a spin-off novel. You can find more information on my website here: wordpress.c o m (username "sindie11"/remove spaces) and sign up on my Facebook page for my story here to get updates: facebook.c o m(slash)grandmasrainbowbook (remove spaces) . You can also find my story on Wattpad (username "CyndiHilston"). I will be adding a new chapter each week, up to the first then chapters. Since links won't post correctly on here, you can also go to my profile page and find the links near the top. Thanks!
Here is a description of the book:
Hannah's Rainbow: Every Color Beautiful
(formerly Grandma's Rainbow)
Set in twentieth century Cleveland, Ohio, Hannah's lifelong story is painted with the colors of her relationships with her family, from an alcoholic brother, to a fatherless husband, to a career-focused son, creating a picture that shows life's hardest lessons are the most worthwhile.
Family-devoted Hannah Rechthart learns at a young age that family dynamics are complicated as she discovers that her child-hating aunt and uncle are more than just caricatures and that jealously over losing Amy, her confidant and oldest sister, to marriage are just the beginning of the path that leads to an unexpected close friendship with her brother, Harry. A few years later, caught up in the world of double dating and extravagant, wild parties during Prohibition, Hannah and Harry's relationship is forever changed when his alcoholic tendencies threaten to tear their family apart.
As the Depression looms, Hannah's life takes a positive turn once she falls in love with and marries Edward Grunner, but she soon discovers that Edward's deep-seeded loathing of his absent father while growing up will haunt them as they become parents and find heartbreak when their son, Glen, chooses his career over his family.
In every generation, Hannah struggles to be the strong one to hold her family together, but as she faces her own mortality, she is left wondering: what remains when everything else falls away?
Hannah's Rainbow: Every Color Beautiful is a women's fiction novel that is loosely based on my late grandmother's life, complete at 109,000 words.