"Zetzu-san! Zetzu-san!" Tobi cried, obviously looking distressed. The plant man looked up, eyes narrowing.
"What, Tobi?" he growled.
Tobi paused to catch his breath. He wiped some sweat from his brow, breathed some more. Zetzu got more and more irritated by the minute.
"WHAT IS IT, TOBI?!" he finally roared, Tobi jumping at least five feet into the air at this sudden burst of noise.
"Itachi and Kisame are trying to kill each other!"
Zetzu straitened up considerably. "What? What happened?"
"Well, they were walking down the hall, and being all normal, and Itachi suggested that Kisame come to his room and then Itachi was going to turn off all the lights and I don't think Kisame knows because he was acting all happy and then they went into the room and they locked the door and I heard some scary noises and then they stopped!"
Zetzu gave Tobi a long, hard look. "I don't think you want to interrupt them, Tobi."
"But what if Itachi killed Kisame?!" Tobi cried, obviously in distress that Zetzu didn't care.
Zetzu rolled his eyes. "Fine. We'll go see what's happening, if it'll shut you up and get you the hell off my back."
Tobi nodded. "Yep."
The two of them shuffled down the hall, and Zetzu rapped lightly on Itachi's door. There was some shuffling, and faint voices could be heard conversing to each other behind the door. Finally, Itachi opened the door. He seemed to be wearing Kisame's pants and no shirt, and his hair was highly disheveled.
"What?" Itachi said, voice full of venom. "I was in… the middle of something."
"Tobi thinks you're killing Kisame, and he won't leave me alone until I show you some proof that he's alive."
"He can't come to the door right now." Itachi grumbled, running a hand through his hair.
"Then drag him to the door if you have to."
"Because I'd need the rope cutters."
Deidara happened to be passing by and only had to take one glance to get what was going on. "You tied him to the bed, hmm? You dog!" Deidara said, though his voice was appreciative.
"Getting my limbs bitten off is not what I'd call a pleasurable experience." Itachi explained. Zetzu, not wanting to get involved in the conversation, had returned to his meal of human fingers.
"What?! What's going on?!" Tobi cried. "I don't get it!"
Itachi glanced at Deidara, who glanced back.
"Mind telling him, Deidara?" Itachi said, smiling.
"Ahh. I'd love to."
Tobi cocked his head to one side like a confused puppy. "Huh?"
"Tobi, if you'd step into my room, please?" Deidara said, grabbing his arm and pulling him into his room. Before he shut the door, he peeked his head out. "Zetzu, mind fetching me the lube?"
"Get it yourself, you sick bastard." Zetzu grumbled.
Deidara frowned, and then closed the door.
And there was silence.
A few hours later, Itachi and Kisame were sitting on the couch watching the small black and white TV, sipping water. Deidara was making a new sculpture. Zetzu was still eating his meal.
Pein walked into the room. "Back from my errand." He said, laying down the shopping bags. "You guys do anything while I was gone?"
"Watched TV." Itachi and Kisame said, at the same time.
"Practiced flying, hmm." Deidara said, glancing at his work.
"Nothing." Zetzu said.
Pein nodded. "Good. Wait a sec, where's Tobi?"
Tobi was sitting in the darkest corner of the room, knees to his chest, rocking back and forth and muttering something. Pein slowly walked over.
"Tobi's a good boy, Tobi's a good boy, Tobi's a good boy…" Tobi whispered.
Pein frowned, and then glanced at the others. "Okay, what'd you do to him?" he grumbled.
"Nothing, hmm." Deidara said, suppressing a smile. "He was like that when I found him."