--Evangelion OST II, Track 03: Borderline Case--

Is this what death feels like?

The first coherent thought to come to Shinji Ikari's mind in the last hour (or century or millennium for that matter) was strangely ambivalent, given the situation he found himself in.

It wasn't so much that he didn't care if he was alive or not, but more that he just didn't know and was curious to find out.

Feeling returned to his limbs, he felt as if he was lying on an infinitely soft pillow. Somehow he knew he was naked, but it seemed an utter irrelevancy as he opened his eyes. The sky above him was a red, wavering night sky, almost as if he was submerged deep under the surface of an ocean. The moon hovered above him, far closer then he knew it should be, though when he blinked to clear his eyes, he found that the Earths only natural satellite had been replaced by a more familiar figure.

Rei Ayanami's face hovered above his own, looking down at him with a curious expression as her hair fluttered, almost like it was caught in some current he couldn't feel. The rational part of his mind, still in the grip of an inhuman calm noted that she was sitting on him and –in- him in a way that probably wasn't quite right, but somehow felt utterly correct given everything that had happened since he had woken up today.

"Ayanami... where are we?"

"This is the sea of LCL... The primordial soup of life" she replied softly. "A world without AT Fields... without your own shape. An ambiguous world where it is impossible to tell where you end and other people start. A fragile world where you exist everywhere, and thus exist nowhere."

Shinji allowed his thoughts to drift as he considered Rei's words with a feeling of supreme detachment. Somehow he knew she was telling the truth, he could feel her, ever so gently holding his mind, his sense of self aloof from the siren call of what was now humanity, allowing him to think clearly, even as memories that were not his own burned into him from that mass of noise…

"Have I died?" he asked in a tone of mild curiosity, part of him not really caring about the answer.

"No" Rei allowed with the slightest shake of her head, setting her blue hair waving. "Everything has just been joined into one. This is the world you have been hoping for... your world".

My world he thought to himself. This is what I wanted…what was it he had said again? Oh yes, 'nobody wants me, everyone should just die'. That was what I had decided.

And his decision had been granted, the small rational part of his mind decided. Every person on Earth had died and been reborn into the primordial soup. No longer existing as individuals…but as everything…and nothing…nothing…nothing…

No barriers between him…between Rei sitting on top of him…and he knew if he relaxed into that siren song Rei was holding him apart from, he would have nothing between him and Askua, Mistao, Father…

So then, who was he?

If there was no difference between him and everyone else, who was Shinji Ikari? Who was Asuka Langley Soryu? Who was Misato Katsuragi? Who was Gendo Ikari?

Was there any difference then, between humans at all?

Or was this the ultimate trap? By running, to get away from everyone, would he would he end up becoming one with everyone? To the point that he no longer existed?

"But... this isn't right. I don't think this is right" he said in confusion, that slowly solidified into an absolutely serine knowledge that this was all one, big, lie.

"If you wish once more for the existence of others, the barriers of the heart will separate everyone once more" Rei pointed out softly, studying his face intently, no longer disinterested. "And the fear of other people will begin again."

"I know" Shinji admitted, slowly reaching up to gently touch her arms at the elbows. Understanding him, she in turn straightened up from where she had been leaning over him, her hands which had been somehow deep inside him, withdrawing to gently grip his own. Curiously, Shinji felt Rei's own presence becoming distant from him at the same time, from where it had been cradling his mind almost lovingly, along with the background "noise" of humanity filtered through her mind. "But I wish it…I just wish…I could go back…I think now…I could find value in my life. I think it would be worth living…"

Rei inclined her head ever so slightly as she studied him…then she arched her back suddenly, closing her eyes as her hands held his tightly.

Somehow, through her mind, Shinji saw the enormous figure of Rei, of Lilith also, arching its back in pain or ecstasy, the slightest gasp escaping its mouth as its enormous white wings were joined, then intertwined an equally titanic spread of golden wings as a sound like Unit 01 roaring started to overlay everything. Sharing the Angels awareness for that brief time, Shinji's mind shuddered back from that awesome being as incomprehensible forces were unleashed by his final decision in Third Impact, reaching out across infinity.

Stars, nebulas, Galaxies, all appeared to shudder to a halt as everything went dim, as if the universe itself was closing its eyes for one enormous sneeze-