Can I Have A Kiss?
I walked up to her door for the fifth time that night. I couldn't help but be my nervous self. Kyo had it so easy with his rash thinking and random out burst. The cat didn't have a shameful bone in his body. I wasn't sure why I was at her damn door at 8:00 at night, but I've been thinking of random reasons for the past half hour, every time I come up with one I talk myself out of it. There really wasn't a reason for him to see or talk to her only…to be near her. To know that she was, in fact, there. I raised my hand and tapped the wood with my pale knuckles. Maybe I could think of something I want from her…homework? That works or maybe a pencil…
The door opened revealing the small girl before me. She has been staying with us for two years now and she's matured but her kindness and personality is still the same though she filled out more. She looked more like a woman now. She looked up at me with her bright blue eyes, she still had on her white sun dress from today, and in her hands was a book. She smiled up at me,
"Hello, Yuki-san! What brings you here?" Her face was so cute I was at a loss for words. My excuse flew through the window. I racked my brain for something to say or do but nothing came, only the familiar heat of embarrassment on my cheeks. Damn it! I put a hand on the door frame as if to balance myself. Her face turned to worry as she placed a loving hand on my forehead, her face close to mine.
"Is Yuki-kun feeling alright?" God, how I loved hearing her say my name. She just started saying it instead of 'Sohma-kun' not too long ago. My eyes fell to her full pink lips. I have every desire rise up in me just to capture them with my own. Of course I have no idea what brought this on but what ever it was, it sparked my skin as thought of where the kiss could lead… Shit, teenage hormones are such a bother! But her lips…would she mind?
Excuse me for this
I just want a kiss
I just want to know what it feels like to touch
Something so pure
Something I'm so sure of
What it feels like to stand outside your door
Usually it was easy to just talk to her out of random during school, because it was school. There were tons to talk about. But here, alone; I just couldn't think of a reason why I would be at her door. It's amazing how she could get a whole family –a cursed family- to fall in love with her in merely year and a half. She was our angel. She saved us from ourselves. And I fall more and more in love with this naïve woman everyday.
"Is there something that Yuki-kun needed?" She asked a small smile on her face. I smiled back but felt myself lean closer to her, my hand still on the door frame
"Tohru…" I said softly as I watched her smile brighten at me using her name. She was perfect and I…I was a coward, running from my fate of being the Rat. Running from Akito. I was useless. I was cursed and she was normal. I was a Sohma and she…she was everything I wanted. I want to be able to have confidence in myself like she has in me.
And when she looks at me with those big blue eyes, I know she sees someone that I wish I could be. I wanted for so long to hold her, to tell her that I could be just like everyone else. That I could be someone that she would want, every time she was with that despicable feline, I wanted to just shout it but….I was too afraid.
I can see you're above me
But I can be lovely given the chance
"I just wanted to say good night." I answered smoothly. She nodded and looked up at me. Good night? That was the best I could think of? I'm obviously loosing my touch. Some Prince I am.
"Oh okay then," She said, her smile never faltered. Then her eyes went wide, "Oh no! Kyo-kun's still on the roof, I better go get him. Kyo-kun might hurt his back sleeping on there." I felt myself glare at the unseen Kyo. Why couldn't she think about me? I'm right here and she thinks about that damn cat. I looked down at her lips once more and acted on impulse. My hand, which rested on the door frame, went to her cheek and caressed the soft skin lightly with my pale fingers. Her smile changed and her eyes went wide. She looked like a deer caught in head lights. I smiled down at her.
"Yuki-kun…?" She said softly, I could feel her breath on my hand. I lean down, my eyes focused on hers. Her pink lips were now relaxed, she was still confused. I kept her hand on her cheek then moved it down to the back of her neck. My lips were merely centimeters away,
"Good night, Tohru-kun." I said softly, I felt her gasp. Just one more movement and…
I want to remember you just like this
It's only a breath or two between our lips
"Tohru! Have you seen my black shirt? I can't find it!" The most annoying and loud voice yelled from the bottom of the stairs. The sounds of bounding footsteps were heard as an orange head appeared from around the corner of the hall. Tohru pulled away from my hand, her face red with a deep blush.
"I-I think it's in the l-laundry room, Kyo-kun." She walked out to him. He gave her a confused look,
"Hey, what's wrong with you? You sick or somethin'?" He placed his hand on Tohru's forehead. Tohru shook her head,
"Oh no, I'm fine! I just tripped over something when I was in my room in front of Yuki-kun and I got a bit embarrassed, nothing to worry about!" She babbled and smiled at him. I glared at them. Their constant casualty together irritated me, and made me sick. My vision almost turned green just looking at Kyo and her talking as if they were the best of friends…or lovers. My heart retched at the thought. He would smile at something she says while she laughs at his blush. And me? I was standing here, saying nothing. Like always, I was pushed back into my solitude once more like a forgotten toy to a toddler.
I felt myself put on the mask that I knew all to well. That perfected sculpted mask that showed people that I was just fine, that I was indeed the Prince. But there was still me, banging against the dark walls of my mind, wanting to yell and rant, to hit Kyo and take Tohru. But he was soon silenced as he was huddled back into his dark corner. I walked by them and gave a slight bow,
"Good night." I said, smiled a fake smile and walked back to my room. I felt Tohru's eyes on my back as I left, and the sound of Kyo's voice,
"What the hell's wrong with him?"
I closed my door and leaned against it. I was so close but was pushed aside…No! I will not lose to that fucking cat. Never. I will get my kiss.
I know why you left
I can't blame you myself
Must be hard living with a ghost in such an empty shell
The next day was like any other. Of course I woke up at the table with an empty bowl of miso soup, bones of a cat fish and a full stomach. It was Saturday at last but I couldn't shake or sleep of my resentment towards Kyo. It was impossible to compete with his free-spirited ways and attracting personality. I wasn't that kind of person nor would I ever be. I turned and smiled at Tohru,
"Would you like to accompany me to the secret base," I paused for a minute, "Honda-san?" She eyes widened then she turned to me, she had a smile but the look in her eyes said everything. It was as if she was hurt. Shigure looked up from his paper to her then turned to me giving me a knowing glance.
"That would be great," She also paused as the light left her eyes, "Sohma-san." She stood, "I'll go get my shoes." She gave one last sad smile and walked out of the room. My heart felt like it was being rung out. All of the sudden I felt sick. Kyo glared at me then grabbed the front of my shirt.
"What the hell was that about?! What's wrong with you?! Do you enjoy hurting her?!" He yelled passionately. I glared at him then my fist connected with his jaw sending his face to the side. He brought his hand to cup his hurt mouth.
"Don't you ever say that again." How dare he even think I would enjoy hurting Tohru. I am not Akito. I turned a heel and went to the main door leaving an angered cat behind. Tohru was standing there waiting patiently in her new yellow sun dress my idiotic brother made her. As much as I hate to compliment anything he makes, the dress looks good on her. She wore her hair in two pigtails resting on her shoulders and on the side of her head she wore the yellow ribbons I gave her for White Day. I smiled at her. I loved it when she wore those, it made me feel like what I gave her was special.
"Ready to go?" She smiled back at me and lift a small basket,
"Yep, I even packed some snacks." I opened the door for her, my smile never fading. She was just so perfect. She walked out, the golden sun gleaming off her brown locks that draped down her back. She put her arm through the handle of the brown basket then secured the top. I raised an eyebrow. She turned and smiled at me.
"I'll race you." She said. My eyes went wide then I let out a chuckle. I walked up next to her,
"And what are the stakes?" I said smoothly. It surprised me that she would want to race me, knowing that I was much faster and stronger then her. She placed a small finger on her chin, thinking. She smiled and looked at me, her blue eyes excited.
"Mom and I sometimes raced in many things and the winner always got what my mom called a "limitless favor". Which means whenever and whatever the person asks, you have to do it." My eyes went wide again. Whatever they ask? Of course she only played this with her mother but what if….What if she played it wit some other boys? They could do what ever they pleased it they won. Then again…she was racing me….No! I am not Shigure.
"Mom always had me do the chores she didn't like, like taking out the trash and cleaning the floor." She smiled again. I nodded.
"Okay then, let the best man win." She giggled then I caught myself, "Well you know what I meant." She giggled again then got into a cute racing pose.
"Ready?" She nodded, "Set…..Go!" We both took off, the wind blowing back our hair as we ran. She still kept her loving smile as we ran into the woods where my garden lay. This is all I ever wanted. To be care-free. To have a friend to play with, to have person who would be with me as if it was the most natural thing in the world. She was giving me what I wanted as a child and I adored her for it. I could do this forever. But…
I was the rat.
There was no such thing as forever with another person. Akito would never allow it. Because he was god and I was his 'favorite'. But at least I could treasure this freedom…even just for a little while.
I tried to warn you
I've been a mess since you've known me
I can't promise forever
But I'm working on it
She was actually pretty fast considering but I could win. I smirked and let her run next to me; even slowed down so she was a bit in front of me. She laughed and continued running, we were almost to the garden and I sped up, making it to my secret base first. She stopped running and swayed a bit then plopped down on the lush green grass, fell back to that she was laying down. I bent over her small form.
"I win." I said smiling down at her flushed face as her chest rose and fell with each breath. She giggled and sat up. I sat next to her as she opened her basket and pulled out two small water bottles. She handed one to me.
"Good thing I brought these." She opened her and sipped some. I took the water bottle and opened it. It was nice and cool even though the beginning summer heat was radiating. I took a drink and turn over to my garden where the strawberries grew. They were almost ready. I heard a happy gasp from Tohru as she put her hand on my arm and pointed like a kid in a candy store at the strawberries,
"Look Sohma-san! The strawberries! Does Sohma-san think they're ready?" I smiled down at her then it faltered at the sound of her calling me 'Sohma-san'. But it was my fault she did. I called her 'Honda-san' so it's only natural that she…
"Tohru," She gasped and turned to me, "I'm sorry for calling you Honda-san today. I guess I've been calling you that for so long it just stuck." She gave me a small smile and stood up and walked over to the garden. Her brown hair fanned out around her as she turned that sad look in her eyes to me, her smile still gracing her lips.
"Its okay, Yuki-kun," She put on the gardening gloves, "Yuki-kun can tell me the real reason when he's ready."
My breath was caught. How…how did she know that…? I guess I've underestimated her. I kneeled down in the dirt next to her and put on my own gloves. We began to work in silence, only the sound of leaves and dirt moving were heard. And I hated it. A stray weed was poking its head out of the round by the leeks, I reached and grabbed for it. My hand met the warmth of a small one. I blushed and looked at her as she did the same. Her cheeks were decorated with a light pink. She was so cute when she blushed.
This whole time, I just wanted to hold her for making that sadness that was held her blue eyes. But that was another impossible fairy tale. If I were to hug her I would turn into a rat. I wrapped my hand around hers and moved closer to her looking at her lips once again.
But my mind quickly changed from holding her to kissing those delicate lips again. I don't know why but ever since last night, that's all I've wanted to do and now I could with no interruptions from that damn cat. I leaned forward as her eyes went wide.
If I can't hold you
Can I give you a kiss
Can I have a kiss
I could feel her breath on my lips, then all of the sudden she let out a scream. I jumped back as she shivered. Did me kissing her really appall her that much? Am I that disgusting? I hung my head,
"I'm sorry, Tohru-kun, I shouldn't have tried to-" She began shaking her head wildly. I clenched my fists as tears stung my eyes; I looked down at my lap. "I know, I know, it was unforgivable. It won't happen again."
"No! That's not it! I'm sorry! But… I think Ayame-san found us." She said as she pointed to the front of her dress. Just as that was said a small grey snake snuck it head out of the front of her dress.
"Brother!" He said happily. I glared at him and grabbed him forcefully. And here I thought she freaked out because of me. I pulled him out of her dress then it donned on me that he would've had to go through under her dress and saw everything…I growled and started swinging him and then let him go watching him fly somewhere near Shigure's house. I smirked in satisfaction.
"Are you alright, Tohru-san?" She nodded. First it was Kyo now fucking Ayame. Did the gods just hate him? Did that have some little game that since I'm able to kiss Tohru, they're going to make sure I don't? Damn it! Ayame was going to get a severe lesson in personal space when I got back to the house.
"Maybe Yuki-kun went a little too far? Ayame-san is a snake, he probably was just looking for warmth." I looked at her and sighed.
"No, he deserved it. Even if he is a snake." I turned back to my garden as did Tohru. We finished up the patch work and picked some vegetables. Now we were talking again. It was noon and we made our way back to the house to hear the yelling of that stupid cat and the sly annoying voice of my idiotic brother.
"What the hell are you doing here again?!"
"I well I thought how lovely it would be to see my darling brother and the blooming relationship between him and Miss Tohru! Ho ho ho ho! I forgot you don't know about that! You see it all started when he came to my shop, which is the day I pronounced to be 'Yuki's Day of Romance' seeing as he was flirting wi-"
Soon he was sent flying to the wall and rubbing his incompetent head. I shook with anger. Why the hell was this man telling Kyo my business?! What was this damn 'Day of Romance'?!
"Ayame you don't know what you're talking about so why don't you quit talking, okay?!" I yelled at him. He laughed and looked over my shoulder at Shigure and Tohru,
"It seems I have made him mad! Ho ho ho ho!" Okay that's it. I turned a heel and walked over to the house phone and dialed Hatori's number. I made brief conversation and told him to come as quickly as possible. I turned back to the main room quickly, only to hear Ayame's new topic of the day.
"Oh! It seems that the cat has feelings for out flower also, Gure-san! Whatever shall we do?" His melodramatic voice echoed through the house like a siren. I sighed and walked into the room. Shigure turned and smiled at me, and to my guess they were pestering Tohru and Kyo because both the faces of the cat and the rice ball were flushed. Well I'm almost positive that Kyo's was a mix of anger and embarrassment.
"We were just talking about you Yuki, it seems Aya has taken interest on who our flower will choose between," Shigure grin as did Aya, each pulling out a small flag.
"Go Yuki! Rah rah!" Ayame said waving a flag with my face on it. Shigure lifted his flag,
"Go Kyo! Rah rah!" He said mimicking Ayame's stupidity. I clenched my fists at my sides and looked over at Tohru who had her hands on her red face; I glared at the pair of fools,
"You morons! Can't you see you're making Tohru-san uncomfortable?!" They paused and looked at her which made her turn even redder. She started waving her hands around,
"Oh no! I know Ayame-san and Shigure-san just having fun! Don't mind-"
"God Tohru! Can't you just about your own feelings for once! They made you embarrassed! So tell them to shut up!" Kyo yelled at her. She looked up at him in aw.
"Oh no, I couldn't!" Kyo let out an exasperated sigh. I was surprised the two idiots just watched instead of interfere. Remarkable, really. Hell may have just frozen over. The cat stomped out of the room and outside, Tohru soon followed with a worried expression. Unknown to them I watched from the small window. Kyo glared at her then grabbed her hand, she gasped.
"You don't get it! When someone is talking about you and you don't like it, you have every right to tell them that you don't! You're too nice for your own good! One of these days you gonna get really hurt and you're not gonna do anything about it, and…" He turned his head to the side, letting her hand go, his eyes holding his pent up emotions, "I don't want to see you hurt, okay! You trust everyone but no one's as fucking kind as you alright!" He turned his whole back to her and crossed his arms. She looked at him, her gaze softening.
"I think Kyo-kun is very kind. But asking me not to be nice to people is like asking Kyo-kun not to fight." His eyes went wide as did mine. She stood and got in front of him and placed a hand on his arm. "If I asked you to stop fighting because I was afraid you would get hurt…would you?" He stood there speechless. Then hung his head.
"Because Kyo-kun believes that he won't right?" He nodded, she took his hand and looked at it as she held it, "I believe that Kyo-kun is a strong person and though I worry that he might get hurt, I still believe in him." She looked up at him and smiled. He blushed and pulled his hand away.
"Forget what I said earlier. Come on, let's go to bed." They turned and walked back in, walking by me smiling. And right then I knew…
I was beyond jealous.
I see that you're torn
I've got some scars of my own
Seems I want what I know is gonna leave me hungry
I stalked up to my room after they had their departure. I hated him. I hated him. I hated him. That's all I could think of. I walked into my room. It was fairly clean with a white clad bed, a book shelf, a desk, a night stand with a blue lamp on it, a dresser and a closet. But it was ordinary. I walked over to my bed and put on the pajamas that lay on the pillow. They were a silky sliver shirt and pants set. I removed my socks and through them and my clothes into the hamper. I walked over to the dresser and looked at the large mirror that was attached. It was a short wood dresser that came up to my mid stomach.
When I looked into that mirror all I saw was a rat. I saw a little boy in the dark corner of a room crying. I saw Akito look back at me.
'Yes you are that strange.'
'No one will love you like I do'
'They're disgusted by you'
'They hate you.'
Before I knew it, pain surged up my arm. And my fist was imbedded into the glass mirror, shards flying, some cutting my face, others cutting my fist. I watched for a minute as my blood dripped down the back black board of the mirror. The door slammed open revealing Tohru. Her eyes went wide as she ran to my side,
"Yuki-kun! Your hand!" She pulled my fist from the mirror and ran into the small bathroom, grabbing a first aid kit I kept in there. She ran back and sat me on the bed,
"Oh, Yuki-kun, why did you do this to yourself?" I looked down at her with blank eyes. She ran here just to help me. No one else came. Why? Why is it that she came? Was she scared for me? She kneeled in front of me and started to clean the blood from my hand.
"Its okay, Tohru-san, I just got mad. It's no big deal." She took the bandages and began wrapping them around my knuckles. She didn't say a word but just kept wrapping. She wrapped each of my fingers up to the first joint then tightened it. "Tohru I fine really. You can go back to bed. You don't have to worry." A gave a fake reassuring smile however; she didn't even look up at me. She just kept her head down.
"Is there something I did, Tohru-san? Is that why you're not talking to me? Did I do-"
"Yuki-kun scared me." Her voice shook as she looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. I was shocked. "I heard a crash when I walked by the bottom of the stairs, I was so scared. I thought the worst…I thought maybe you stopped breathing and crashed into something…I was so afraid when I ran in and saw Yuki-kun there with that dark look in his eyes…" She looked down at my hand.
"That look…it frightened me. And then the glass was every where and. I…" More tears streamed down as she sobbed. She placed her forehead on the back of my hand and put her head and my hand on my knee as she cried. "Please Yuki…Don't scare me like that ever again. Please don't get that look…please….I want to see Yuki in your eyes…not Akito…." My eyes went wide.
"I…looked like Akito…?" I whispered in horror. She nodded. I leaned down and placed my hand on hers as her body raked with sobs. She looked up at me and I moved my hand and cupped her face with both of them, "I'm sorry for frightening you." I whispered placing my forehead on hers. Tears stained her lovely face because of me. I made her cry. I scared her.
I need to remember you just like this
After saying our goodnights and picking up the glass, she walked back to her room. It still baffled me that when she saw me see saw Akito. I scared her and yet, she still stays by me…she cries for me. I sigh and lay down in my bed. I lifted my bandaged hand in front of my face, the moon light shining on the white material through the window, brightening the dark room.
I soon fell into a dreamless sleep…
Today we had to go back to school and like usual I wake up with a hurt cat clutching his jaw and glaring at me, in the middle of the kitchen. After a moment pain surged through my arm as I looked down at the fist I hate him with. Blood started to seep through the thin bandage from the opening gashes.
"Oh Yuki-kun! Your cuts opened again." Kyo's head shot up and looked at me in confusion as Tohru ran to my side, unwrapping the sullen bandages.
"Cuts? What happened?" I glared at the feline.
"It's none of your business. I simp-"
"I walked into Yuki-kun's room and surprised him and he fell back into his mirror. I was my fault, I shouldn't have walked in." She gave a small smile to Kyo then to me. She walked over to the sink and placed my hand under the cold water. Kyo glared at me from where he stood,
"I don't see why you baby him like that! He can do it himself!" He yelled hot headedly at Tohru. She blinked and smiled.
"But it's no trouble; after all it was my fault." She placed gentle fingers over the cuts. I felt like a child, cutting themselves and running to their mother who cooed, and washed it, and kissed it to make it better. I almost scoffed at the thought. No. I was not a child. Those days were taken from me by Akito. She removed my hand from the water and dried it with a towel and placed the damp cloth over it.
"Keep this on it and I'll go get some more bandages." She walked out of the room. Kyo turned and looked at me, glaring.
"You're love'n this, huh, rat boy?" He sneered. I glared at him, then smirked,
"Kyo, I think your eyes are turning green." He looked dumbfounded then changed to anger. He walked up to me, and grabbed my collar.
"I won't let you fucking take her away! You've taken everything from me already! Isn't that enough?" He half yelled half whispered. I was surprised by his out burst but dismissed it. I looked him in the eyes, a cold violet meeting a blazing red. I was jealous of him and he was jealous of me. How ironic.
"No." I said coldly. His eyes went wide then glared at me again,
"You cold hearted bastard. No wonder Akito liked you so much. You're just like him." My fist came in contact with his jaw and sent him flying to the side, letting go of my shirt. How dare he!
"Don't talk about things you don't know, you stupid cat." I glared down at him. My soul felt like it was hardening. I felt like I was told I was going to die. Kyo stood up and surprisingly he didn't try and fight me. He just looked at me with an intense gaze that anyone besides me would be cringing.
"You're so cold to the people around you that they have no idea who you really are." He spit blood into the near by sink, "Just like Tohru. How long are you going to continue to lie to her? She gonna figure you out, rat. She's not stupid. She gonna know that you're just an empty shell with a pretty face." He walked out of the kitchen wiping his mouth of blood. I stood there shocked at his words.
"Its okay, Yuki-kun, you can tell me the real reason when you're ready."
She said that. She knew that I was lying. She knows…Footsteps paused my thoughts as Tohru walked in with the first aid kit looking around. She had a worried face as she walked over to me and began to wrap my hand again.
"I heard some yelling as I left. Did Yuki-kun and Kyo-kun get into a fight?" She said asked looking at my hand. I didn't want to lie to her, but I was afraid she would be disappointed. I let out sigh.
"Yes, it was nothing though." She looked up at me, her eyes holding worry.
"Kyo's not hurt is he?"
I know why you left
I can't blame you myself
Must be hard living with a ghost in such an empty shell
Anger bubbled with in me in those words. That's the first thing she thought about? Not, 'You guys aren't hurt are you?' no, it was Kyo that first came to her mind. I looked down, my hair hiding my eyes. Hiding again? Yes. When I'm with Tohru I wanted to smile and laugh with her but every time that cat comes first to her it makes me want to sink into myself and hide. Hide from the truth of being rejected.
"No I don't think so." I said and gave a fake smile. She smiled genuinely back and tied my bandage. She smiled and lifted my knuckles to her lips and gently kissed them. My heart fluttered and beat with in my ears as a blush stained my face.
"And a kiss to make it better." She gave a nod and closed the first aid kit, letting my hand drop. "Now I think I'm going to go see how Kyo-kun's doing. He didn't seem too happy when I saw him before I came in." She gave one last smile and walked out of the kitchen leaving me alone. Though I knew better I had an urge to see what they were doing and what Kyo would say if she asked what happened between them. I followed far behind her as she walked outside to the latter that went up to the roof. I stayed down at the bottom to listen.
(Exit Yuki's POV)
Tohru walked onto the room and sat next to the lounging cat and smiled as he didn't notice her yet.
"Hi Kyo-kun." He jumped at least two feet in the air then looked over at her, glaring. She giggled then turned serious at his expression thinking that she truly made him mad.
"What the hell is wrong with you?! You scared me half to death!" He yelled. She started to panic like usual.
"I'm sorry! I wanted to surprise Kyo-kun but I guess I shouldn't have! I'm so sorry! I don't know what I was thinking." He gave her bored look as she ranted on, her arms flaying.
"Okay I get. It's fine…just whatever." He said turning away from her. She watched him for a minute then looked at his face. She didn't see any blood on his clothes and he didn't look hurt.
"Kyo-kun?" She called, wanting him to turn around. When he did she gave a small gasp at the new bruise he sported on his jaw. She put her hand on his face and looked at it, tracing it gently with her small fingers. Kyo gulped and blushed then pulled away. "What happened?"
The feline looked down at the tiles on the roof, "Nothin', just another fight between me and the stupid rat. No big deal."
"Oh…I asked Yuki-kun if you got hurt but you did." He let out a small 'keh'.
"It's just a bruise. I wouldn't call that getting hurt." They sat in silence for awhile till she brought her knees up to her chest. She stared out at the night then turned and looked at Kyo.
"Kyo-kun," he turned to her, "do you think I'm pretty?" Kyo paused then looked at her wide eyed. He didn't know what to say. Of course he thought she was pretty but how was he supposed to tell her that?! He blushed heavily.
"How did this come up?" he said shakily. She sighed and looked out at the stars.
"Well I just thought since Yuki-kun always seems do be lying to me or giving me that passive smile all the time, I thought maybe he's trying to cover something up. Maybe he doesn't want to talk to me…or even look at me. Maybe…I'm not pretty or smart enough for him to act himself around." She whispered. Kyo looked at her in shock then scooted over and placed an arm around her shoulder making her lean on him as he pt his head on hers.
"That dumb rat's just…cautious. It has nothing to do with how pretty or smart you are cause'…if it had to do with that he would always want to be around you," He began to blush all the way to his toes, "He's a dumb ass alright? You just have to break through his shell." He said sternly, still trying to act tough despite his massive blush.
"Thank you, Kyo-kun." She said as smiled up at him. Without thinking she hugged him and for a couple seconds she felt his body with hers before he transformed into his cat form. She held him at arms length as he glared at her.
"What the hell! Hey you need to quit doing-" She pulled him closed and kissed his cat nose. Kyo's heart sped up and he was left speechless.
"Come on lets go inside." She held him to her and grabbed his clothes before going down the latter.
(Enter Yuki's POV)
I looked down at the ground as I walked up to my room once again, ignoring Shigure's cries for dinner. Not pretty or smart enough? How could she think such a thing? I've tried so hard to not let things get to me because it's only going to hurt me, that I treated my best friend the way I would anyone else. I lied to her like I would to keep myself safe…but what am I keeping myself safe from with Tohru? Nothing. She wouldn't hurt me. I felt horrible just listening to her say that about her self knowing that it was my entire fault. I'm such an idiot. I sat down on my bed with my face in my hands, elbows on my knees. I looked at the black back board of the mirror, glass still rimming around the sides.
"I'm a mess…what's wrong with me?" I asked myself as I lay down on my bed. Tomorrow we had school and I want to be well rested…at least…that was my excuse.
I tried to warn you
I've been a mess since you've known me
I can't promise forever
But I'm working on it
I missed dinner the night before and Tohru was worried when I came down for school that morning. Kyo was of course drinking his milk and glaring at me as usual. I walked up to the door with the two following me as we headed off to school. It was a silent walk, not even Kyo made a sound. I looked over at Tohru; she was deep in thought by the looks of it.
"Tohru-san," I made the first attempt at a conversation, "Do you mind if I sit with you and your friends at lunch?" her face brightened immensely as she smiled, no, grinned at me. I felt a real smile tug at my lips, but I let it grace its presence. It would be hard to break through the mask I always put on but I would try just for Tohru. She smiled and was practically vibrating with joy.
"What are you so happy about? He's just sitting with you." Kyo said, obviously put off that I could make her that happy. She turned to him and smiled,
"It's not that at all." Was all she said as she put her hands behind her back and walked ahead with a smile. We both looked at her curiously. After much pestering to get her to tell us why she was so happy, we made it to school.
School was like it always was in the beginning of our 5 periods of class. It was finally over and I was still wondering what made Tohru so happy this morning when he told her that he wanted to sit with her. Kyo, and I walked over to Haru and Momji's class and walked out with them to the court yard. Momji let out a squeal and ran over to Tohru's group small lunch group of three. We all sat down shortly after, Kyo and I sitting on either side of Tohru. I turned and looked at the smiling girl as she talked to the energetic rabbit. I placed a hand on her shoulder and watched as her hair flew to the side as she turned to me.
"May I talk to you in private, Tohru-san?" She blinked then smiled and stood up. I followed her lead as we walked over to a tree about ten feet away from the group. I looked down at her as she smiled up at me, which soon turned into a frown.
"What is it Yuki-kun? Is everything alright?" I nodded and took a deep breath.
"Tohru-san, I would like to know what made you so happy this morning when I asked if I could sit with you at lunch." She blinked up at me then grinned with a light blush tainting her perfect ivory cheeks. I was tempted to smile back but then I would lose the concept of the purpose, which would reverse on him by his body betraying him and trying to hold her.
"I was happy that Yuki-kun wanted to sit with us! Yuki-kun has gotten very good at socializing!" she smiled then blushed again, "That's one reason." I raised an eyebrow,
"And the second?" She looked up at me and her twiddling fingers began to irate me. She placed a hand on my cheek and smiled softly.
"Yuki-kun gave me a real smile. Like the one you gave me when I saw your garden for the first time. It made me feel happy. Happy that Yuki-kun trusts me so much to share a smile." My heart was beating in my ears as I heard her words. Could a simple smile really make her happy? I felt like a weight had been lifted. I should've known. I let out a chuckle as I looked down at the ground with closed eyes, body vibrating with small laughs. She shared her life with me…and I share a smile with her. How pathetic can I get? I placed my hands on either side of her face and leaned my forehead against hers.
"I'm hopeless aren't I?" I said softly looking to her ocean blue eyes. She smiled softly back once again.
"No one is hopeless." She closed her eyes, "I hope that Yuki-kun will be happy all the time." She smiled and pulled away at the sound of her name being called by Arisa. And yet again, I was so close, I could've kissed her…damn it!
If I can't hold you
Can I give you a kiss
The day went on as such. We had boring classes and I was unable to pay attention because a certain girl invaded my mind and made her self a home. I sighed and looked down at my paper with my face in my hand as I wrote. It was hard to even focus as her smile and words went though my head.
"It made me feel happy. Happy that Yuki-kun trusts me so much to share a smile."
I felt guilt rise in me. A smile? That's all I've given her? Well unknown to her I she holds my heart in those small fingers of hers, but that is beside the point. What I have I given her in this time we've known each other? A couple memories, maybe a comforting word or two…but why how would she ever fall in love with me if I haven't even given her a reason to? God I'm a horrible person! I treat the woman I love like a glass figurine, refusing to take it out of the cabinet, or dust it, in fear of it breaking. I looked over at one of the couples in this class. The boy was writing her a note, she'd take it and giggle, a light blush appearing.
She wrote on the note and handed t back I saw it as the boy unfolded it. It had simple words on it.
Thank you for the ring! I love you so much!
I didn't know if to be guilty or envious. Here I am cowering behind this fake smile and perfection, while Kyo talks to her, makes her laugh, helps her, gives her small things like making her lunch. I sighed. And all I've done is given her a ribbon and a smile. The bell rang and signaled that class was over. Kyo's acting like he hasn't a care in the world, and me? I'm hiding my feelings and emotions in fear of Akito. But its not like I can live a life with her. She's normal. A normal girl in a normal world with abnormal friends. Yet Kyo shows her everything about him, even trusts her with his real form as if he has forever with her. But who am I to say anything?
I walked out of the class, ignoring Machi as she tries to get my attention and to talk to me. Impossible. No one of the Zodiac has forever. That's how it's always been. I refuse to give anything juts in case I might be pulled away and yet here's Kyo who has less time then me. I walked up to the far widow and looked down at the court yard. I easily spotted Kyo and Tohru talking, happy in each others company.
Company…is that what she wants? Just a moment of happiness even though all that can be pulled away with in seconds? How can anyone be content in such an unstable relationship? I started down the hall to the court yard, but as I walked I couldn't shake the deep anger inside of me. Jealously is an ugly monster.
All I have
All I can give to you I will
Just promise this
If I can't have forever
Can I have a kiss
I began walking up to Tohru and the cat getting the last pieces of their conversation.
"Don't worry about it, we don't have to tell him." Kyo said placing a hand on her head, she looked up at him worriedly. I was, of course, questioning what it was they were not going to tell me. Or at least I assumed it was in fact me that they were referring to.
"But Yuki-kun will understand…I hope…" Scratch that. They were in fact talking about me. Kyo sighed, neither of them noticing my presence getting closer.
"It doesn't matter. Just don't tell him." He repeated. She looked up at him again, her hands clasped,
"But I'll feel so guilty!" I walked up, wondering what exactly they were talking about and I had a burning feeling it was something about the both of them. Wait. The both of them…my heart almost stopped. No. Please no. Tohru turned and waved at me with a nervous smile. A gave a smile back even though my inner alarm was on the fringe.
"Yuki-kun…" Her face crumbled. I braced myself for heart break. "If I don't tell you then I'll fell guilty! So…" Kyo smacked his hand on his forehead. I looked down at Tohru who had her hands in front of her, both put together as if praying.
"I thought it would be nice to wash Yuki-kun's and Kyo-kun's P.E clothes so I brought both of them to the school wash and started it but I wasn't paying attention and I knocked Yuki-kun's shoes in the water! I didn't want to say anything so I told Kyo-kun and he laughed…" I was baffled. No perplexed. I'm not sure. All I know is that all I could so was blink. She panicked, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
"Its okay, Tohru-san, it's just shoes." I said smiling. Inwardly she gave me a heart attack with her suspense driven words but that was unknown to her.
"So Yuki-kun's not mad?" I shook my head while she smiled happily. She turned to the cat, "Did you hear that, Kyo-kun? Yuki-kun's not mad!" Kyo rolled his eyes as she grabbed his hand and then grabbed mine.
"Come on, let's go home." He gruffly said as we began walking down the sidewalk back to the house. We came to the cross road of the street but I couldn't help noticing Kyo's glaring glances at me. I felt my eye twitch as Tohru looked from him to me then back again. I turned to him and glared right back.
"What's wrong Kyo-kun?" She said softly, placing a warm hand on his arm. He looked down at her then turned and scowled,
"It's nothing. Quit worrying so much." He says as he yanks his arm away from her touch. I glare at him then step toward him,
"Just because you're in a bad mood doesn't give you the right to be mean to Tohru-san." I spat at him. He glared at me,
"You wanna go you stupid rat?" He yelled, putting up his tanned fists, "Cause we can go, right now, right here!" Tohru gave a small 'eep' as he pushed the girl behind him. I scowled at him. At least he wasn't so stupid as to start a fight with Tohru in the middle. I sighed, brow furrowed, as I rolled up my school uniform sleeves to my elbows.
"Actually, I do wanna go." I said in a calm but biting tone. Kyo raced toward me, right fist up. The hand was easily dodged with a smooth step to the side. I smirked as I began toying with him. Every time he'd come at me I'd dodge then hit him in the shoulder or back, not hard to knock him down but not soft; tricking him into turning and trying to kick or hit me. I snickered as I stepped to the right and hit him on the side and moved again, but making noise was what caught me. Instead of head towards the right, he went left, predicting my next move. Oh well fun while it lasted. I ducked, placed my hand on the ground and lifted, kicking up into his stomach. But unknown in my actions, the momentum of the kick sent him backwards. I heard a faint grunt and a small scream as two bodies hit the ground. I got on my feet quickly and turned around.
There, sprawled out on the sidewalk, was Kyo, who landed on Tohru side ways. Tohru's eyes were tightly closed, her hands above her head. Kyo began to move then got up onto his knees, holding his head. He turned over and looked at Tohru. I ran over and knelt on the other side of her.
"Tohru!" Kyo yelled as he touched her face, patting it twice, "Tohru! Open your eyes! You're not hurt are you?" He said, worried. He pulled his hand away as I go to move her bangs out of her face, before I could speak, the cat slapped my hand away. I turned to him,
"Haven't you done enough?" He yelled at me, glaring at me with his crimson eyes. My eyes widened. I couldn't blame him this time. I was the one no paying attention. Her eyes shot open, her chest heaving. Then it came to me that she must have gotten the air knocked out of her.
"Tohru, are you okay? Did you break anything?" Kyo said. Her eyes darted to him, then she smiled sitting up.
"No I'm fine. I just got the wind knocked out of me." She touched the back of her head, "And maybe a bump." She pulled her hand back and looked at it. Her fingers were wet with blood. Kyo gasped, his eyes went wide. I knew that my face looked no different. She blinked as if she didn't understand. Kyo put his arm under her knees and the other around her back and lifted her. She made a squeak. He was careful to hold her close, but at maybe half of arms length.
"Come on, we have to get to Hatori." He began running down the sidewalk to Hatori's hospital building which wasn't too far from the school. I ran beside him, as Tohru bounced along in his arms. My chest panged with evident guilt. It was my fault. I bit back the emotions, the temptation of begging for forgiveness from the girl. My mind and body were feeling a bunch of different emotions: guilt, pain, loneliness, jealously, anger.
But I kept my face empty.
I know why you left
I can't blame you myself
Must be hard living with a ghost in such an empty shell
We made it to the hospital and ran through the doors to the main counter. I was breathing a little heavy as was Kyo but I knew what we looked like. Who teen boys out of breath carrying a bleeding woman. Damn it! Kyo growled lowly at the young nurse who was talking on the phone to who seemed like her boyfriend by her batting eyes and trying to be sexy voice. I felt something snap in side of me as she didn't even acknowledge us. Kyo opened his mouth to yell,
"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be the nurse, Miss? Why not try and do your job!" I yelled, she looked at me shocked, as did Kyo and Tohru, "We're here for Dr. Hatori Sohma." I ripped the phone out of her pink manicured hands in disgust and slammed it on the receiver, "What room and floor can we find him on, nurse?"
She sat in her chair in shock, "H-he's on the second f-floor, room-m 252." She stuttered. I turned a heel, held my head high and walked to the elevator with a quite 'thanks'. I could hear Kyo's steps behind me as we walked into the elevator. Tohru's eyelids began to drop. No, she can't go to sleep with a head injury!
"Tohru-san you have to stay awake!" I said. Kyo's eyes widened and he began to shake her gently but so she couldn't fall asleep. For once I'm glad the cat catches on. Her eyes began to slid closed as she mumbled,
"Yuki-kun….I'm so…tired…" Her arms which were on her stomach during the run fell to her sides as her head fell back, unconscious. Kyo began to shake her.
"Tohru! Didn't you hear the rat?! You can't go to sleep!" He yelled. My heart pounded in fear as the small 'ding' from the elevator indicating they reached the second floor. They ran out in search for room 252. They reached the last door at the end of the hall, it was closed. I pounded on the door,
"Hatori! Open the door! Hatori! Hatori!" I yelled. The door opened revealing the doctor whose eyes were wide. He looked at me then passed me to Tohru's limp body.
"Get her in here!" He yelled. We rushed in. Kyo placed her down on the examining table in the office as Hatori began checking her breathing. She looked like she was merely asleep.
"She hit her head and is bleeding. I told her not do go to sleep but she fell unconscious." Hatori's face was stern by his eyes were filled with worry. He lifted her up and looked at her head. The mumbled sound of the girl's voice reached our ears.
"Hatori-san, why does my head hurt?" her face, so solemn and sad, made everyone's heart break. And it was my entire fault. Hatori looked down at her, his eyes wide as he looked into hers.
"You're going to need stitches Tohru but I need you to stay awake. Can you do that for me?" She nodded, and then leaned her forehead on his arm that held her in a sitting position.
"I'm sorry, for being such a burden at your work. Forgive me, Hatori-san." She whispered. We sat there with pained expressions. In all this, she's apologizing for beginning a burden.
We were sent out of the room while a couple of nurses walked into the room. It was maybe an hour of Kyo pacing and me leaning against the wall. I watched as the cat walked back and forth, mumbling to himself. He stopped and looked at me.
"This is all your fault, rat boy!" he yelled pointing at me dramatically. It some what reminded me of my eccentric brother but I dismissed the thought. "If you were being careful who should saw where she was before you did that kick!" I glared at him,
"What about you? You're a cat, you're supposed to land on your feet." Oh that was real logical. I inwardly hit myself. I looked away from him and at the door, "I know it's my fault alright? I'm going to apologize so shut up, you moronic cat." He seethed and opened his mouth but was quickly cut off by the office door opening. A few nurses left the office; standing in the door way was Hatori,
"She can see you now." We walked past him into the room, lights cascading down on the white floors. Tohru sat on the silver examining table, her legs swinging. She smiled as we came in. Kyo ran to her,
"Are you okay? Does it still hurt?" He said. She smiled and touched the back of her head,
"I'm fine, it only stings a little. Thanks for worrying." He crossed his arms and turned to the side,
"Who said I was worried? I knew you're going to be fine. It was that damn rat that was worried." I glared at him as Tohru giggled. She extended her small hand and rested it on his cheek,
"Thank you." She smiled softly. I felt my heart harden as Kyo's face became a dark shade of pink. It was painful to watch; to know that the cat was favored or the rat by the only person that the rat could ever love. I crossed my arms as my mind traveled. What did Kyo have that I didn't? Smarts? No. Looks? No. Charm? No. What was it? I watched as they talked, both smiling. I walked up to Kyo and her,
"I would like to talk to Tohru alone." I gave a cold stare in Kyo's direction, my voice equally as cold. I turned and gave a small smile to Tohru who looked at me with sad eyes. Kyo opened his mouth to yell but Hatori placed a hand on the felines shoulder.
"Let's go, Kyo." He pulled the fuming boy out of the room; I waited till the click of the door shutting before talking. We sat in the silence of the room, the white curtains blown every once in awhile by the wind that came through the small window. I looked down at the ground.
"I'm sorry for hurting you, Tohru-san. It was my fault. I should've paid more attention." I looked at her with pleading eyes, "I'm so sorry, Tohru-san." She blinked then smiled the same smile she gave Kyo moments before.
"It's okay." She placed a hand on my shoulder, "Yuki-san, what's wrong? I'm fine, really, it's just stitches." I looked at the ground once more, hair cascading over my eyes.
"I don't get it Tohru." She blinked in confusion, I moved away from her hand and placed both my hand on the silver table on each side of her legs, "Am I that worthless?" I whispered. "Am I that much of a freak? That the one person I share everything with can't even care for me! Am I meant to be alone…?"
"I care for Kyo-kun and Yuki-k-"
"I'm right here Tohru! Right in front of you! Can't you see me?" She face was crumbled in confusion as her mind reeled. I felt horrible but I couldn't stop myself.
"Yes I can see you Yu-"
"Then why do you bring him up?! I'm tried being perfect, I tried but I can't, okay?! I'm selfish…god, I'm selfish…Perfection is what everyone wants right?! The perfect person, a Prince?" I looked into her for anything, compassion, disgust, anything. But I only saw two blue eye filled with sadness and confusion.
I tried to warn you
I've been a mess since you've known me
I can't promise forever
"Why is it the one person I want to notice me, doesn't?" I leaned my head on her shoulder. She put her hands on my arms. "But…I'm not perfect. I'm flawed. I can't ever hold the person I care for, I can't ever be free, and I can't ever be…Kyo." She let out a small gasp. Her hands moved up my arms to cup my face. She moved so that I was looking at her once more.
"Like Kyo-kun? Who asked Yuki-kun to be like Kyo-kun?" She said back. I looked t her, bewildered. Doesn't she know that every time I saw her with Kyo I longed to be the one she was with? That if I could be the cat I would? That every time she brought up Kyo around me I felt like I wasn't good enough?
"Everyone…like I said before, he draws people near him, makes them laugh and smile. He has real friends and I…have no one. Because every one thinks I'm supposed to be perfect. So that's what I became…cold and alone but perfect." She looked down for a minute then looked at me, her blue eyes pleading, never removing her hands from my face.
"What am I…to Yuki-kun?" I didn't know what to say to that, did I tell her the truth? Was I supposed to lie? "Yuki-kun's not perfect. No one is perfect. But I like Yuki-kun's flaws, too. I like the way he make me feel special, the way he always nice to me, how he always have the right thing to say. It's okay to be selfish. It's okay to be angry, to hate, to be sad, to feel alone. That's all okay. But Yuki-kun doesn't have to be alone. Yuki-kun doesn't have to be perfect. I like Yuki-kun just the way he is." She smiled and leaned her forehead on mine with her eyes closed. My heart was beating fast. I felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I was being accepted. Not the Prince. Not the Rat. But Yuki Sohma.
"Tohru-san, I…" She opened her eyes and looked into mine. "I want to hold you but I can't. Aren't you bothered that I can never hold you? I can never get too close without transforming into the rat?"
But I'm working on it
If I can't hold you
Can I give you a kiss
Can I give you a kiss
She blushed prettily and gave a soft smile. My heart fluttered as she pulled away and looked me in the eye again like before. She moved her hand and caressed the left side of my face, putting her slender fingers through my hair and down my jaw. Her blush became darker,
"It's okay Yuki-kun, when I see you, I see Yuki-kun. I like Yuki-kun just the way he is," She repeated, "I like everything about Yuki-kun, rat and all." She smiled at me. I sighed and smiled back at her.
"I…I love you…Tohru-san." She gasped and looked at me. What if I was wrong? What if she meant 'like' as in a friend? She going to run…She's going to get mad…She's going to hate me… My mind reeled at all the possibility's, her eyes were still wide. I shocked her. I scared her.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I shouldn't have said that. I was out of line. I guess I was just being selfish again. I apologize. We can be friends, I'm fine with that." I looked down at her hand which rested on my jaw. She lifted my face up to see her. Her face was tinted with pink giving her a beautiful glow, as she smiles, her hair falling around her as she looks at me.
"I still owe you that favor right?" I blinked as her blush got darker. She pulled me towards her so that my waist was in between her knees, hands on either side of her making sure I wasn't too close. Her lips met mine in a sweet, chaste kiss. I was shocked but then relaxed as I kissed her harder, enticing the passion with in it. She tasted so sweet, like strawberries. My heart soared and for once…my conscience had nothing to say. She pulled away, and looked at me,
"I love you too." She said smiling. I smiled back. We sat there in silence till I smiled and looked at her sheepishly. I wasn't one to do this but…
"Can I have another?" She smiled and kissed me.
Damn all I had to do was ask.
Can I have a kiss?
Okay for ppl reading The Doubt Of A Prince, The Fear Of A Monster, I would like you to know that this thing was the reason I didn't update. I had writers block after hearing that song and all I could think about was this one-shot. But it came out good right??