Pairing --- Deidara -x- Sakura


Rating --- M




Location --- 2 hours from Konoha


Reason: Out of boredom XD


Sakura was panting like a dog.

Hair stuck to the nape of her neck and forehead as she wiped away persistent sweat that beaded down her face.

Man, she hated missions!!

Especially this one!!

It was a regularly hot day except for the fact that Sakura was being chased around by an Akatsuki member!

It was fucking 90 degrees outside and she was running at this high temperature!?

She dodged all of the persistent kunai but wasn't prepared for a clone to pop out of no where and tackle her to the ground.

She was practically crushed under the weight of Hoshigake Kisame!!

He was too damn heavy for him to be on top her fragile body!

"Get off you cow!"

Kisame growled as the clone threw her in the original's arms; he caught her with much ease and slung her over his shoulder with boredom.

"Actually, I'm a shark but nice guess, pinky."

She punched his back.

"My name is NOT pinky!"

"Your hair is pink." He pointed out while Sakura laughed sarcastically.

"Ya well... your skin is blue!"

Kisame laughed.

"Really!? I hadn't noticed."

"My name is Sakura!"

She 'humphed'.

"Sa-Ku-Ra." The girl stressed out.

Kisame looked up and scratched his chin with his free hand.

"Nah, annoying you is way more fun."

"Well, how about if I call you fishy!?"

"My name is-"







He sighed as he quickened his pace towards Akatsuki compound; the quicker he got there the faster she would shut the hell up already. I mean she really was SO goddamn annoying!

"Pinky! Shut up already!"

Sakura stuck her tongue out at the shark man.

"Sorry for trying to lighten this dullness."

He sighed again.

Sakura finally managed to keep quiet and broke the rules again.

"Where are we going?"

"Where do you think?" Kisame pressed.

"To go live with all the little fishy under the sea!?"

Kisame wanted to kill himself. All this was torturous and it wasn't doing his brain any good either to hear this for the past hour or so!


Sakura closed her eyes and just enjoyed whatever cool breeze blew past. Kisame wrinkled his nose.

"Pinky, you smell."

She sighed.

"No! Really!?" Sakura said dramatically.

Kisame nodded his head quickly.


"Well, I WAS planning on taking a shower when I got back to Konoha."

"But seeing the situation I'm in... I can't."

Kisame smirked at this.

She had a fiery attitude and it sure would annoy that rest of Akatsuki but at least he wouldn't have to endure it by himself and Itachi surely would kill her if she even tried speaking to him.

He laughed.

That didn't seem like such a bad idea all of a sudden but alas he wasn't aloud to until Sakura finished what she was being brought to Akatsuki for.

"Why do you guys need me for?"

"Your medical skills." Was his blunt reply.

"And you think I'll actually cooperate."

Kisame let a smirk pull at the corners of his mouth.

"You'll have to unless you want to die at a young age."

She gulped down the saliva forming in her mouth.

"Ah ha, did I say I WASN'T going to cooperate?"

Kisame nodded his head.

She twiddled her fingers nervously while laughing awkwardly.

"What I meant to say was that I WAS going to cooperate."

Kisame laughed.

"Good Pinky."

She growled at the nickname once again but held her tongue. She didn't want to get into any unneeded arguments again...

"Are we there yet?"

"Do you SEE a large compound?"

Sakura held back a laugh.

"Yes over there!"

Kisame looked around.



He mumbled incoherent nothings under his breath.

"Are we there-"

"Shut it!"


Kisame wanted to mentally breakdown and so he TRIED to endure Haruno Sakura's company for the next half-hour which he liked to call a living HELL!!


"Are you a girl?"

A blonde haired male looked up from his plate with a scowl on his face.

"What the hell do you think!?"

Sakura parted her lips.


Deidara pulled at his hair.

"No, I'm a boy yeah!"

Sakura looked bored as she looked at the Akatsuki member eating dinner across from her.


He ran his hands down his muscled chest.

"No boobs."

Sakura burst out laughing.

"Its okay, you'll develop sooner or later."

Deidara rubbed his temples and watched as Kisame walked into the dinner hall.

"Oi, do you have the Advil!?"

Kisame took a sip of his glass of water.

"Oh, that's what I was SUPPOSED to get."

Deidara smacked himself in the face.


"Well next time get your lazy ass up and get it yourself!"

Deidara stuck his tongue out at the retreating back of Kisame.

"Well, you all seem like a nice... bunch..."

Deidara slammed his hands against the table.

"We are S-Class CRIMINAL!"

Sakura scoffed.

"Could have fooled me..."

Once Deidara saw Uchiha Itachi walk in, he stood from his seat.

"Please! You watch over her!!"

He looked over at the pink haired girl who sighed.

"I'm going with the others."


"Retrieval mission."

Deidara slumped to the floor.


Itachi, who was slightly scared, stepped out of the room without another word; leaving the two within its confinements.

"Here are the rules, Pinky."

"I'm listening, Girly man."

He held in a snide comment.

"You WILL stay within a cell and SHUT UP!"

Her wrist was grabbed roughly and she was yanked out of her seat; the blonde haired male pulling her towards what seemed to be a large, steel door once they left the dining hall.

She was roughly shoved inside and landed hard on the stone floor.

"Is that any way to treat a girl!?"

"Your an annoying BITCH!"

Sakura stuck her tongue out.

"Its what I'm best at."

"I'm sure." He mumbled beneath his breath.

The cell door was shut and Sakura was left in the dark, a sigh leaving her lips as she sat against the back wall and just did nothing...


"Okay. Deidara, you stay here with the kunoichi."

His jaw hit the floor.

"That's not-"

"Deal with it." Itachi glared.

"The rest of us go to retrieve Sasori."

Everyone but Deidara nodded their heads and everyone but Deidara disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving the blonde haired male to murmur things to himself while walking towards the kitchen for a bite to eat.


Sakura was now silently laughing, she had heard Deidara's complaining from the other room and she would be sure to make Deidara's day a living hell like what she had done with Kisame but WORSE!

She wasn't scared of the Akatsuki.

They didn't seem very mean, well all for Itachi.

But that's to be expected from him...

Kisame and Deidara on the other hand were all SO much fun to piss off and screw around with.

She sighed while pushing her body off the wall and walking towards the cell door. Pressing her palm against the door until it flew open and she went crashing to the stone covered floor.

"What a complete moron."

"He didn't even lock the door."

She smiled and looked around.

She heard that everyone but Deidara was off on a mission and it just so happened that Sakura was in DIRE need of a nice long shower.

Since she had nothing better to do anyways...

Sakura opened the first door she came across and traveled through the dark until she came across another door and opened it to reveal a pretty normal looking bathroom.

She looked around before shutting the door soundly and stripping off all her clothes; discarding them to a corner of the bathroom and turning on the taps until she watched steamy hot water flowing into the tub.

'This is going to be nice...'


Deidara deposited the bowl and spoon within the sink, he would wash it later but right now he had to try and fix that damn doorknob!

It would jam on occasions which left Deidara locked within his very own bathroom, that is UNTIL someone came to rescue him. Though the door was made out of pure metal and wouldn't bust down so easily.

He rushed towards his room and when he heard running water reaching his ears, he became very suspicious and ended up quietly opening up the door as he stepped into the steam filled room.

It shut loudly behind him as he froze up when Sakura pulled back the curtains and glared at him.


"What the hell are you doing in MY bathroom!?"

She threw various objects at him, sponges, bars of soap and lastly a.. rubber ducky!?

"What does it look like I'm doing, baka!?"

He sighed.

"How did you get out of your cell?"

"You left it unlocked!"

He scratched the back of his head.

"Maybe if you hadn't been annoying me then-"


"Your just a retard!"

He stomped his foot on the floor while turning his back and gripping the knob firmly.

"I'll be waiting in the next room, hurry-"

"Oh shit..."

Sakura looked over at him with one eye opened.

"What now!?"

Deidara laughed nervously.

"The door seems to be jammed."

Sakura let out a wide range of laughter while rubbing her eyes and wrapping a towel around her dripping wet body.

"What do-"

"We're locked in! Together!"

Sakura gaped.


Deidara nodded his head harshly while walking around in circles.

"Yes! Om Kami-sama! Why with HER!?"

"I should be the one complaining!"

He glared hard and all Sakura did was sit on the floor, hands on her lap as she looked up at the peeling white ceiling.

"Well, un-jam it."

Deidara tapped on the metal door.

"Its fucking made out of steel!"

"If you want to break your knuckles, be my guest."

Sakura shrugged her shoulders.

"Then I guess we'll just have to wait it out."

Deidara's jaw dropped for the second time today.

"Wait. It. Out!?"

He let his back hit the wall as he slid down across from Sakura.

"I can do this... I know I can..."

X 1 ½ hours later X

Deidara grabbed the fallen rubber ducky and brought it close to his heart.

"What's that Mr. Quaky? Your hungry?"

Deidara rubbed his stomach with his free hand.

"Me too."

Sakura growled.

"Put that damned thing AWAY!"

Deidara stuck his tongue out.

"Your jealous because I have Mr. Quaky and you DON'T!"

Sakura sighed, being locked in the same room with Deidara was like being locked within a room with a 5 year old...

And like Shikamaru would have said in a time like this, "How troublesome..."

"I don't want that stupid duck!"

Deidara gasped loudly while covering the rubber duck's ears, or at least where they should be.

"Don't say THAT in front of Mr. Quaky!"

"And why the hell not!?"

"Because you'll hurt his feelings!"

Sakura ran her hand down her face as she better adjusted the towel.

Deidara kept on whispering something to himself or like he had said to ''Mr. Quaky' and it was beginning to annoy her! Especially all the fucking giggling he was doing!!

She stood up and snatched the duck away from Deidara who in turn bawled his eyes out while screaming from the top of his lungs.

"Mr. Quaky!!"

X 3 hours later X

Deidara searched throughout the bathroom cabinet and extracted what looked to be a small bottle of dark purple nail polish.

He shook the small bottle and extracted the brush smothered with purple goop. He used it to write his 'will' on the walls of the bathroom and to draw a picture Sakura being hung from a tree.

She rubbed her temples.

"Deidara, you've gone crazy..."

"We're not going to-"

He turned to face her with a creepy ass smile plastered on his features.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"And why are you shaking all over?"

He twitched slightly which made Sakura hop into the bathtub and gather water within a porcelain cup as she tossed the water at him. He jumped out of the way and watched as it destroyed his 'masterpiece'.


"First Mr. Quaky and now THIS!?"

He looked over at her and then the puddle of water on the floor.

"We're going to drown!"

She punched the wall which made it crack slightly.

"Your completely delusional!"

"And your a total bi-"

"I get it!"

X 5 ½ hours later X

"I'm lonely without Mr. Quaky..."

Sakura ignored him but his blonde hair cascading over his shoulder really intrigued her as she inched closer towards the oblivious male.

"Your hair is so kawaii!!"

Deidara turned to face her as he backed himself up against a wall.

"Stay away from me!"

Deidara reached for the fallen bottle of nail polish and went to hurl it at the pink haired woman but...

"You wouldn't dare."

Sakura opened the toilet seat and poised 'Mr. Quaky' over it as she placed her free hand on the flusher.

"Oh yes I would."

"Your evil!"

Sakura smirked.

"I know!"

She took her hand off the flusher and held out her hand towards Deidara.

"Nail polish. Now."

He sighed in defeat while placing the half empty of bottle of nail polish in the girl's small hand.

"Mr Quaky?"

She tossed both objects behind her while snickering.

"Sit and shut up!"

Deidara turned his back on the girl while bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them as he bobbed back and forth.

And then he started talking to himself...

"Its okay Deidara..."

"What do you mean we'll run out of oxygen!?"

Sakura slowly just lowered herself into the bathtub for fear that Deidara would eventually snap and go on a killing spree!!

X 6 hours later X

Sakura growled as she chucked Mr. Quaky against the bathroom wall again and caught it with much ease.

"That's it!"

She removed her body from the bathtub and walked straight for the steel door while gripping the door knob and grasping it tightly. She was almost sure that she would have dented it because of the sheer force she was applying to it.

Deidara sat back and watched as she pressed her right foot against the door and then pulled with all her might.

It didn't budge an inch!

She sighed in defeat and hung her head low as she smiled weakly over at Deidara but quickly backed away due to the odd look he was giving her at the moment.


'I knew he would snap sooner or later...'

He stood up and walked towards her, too close for her liking. She went to open her mouth to tell him off but his lips silenced her and drowned out any noises she tried making.

The contact almost knocked Sakura off balance as she wrapped her arms around the male's neck and pressed herself against him. She opened her mouth for the 23 year old male and his tongue began a wrestle with her own.

He memorized every square inch of her sweet cavern and pulled away. Saliva running down his chin as he latched on the skin of her collar bone and sucked on it deliciously, earning him moans from the girl.

Sakura didn't care if he was odd or if he was annoying!

She was too caught up in the moment to care even remotely, the attention no other man would give to her was coming from Deidara no less.

S-Class criminal and Akatsuki member but she didn't care!!

She ran her fingers through his hair and massaged his scalp which caused Deidara to nip at the skin on her neck and lightly bite down on it.

He kissed her throat before pressing the bulge in the front of his pants against Sakura's inner thigh.

She gasped loudly and blushed when the towel was ripped away from her naked body. Now leaving her bare for Deidara's eyes only!

He kissed her again, this time softly as he discarded his Akatsuki cloak and let it pool to the floor around his ankles.

"Your sweet."

He pulled away from her while un-buttoning his pants and removing his mesh shirt, he drank up Sakura in the nude as his hands greedily cupped her creamy mounds and gave them each a firm squeeze before his lips latched onto one of the perked buds and tugged on it with his teeth.

Sakura arched her back as she was pushed against the wall, Deidara's mouth still showing her nipples the attention they so deserved.


Sakura's nimble fingers worked at the pants that clung around his waist as he helped her take them off with much ease; tossing it behind him as he went right back to kissing her breasts...

His free hand ran down the plain of her flat stomach to the lush curls that hid her most precious jewel. Deidara heard her draw in a sharp in-take of breath while tilting her head upwards and allowing her mouth to open as she closed her eyes.

His fingers worked their way through the pink curls until they located the sensitive piece of skin that would drive her senses over the edge, not that they already weren't...

She gave out a breathless gasp as he rubbed the rough pad of his thumb over it and then used his index finger to probe around at her dripping entrance.

Sakura felt something enter her swiftly as she shut her eyes tightly and fought against the unfamiliar pain that coursed through her; Deidara watched her facial expressions and found that he liked when she was blushing.

The kunoichi braced herself for what was bound to come next and it did...

Deidara pressed the tip of his member against her heated core and placed his hands on either side of her curvaceous hips while looking down at her face.

"Are you sure?"

Sakura nodded her head.

"Just do it already!"

With one swift motion Deidara became sheathed within her, Sakura took in ragged breaths as she felt the waves of pain erupt throughout her body and a coil tightening within the pit of her stomach.


He stayed under control, even when her inner walls pulled at his hard cock and at the same time took more of him until they were pelvis to pelvis.

Sakura gripped Deidara's shoulders as she felt the pain slowly change into coursing pleasure that rippled throughout her entire being...

Deidara pulled out slowly and then pushed all the way back in until he could hear the young girl practically screaming his name and praying for release to come.

He pushed back in with raw need and then quickened his pace which drove Sakura completely mad with pleasure and bliss. She had never in her life experienced something quite like this before...

And as she felt herself nearing her limit, Sakura met Deidara in the middle of his last and final thrust before...

"I'm going to-"


The young girl was limply sprawled out on the floor with a very exhausted Deidara right beside her as he pulled her body close to his. Kissing her sweaty forehead while gripping her ass and pushing himself back in...

"Up for another round?"

Sakura glanced at him as she pressed down.

"Only if you are."

Her screams filled the room once again as Deidara too let out a few low mumbles and grunts every so often...

X 1 hour later X

Sakura was now dressed in her old and dirty clothing and Deidara was dressed back in his Akatsuki attire.

They had made sure to clean up the...


Sakura looked up at Deidara from her spot on the ground.

She stood up and watched as Kisame knocked down the door from the other side which sent it flying against the sink and ultimately destroyed it.

"Thank you!!"

Kisame looked around the bathroom and gaped at what he saw!

There was nail polish on the walls, water on the floor, objects laying everywhere!! Sakura and Deidara walked past him as he nearly fainted.

"Your going to give Leader a heart attack when he sees this."

Sakura punched Deidara in the arm.

"It wasn't my fault!"

"Deidara did it!"

He scowled at her.

"No I didn't!"

Kisame shut the both of them up.

"I'll clean all this up before ANYONE sees it."

Both shinobi nodded as they left the bathroom and entered Deidara's bedroom where Sakura was pressed against the door leading out to the corridor.

His lips latched onto hers as she kissed him back eagerly. Every single one of his kisses made her toes curl and her hair stand on end. No other man had been able to do that to her before...

He pulled away.

"Kiss me again."

Deidara was slightly taken aback by her request but obliged happily.

Yup, Deidara sure was going to have 'fun' watching over Sakura from now on...

"Round three?"

Sakura raised her brows.


He laughed as she left the room.

"You were thinking it too!!"

She looked over her shoulder and smiled seductively.

"I know..."


Author's Note: I LOVE MR. QUAKY!! I hope this fic wasn't too boring for you readers. I tried making it as humorous as I could possibly have done and I think I did a pretty damn good job if I do say so myself, ne?

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Hugs 'n' Kisses