TITLE: You've Really Put Your Hoof In It This Time
AUTHOR: Ananova Crowe
E-MAIL: Out4HughJackman@aol.com
SUMMARY:Basically Eddie gets a cold from his proposal in the rain (if you don't know what the heck i'm talking about, read Neophiliactic Bull + Psychotic Cow = True Love) and all hell breaks loose!!!!!
DEDICATED TO: Annabella Bertha - wherever she may be, caring for our faithful patriots…
DISCLAIMER: I'm still waiting to own the Someone Like You video, but in the meantime i'll help to give you a warm, fuzzy feeling...that will need medication to clear up... :)


Just Give Me The Alka-Seltzer Plus, Or If That Doesn't Work, Just Take A Shovel Up To The Side Of My Head

"Oh, my pooh wittle baby." Jane cooed, holding herself over Eddie's pathetic frame. His nose was red with irritation and a sweat had broken out across his forehead, a cold ravaging through him.

Eddie had his eyes closed and his mouth open to compensate for his stuffed nose and a tissue box held perilously in his hand. He had thrown off the covers in the middle of the night, unable to stand the heat, and now lay exposed with only his boxer briefs on.

"How do you feel?" Jane asked, tucking her hair behind her ear as she looked down at her second-time-proposer.

"Like shit…" Eddie said through a completely stuffed nose, raising a hand to rub at his eye.

"You look like shit," Jane smiled, lowering herself so that she kissed the end of his irritated nose before sliding off the bed.

"Thanks." Eddie said sarcastically, stifling a sneeze by raising a crunched tissue to his nose.

"Whatever I can do to help…" Jane sneered kindly, about to disappear into the hallway to go to the bathroom.

"I know something you can do to help." Eddie suddenly got a devilish look on his face.

"Oh? And what's that?" Jane smiled broadly, showing off all her white teeth.

Eddie only stuck up his first finger and bid her to come closer, and it wasn't until she was leaning over him with her hands wrapped around her chest to keep her shirt from drooping that he told her.

With a surprised scream and Jane's giddy laughing, Eddie pulled her down on top of him and began kissing her up and down her neck, his hands fastening her against him.

"You can stay home with me…" He mentioned between kisses, having to stop eventually before he passed out to asphyxiation.

Jane pouted out her bottom lip and looked pathetically at him. "You know I'd love to baby, but I have to go to China's 'Bring-A-Parent-To-School-Day' and then I have job interviews all the rest of the afternoon."

Eddie sighed and let his head roll back so that his chin stuck up in the air.

Jane licked her lips and kissed him gently on the throat. "Well…" She started, waiting until he turned his head back to face her with puffy eyes.

"I suppose I could cancel lunch with Liz…"

"No," Eddie pulled it together. "I'll survi-" But as he tried to speak, a coughing fit caught him off guard and he had to sit up abruptly, bumping heads with Jane. After a moment, his stomach muscles relaxed and he fell back onto the bed, groaning.

"Are you sure baby?" Jane asked, holding her head even though it didn't really hurt.

Eddie took a deep breath and sat up again, grabbing her arm and pulling her hand away from her head. "I'm positive." He whispered, gently placing his lips against where she had had her hand, kissing it better.

She looked at him in a serious wonder.

"I'll be fine." He tried to assure her. "It's only a stupid cold-" Suddenly, his face twisted into a disgruntled look and his hands flashed up to his face, cupping his mouth and nose. A split second later, a violent sneeze echoed from his lungs, snapping his torso forward, and strangely he stayed hunched over.

"Eddie?" Jane had a feeling of worry slide over her as she watched him just sit there.

"Yeah?" He tried to answer nonchalantly, but from his bent position, it sounded weird.

"You okay?" She put a hand on his unusually hot shoulder, rubbing across his shoulder blade with her thumb.

"…Yeah…" He said in an incredibly weak voice, barely able to even get the syllable out without losing it, he wiped tears away from his eyes.

Eddie brought a hand to his stomach and a grimace flashed across his face as he tried to lie back, but failed.

"You sure?" Jane gingerly pressed on his stomach right next to his hand, making him double over in pain.

"Uh-huh," she said skeptically. "I'm calling you a nursemaid for today." She said, rising from the bed and heading towards the hallway once again.

"No Jane. Aahh." He cried out in pain as the leaning forward thing sent a stab of pain through his stomach. "I just pulled a muscle, that's all…" He said the last part through clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry baby," Jane called from the kitchen, "but I'm not gonna let you sit at home wounded and with a major cold. I'm calling a nursemaid and that's the end of it."

Eddie frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, disgruntled anger building inside of him. He waited and listened to the muttered conversation Jane had over the phone before she hung up and walked back into the room.

Eddie only looked at her from beneath his eyebrows.

"Baby, I'm doing this for you and you know it." She came forward and sat on the bed next to him, looking sullenly at his demeanor. She leaned forward and took his head between her hands, kissing his forehead.

Eddie sighed and looked surrenderingly to her, finally nodding his head and grimacing as he tried to lie back again, this time taking his time.

"So," Jane slapped Eddie on the knee and rose from the bed again, heading into the closet, reemerging with a pair of gray sleeping pants and a black tee shirt. "I have to get you dressed before the nursemaid gets here or she might fall desperately in love with a married man."

"What's a little obstacle anyway?" Eddie joked, finally lying back against the bed.

Jane faked an overly sarcastic laugh and punched him in the stomach, getting him to howl.

"Ow!" Eddie retorted, scowling at her after cowering in pain. He watched as Jane began to slip his pants onto the bottom of his feet. "You know I can dress myself, right?"

"I know," Jane smiled. "It's just more fun this way…" She watched him shrug his shoulders and collapse back into the cushion, loving the attention. After some combat with getting his shirt on, Eddie now lay clothed enough to be seen by society.

Jane looked at the digital clock next to the bed and nearly jumped in the air. "I am sooo late!" She breathed, forgetting everything as she dashed to the bathroom.

Eddie only laughed and idly took his time as he scooted over on the bed, in the general direction of his wheelchair. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and gingerly sat up, his muscles arguing.

Then he stood, turned, and sat down into his wheelchair, sucking up the pain like a real man. Then he set off towards the kitchen, nonchalantly noticing that China was up and out of her room.

"Hey baby?" Jane called to him from the bathroom, a comb between her teeth as she held up her hair in the mirror. Eddie stopped at the end of the hall, waiting. "Could you make China breakfast?"

Eddie looked around the corner to see China sitting up at the counter with a bowl in front of her, a spoon in her mouth, and a book set beside the bowl, and she sat and ate and read. Then Eddie spotted the little black and white body on the other side of China's bowl.

"She's already done it…" Eddie called out with a smile, rolling forward and coming around behind China.

'Morning daddy.' China smiled widely through a mouthful of bits of Fruit Loops and casually went back to reading.

'You know,' Eddie signed, rousing China from her book again. 'Sushi shouldn't drink our milk.' He plucked the kitten from its spot by the side of the cereal bowl with a small meow, setting it down on the floor.

China looked bewildered for a moment before flashing a big grin. 'She was helping me eat breakfast.'

'Well, mommy's not gonna like that. So don't let mommy see.' Eddie smiled and rubbed his hand across her head, ruffling her black hair.

Holding back a sneeze again, Eddie pushed himself away from the kitchen and headed towards the living room, a sudden headache making its presence known to him.

"Alright," Jane came out in a flurry as Eddie was moving himself onto the couch. 'Come on, we have to go. Are you done eating?' She signed to China who nodded.

'Go brush your teeth.' She shooed China past her as she grabbed up all her and China's stuff and did a double check in her head. After a couple moments, China reemerged and smiled up at her mom, showing her newly cleaned teeth.

'Beautiful.' She commented. 'Now go kiss daddy goodbye.' Jane followed China over to her father and watched as she kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Eddie grabbed her shirt with his fingers and pulled it back and forth in fun. 'You have fun at school today. You promise?' He asked.

China nodded enthusiastically and moved out of the way.

'Go on baby, I'll meet you downstairs.' Jane signed, China taking her stuff from Jane's arms and running off outside.

"How do I look?" Jane asked, too hurried to worry about it now anyway.

"Like a million dollars."

But his words were overlapped by hers so he doubted that she had heard him.

"Okay, the nursemaid will be here soon and I'll try and be home as soon as possible, but I can't make any commitments." While she talked to him, her eyes were searching desperately throughout the living room floor.

"That's fine…" Eddie said, waiting until she had dove for the shoes she had been looking for and coming back up.

"I'll miss you baby," Jane said, kissing him on lips while trying desperately to haphazardly to get her shoe on at the same time.

"I'll miss you too, good luck." He called out as she shut the door behind her.

With that, his family was gone.

Finally, he could have some peace and quiet.

Coughing and cringing for a moment, he sat back and groped for the remote control, finally finding it and flipping on the television.

For an hour and a half he sat there, going through at least eight Kleenexes before he finally forced himself to get up and go the bathroom.

What a wonderful morning.