I've been blowing up my chances. Yeah, you heard me right. I've been blowing up my chances.
My chances for Princess to be mine.
Now you're probably laughing. I would be.
Princess, mine? Ha! Right?
Doesn't help if I keep blowing up my chances. Yep, that's right, I'm purposefully doing that.
Call it a game.
Don't mock me! I'm a world renowned thief/mercenary damn it! Princess wouldn't be worth the catch if I didn't have to work for it.
No wait, that doesn't quite sound right. It's not that it's easy to claim Princess. She's not an easy target, even for an average Joe. She is THE Kim Possible, after all. She's little-miss-perfect, the angel of society running around saving the day. And then you throw a thief into the mix and, well, things just don't add up. My chances are already slim and far between. And she would be worth the catch, no matter the circumstances.
It just wouldn't be good enough for me. I don't have the right to try and claim her if I'm not willing to risk everything. After all, it's an all or nothing decision. I can't be with Princess and stay a villainess. Nor can I stay a villainess and be with Princess. So, guess you could say I'm stealing my chance.
Yep, I'm going to steal my chance.
I'm going to investigate my target, like any thief would do. I will plan an appropriate entry point, several really. I'll also plot out several escape routes, even though they'll all lead to the same end. I'll either get the girl or I'll get villainy. Simple as that.
I can't claim her otherwise. You don't just GET Princess. You have to WORK for that kind of girl. There's no self respecting person who could look themselves in the mirror if all they did was take the first chance they got and hooked up with a girl like Princess. You always live with regret if you take that route, mostly because you'll lose her.
I don't want that kind of regret. I'm a woman who doesn't dwell on such a feeling. I'm pretty proud to admit I don't regret anything in my life so far. There are always blemishes, such as small embarrassments, but I don't regret them. I learn from my mistakes, my embarrassments. I make sure it doesn't happen twice.
Er, not that that can be said with Princess. She's outfought me numerous times. Obviously she's the oddity in my life. But, of course, I don't regret that either. I'm glad she's the oddity in my life, the one person who keeps causing me to repeat one mistake, one mistake I haven't given anyone else. I lose.
I lose to Princess. That is my mistake. That is my one mistake that Princess always pulls out. I don't LET her have it, per say, but then again, yeah, I do. Think of it. I obviously fight her to the best of my ability, but if she wins, it's her victory to claim. So yeah, I let her have that mistake, but I don't let her just HAVE it because I always try to fight my best. Complicatedly simple, yes?
In any case, I need to start arranging things. I need to steal my chance, after all. That isn't going to be easy. I've already been planning it out for months.
Really, you shouldn't laugh at a woman who can sling plasma at you and fry you where you sit. I'm being serious. I don't just flub around on my off time. I can be productive. Granted, it's usually for a heist, but still. Just because I'm not actively making plans of my own all the time, doesn't mean I'm incapable of them.
Jeeze, you're annoying, you know that? Stop being difficult and just hear me out. I don't exactly have time to waste.
No, I DON'T have time to waste. I only get one chance to, well, steal chance. And, of course, I have to have the most perfect, outstanding chance of all time to claim Princess as my own. I'm not going to go for some piddly "I saved your life once, so love me!" things. Grant it, those have their good points, but those kind's of chances usually come with repercussions. I don't usually like those kinds of repercussions.
Ugh, haven't I told you I've been researching this? Of COURSE I'm going to know about different kinds of chances and what kinds of aftershocks they'll have. I'm not going to be Dr. D and bumble my way around with some crackpot idea and idealistically believe that it will pull through on its own. I do have COMMON SENSE, thank you very much, something that blue idiot seriously lacks.
Move. No, seriously, move! You're standing on my chance line.
Please don't make me explain the chance line to you. It's far too complicated. If you want to know, go look it up. I spent fifteen days getting that first freakin' paragraph down. Don't you dare ask me to explain it, for it would take twice as long as trying to figure it out on your own.
Now, if I arrange everything just so, everything should go according to plan. Well, once I figure out where all that "just so" is… and what everything might be taken into account for this to become a success.
I swear, jumping into some other reality would be so much easier then this. She better damned well be pleased how much time, effort, and stupid grueling hours I researched this and set it all up. If it wasn't her, it would have driven me insane a long time ago and this whole idea would have landed in the trash.
Stop being useless and push that crate over there.
How do I steal chance?
Well, guess you could choreograph it. That's how I'm approaching it. Chance isn't exactly easy to shackle. It's not even a noted form of energy or solidity. Basically, I'm capturing the impossible.
You're still asking how?
Easy. I go around and create an entire slew of inevitable chances. I throw them all in the same place and carefully run through the choreograph and lead her to the ultimate chance. All the others are a test of my resolve, as well as a building of obvious plot stress and inevitability. It brings the ultimate chance right to the forefront, once you pass all the foreplay.
Then BAM! The ultimate chance is in your grasp. If you're not careful, you'll lose it. You're timing has to be impeccable, for all of it. But, of course, that last crucial moment means everything. If you mess up by just a hair, an eighth of a hair, you're screwed.
You laugh again? That's getting damn annoying. Either shut your trap or get out because I'm not in the mood for your attitude.
You're not in the mood for mine? Hey, I always have an attitude, be it humorous or snarky, I still have an attitude. I'm EXPECTED to have an attitude. It's who I am. Now, back to the plan?
Yes, Princess does make dodging plasma look a lot easier then it is. Be lucky that was just a warning shot.
Grab that rope over there and tie it just so over that. Be exact, too. If you're not exact, it won't work like it's supposed to.
You think I'm creating chance? I am not a creator, idiot. I'm just a thief whose stealing chance. You don't create chance. Chance is… well chance. If you go check out the definition in the dictionary, it says that chance is possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances.
…. I'm not creating chance. I'm creating favorable circumstances. In other words, I'm stealing chance.
Will you just shut the hell up? You're really starting to get on my nerves. This isn't a discussion of if I'm theoretically correct in either stealing or creating chance. That's not the point of this at all. My point is to gain that chance. Since I'm doing it by force, I'm stealing.
You better learn how to move faster if you keep spouting off like that. Get back to work. If you keep distracting me, I'm going to miss stealing my chance.
Of course there's a dead line! Didn't I go over that earlier? To set the stage, you have to start way back. You have to set the mood, so to speak. So, I kind of have to give hints and subtle messages to Princess that say hey, what if she was MORE then your enemy? What if she was something MORE then a friend? And then she starts asking herself questions like "What is Shego to me?"
Are you getting any of this yet? Sort of? Good, because I'm really getting tired of explaining it.
Of course there's proof that my hints are working! HELLO! Haven't you seen the latest security tapes from the last few lairs? I totally got her to blush on several occasions! She's totally thinking of it.
Do I have to prove every god damn thing to you?! Freakin' A! You would think you'd just shut up and except it by now!
Look! Watch closely. If you zoom in here, here and here, all in the same day, you see she blushes each of those times. And, if you look at these tapes in procession, you'll notice that the blushes become more frequent the more recent you go.
Of course she hangs more on Ron in the beginning! She's got doubts! Wouldn't you? I mean, most people just don't wake up one day and go "oh, I suddenly love the same sex and I think I'll dump my boyfriend for a girlfriend". It takes some time, fool. She hangs more on him because she's insecure. She doesn't want to believe it. She's trying to trick herself into believing she's just imagining it.
How many times do I have to tell you that I'm NOT an idiot? I have a brain and I DO use it.
Of course it's centered on things I like! Why would I waste my time remembering stuff that doesn't interest me at all? It would never stick if I wasn't interested!
How long have I been planning this? Well, that IS a good question. I've been planning this far longer then anything else. It's always had to be about perfection. She's out of college now, right? And, let's see, I met her when she was still in high school. So, basically, I've been planning this from, well, CLOSE to the get go, but not quite. I did have to have a chance to fall in …
No I wasn't. I was NOT going to use that word.
I WASN'T! That word doesn't exist in my vocabulary.
I know it exists, but that doesn't mean I have to make it exist in MY vocabulary. It is an irregularity that never reaches my mainstream thoughts.
Will you SHUT UP! I wasn't going to say it!
It's not he who denies the loudest is the most guilty. It's he who lies the worst.
It's perfectly sensible. If you lie well enough, no one's going to question you because you can build a perfectly believable lie. If you're stuttering and blabbering about you're lie that makes it that more obvious you're lying and obviously in the wrong.
Look, mark it as a thief's outlook on things. Either way, it doesn't matter. We need to get back to work. You've gone back to standing around and doing nothing.
Yes, I know you usually have more important things to do, but, if this is going to work at all, you have to be a part of it. It's another chance thing.
Could it be argued that it's fate?
Hell no! I make my own fate! I steal what time I can and extra. Fate is a whole beast all together. Fate has the power to align with chance or completely trash it. The power of fate overrides most laws, so it's a very touchy subject matter to begin with. I don't mess with Fate. Fate doesn't mess with me. The only thing it's done for me is allowing me to run into Princess.
You're slacking off again! Will you stop bothering me?! I told you! I'm almost out of time! She's going to be coming tomorrow, and everything has to be set up perfectly! There can't be errors!
Of course I know she's coming tomorrow! Doy! The blue idiot has one of his schemes planned!
Why didn't I tell you? You would have ruined my chance at stealing chance!
… Yes, I get that's kind of a play on words. Just shut up. You really are a distraction. I still can't believe I asked you for help. You're the last person I would want helping me out. You're worse then Princess.
How? You RUN that freakin' GJ thing! Why would I be thrilled about that?
Yes, it does give you the ability to drop all of my charges, but it also gives you the ability to hang them over my head when you please, which you're not past doing.
… See? That smirk says everything. You're as evil as I am. You're job just allows you to do all your dirty work legally.
Not denying it? Oi, we got us a politician on our hands!
No, I have no love for them either. And, of course my views are biased. Those idiots got me royally screwed when I was still in the hero gig. If it wasn't for those political bastards, I would still be running around saving the day.
Will you stop talking?! You seriously need to get your vocal cords removed!
Damn! Time is flying way too fast. Get a move on. It's no longer tomorrow she's coming; it will be a few hours. I still have to finish setting up the other four rooms.
Doy! It takes a lot of chance to get everything to fall into place. If I don't take everything into account logically possible, I will achieve nothing more then getting her to hate me. Now grab that wire. Yes, that wire. No! Don't cut it! Keep the damned thing whole! I need all of it! Yes, all! Bring it over here!
Will you stop trying to be an ass and take this seriously?! If you want me to give up and go back to looting your store hold, keep mouthing off!
You heard me! I'm THIS close to dropping all this crap and going back to being a villainess! I've invested way too much of my time into this for you to get witty and blow all of my hard work to kingdom come! If you're going to do that, I'm going to stop trying here and now and kick your sorry ass!
I know you're good, but you're not that good, hag. You've kept up training, I'll give you that, but you're not the villain you were before you decided to turn goody good. I can wipe the floor with you.
Glare all you want. You've been sitting in a comfy office, going stir crazy with all the crap you have to deal with daily. It doesn't give you the spare time to practice like you used to have. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
Of course I'm still the same Shego. Why the hell would I change that? Don't you remember my hero days? I wasn't any less biting with my remarks. And yes, I know all about you. I used to fight you on a day to day basis to put you in jail, if you remember correctly.
Ironic? Of course it's ironic. Our roles are reversed, and history repeats itself. We've known that for a long time. Only, I'm seriously glad you don't have a thing for me. That would be… ugh… Let's not even go there.
Don't smirk at me like that! Damn woman! Give a person the heebie-jeebies why don't you! Look, go over there and get everything done that's on this list. As I've said before, do it EXACTLY like I have it written. If you mess it up, I will not hesitate to come mess you up.
I never make threats. I make promises.
DAMN IT! You made me waste two more hours! Can't you just shut your trap?! We have to hurry! Dr. D will be screaming for me here in a minute, and I have to have everything complete!
Of course I took Dr. D into account! I know the man well enough to have everything arranged just for him as well.
Yes, the buffoon too. I've got it covered! How many times do I have to tell you?! I've played this game more times then I care to count! I KNOW how it all works! And, if I didn't, I made sure to pour my time into studying all our surveillance tapes and figuring out chance! I know what I'm doing! I even got that naked rat meshed into my scheme!
Look, you're crunching my time faster then Dr. D. I can at least blast him into submission. But you're really ticking me off. Just go hide where I told you to and wait for all this to play out. I have to finish the last few adjustments before blue boy calls.
Damn it. Right on cue.
I swear, if you mess this up, I will not hesitate to come after you to exact revenge, and it won't be pretty.
It's not smart to threaten you? When have I ever taken that into account? I kicked your ass when you were a hero, and I can still do it now. Shut your trap and keep out of my way. Things are just about to get interesting.
(A/N: How do you like that writing style? It's a little different from the norm, I think. It's all from Shego's dialog/POV. If you have any questions or tidbits for me, do let me know! Toodles!)