Note: This is a HP fanfic done Office Space style. Obviously, I don't own the rights to either Harry Potter or Office Space, and this fanfic was written for my amusement only. Let me know if you enjoy it, and I'll continue!
Chapter One : Case of the Mondays
"Oh, would you SHUT UP!" Severus Snape vociferated in Sybill Trelawney's direction across the staff room table. The woman was muttering to herself incessantly.
"Hem Hem. Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays!" an unfamiliar, short woman interjected sweetly. She was all clad in pink. The mere sight of her made Severus Snape want to vomit, so he was relieved when she exited the room as quickly as she had arrived.
"Who was that Severus?" Minerva McGonagall asked the potions master.
"I don't know Minerva. Oh, I tell you somedays--one of these days... I'm just going to show up in the great hall and it's going to be like, 'Avada Kedavra!'" Snape growled loudly while McGonagall laughed nervously at his unhinging confession.
"Oh Severus, you don't really mean that," the old witch then turned to the divination professor, "Really Sybill, what are you muttering on about? If you could only, you know, keep your thoughts to yourself, that would just make my last five years before retirement that much more bearable."
"Dumbledore is going to have me keep a close eye on Potter again this year, I can tell already. And I'm going to end up doing it because I'm a big pussy. Which is why I work at Hogwarts to begin with." Snape grumbled bitterly to Minerva.
"Well, I work at Hogwarts, too, you sour old git, and I am not a pussy," Hagrid remarked, offended, "In fact, Dumbledore's going to find out the hard way that I'm not a pussy if he doesn't start treating his groundskeeper better. I mean, I was falsely accused of opening the Chamber of Secrets, for goodness sake! He should have at least let me finish my schooling!"
"Oh no...oh noooo," Professor Flitwick seemed very flustered as he waddled into the staff room, "I knew it! I knew it! Dumbledore's brought in somebody from the ministry! One of those high inquisitors! That's what this staff meeting is all about!"
"So what?" Snape snapped coldly.
"So what?" Professor Flitwick hollered excitedly, "We're all screwed! We're all going to lose our jobs! You have an interview with this ministry employee, they call them high inquisitors, but what you're really doing is interviewing for your own job! I bet I'm the first one laid off!"
"So that's who that was!" Minerva remarked looking at Severus.
He looked supremely unimpressed as he said, "Shit! It's one thing after another. First Tom Riddle shows up here and just takes it upon himself to ruin everything! And now all we do night and day is look after that brat Potter! And now this! Do you know that there are some people in the wizarding world who don't have to put up with all this shit?"