Authorly tidbits: I've been wanting to write a DeixIno for a really long time. I've seen some out there, and there aren't that many long chapter ones, but the ones that are out there are actually pretty good. I love Ino, and I love Deidara…so here's a DeixIno fanfiction! This one's a short chapter…but they'll get longer (hopefully). I might go back and revise this chapter, because I felt an impulsive need to post it up before I abandon the fanfiction…haha so I hope you all enjoy.

Pairings: Mainly DeixIno, perhaps some SuixKa, some TemaxShika and a lot of other stuff going on

Warnings: A/U, a whole lot of dialogue (I don't do paragraph descriptions so well), a little OOC and possible references to OCs and small doses of OCs (more like shop owners and such)

Rated: T, because let's face it; no one really reads anything under T these days.


Of Birds and Bees (Without the Bees)

Chapter 1: Will Reading

"Yamanaka Ino?" asked a blond man in a black suit with fingerless black gloves. His hair was tied in a ponytail. His bangs covered his left eye. They were both standing in the lobby of the Tokyo Hilton Hotel.

"Yes," replied Ino. Her hair was swept back in a ponytail, similar to the man's, and she wore an expensive black Chanel dress with strappy black Jimmy Choo heels. A bellboy followed her, carrying a pile of baggage sitting on a cart. "You must be the person Akatsuki Law Firm sent, right?"

The man smiled. "Hai. The name's Deidara, un. You're already checked in. Here's your key, un." He handed her the hotel key and motioned for the bellboy to carry all of her luggage up to her room. "Are you ready to go to the reading, un?"

She nodded and they made their way to the elevator. It seemed like just a few moments ago that she had gotten the news…

Yamanaka Ino woke up with a huge hangover. She had overdone the drinking again. Slowly, she got up and trudged her way into the bathroom to look for some aspirins in the medicine cabinet.

Taking a glass of water and gulping down a few of the pills, Ino walked into the kitchen of her apartment. She had a pile of mail, most of them junk. As she threw envelopes aside, a lavender one caught her eye. It had the words From the Akatsuki Law Firm printed on it. The Akatsuki was her father's lawyer firm, and a letter from the firm was always important. She hoped she hadn't been disowned.

Tearing open the envelope, a small letter fell out. She picked it up and read it:

Yamanaka Ino, daughter of Yamanaka Inoichi:

It is unfortunate that I must inform you that your father has passed away. I have hand written this letter myself, because your father was an important client of ours. You are invited to his will reading on September 19th at the Tokyo Hilton Hotel. A subordinate of mine will meet you there and escort you to the room. It will be around 9 o'clock sharp, so do not be late.

Here for yours to serve,

Uchiha Itachi

So her father had passed away at last. He was the man that had taught her everything she knew about the culinary arts. True, she was not crying, but she did feel a pang of sadness. Their relationship was more of student-teacher rather than father-daughter. The letter didn't even say the cause of death or even if the funeral had already passed. She would go, though, to honor his memory.

She looked at the calendar to see what day it was. There were times when she would let the mail pile up before checking it. "Shit," she cursed when she realized it was already September 17th. That wouldn't give her much time to ask Jiraiya-sama for the weekend off…

There are many things about Yamanaka Ino. The blonde had horrible morals. She was a heavy drinker, believed in polyandry and one night stands, had no problems with lying, dressed skimpily and simply didn't believe in low fat dairy products. She thinks that when you go "incognito", you must be vacationing in Africa, she can't draw or paint anything other than stick figures, her poetry is about as deep as the kiddy pool and she was whiny and sometimes egotistical. Worst of all, however, was when she had PMS. There are some things so horrible that shouldn't be talked about, and this was one of them.

But she was one of the best chefs in all of Osaka.

When looking at extra sticky sushi rice, she could tell you five possible reasons why it was too sticky and pinpoint the correct one. Just because she can't draw or paint doesn't mean she's not artistic. Her mother had taught her the art of flower arrangement before she died, and she's a professional at making pictures with sauces. She could also eat anything without guilt. Not only that, but she's also a successful organic gardener and she can play the piano.

However, the stranger standing with her in the elevator knew none of that. To him, she was just another client waiting to be escorted to some tedious lawyer business. He noted, though, that she looked very similar to him. Heck, they almost shared the same hairstyle.

The silence in the elevator was killing her. Ino couldn't keep silent for more than a minute. Anyways, she heard every time there was an awkward silence, a baby seal died. Or maybe that was every time a man wore a thong. Whatever, she couldn't remember half of the things she read.

It was he who broke the silence. "You know, when they said to look out for a cute blonde girl, I didn't think you'd be this beautiful, un." He grinned at her.

She gave him her signature flirtatious smile. "You're not so bad yourself." She knew she shouldn't be flirting right now, but she couldn't help it. She wasn't lying, he was pretty hot.

"So what do you do for a living?" asked Deidara.

"Just a chef," said Ino modestly. "I work at Kurahara."

"No kidding, un?" said Deidara in surprise. "I knew I heard your name somewhere before. You were called a 'child prodigy' by some reviewers and I was sure there was something on the television about you once, un."

Ino laughed. It was nice to meet someone who knew of her career. "No, my colleague, Hyuuga Neji, is more of the child prodigy."

"Ah, I've heard of him, un. A bit cold or so a journalist friend tells me. He ate there once and interviewed him, un."

"Well, that's Neji for you," laughed Ino. "So were you always a lawyer?" The elevator dinged and they went out. The room was at the far end of the hotel.

"Nah, I once was a terrorist bomber for hire—" she hoped he was kidding, "—but I'm an artist too, un."

That was sexy. Ino loved artists. "What do you do? Paint or what?"

"Nah, the only thing I can paint are stick figures. I'm more of a sculptor."

"Do you have a specialty?" asked Ino.

"Yup," answered Deidara. "Exploding birds, un."

Before she could ask him what he meant, they had reached the room. He opened it and motioned for her to go in first.

Inside, there were quite a few people sitting in foldable chairs. There was a table that served complimentary snacks and a punch bowl. A handsome man with short red hair at a podium, who was clearly reading something, stopped. "Deidara, you're late."

"No, no, Sasori no Danna, if you just look at the clock right there, it says—" Deidara stopped for a second.

"And what does it say?"

"Er…nine-twenty…" replied Deidara meekly. He looked down at his own watch. "Oops…I must've set my watch wrong, un…Guess we shouldn't have dawdled…Gomen...un."

"You know I hate when people make me wait," said Sasori sternly.

"Gomen, gomen, un," apologized Deidara again.

"Heh, I bet Ino-pig seduced him or something," said a voice. Ino's eyes followed it to a pink haired woman dressed in a red velvet dress. It was Haruno Sakura.

"Billboard brow!" exclaimed Ino. "Long time no see." They were best friends. Naturally, the two hated each others guts. She noticed that Sakura was sitting next to a certain Uchiha…Uchiha Sasuke, to be exact. Sakura and she had fought over him when she was still living in Tokyo. She was hoping those two weren't together, when she noticed a redhead with strange hair sitting next to him. Wonder who that is…

"Please take a seat, Miss Yamanaka, and we'll continue the will reading," said Sasori. She sat in an empty chair in the deserted third row. She was surprised when Deidara went and sat down next to her. "Deidara, you don't need to stay any longer."

"Oh, but will readings are always interesting, un," lied Deidara. He hated them and all the drama that followed, but he couldn't leave just yet. He hadn't gotten the blonde's phone number yet.

Sasori gave him a strange look, but continued. "And as for the summer cottage in Hakone, I would like to award Anko with it for all of her hard work." A young woman with dark hair jumped up and squealed. The sounds of people muttering their disappointment could be heard.

Ino tapped the person sitting in front of her. A man with black hair and a light complexion turned around. "Excuse me, but has he read much yet?"

"No, the first few minutes were filled with a speech. This is the first big thing given out. Everyone received a trivial amount of money," replied the man, "about five hundred thousand yen each."

"Thank you," said Ino. The man turned around.

The reading went on with small family heirlooms, which were to be, of course, given to other family members, some Ino never even knew about. Finally, it came to the real deal: the actual dividing of the fortune and who would get the restaurant.

"As for the Yamanaka fortune, I would like eighty percent of it to go to my daughter, Yamanaka Ino, ten percent to all of my nieces and nephews, and the rest to be equally divided between my employees." Ino grinned. The Yamanaka fortune made her almost-six-salary pay check look like minimum wage. "I would also like for my daughter to inherit my restaurant." Ino could hear her a couple groans of disappointment. "However," continued Sasori, "in order for her to obtain more than twenty percent of the Yamanaka fortune and the restaurant, she must abstain from 'baby making'—", at this Ino turned bell pepper red as people around her snickered, most notably Deidara, "— for one year or until she gets married, and in order for her to gain more than fifty percent of the fortune, she must be married. If she fails to do so, the restaurant will go to Haruno Sakura, who has been like a daughter to me when Ino was absent from my life, and the rest of my money will go to the Akatsuki Law Firm, which has dutifully served me for many long years. All other family heirlooms, homes, etc. automatically go to Ino, regardless of whether or not she accepts this challenge. I would also like her to be working at the restaurant during the one year, if she chooses to accept the challenge, because it would be easier to monitor her.

I would like to say that my life has been a wonderful one, and I have found more happiness and fortune in my life than any man should have. I would like to see my restaurant continue to grow and flourish with the help of my original employees and I thank you all for making it a success. Please do continue to serve under my daughter, as I have faith that she will be able to do the challenge I have set for her." Sasori finished and put the paper back into his briefcase. "Any questions?" There was silence. "No? Feel free to help yourself to the free snack bar. I'll be around to answer any compulsive questions."

Everyone got up. Some people left, most content with what they received while a few looked disgusted at the meager amount they obtained.

"Yo, Sasuke, can't we stay?" asked a guy with white hair standing with Sasuke and the redhead. "I'm thirsty."

"No, we have business to do," replied the Uchiha.

As the three were about to leave the room, Sakura noticed and ran after them. "Sasuke-kun!" she exclaimed in a cutesy voice. "You're not going to leave now are you? Please stay!"

The redhead gave her an annoyed look, but Sasuke just said, "Move aside," and kept walking. Sakura looked hurt, and Ino couldn't help but pity her.

"So, Ino-chan," said Deidara. They both were standing and making their way to the table. There was champagne and dainty little things, like crackers topped with Bulgarian caviar and lobster dip. "How about you stop by sometime and take a look at my art, un?" He poured champagne into two glasses.

"Sure, why not," said Ino, smiling. She picked up the glass. Ah, alcohol. The nectar from hell that made her do stupid things when consumed in large amounts. How she loved it. She took a small sip. "Give me your cell phone." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Sidekick 3. She added her number into it. "Call me when you're free."

"Hey, Ino-pig," called Sakura as she walked over. She eyed Deidara from head to toe. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"

"Um, Sakura this is Deidara, Deidara, Sakura," introduced Ino, reluctantly.

"Hello, un," said Deidara.

"When'd you two meet?"

"Oh, just a few minutes ago in the lobby. He was sent by the law firm to escort me up here," said Ino, grinning.

"What?" exclaimed Sakura, enviously. "We got some strangely colored fish man."

Deidara snickered. "That's probably Kisame no Danna."

"Who do you mean by 'we'?" asked Ino.

"Oh, you know, me and the rest of the staff. You'd meet them if you stayed, but since I know you're not going to accept the challenge…"

"What do you mean?" asked Ino fiercely.

"Well, you obviously can't stand a year without…well, you-know-what…" Sakura smirked.

"You think I'm going to let my father's restaurant go to you, forehead girl? I don't think so."

"Whatever, it's going to be mine one way or another. I mean, look at yourself Ino. You're just a slut," and with that, Sakura walked away with one last longing glance at Deidara.

"GR!" growled Ino. She was considering whether or not she should take the challenge, but Sakura had settled the decision for her. "I hate her!"

"So, um, you guys are friends?" asked Deidara, unsurely.

"Oh yes, best of friends."

Ino took a deep break and closed her eyes to calm down. Then, she walked up to Sasori with Deidara following closely behind her. "Hey, if I accept my father's challenge, do I have to sign anything?"

"No," said Sasori, "but you'll need to move here, for a year at least, and when you go back to where you come from, you'll need an escort from our firm."

"I'll escort her, un," said Deidara right after the words left Sasori's mouth.

"She didn't even say she accepted yet," replied Sasori.

To save Deidara from embarrassment, Ino quickly said, "I accept."

"Well then, the day is September 21st and the time is ten o'clock sharp. We'll meet here a year from now. I'll arrange for you to go back to Osaka tomorrow and pack. Expect a letter on your door tonight with all the information." The other guests had already dispersed, one by one. "Come Deidara, we must leave now."

"But, Sasori—"

"Be a good boy, like Tobi, and come." Deidara scowled after Sasori's retreating figure. He waved apologetically to Ino as he trudged off.

So she was going to be in for a ride. Her father never knew how to make things simple or easy for her. And just when she had met a cute guy. Not only that, but her birthday was in four days.


More A.N.: It's summer, so my writing skills are obviously mediocre…but don't worry, as soon as school starts, I'll be a bit better…Hoped you all liked it. Please remember to review!