STANDARD DISCLAIMER: The characters belong
to George Lucas, and I'm not making any money from this, so there.
Obi-Wan purchased a
pint of Guinness and made his way over to the table at the rear of Liam's
Lounge where Anakin and Palpatine were engrossed in conversation.
"Hi," he said, sitting.
"So," Palpatine continued, acknowledging Obi-Wan with a nod, "Sabé knows how much I enjoy eating it, but the taste can be… unpleasant."
"Don't I know it!" Anakin agreed.
"What she does is prepare it a special way first."
"Huh. I've never heard of that. Go on," Anakin said. Intrigued, Obi-Wan leaned back in his seat and sipped his pint, idly wondering how much booze the Chancellor had consumed that evening. Usually he was reticent about discussing personal matters, and sexual activities with his new wife would certainly fall under that category.
"First, she washes it very carefully - every nook and cranny. She makes sure to get all that nasty stuff out that can make it taste bad."
"Eeewwwwwww!" Obi-Wan said, shuddering.
"What's wrong with him?" Palpatine asked, indicating Obi-Wan.
"Beats me," Anakin said, shrugging. "Hey, maybe I should be writing this stuff down for Padmé. Anyway, go on - what does she do next?"
"Well, next she dries it thoroughly and sprinkles some kind of powder on it. Then, I think she rubs some sort of special oil on it too."
"Wait a minute," Obi-Wan interrupted. "Did Anakin use the Mind Trick on you again or something?" Palpatine gave him an odd look.
"No… why?" Obi-Wan shook his head in amazement.
"What does she do next?" Anakin asked.
"Next, she pours a flavored sauce on it. It makes it taste very good indeed, I can tell you. I could eat it every night, to be honest with you." Obi-Wan choked, spewing beer all over the table.
"Dude," Anakin said, handing him some napkins. "That is way not cool. Try to control yourself, 'kay?"
"I cannot believe I am listening to this conversation!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "I am absolutely shocked. Words fail me. I can't believe you got Palpatine to discuss stuff like this with you!"
"What's the big deal?" Anakin asked.
"And Sabé! She'd KILL you if she knew you were telling us this stuff." Obi-Wan told Palpatine.
"I doubt that. Sabé is quite proud of being able to make it palatable." Palpatine told him. "She'd tell you herself how good it tastes when she's done with it."
"This is unbelievable." Obi-Wan muttered. Anakin and Palpatine exchanged puzzled glances.
"Anyway," Anakin said, "if Padmé went to all that trouble, I'd probably eat it too."
"Have you eaten it before?"
"Only once, but I couldn't stand the taste. It was really strong," Anakin replied. "Padmé really likes it and she keeps begging me to try it again."
"Oh, well, you should try Sabé's sometime," Palpatine told Anakin. Obi-Wan choked on his beer again. The other two ignored him. "It's wonderful," Palpatine enthused. "In fact, just thinking about how good it tastes makes me - "
"OK, that's it!" Obi-Wan said, standing. "I can't take any more of this sick, twisted, perverted discussion. Whatever you guys do with your wives in your bedrooms is your own business. I don't think it needs to be discussed among us, and it certainly doesn't need to be discussed in the middle of Liam's Lounge! Don't you guys have any respect for your wives? Good grief!"
"What an extraordinary outburst," Palpatine said, eyebrows raised.
"Really. Geeze, Obi-Wan…" Anakin added.
"Ah…" Obi-Wan said, looking from one man to the other. "Um… OK, maybe you could tell me what you're discussing."
"Sabé prepares an excellent barbecued Nubian Grak-Nak. The meat usually has a very strong, unpleasant taste, so preparing it is quite a skill, I can assure you." Palpatine frowned at Obi-Wan as a new thought entered his mind. "What on Naboo did you THINK we were discussing?" Obi-Wan blushed.
"Never mind. You don't want to know."
"Dude," Anakin said as comprehension finally hit him. He shook his head. "That's really sick."