Novel Therapy

What do you do when you have an Akatsuki member in a coma for three months? Well after Sakura and Sai braided Deidara's hair and put lipstick on his hands… DeiSaku with hints of SaiSaku Some slight crack.

For Suggii.


At first when I see you cry

It makes me smile

Yeah it makes me smile.

-Smile (Lily Allen)

When Sakura found him, he was - how should she described it? – Well he looked better last time she saw him (Not to mention in one piece). He won't survive the trip back, Sai told her, peeking over to look at what was left of the former Akatsuki member. For once Naruto was ready to agree with Sai, after kicking an arm to the side of the rubble.

But after giving Deidara a look over… or ten, Sakura demanded that she be sent back to treat him and damned Naruto if he wasn't going to help.

"But he'll die by the time we reach Konoha!" Naruto whined, "And what about Sasuke teme?!"

Sakura herself rather chase Sasuke then heal Deidara, she notified Naruto of this with a smack. But Deidara had information and Sakura knew she and Tsunade would be the only ones able enough to heal him.

So, after splitting the teams (Naruto, Kakashi, and Team 8 to one side while Yamato, Sai, and Sakura to the other), Deidara, carried carefully by Yamato's trees, was well on his way to Konoha.



It was not fun healing that mofo, Sakura informed Sai (Who was looking with only a dry interest as he read his humanity book). The two were lounging in the Konoha library, a comfort zone Sakura was only too surprised her and Sai shared. They were sitting in the back of course, with their bleach white chairs and matching table with books piled nearly to the ceiling.

Finishing her rant, Sakura scoffed and looked to the side as Sai calmly set down his book.

"So the operation was a success?" Sai asked calmly.

"Regretfully yes," Sakura mumbled in her palm.


"Yeah, you see," Sakura with half lidded eyes, flicked her pencil, "The bastard is in a coma."


With her eye brows raised Sakura looked at Sai, "Excuse me?"

Sai smiled, "Your face wouldn't be the first thing I want to see when I wake up, you see." Dodging in time to an anatomy book, Sai quickly plucked a book to his side and held it up for Sakura to see, "But you see ugly, despite your… sadly natural features. This book has all the answers you need to get that "mofo" out of bed faster."

Sakura peered at the cover, "…Sai that's a romance novel."

Nodding, Sai flipped the pages of the book, "Ino lent it to me saying it would help my human interactive area-" Sakura snorted at this. "-I must say it's interesting to say the least. Women often are often subdued by good wits and a…" Sai inspected the text further, "Apparently a slim waist and broad shoulders, not to mention-"

"Sai- focus, I know you have this thing for Naruto and all…" Sakura motioned with her hands as if nothing else needed to be explained, "What does this have to do with my blonde vegetable?"

"Your blonde vegetable?" Sai questioned. A tint of humor traced his words, "My, my Ugly. Given up on your raven lover already?"


"You know, you should really take note we are in a library."


"Okay, so what now?" Sakura asked.

The two hovered over Deidara's body- Sakura had discarded her medic jacket and was dressed in her usual outing outfit- a red vest over a yellow tee shirt. She looked down with half lidded eyes at the unsuspecting criminal. His hair was loose now and spread over the pillow and mouth was a gap a little, giving the illusion he was merely sleeping. Sliding her eyes, Sakura noticed how his palms were tilted slightly upwards, showing off the identical mouths which were also a gap.

"Okay Ugly," Sai alerted Sakura.

Sakura looked up at Sai, who had put down his romance novel (Which only irked Sakrua just a little bit). He was dressed in a black, high school uniform as always but as he pulled up his sleeves, Sakura noticed ringlets of hair ties hanging from his wrists.

"Sai," Sakura spoke slowly, "What are you doing?"

"In the novel the lover tries to force his lover out of their trance by stroking her hair," Sai explained, "Seeing how Deidara," Sai motioned to Deidara's hair, "Has long hair where as you," He pointed to Sakura, "Have that butch hair cut. We can just mirror the situation while switching genders."

"I'm not the one who wears a mid drift," Sakura countered, fingering the tips of her pink hair.

Sai cocked his head, "Oh? I wasn't aware you wanted me to seduce Deidara, ugly."

"Who said anything about that?!"

"My, my, such a pervert."


"Right," Sai said and he extended his wrist t Sakura, "Let's get working on his hair."

"I'm not touching his hair!!!"

"Oh?" Not paying attention to Sakura at all, Sai turned his head around the room, "Ah, found it."

Sai plucked off a hair brush off the blue desk. Turning back to Sakura, Sai smiled foxily and handed out the brush with his right hand and five hair ties in the other.

"So, do you want to brush or braid, ugly?"

"Sai, what is this?" Sakura asked. Her body suddenly seemed too tired and she cradled herself in the palm of her hands.

Without a falter in his smile, Sai replied, "Therapy."

Sakura looked down. His blonde hair did seem rather dead, didn't it? And if this was therapy the sooner he would get better and wake up right?

No, Sakura concluded. This was pampering with a patient! Doctors had their morals. Even if their patients were S classed criminals who, Sakura paused, who fought in a battle with the boy you love and stole a Kazekage… Who made you go through hell and by that meaning nearly fourteen hours in the surgical room with no sleep at all which was a real pain in the-

Meekly looking over to Sai, Sakura then asked in a rather innocent voice,

"Do you know how to french braid?"


Dashing through the hallways, Sakura barely caught notice of one of the assistant nurses waving for her attention. Her hands full, Sakura struggled to stop without dropping her valuable supplies. She turned around, out of breath, and asked the nurse what was wrong.

"I was just reminding you not to run in the Hospital hallway Sakura san," The nurse meekly answered. She nervously eyed the items in Sakura hands, "Uhm, Sakura san… where are you going with-"

"-Oh these? Don't worry about it," Sakura interrupted and she laughed, waving off the nurse with a sheepish smile, "It's therapy!"

The nurse then could only watch Sakura's figure fade away. Watching the pink haired nurse only stopping as Sai, whom the nurse had been seeing a lot these days, intercepted and presented an assortment of bows and strings. The two smiled eerily like Naruto in his genin days before darting off.

"Those two," Tsunade muttered.

"Ah, hello Hokage sama!" The nurse greeted and bowed.

Tsunade gave a curt nod, "I was going to ask Sakura to do something for me… but as long as she's getting along with that Sai kid…"

The nurse nodded but looked back thoughtfully at where Sakura ran off to, "But I can't help but wonder…"

"Hm? What's that?" Tsunade asked.

"Oh nothing," The nurse concluded, "Sakura just seemed to be carrying a lot of make-up that's all…"


Sakura will be honest to say she was weary of Sai's idea of therapy at first, but after a few hair ties there and some braids over here, she found the treatment to be very therapeutic.

Not for Deidara of course.

"Woah," Sai had said when he first plunged his hand into the silky blonde waves, "He puts your butch hair to shame, ugly." At first Sakura didn't know what Sai was talking about and even felt a little bit offensive to the comment, but after feeling the smooth, slick hair in her fingertips, Sakura couldn't help but agree.

"No matter how much I look at it I don't believe it," Sakura confirmed as she brushed Deidara's hair, "This puts Ino to shame."

Sai looked down on his lap where two identical ribbons laid, "I'll put the purple bow on…"

"No!" Sakura hissed, "Put the red one on!"

"Like I'll follow your fashion advice, ugly," Sai said and he smoothed the purple ribbon between his fingertips, "You wear red everyday so what do you know?"

Pausing, Sakura looked incredulously at Sai, "Why the hell am I having a conversation about ribbons with you?"

A long pause was followed by an uncomfortable cough.

"So… will this shade of lipstick do?" Sakura asked, holding up a lipstick case from her plastic cosmetics bag, "It's berry pink."

Pondering, Sai silently took out the romance novel and flipped through the pages once more. When he reached a certain page of the book, he scanned the text, "The lover placed on the girl's favorite lip stick."

Sakura paused, "Well what's his favorite shade?"

Giving Sakura an arrogant glance, Sai replied, "How should I know, ugly? Just put them all on him."

Shrugging, Sakura dumped the contents on the bed. Cherry glitter, nude, caramel, and all shades were spread out and both Sakura and Sai each took a shade, proceeding to trace a different mouth on Deidara's body.


"I'm concentrating, Ugly."

Sakura sighed, not looking up from her work, "I never expect I would be doing this with you- much less on an Akatsuki member."

"I know," Sai muttered. He capped the caramel color, reaching for the berry-luscious, "We're making bonds."


After three hours of crouching over the S-Class criminal, with only a fifteen minute lunch, mind you, Sakura and Sai stepped back next to each other, both looking over their works. Deidara's hair was unevenly divided into four sections, three out of four being braided and the other one was limply hung on its side. Around his mouth, Sakura had started off with a clean layer until Sai had "unintentionally" kicked Deidara's bad causing Sakura to jerk her hand, running the lip stick off Deidara's cheek. Deidara's hand also had a completely lip-over as Sai saw to it. Even the nails were given a little extra coating.

"He looks like a drag queen," Sakura dryly commented.

Sai looked back in his novel, "Oh we forgot to talk to him, Ugly. Coma patients respond well to a familiar voice."

"He hasn't really met either of us," Sakura scoffed."

"He met you- briefly," Sai said and he shut up book with one hand. Exiting the room, Sai looked back, "Don't bore him too much with your chatter, Ugly. We need him alive for the interrogation."

"I killed his partner, Sai!!!" Sakura protested.

"Oh nevermind," Sai said, "You have a lot you need to talk about."

Before Sakura could reply, Sai had already shut the door- leaving Sakura with a dolled up Deidara and several empty packs of cosmetics.


"Hey, Sai!"

"Hello Gorgeous."

"Oh Sai!!! You're embarrassing me!!!"


"Oh, you're still reading that romance novel?"

"Yes, it actually helped a lot, Gorgeous."


"Yes, Ugly and I had a wonderful time mirroring a scene in the novel."



"Ugly, have you noticed how he has three breathing sources?"

Caught off guard, Sakura glanced briefly at the three mouths which were still, very much a gap and taking in oxygen, "What about it?"

Sai's eyes slightly arched, "Don't you think he'll be able to regain consciousness faster because of this?"

(August 24, 2007. 4:12 AM)

IceBitten: I know I shouldn't start another multi-fic. Lol. But this is a really short story and it's only going to be two pages long. I don't expect a lot of reviews on this fanfiction. The entire "make-up" scene I was just shaking my head like, "I completely destroyed Sai." Haha.

This is for Sachuu, a friend on DevART whose been my fan since my "KokoroDragon" days haha. I was pretty surprised she wanted a fic from me STILL.

So yeah, have fun kiddies.