Disclaimer: I own a copy of the game, but not the franchise and/or copyright.

Inspired by my hapless roommate, whom I have discovered has very little talent at playing Zelda games.

Nine-year-old Link stood in Hyrule field.

He wasn't sure how exactly he had managed to get there, but he was standing quite firmly just outside the entrance to Kokiri Forest. After a moment's contemplation, he

remembered what had transpired earlier…The Deku Tree was dead, and he had received a parting gift from Saria before running out to face his destiny. For some reason, it

seemed like an eternity had passed since that moment. Before he had much time to contemplate why it seemed like such a long time had passed, however, he heard a strangely

accented girl's voice float through the air. It mesmerized him, and seemed to be far away yet clear. It said, "Emily! Where do I go next?" and then another strangely accented voice,

of a deeper quality, replied with a calm "Just walk straight ahead". Before Link had time to properly process what significance, if any, the voices might have to his quest, he found

himself running forward in an awkward gait. This alarmed him somewhat; understandably, since his body was running without his consent. Before he could try and fight it, though, he

came to an abrupt stop in front of a large tree with a giant owl perched atop it. Link found himself looking up automatically at the owl, and to his astonishment it began to talk. For

some reason, though, the owl was speaking very, very slowly. Then, over the friendly voice of the owl, who was saying something about Hyrule field, the deeper voice from before

rang out again. "If you just press B, the dialogue will run faster." This confused Link. What in the world was the voice talking about? He didn't have long to ponder the meaning of

Deep Voice's cryptic words, however, because the first voice cried out "Oh!" and then all of a sudden the owl began talking so fast Link couldn't even understand him. Then he

abruptly slowed down again and stated in a calm, clear voice, "Do you understand what I just told you?" Link wanted dearly to tell the owl that no, he did not understand a single

word of what he had just been told, but instead of speaking, or even shaking his head no, he found himself nodding sharply. The owl cheerfully called him a "smart lad" and took

flight from his perch in the tree. Link tried to move, but found he was rooted to the spot. To his alarm, the voices continued to speak. "Okay, which way do I go now?" asked First

Voice. "You'll want to go sort of up and to the right, here." replied Deep Voice. Link immediately found himself running again, this time up a small hill. But it wasn't long before he

heard the voices again. "No, Rachel! Right! Right! Ahh…Just follow the road, okay?" said Deep Voice in a not-so-calm manner. While this was going on, Link found himself

jerking left and right, and finally running towards the dirt road that was supposed to lead to Hyrule Castle. Link wished that if his body was going to move of its own volition, it

would at least walk instead of running constantly. After a bit of running, during which Link found he wasn't nearly as out of breath as he had expected to be, Hyrule Castle came

into view in all its glory, right as the sun started to go down. Link's uncooperative body continued to run, however, right up to the castle gate which had just slammed shut for the

night. By this time night had fallen completely, and right when Link was feeling relieved that even though he couldn't move of his own free will he wasn't running anymore, a small

skeleton popped out of the ground near him. Before he could even react, he heard First Voice yell "Ahhhhhhh!!!" and his body started running around in erratic circles. Then he

heard Deep Voice cut through First Voice's screams: "They're just stalchildren. You can easily kill them with your sword." Link started screaming with First Voice as his rebellious

body drew his Kokiri sword and stood stock still, trying to slash at the skeleton zombies that were beyond his reach. They swiped out and struck him, but never came close enough

for Link's flailing sword arm to reach them. Just when Link felt himself weakening and was beginning to think he was going to die, Deep Voice came to his rescue: "Rachel, you're

going to have to move the stick if you want to kill anything." Suddenly Link's body leapt into action and he killed two of the stalchildren…Only for three more to pop up in their

places. His body immediately switched from "attack mode" to "run away mode". Deep Voice's calm broke through the pandemonium again: "Just jump in the moat. Stalkids can't

survive in water." Link gave a helpless cry as his body threw itself into the moat surrounding the castle. But, true to Deep Voice's word, the one stalchild brave enough to venture

into the water immediately disintegrated into blue flames. Finally, after what seemed like the longest night of Link's life, the sun rose and the gate to the castle swung back down.

Link found himself hastily climbing out of the moat and running across the gate without even stopping to dry himself off. He was feeling a bit disgruntled when he suddenly realized

that he wasn't even wet. That didn't make any sense, given the fact that he had spent almost the entire night in the castle moat, but Link supposed never being wet wasn't any

stranger than losing control of his body or hearing voices, so he stopped thinking about it.