Disclaimer: See previous chapters.
A/N: Well folks, here it is. This is the final chapter. I hope you enjoy it. =]
Chapter Thirty-four: Epilogue
My eyes were closed. I wasn't sure where I was. Something was wrong. Something had happened that I wasn't sure of. There was a feeling that I should be afraid, that I should be worrying about something. I felt like I should be doing something that was just out of reach. Even though I seemed to know all of this, I felt safe and warm. I felt like I was in the right place. A warm breeze flowed over me. I furrowed my brows and opened my eyes. All I could see was field covered with yellow wild flowers. I frowned and turned in a circle. There was a large elm tree just yards away from me. The sky was a wonderful blue with only a scarce amount of clouds covering it. I took a deep breath, the smell of the flowers intoxicating. I felt something strange pulling at me. Something I just couldn't place. I was about to move forward when I heard barking. I stopped and frowned as I turned toward the sound. A moment later I saw him. I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw him moving through the field, running at top speed. A smile spread across my face as I ran toward him. I knelt as he barreled into me. He flattened me as he lay across my chest. His tongue moved over my face as I laughed. I wrapped my arms around him, ecstatic to have him back. I pushed him off and moved onto my knees. I took his head in my hands and kissed his muzzle.
"Hey baby." I smiled as I stroked him. He gave a short whine and licked my face again. "I missed you. I'm sorry about what happened." He whined again before his ear turned backward and he turned and looked. I hadn't noticed his arrival but I looked up and my breath caught in my throat. "Jim…" I said airily as he walked toward me.
"Hi." He said somewhat awkwardly.
"Hi." I said staring at him. "How…?" I said though I didn't even know what to ask.
"Do you remember what happened?" He asked.
I tried to think but everything was a bit fuzzy. Then something hit me. "Dean…" I said and turned around, frantically trying to remember what happened, where he was. "Where is Dean?" I said turning to Jim.
He gave me a sad smile. "He's not here." He told me.
"Where is he?" I asked him again.
"What do you remember?" He asked me.
I looked at Cooper. I tried to remember what happened. "We were in the car. The demon had been in John…" I said and stopped. "The semi hit us." I said looking up at Jim. "There was a lot of pain and then nothing." He just looked at me. A sense of realization hit me. I looked at Cooper and then back at Jim. There was only one reason I was having this conversation. Tears came to my eyes as I closed them. I opened them and looked at him. "I died, didn't I?" I asked him. He just gave me another sad smile. "Okay." I said and looked at the ground. Cooper leaned against me. I smiled and stroked his head. "It's okay." I said and turned away from them. I walked across the field and let silent tears fall. I was dead. Dead…no longer of the living. It was a strange reality. I sat and stared across the endless field. Cooper sat at my side and looked out with me. I stroked my hand down his back before pulling him against me. Soon I heard Jim sigh before he sat at my other side. "So is this supposed to be heaven?" I asked him.
"I guess so." He replied.
"You guess so?" I asked looking at him.
"It's different for everyone." He told me. "You control the way your heaven is."
"So I made it like this?" I asked him.
He nodded. I didn't say anything. "Isn't this what you wanted?" He asked. "I don't remember this field."
"You wouldn't." I told him. "This was before our time. My dad had found this field at some point when I was young. Not long before they died. I have a picture of it somewhere. For a while I carried it around with me everywhere. It was of me and my parents in this very field. It's one of the few memories I have of them. Nearly the only one." I said and looked at him.
"Alright. That explains the field and me. I guess you got a dog huh?" He said looking at Cooper.
"Yup. He died a few days before…I did, I guess." I told him as I hugged my dog. "He was murdered by a demon."
"A demon?" Jim said looking at me.
"You wouldn't believe what I've been doing." I grinned at him.
"I'm not sure if I want to know." He told me. "Is it what got you killed?"
I nodded, "Yup." A silence filled the air as the warm breeze blew over us.
"I can't say I'm not thrilled to see you." Jim finally told me.
"It's good to see you too." I told him.
"I'm glad that you moved on." He said softly. "That you didn't hold on to me."
"I'm sorry." I told him.
"Don't be." He smiled. "I've been gone for a while now. You were never supposed to be alone."
"No." I told him. "I've found a man I love more then anything." He smiled. "This is a little awkward to talk about with you. Considering we were engaged and all." I smiled at him.
"Yeah, but I obviously wasn't the love of your life. I left it far too soon to be that." He replied.
"I guess not." I replied. "Dean's great. He really is. He loves me just as much as I love him. Though now I've left him." I said as tears came to my eyes. "I've left him and I promised I would never leave. I promised him that I would never leave him. But I have. He's lost so much in his life. He doesn't deserve to lose me too. I don't want to leave him."
"You didn't have a choice." Jim told me.
"It was a bad accident. I don't even know if they're okay." I replied. "How am I supposed to know?" I asked looking at him.
"You just do. You can feel them every once in a while." He told me. "I could feel you sometimes. Sometimes you were hurt sometimes you were happy. But you can't control it. Not that I've found at least. Can't say I've tried to control it. It hurts too much to feel how the living is."
I furrowed my brows as I thought a moment. "I felt something when I got here. Something that was pulling me toward it. But I couldn't place it." I told him.
"It might have been one of them." He replied. "You'll learn."
I nodded and looked out into the field. "Will it stay like this?" I asked him.
"It'll be whatever you want it to be." He replied.
"Are you here because I wanted you to be or because you did?" I asked him.
He looked out over the field. "I felt you. It was strong. I knew that something had happened and that you were coming. I wanted to be here for you." He told me.
"Thank you." I smiled at him. "It is really good to see you." I said taking his hand. It was warm. He grinned and put his arm across my shoulders.
"You too, baby." He said and kissed my hair.
We sat and watched as the sun set. I honestly wasn't sure it was going to. When it was down Jim excused himself. He was going to return to his own heaven. I was almost curious enough to follow him, wondering what his heaven looked like. But I let him go. I watched him walk away, waving before he disappeared. Cooper remained at my side. He was panting, a grin written across his face. I smiled and kissed his head before a melancholy settled over me. I looked up into the sky and soon clouds flooded into it. Lightening started to strike as the thunder came rumbling in. There was a crack of lighting that opened the sky letting the rain come pouring down. I closed my eyes resting my head back on my shoulders. I let the rain wash over me. Letting it touch every part of me. Soon my tears were mixed in with the rain. I held my knees against me as I sobbed into them. I knew what had happened now. I remembered what had happened and what I was leaving behind. The only thing I didn't know was if they were okay. I didn't know if Dean was okay. What about Sammy? Was John with his boys? I sobbed harder as I thought about it. I didn't know. I would never really know. Heaven was supposed to be wonderful. It was supposed to be a place where you spent your afterlife happy and whole, knowing you had lived your life. But I hadn't. I hadn't lived my life. I had so much more to do. I still had to be happy with Dean. I had to stop the demon and set everything right. I wasn't supposed to die. I wasn't supposed to have to say goodbye. I didn't want to say it. It wasn't the way it was supposed to be. It wasn't the way! Yet…that was exactly the way. There is always goodbye. No one can live forever. Someday there would always be goodbye. Someone would always be leaving. I just didn't want it to be me.
The field remained gray as it felt like everything was fading away. Everything was fading into darkness. Something that seemed to just accentuate my mood. I didn't want to be happy in heaven. Everything was going to be too perfect. I was happy on earth, no matter how imperfect it was. I was happy fighting the demons and saving the world. All I wanted was to be back there. There was someone there who needed me. Someone who I needed. I looked through the rain at Cooper. He looked back and let out a heavy sigh. I nodded and looked over the rain stricken field. It would pass. This was heaven. Sadness wouldn't be able to prevail. I would let it out. I would let it out and then have to say goodbye. He wasn't going to follow me here. He was going to go on. I had to do the same. So here I was, staring into nowhere, saying goodbye to my life. Letting myself go. Knowing that I would be here for a very long time. But someday he would come. Someday he would return to me. I'd be waiting for that day. I would wait for him. But for now…goodbye is all that's left.
And there you have it. I hope you enjoyed it and I send out a big thanks to those who read it. =]