Title: The Yaoi Guidebook
Rating: PG - 13
Pairing: Doumeki x Watanuki
Word Count: 1,092
Disclaimer: xxxHolic belongs to CLAMP.
Warnings: Crack. Very mild spoilers up to Volume 9. !Devious! Himawari-chan. Gay sexual tension. Watanuki insisting he's seme. Doumeki, and the seer's innate prissiness, getting in the way.
Summary: Himawari sends the boys their mid-year gift over summer break. Watanuki protests. Doumeki is pleased.
Notes: The characters depicted are 18 years old in this work of fiction. Wrote this to commemorate BonBon ver. 2.0, the brand-new PC we got this weekend. And dedicated, as always, to elana-chan-sensei. Here's to hoping your students don't stress you out. Take your vitamins!
The Yaoi Guidebook
"If we go by the book," Doumeki stated, setting down the paperback volume on the low table in what passed for Watanuki's living room, "I'm seme."
Watanuki instantly turned pink. "W-what?! That's..." he sputtered, and tried again. It was hard to restart, the boy mused, when the thought just killed your brain. "That is..."
Doumeki shrugged. "I'm taller than you."
"By an inch," Watanuki protested. "An inch!"
Across the table, the archer went on, undeterred, "And you have bigger eyes."
"What's that got to do with anything?!"
"I don't know, either," Doumeki replied, in a tone that said he didn't really care either way. "But it's what the book says."
"Well, I don't believe you!" Watanuki grouched, grabbing the afore-mentioned tome to see for himself.
"It's on page 24," Doumeki informed him helpfully.
The bespectacled boy flipped the book open, hurriedly scanning the page. His eyes grew wide. "Is that..." he murmured faintly, "... Is that even physically possible?"
Raising an eyebrow, Doumeki peered over the boy's shoulder. "Oh." He cleared his throat. "Wrong page. The list's on page 42." A pause. "Sorry."
Watanuki considered retorting 'You did that on purpose, you jerk!' but decided against it. He wasted enough breath on the bastard as it is. He flipped to the correct page instead.
"This is... stupid," the boy whose name was written as April 1st said, after a moment of reading through the list. It was mercifully short, and contained other generally perplexing items as 'skin texture' (the one with fairer, smoother skin was designated as the 'uke') and emotional restraint (the 'seme' held a tighter rein on his emotions than the oft-high-strung 'uke'). "Why must I be uke just because my eyes are bigger than yours?!"
Doumeki shrugged again. "Don't ask me." He pried the book from Watanuki's grasp as the shorter boy proceeded to glare at the rest of the world in general. "Who gave this to you, anyway?"
Watanuki stilled. Unbidden, his mind raced back to earlier this morning, finding the gift-wrapped parcel at his doorstep after a quick trip to the grocery. That, and the postcard enclosed in the wrapping paper. Both, he had soon discovered, from Himawari-chan.
Ochugen from Himawari, the postcard had confirmed, further saying it was such a pity that she would be staying in Kanagawa with her parents until the 20th. She had really wanted to personally hand her mid-year gift to Watanuki-kun -- and Doumeki-kun, of course! You and Doumeki-kun should read it together!, Himawari-chan had advised in the hand-written note, ending with her hopes that the two of them have an enjoyable summer, and that she looked forward to seeing them both once classes resumed this fall.
A sweat drop trickled down the side of Watanuki's forehead. At that time, he had been too busy twirling in merry little circles over receiving a gift from his Himawari-chan to care much about having to share it with Doumeki.
His left cheek twitched. Neither did he really care what the gift was; it was from his dearest Himawari, and that was all that mattered. Until, that is, he happened to unwrap the package come lunchtime -- and Doumeki dropping by with half a kilo of chicken, green peas, lotus root, and a request that Watanuki make chirashi-zushi -- and found what was inside.
"'Yaoi Guidebook'," Doumeki had read the cover aloud, Watanuki being too stunned to try and stop him. "'Complete and Unabridged. A step-by-step, illustrated manual on gay sexuality'."
You and Doumeki-kun should read it together!
Looking back, it was a good thing Watanuki hadn't gotten around to telling the expressionless oaf who the dread-inspiring book was from just yet.
Said book's deceptively innocent-looking cover waved unceremoniously inches from his face pulled Watanuki back to the present.
Doumeki stared at the seer, the tiniest hint of a frown the only thing attesting to the archer's curiosity. "So, who was it?"
Watanuki inwardly considered how inconvenient it was, this mortal inability to melt into the floor, as Doumeki waited patiently for his answer.
"Nobody you know!" the bespectacled boy finally spat out, waving his slender arms dismissively to emphasize his point. "Anyway," he continued, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose just because he could, "it's not like we'd ever... do any of that, that stuff!" Meaning, of course, the things that were so graphically described and illustrated in the book. "I don't even like you! And even if I did, I would definitely be seme, so whatever's written there is complete and utter hogwash!"
Silence. Doumeki looked at him in a way that gave Watanuki the distinct impression of gears clicking into place just beneath that unreachable facade of his.
"So," the archer ventured, "if you get to be seme, you would be willing to do all those things with me?"
Watanuki flushed to the tips of his ears. "Only if I liked you!" he repeated. "And I don't! So there!"
"But," Doumeki interposed, "you do."
"Whatever gave you that idea?" the bespectacled boy huffed, glaring at him for all he was worth. "Do I need to spell it out?! I. Don't. Like. You."
The archer returned his gaze with one of cool certainty. "I can make you like me," Doumeki replied after a beat, voice low and unhurried.
Watanuki found himself looking away for reasons he would rather not explore. His heart was pounding. Probably out of fear, because Doumeki was staring at him in that creepy, inscrutable way of his, and because the tone of his voice reminded him of chocolate: rich, smooth, and absolutely sinful. "No, you can't."
And because Watanuki wasn't looking, he missed the ghost of a smirk that formed on Doumeki's face. He heard it well enough, though.
"Is that a challenge?"