Creepy Ninja Thing
It all started when I woke up this morning. In truth, I wasn't used to Charlie not being at work or fishing on a Saturday, but today was just one of those days. While he snored away the morning, I not only cleaned the house, but took the time to make a grocery list. After digging around in the designated money jar, I pulled out enough money for the food that I would need and climbed into my truck.
Though I was sure the roar of my engine would wake Charlie, as well as anyone else within a two-mile radius, up, I ended up sitting in the car for a few minutes so the engine would warm up. The grocery store was pretty much empty, with the exception of the stereotypical teenager who has better things to do than stand behind a register.
Alright, cheese…would Charlie like cheddar or mozzarella? Better get both. As I was rounding the corner, I almost bumped into this incredibly awkward looking person. This person was dressed completely in black, wearing something that you could see a ninja wearing in corny kung-fu movies. So, not only could I not tell if this person was a man or a woman, but this…thing didn't apologize either. It didn't even talk.
After grabbing the cheese, I walked down the cereal aisle. Charlie had proven to like Lucky Charms, so I made my way to the end of the aisle. As I turned to grab the box, I spotted the creepy ninja person again and slipped on some clear liquid that was on the ground.
In the process of falling, I took the grocery cart down with me. The loud crash sound alerted probably the only awake employee in the building and he came running.
"Are you okay?" the employee asked, picking up the basket and completely ignoring me.
"I'm fine," I sighed, trying the hide the blush that scarred my face. "Sorry about the basket." When the employee, whose nametag said 'Daniel', finished checking for dents in the basket, he left me to pick myself up and finish shopping. When I was bagging some apples, once again, I noticed the creepy ninja thing, which was looking at the pears. The weird thing is that the ninja was just standing there and not even moving.
After seeing the ninja thing for the fourth time, I finished shopping as quickly as possible. While I was packing the groceries into my truck, the Ninja thing casually strolled through the parking lot. This thing, though it's a little but weird, has every right to be here. There's nothing going on—it's just shopping. Knock it off Bella, I thought to myself. While I drove home, I noticed this black Volkswagen that drove rather close behind me.
After switching on the radio and tuning into static for fifteen minutes, I pulled into the driveway and lugged all of the plastic bags into the house. Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table in his pajamas. A blush crept up my spine as I took in the sight of my father in a giant t-shirt and boxers. Sure, I had seen him in pajamas plenty of times, but Charlie's pajamas were normally like mine: sweats and an old t-shirt. Not underwear.
"Uh…Hi dad…" I said looking down as the bags practically weighted me down onto the floor.
"Hey hon…sorry, I'll go get dressed," he said quickly and almost ran up the stairs. I shook away the mental images and began to unload the groceries. Out of the kitchen window, I saw a flash of black fabric. Edward, was my first thought. I waited for a few seconds, but there was no knock at the door. Upstairs, I heard Charlie switch on the shower. Guess he decided he smelled.
My fingers were programmed to dial his number. Instead of Edward answering, Alice did.
"Hi Bella!" she chirped into the phone.
"Hi Alice," I said hesitantly. "Is Edward there?"
"No." She said simply.
"Okay then…where is he?"
"He's out," she said, again, the causality of her voice made me want to throw the phone across the room.
"Is he coming home soon?"
"No." she said again. "Bye Bella!" And then, Alice did the one thing that made me actually want to cry. She hung up. Not only was I upset about Edward, but Alice had never hung up on me like that, and I had expected the first time to be when she was angry. Not when she was talking to me like I was a measly human with no ties to her life whatsoever.
After I forced back my tears, I finished putting away the groceries and scribbled a note for Charlie. All it said what that I was going out. I didn't necessarily know where I was going, but it didn't really matter; I just wanted to get out of the house.
In the truck, I thought about all of the places that I could possible go. Out of my rearview mirror, I saw the same black Volkswagen. God, what was this? When I passed an unfamiliar intersection, the black car turned away from me and I continued on.
I kept driving until I found this completely empty field. It was dirt in comparison to the meadow—our meadow—but it was grassy and empty nonetheless. I walked until I felt I was in the middle of the field and plopped down on my back, just staring at the sky.
Though lying in the position that I was gave me an incredibly annoying wedgie, I had become in tune to all of the sounds around me, including the faint whir of an engine. It wasn't the purr that I was used to; this was different, much more cheaply sounding. When I tilted my head up to see what the noise was, I saw what made my stomach catapult. It was the ninja thing, and it was walking toward me.
Okay…this is not a coincidence anymore. Creepy ninja thing drives the Volkswagen. Creepy Ninja thing is following me. Creepy ninja thing is coming toward me right now. Get off your butt and RUN! Though my brain was screaming for me to get away from this thing, it took me much longer than it should of to actually get off of the ground. Chances are, it was because of the wedgie.
As soon as my feet were planted on the ground, I broke into a run. Alright, don't scream. You don't look incredibly retarded right now, you only look…incredibly retarded. Just keep going!
I willed myself not to scream until the ninja thing stepped into my pathway. Then, the fear that I had inside me bubbled out.
"GET AWAY FROM ME NINJA THING!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran faster. Now, the logical thing to do would have been to just run around the thing. But nooo, me being who I am had to plow into the thing and knock it to the ground before I could continue with my wild rampage. "STAY AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed before I ripped open the door to my truck.
After I passed the first light, I reached over and pulled out the emergency cell phone that Edward forced me to keep in there. By simply pressing talk, I held the phone up to my ear while I pushed the truck to the max. Once again, Alice answered the phone.
"Yes Bella?" she asked into the phone.
"Alice, I don't know what is going on, b-but this, this thing is following me!" Alice burst out laughing on the other end.
"Bella, are you feeling okay? Did you eat something funny?"
"No! Damn it Alice! Where is Edward!?" I shrieked into the phone.
"Like I told you before, he's out. Gosh, you really don't sound okay, are you sure you didn't, ya know, over dose on the beans or something like that?" Not knowing what to say to that, I snapped the phone shut and barreled through the streets, almost blowing a stop sign…or two. It didn't even occur to me that I hung up the phone on Alice like she had on me earlier.
Just before I turned onto my street, I spotted the black car in my mirror again. I floored the gas pedal, and just to my luck, the engine just gave out. It didn't splutter or squeal like it normally would have, it just stopped. Dead in the middle of the road.
"No. No No NO! Don't do this to me now!" I yelled at the car. Yes, I yelled at the car, that would be how completely scared I was about this. Frantically checking to see how far the car was from me, I jumped out of the car, leaving it on the side of the road and took off running. That wasn't the smartest thing to do.
For some reason, I decided it would be easier for me to run on the grass, that way I wouldn't trip on a rock or anything dangerous like that. Seeing as how I was running across the neighbors' lawns, I slipped on a fresh pile of dog crap.
I felt the thickness of it all smear up my jeans and shirt. Thankfully none of it got in my hair and I sprang up, panting and gagging from the smell of it all, and continued down the street. When I heard the sound of an engine, of course, I started screaming because once again, fear bubbled up inside of me. Seconds after opening my mouth, I started choking because now I smelled like sweat and dog crap.
Pounding up the front porch steps, I practically threw myself into the house. Charlie was standing by the phone.
"Yeah, she just came in, thank you for your concern," he said into the phone and hung up. Taking in the sight, and smell of me, his eyes widened. "Bella, that was just the neighbors…are you alright? What happened to you?"
I was so out of breath, I couldn't answer him. "Ninja…truck…side of road…broke," was all I got out.
"Shhh, honey, it's all right, why don't you go take a shower…right now," Charlie said, desperate to get me away from him. He stepped around me and walked outside. I suspected it was to get away from the smell, but it could have been to go see what happened to my truck.
Before I started to go upstairs, the phone rang. I shrieked at the sound of it, but gathered my wits enough to pick it up.
"H-hello?" I asked, still trying to breath normally.
"Bella?" Edward sighed on the other phone. "I'm so sorry, I've been trying to find you for hours,"
"NINJA THING! IT'S YOU! AHHH!" I screamed into the phone and threw it down. I didn't even take the time to listen to him. I didn't even hear that it was Edward.
"Bella, what are you talking about? Ninja? Stay there, I'm coming right now," he said over my screams. I stood there heaving as Charlie came bursting through the door.
"Bella! What the hell is going on?" He asked, staggering a little bit. "Honey, please, go take a shower. Everything is alright, when you're…clean, we'll figure out what's wrong, alright?"
My head hung and I stomped up to my room and pulled out some clothes to change into. The rational side of me sought to burn the jeans—they were my least favorite ones anyway. I would do that with my shirt too, the washing machine was too old and beat up to deal with waste products that come out of a dog.
After showering, I shuffled down the stairs to find Charlie sitting at the kitchen table, looking perturbed. "Alright, now tell me what happened," Charlie said gently.
"I-I- I," I was just about to explain about the ninja thing when there was a knock at the door. "I'll get that," I sighed, having calmed down. Edward pulled me into his arms as soon as I opened the door.
"Please tell me what that was about," he whispered into my ear. I wasn't paying attention; over Edward's shoulder I spotted it. Ninja thing was standing behind a tree across the street. I pushed myself away from Edward and ran out the door.
"GET AWAY FROM ME! GO!" I screamed. Edward's arms pulled me back.
"Bella!" he and Charlie shouted at the same time.
"MAKE IT GO AWAY!" I screamed even louder, pointing at the tree. Charlie took off at the tree while shouting,
"Make what go away?"
"NINJA!" I screamed back. When Charlie got there, the Ninja thing darted out from the tree and ran down the street. Charlie, being as old and worn down as he was, was no match for the thing. He sighed at came back to me.
"What was that?" he asked. Edward's arms tightened around me. After they sat me down at the kitchen table, I explained to them about everything. Charlie shook his head and sighed while Edward sat there motionless.
"Bella, I don't know what that was, but I didn't see a face, so I can't do much about it. Honey, just be careful from now on, all right?" he asked, getting up to go watch the TV.
"Kay," I mumbled. Edward kissed my head before walking outside. I knew he would meet me back upstairs, but Charlie had no idea. Edward was sitting on my bed when I walked in the door.
"Bella, what is that smell?" he asked. I had purposely left out the dog crap incident.
"I fell," I said simply, still slightly shaken. "Edward, that thing followed me all day. I even saw it outside my kitchen window! I thought it was you, but when I called, Alice answered, both times," Edward stiffened.
"Alice," he said through his teeth. "I knew she was acting funny. She took my phone today and sent me on a wild goose chase looking for you. I just got it back," he said, taking his phone out of his pocket.
"Alice," he said through his teeth into the phone. "What the hell did you do?" He was silent for a few seconds. "Why?" he said a little bit louder. His voice was terrifying. "Do you realize what you did!? He videotaped it? What is wrong with you?" he snapped the phone shut and I waited for an explanation.
"Alice hired someone. To follow you." He said slowly.
"Huh? Why would she do that?" I asked, quickly becoming embarrassed.
"Emmett's birthday present."
"Birthday present? What are you talking about? Does he want my dog crap jeans or something like that?"
"Dog crap jeans?" he asked, his eyes still glowering.
"Yes, when I fell, I slid in a giant pile of it. I'm surprised you hadn't smelled it on me yet." He shook his head.
"Bella," he put his forehead against mine. "I'm so sorry."
"It's alright Edward, it's not your fault, but what does the creepy ninja have to do with a birthday present?"
"Well, I'm not sure you want to know," he said hesitantly.
"Just tell me, please."
"It was video taped." My jaw dropped.
"Is everything they do to me video taped!? I'm sure Emmett has a stack of videos that involve me acting either drunk or psychotic! Oh my god," I said, ramming my face into a pillow.
"That thing isn't coming near you ever again," he said. "And that video tape will be destroyed."
"Oh, I'll say…Emmett is going to regret watching that video. And… he's going to get my dog crap jeans whether he likes it or not!"