Warnings: Introspective drabbling. What I'm still best at.
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.
Notes: I don't quite know where in the time line this is, other than the fact that he already left Konoha. Your choice.
I'm so in love with Sasuke.
If someone had asked me when I was eleven, I would have told them that I already knew I was going to abandon Konoha. Not that anyone would have asked; I purposefully pushed people away so that they wouldn't have to chance.
People compare Hyuuga Neji and me all the time: our coldness, our aloofness, our unwillingness to socialize or form bonds. I am different than Hyuuga Neji. His reasons for doing it are unknown to me, although I'm sure he has them. There are reasons for everything. My reason? I couldn't form bonds because I didn't want people to attach themselves to me emotionally before I left.
Am I selfish? For knocking Sakura out as I left, for running from Naruto, from abandoning Konoha? Perhaps.
I don't understand why people assumed I felt any bond with Konoha. I felt… trapped, for lack of a better term. I had one goal in life at that time. To kill Itachi. Why did people even think for a minute that I would stay? No one in Konoha could have taught me to be powerful enough.
Kakashi taught me what he knew, but could that ever have been enough? He lost to Itachi when they fought, he obviously could never have taught me.
I don't think of it as "abandoning Konoha," even, I think of it as fulfilling my goal. I feel no attachment to Orochimaru, and I have done nothing to harm Konoha by learning from him.
Is it selfish to want to follow my dream, my only desire? If so, why isn't it selfish to want to keep me trapped in a Hidden village, so I could fight for that same village? They didn't want me there for my conversation. They wanted me to be a weapon, just like all the other shinobi.
And I wouldn't mind being one, as long as I am used to kill Itachi. But they weren't. So I left. They shouldn't have followed.
Selfish of me to leave? Hardly. Selfish of them to want me to stay!
Tenten called me selfish for leaving. She only thought of it that way because her teammates were injured in the effort to bring me back. She was thinking of what she cared about, her best interests, the same as I was.
I have no reason to stay. Not one. I feel no allegiance, no loyalty, to this village, or to any of its citizens. It is they that have reasons for me to stay. Sakura? Because she loves me, or at least thinks she does. But if she really loves me, then would she ask me to give up on my one chance of contentment, of true happiness, just so she could increase her own?
And that idiot, Naruto. What difference does it make to him whether I stay or leave? He called himself my friend. What friend would force me to stay in a place that I despised? He only wanted me to stay because he's so desperate for a family, not because he thought it would benefit me in any way.
So am I selfish?
But so's the whole damn world.