All Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
I was overly anxious to get back home to Bella. Though I had greatly enjoyed the taste of the big prey, in comparison to the deer I had steadily been feasting on in and around Forks, it wasn't worth the unease I felt being parted from her. I don't think I will ever venture this far away from her again. I managed to annoy everyone, including Carlisle, on this trip. I was not the only one looking forward to getting home.
As we approached the car I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I instantly became alert and flashed the phone to my ear. Raw feared coursed through me as images of Bella hurt flashed through my mind.
I growled impatiently as I was forced to listen to the heinous recording on my phone informing me that I indeed had one new message. As the message started to play I instantly recognized Bella's voice, and she was not happy. I had never heard her this upset before. I visibly cringed at her tone, and swore under my breath. I was in trouble. I heard low chuckles behind me, but I did not have to turn to see who it was. Emmett and Jasper had heard the whole message and were very amused.
"I'd hate to be you when we get back home Edward." Jasper snickered. "That girl of yours has quite the temper."
Before I could say anything Emmett put up one of his hands towards Jasper. He smiled hugely, "She's not that bad. He did imprison her. That would be enough to make anyone furious." He added elbowing my in the ribs.
I growled angrily at him making him laugh.
Jasper raised his eyebrows at Emmett and shook his head, "Trust me Emmett, very bad temper. I would know after all." He continued smugly referring to his ability to feel the emotions around him.
"Wanna bet?" Emmett questioned eagerly.
"I bet that she has better control over her anger than you think. Once she's changed she won't have any trouble keeping herself in-check. I bet she won't even have that hard of a time resisting human blood." He assured Jasper confidently.
Jasper laughed once in disbelief and scoffed, "You're on. Bella's going to have a hard time resisting the call of human blood. I have a feeling we will have our hands full with her."
I glared at them in disapproval but was too wrapped up in my own problems to fight with them. I tuned them out and tried to figure out how I was going to make things right again with Bella. I had screwed up, bad. I might actually have to grovel to get out of this one. I was more than willing to, of course, if it meant I was back in her good graces again. How had I allowed this to happen? How could I get so out of control? What if I lost her? I cringed internally at the thought of living without her again and banished the thought from my mind. It would do me no good to dwell on the negative.
Why was Jacob Black, I narrowed my eyes as I though of the name, so damn important to her? Why was she willing to risk her life just to see him? She had only known him a few months. He was dangerous! Werewolves were not like big cuddly dogs, especially young werewolves. They had little control over their emotions, were immature, and unpredictable. Couldn't she see the danger they posed for her? Couldn't she understand the fear it caused me just imagining her around one of them? Anger began to fill my body as I tried to understand Bella's fascination with the mutt. I felt a wave of calm fill the Jeep and I sighed in reaction.
I was getting nowhere. If I truly wanted to make things right with Bella I needed to trust her. There was more to it I just didn't want to admit it. I was jealous of him. I was jealous that there was a part of her that wanted to be with him. I hated that she thought of him at all, much less as often as she did. Whenever she was quiet and thoughtful I always wondered if it was in fact Jacob she was thinking about. I was afraid if I made her choose between us she would not choose me. Never before had I been forced to share her, and it ripped me apart knowing I would have to if I wanted to keep her-if I wanted her to be happy.
If I were truly being honest with myself she was safe in La Push with six werewolves protecting her. She was safer with me, but still not much could harm her that they would be unable to protect her from. I hated the thought of her in his arms, and gnashed my teeth at the image of him holding her hand and caressing her face he had so generously shared with me.
I sighed as we neared the house. I will just push her further away if I control her too much. I love her and need her too much…I can't lose her. I will have to trust her to keep her…if I am to keep our relationship strong. She is as safe as Bella ever is with him. I needed to accept that fact and not let my own prejudices cloud my decisions. She deserved to be happy. If that means having a best friend as a werewolf then so be it.
We were at the house and I quickly exited the jeep and rushed to the front door eager to see Bella. I was instantly greeted by a very suspicious looking Alice smiling hugely at me. I tried to probe her mind for answers but she was blocking her thoughts from me.
I frowned, "What is it Alice?"
"Well." She said instantly nervous. In a flourish of words she described to me how Bella had escaped her at school and run off with Jacob only to return soaked on her motorcycle looking rather upset. I breathed deeply as she explained everything, watching the story play out in her head. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and pointer finger.
A few minutes later I was able to compose myself and smiled warmly at a very shocked looking Alice. "Thank you Alice. I never should have put you in that position. Now if you will excuse me." I said as I made my way to the stairs. I didn't pause to catch her reaction. I was anxious to make things right with Bella again.
As I passed Rosalie and Emmett's room I caught the thoughts of my vain sister, and what I heard surprised me. She was not thinking of herself for once. She was actually thinking about Bella, and a conversation she had with her earlier. She had tried to convince Bella to stay human so she could enjoy all the things that offered. Rosalie had actually shared her horrific conversion story with her. She had always struggled the most with what we were. She dreamt of having a family and getting older with the man she loved. She was angry with Bella for giving up everything, everything she had ever wanted, for me, for this. I had to agree with her. Bella did deserve it all. She deserved to have children and grandchildren. She deserved to grow old with the one she loved, and live a happy human life. No matter how it pained me inside, I would give her that option and leave forever, she need only ask.
I was at my room. Slowly I opened my door as to not wake her. It was very early in the morning and I could hear from her breathing that she was sleeping peacefully. My eyes fell to the bed only to find in unoccupied. I instantly scanned the room in search of her and found her curled up on the couch. I sighed in disgust. She must truly be upset with me to refuse to ever use the bed.
I shook my head slowly as I turned to shut the door behind me. I gazed tenderly at the one I loved in awe of her beauty. She was so peaceful, so innocent and pure. I smiled involuntarily at the sight as she softly whispered my name. I reached down ever so carefully and lifted her into my arms. I cradled her lovingly to my chest as I carried her to the bed and gently placed her in the middle. I gazed down at her perfect form as I tucked the blankets in around her to keep her warm.
I sat silently at her side sighing deeply. This was my entire fault. I had caused the whole situation. If I had never left she would never have been put in a situation where she would have needed Jacob Black. He would have been a non-issue in our lives instead of a point of contention. I would owe him nothing, and he would be a threat to no one. The consequences of my decision last fall were grave and seemed to be never ending. For someone so smart how could I have been so dumb? If she chose him over me it would be no more than I deserve. I feared how deep her feelings were for him. I feared she might love him-love him even more than she loved me.
I shook my head slowly back and forth running a hand through my hair when I suddenly felt Bella stir next to me. I turned my head sharply to her and watched as she rolled over.
Eclipse page 184, "Sorry,' I murmured softly. 'I didn't mean to wake you."
I held my breath and tensed waiting for the tongue-lashing I deserved to begin.