A/n hey all… this is it, the last chapter. I'm so happy with the response to this story. As a reward for putting up with all of the angst, you get this today as a bonus chapter.
My thanks to a wonderful beta REIDFANATIC. Girl, without you this wouldn't be as good as it is. Thank you.
Disclaimer: I own only my own characters, no copyright infringement is intended.
He'd been stubborn, she gave him that. Two weeks had passed, and two more appointments with the shrink, before she gave in and went to see him at his apartment.
His place was as neat as it always was, but he looked horrible. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he wore at least a weeks worth of beard on his face. It was one in the afternoon and he was still in that awful yellow robe he always wore.
He tried to look solemn, but she thought his eyes brightened a bit at her appearance on his doorstep. "I know I should have called, but I thought you might not be here if I told you I was coming to see you." She said with a nervous laugh.
He gestured for her to come into the apartment, and when she entered, he shut the door behind her. She went to a chair, and sat nervously while he perched on the edge of the couch.
"I- I just wanted to talk to you. I'm really sorry for everything." He opened his mouth, and she hurried to cut him off while taking off her coat.
"Please let me finish…Spence. I know I was way too hard on you. I was wrong of me to blame you for what happened in Georgia. You did what you had to do.
He tried to speak again, but she cut him off and went on. "Please just let me say this. What I did was wrong. I tried to tell myself that that all of this was your fault. I thought what I did with making you keep my secret was the right thing. I thought I was keeping you safe, and instead I put myself, the baby, and you in danger, and that was wrong. I don't blame you for hating me but can we talk. I don't want this to end. I want us to start again if we can."
He didn't speak again for a long time. She watched him looking at the carpet. He stood and left the room. Was he so mad that he didn't want to talk to her again? She waited patiently for him to come back. She owed that to him.
The grey light from the overcast day made the room gloomy to match her mood. There was a book sitting on the end table. She got up from her chair to go read the title. She was just picking it up when Spencer returned to the room. He was dressed in his usual office attire and seeing it ripped her heart in two. She began to cry, and he stood for a moment just looking at her before wrapping her up in his arms.
"I missed you so much." He choked out.
"I'm so sorry. I want to fix this." She said through her tears.
"I'm sorry I left. I was so tired of feeling bad about my own feelings. I'm not used to this, to us. I don't have any experience with this kind of relationship, and most of the time I don't know what I'm doing."
He led her over to the couch and sat with his arm around her. The radio in the corner was playing quietly in the corner, and the clouds outside the door were increasing. It was getting dark fast.
"I know Spence, I'm sorry for taking advantage of you. I took advantage of your feelings for you and used them against you. Will you ever forgive me?"
He took her face in his hands and kissed her mouth. "I don't have to forgive, but you do, I was terrible with the things I said."
"No… I was my fault." Reid began to laugh and she glared at him.
"Spencer Reid… I come over here and bare my soul to you and you laugh. Have you lost your mind?"
He stopped giggling and held her tighter when she tried to free herself from his grip. "I'm not laughing at you. It's the situation. We both apologize and blame ourselves. Can't we please just agree to disagree?"
She gaped at him and then the wisdom of what he said got through and she gave him a wry smile. "You're right… you're always right… it's very annoying you know!"
"I know… but it's very fun for me." He deadpanned.
She slugged him on the shoulder and he yelped. "I should turn you in for boyfriend abuse… little girl."
"Oh please… who would believe it?"
He kissed her again and snow began to fall. He hoped it was the last of the season. "Come on… let's get back home before the storm gets bad."
She took his outstretched hand when he had stood up and squeezed it. He was coming back with her. She told herself not to screw it up again.
"I told you it wouldn't work!" Reid said glancing over at his girlfriend in the passenger seat of his SUV.
"I know… I heard you the first time. I don't know why you're complaining now, you weren't an hour ago."
"That's very cute, but your little science experiment didn't work."
He took the exit off the freeway into DC. The sun was up, and the flowers and green grass of government building landscaping were shining like jewels in the mid spring morning. He flicked on the radio and the disc jockey was going into ecstasies over the Memorial Holiday coming up.
JJ was absently rubbing her belly. "Come on kiddo, I know the doctor said you're not due for a couple more days, but give your mom a break."
Reid began to laugh and JJ glared at him. "What's so damn funny?"
"You are," he told her as they drove into the parking lot at Greendale Medical Center. "You think you can reason with an unborn child. You can't rush a biological imperative. I told you that the chances of sexual intercourse bringing on labor were -"
"Alright… Dr. Reid… you don't have to tell me again." She struggled out of her seatbelt as Reid shut off the engine.
Reid got out of the car, and ran around to her side of the car to open the door for her. "Come on… lets get your last appointment with Dr. Orton crossed off our to-do list today, and we can go do something fun."
"You've made great improvement in the last three months. I'm going to recommend you talk to the psychiatrist at the FBI when you get back from your maternity leave. He or she will have to sign off on your return away." Dr Orton said giving JJ a kind and reassuring smile.
"It's not going to be easy. You'll have to deal with seeing what happened to you in the cases you work. Can you do that?" He asked her.
"If you had asked me that three months ago, I would have said no, but I feel like I can handle it now."
"I know you can. You have a good support system including Dr. Reid. I want you to fell free to call me if you need anything, ok."
She grabbed her purse and got awkwardly to her feet. The doctor came around his desk and walked with her to the door. "I'll send Spencer in, okay?" JJ said as he opened the door. He laid a hand on her shoulder and she smiled up at him.
"Okay, remember if you need anything to call day or night."
Spencer was reading a magazine when she came out in to the waiting room. There were three other patients waiting, either talking to whoever accompanied them or reading like Spence.
"He wants to see you now." JJ said.
He stood up and squeezed her hand before heading back to the office. A nurse pointed him in the right direction. He was looking forward to this encounter. Dr. Orton was on the top of his hit list at that moment.
He knocked on the door and entered when the doctor called out "Come in."
"Dr. Reid… it's good to finally meet you." He said getting up and extending his hand to the young agent.
"Dr. Orton." Reid shook the older man's hand and sat down. He didn't say anything as the doctor studied him.
"Dr. Reid… I wanted to see how you're doing with all of this, and tell you that JJ is doing very well."
"Yeah… I know she is," Reid said trying to keep his voice even.
"You don't sound convinced." Dr. Orton observed his face neutral and his voice very calm, too calm.
"Don't patronize me Dr. Orton. I have a PhD in psychology and once considered doing what you do. I know the tricks of the trade." Reid snapped out at him.
"You're a profiler Dr. Reid. You see what you want to see." His placid tone was getting on Reid's nerves, but he tried to remain calm.
"JJ tells me everything. She told me about your first session and -"
"I see…" the doctor interrupted. "You blame me for taking her side in blaming you for the incident in Georgia."
"Please do me the courtesy of not interrupting me." Reid said, his temper snapping.
"I'm sorry Dr. Reid I was only trying to -"
Reid leapt to his feet and began to pace. "I know what you're trying to do."
"If you we're concerned with what I was telling her, why didn't you say so earlier?" The doctor said, still maintaining a maddeningly calm tone.
"You were helping her; she's almost back her normal self, although I know she'll never be the same as she was." Reid was still pacing taking in the diplomas on the wall and the expensive mahogany furniture.
"Dr. Reid… sit down!" It was a command, not a request and Reid did sit down.
"I know you're angry with me. I want to tell you something that I don't think you realize. Did you know that JJ has loved you since the first time she saw you?"
Reid gaped at him. "What has this got to do with our conversation?"
"I know you think, being an educated man, that there's no such thing as love at first sight. I never believed in it myself till a met my wife. The point is that JJ didn't know what she felt for you for a long time. She denied it, wouldn't let it come to the surface because she is an ambitious young woman, and marriage and children weren't in the plan for her. Then she met you and it all changed.
She knows you weren't at fault for the events of Georgia. She blamed you because you were an easy target. In reality she blames the person responsible, Tobias Henkel. You killed him and she had to find another target for her anger and it was you and your team.
She watched you die on screen, she watched you get tortured and she blamed herself for that. She thought the team should have found you sooner so that you could have been spared some of what happened to you.
She loves you with her whole life and soul."
Reid was reeling from this revelation. "Why are you telling me this now? Isn't it a breach of doctor- patient confidentiality?"
"She told me I could talk to you about it. She agreed to tell you herself after this appointment. I think it's time and so does she."
"Why did you let her continue to blame me after your first appointment?" Reid asked.
"You know the answer to that Dr. Reid." Dr. Orton said
"You wanted her to trust you. If you'd attacked her, and said that none of it was my fault, she would have closed down and not talked to you. That's pretty extreme don't you think."
"Yes… I do but I have to do what works." Dr Orton smiled up at him.
"Now I know why I didn't become a psychiatrist." Reid said, still angry at the doctor. He sat down and crossed his arms over his chest. His stomach was twisted up in knots.
"It's not for everyone." the doctor agreed. Reid had to smile. The man's methods were extreme, but at least he got the job done, and Reid felt more relaxed then he had in a long time. He could finally stop feeling guilty about everything. Reid sat back in his chair the weight finally off of his shoulders. He should have talked to the doctor weeks ago. Why hadn't he?
The door to the office opened without a knock and the nurse came in. "I'm sorry Dr. Orton, but Agent Jareau needs to go to the hospital, her water just broke."
"Okay… Jennifer you're ready to push. Be ready for the next contraction." The doctor instructed.
Reid held onto her hand, it felt like hamburger. Eighteen hours of labor had exhausted her and she was crying.
"I can't do this," she whispered. Her hair was drenched with sweat, and her face was pale and lined with pain.
"Yes you can! You made it JJ. We made it together, now push." He ordered her sternly.
She pushed with a scream that broke his heart. His hand was crushed by his, but he didn't make a sound. It took several hard pushes, but the baby finally arrived and JJ began to cry when the baby wailed.
"Come up here and cut the cord dad, your daughter wants to say hello."
He cut the cord and the nurse took the baby away to clean her up and do some tests on her. She brought her back a few minutes later and gave her to JJ.
"Six pounds thirteen ounces and 21 inches long," The nurse said, "She's gorgeous!"
"There she is mama." Reid said, his own eyes filling with tears. "She's as lovely as her mother."
Her eyes were blue, but that could change, they were the same shape as JJ's. She had a bit of dark blond hair. She looked like her mother; there was nothing of Michael Van Cott to be seen in her.
"She's beautiful," JJ agree holding her close to her heart. "Thank you for doing this with me. I know I was unfair to you Spencer."
"You don't have to say anything." He assured her. He traced a finger over their daughter's face. The skin was wrinkled and red, but it didn't matter.
'No… please let me say this. I was wrong to blame you for what happened in Georgia and for the rape and kidnapping. Dr. Orton said that -"
He put a finger on her lips silencing her. "I know what he said, he told me remember. What's done is done. Let's just forget about."
"You want to hold her," JJ asked Reid, looking down at their daughter.
"Ah - no I don't think so." He stammered, wanting to hold the little girl, but afraid to.
"Come on… you can do it, you won't drop her." JJ placed the baby in his arms, and he was overwhelmed by - well he didn't know what he was feeling. They didn't share DNA, but he was her father, he knew it in his heart.
"What are we going to name her?" JJ asked him, "We never decided on a name."
Reid thought for a long minute then he said "Hope… her name is Hope."
"Yeah… I like that!" JJ said. Reid leaned over and kissed her.
"Spence… I know everything isn't okay, but can we start over? Hope is here and she can help us heal."
"I'd like that." He kissed her again, and then he placed a kiss on the forehead of his little girl. Life wasn't easy, nor was it fair, but Hope was new. Maybe she could show them the way.