Star Wars and the Holy Grail Episode 1:
The Ewoks Who Say...

SCENE ONE--------

[Han and Chewie are riding in imaginary Millenium Falcon, Chewie is making engine noises, they are in a forest on Endor, they come up to a giant ewok surrounded by a bunch of normal sized ewoks]

BIG EWOK: Halt! [Han and Chewie stop]

HAN: May I ask, good sir ewok, who are you?

BIG EWOK: We... are the ewoks who say... YUB YUB!!

[Dramatic music]

HAN: No! not the ewoks who say yub yub!

BIG EWOK: YUB!! [Big ewok and little ewoks all go into a chorus of yubs]

HAN: No! Please! No more! We simply want to go throught this forest!

BIG EWOK: Then we demand... a sacrifice!

HAN: What is it, O ewoks who say yub yub?

BIG EWOK: We demand... an R2 unit!

HAN: An R2 unit?

BIG EWOK: Yes, a blue one.

HAN: Of course, a blue one.

BIG EWOK: Well, actually it's white, but the trim is blue.

HAN: Yes, O ewoks.

[They turn around in imaginary Millenium Falcon and go back the way they came]


SCENE TWO--------

[Han and Chewie are walking in a town, they come across Yoda]

HAN: Excuse me, old green person, but do you now where we can find an R2 unit?

[Dramatic Music]

YODA: No, R2 units we have not.

HAN: If you do not tell us where we can find an R2 unit we will say... yub yub to you.

YODA: Never! Your worst you do!

HAN: Very well then. Yub! Yub!


HAN: No, it's yub.


HAN: Yub.


HAN: That's it. Yub!

[Ben Kenobi comes by]

BEN: Are you saying yub to that muppet?

YODA: A muppet I am not!

BEN: To that old green person that looks like a muppet?

YODA: Look like a muppet I do not!

[Ben motions to somebody off-camera, they come and replace Yoda with a green sockpuppet]

HAN: Yes we were.

BEN: Tis a sad time when people can go around saying yub to muppets. Even I, a Jedi Knight-

HAN: Hey, R2 units seem to follow you guys around. do you have a blue one?

BEN: Yes I do. [Brings Artoo-Detoo in] It's a stubborn piece of crap though.

HAN: That's okay, we don't really care.

ARTOO: [Mournful whistle]



[Han and Chewie (with Artoo) come back to the ewoks]


HAN: O ewoks who say yub yub, we have brought the R2 unit you requested. Now let us pass as you

BIG EWOK: We remember no such promise. We are no longer the ewoks who say yub yub. We are now the ewoks that say... AICHIE MAMA!!

HAN: That's very nice, but will you please let us pass?

BIG EWOK: We demand... another R2 unit!

HAN: We already brought you one!

BIG EWOK: Yes but this time we want a red one.


HAN: No! BIG EWOK: Oh please?

HAN: No! [Luke comes flying an imaginary X-wing, See-Threepio is following him singing]

THREEPIO: (Singing) Brave Master Luke, bravely whined and whined and whined!

LUKE: I didn't! I didn't I didn't I didn't!! WAAAAAAHH!!!!

HAN: Luke, what are you doing here?

LUKE: Oh nothing.

BIG EWOK: [Jumping up and down] Please bring a red R2 unit!

HAN: Eh, screw this. [Takes out his blaster and shoots the big ewok, the little ewoks scatter] Come on lets go. [They leave]


DISCLAIMER: I do not own Star Wars or Monty Python and the Holy Grail.