Liniment

This fic is based before Kakashi was born, basically a funny little thing based off a scene from a Frasier episode called "Liar! Liar!"

I do not own Naruto or its characters

I do not own Fraiser and credit should be given to them for writing this wonderful scene. I only hope credit can be given to me for adapting it for Naruto fans. (If that's okay)

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Sakumo sat in the living room enjoying a nice cup of tea and looking over his field reports. His wife Kaori was in the kitchen preparing dinner. She was almost done but was beginning to worry that the food would get cold as they were still waiting on one person. Sakumo had asked Jiraiya to bring over some instructional scrolls he needed in order to complete the reports for Hokage-sama, he knew that the only way to do that was to invite him to dinner.

His mind however floated away from the reports and the dinner with his friend, his wife had told him she wanted to start a family. More specifically she wanted a baby, but Sakumo was unsure whether he was ready for parenthood. Before he could meditate further there was a knock at the door.

He answered the door and let Jiraiya in, his arms were so laden with scrolls it obscured his face. However Sakumo did notice that he was leaning slightly and had somewhat of a limp.

"Are you alright?" he asked

"Just pulled my back, nothing to worry about" he said "Where do you want these?"

"Just put them near the bookshelf" answered Kaori as she came in from the kitchen.

Kaori notice the way Jiraiya winced as he bent slightly to set the scrolls down.

"Jiraiya is your back alright?"

"I pulled a muscle on my last mission nothing to worry about"

"Still its beginning to concern" she said and then paused in thought "You know I have just the thing for that. Just wait one minute"

Jiraiya smiled at her hospitality whilst adding "I really shouldn't have made that dive, but some idiot dropped the scroll we had to retrieve"

When she had disappeared into the kitchen Sakumo asked "You hurt it straining to see into the women's baths didn't you?"

"Shut up!"

"Jiraiya I know you want attention from women but isn't this going a little far? She is my wife"

"Hey she offered"

Just then Kaori came back into the living room holding a small brown jar.

"Pull out you shirt and lie face down on the sofa"

Jiraiya smirked as he did as she instructed. Sakumo did not look too pleased but reassured himself that his friend would try nothing…if he knew what was good for him.

Kaori sat next to Jiraiya and opened the small brown jar. She began to apply a thick white ointment to his back. Initially Sakumo did not know what the ointment was but he soon recognised the smell and his eyes went wide with alarm.

"Hey you're using that stuff on him? She used it on me once when I injured my leg it hurt like hell!" he said

"It helped you didn't it?"

"It nearly killed me!"

"Oh listen to the big brave White Fang! We don't here Jiraiya complaining do we?"

"Not a bit" said Jiraiya relaxed as she massaged the ointment into the skin "Frost me like cake"

"You wait, it goes on cool but it turns into a blowtorch" Sakumo said

"I guess we know who the ninja is now right Jiraiya?" Kaori said

"I guess s-oh!" Jiraiya said as he felt the liniment getting warmer

"Is it warming up?" Kaori asked

"Yeah but it's like a refreshing heat…wooh!" said Jiraiya trying to hide his pain

"I'm not hurting you am I?"

"No I'm just a little bit ticklish back there...ahahaAHAHA" his nervous somewhat cackled laugh did nothing to hide the fact that he was feigning the pleasure. Kaori didn't notice as he bit down on a sofa cushion to muffle the screams of pain. Sakumo looking at the scene smiled wickedly.

"Well I guess you are the brave one" Sakumo said

"There you go all done!" Kaori exclaimed as she got up off the sofa

"Oh no wait you missed a bit spot Kaori" Sakumo pointed out

Before she could inspect whether this was true Jiraiya leapt off the couch and hastily stood up.

"That's OK!" he exclaimed nervously "Because it's all better now. Oh look before I was in pain but now look at me I'm running!" he further exclaimed as he ran into the kitchen.

Before Kaori began screwing the lid onto the small jar she cast a glance at her husband.

"How is that leg of yours?"

"Back off witch woman"

(Note: he's being playful he doesn't mean it)

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Jiraiya having returned promptly after rubbing his back with a frozen piece of meat joined the Hatakes for dinner. As Kaori went into the kitchen to fetch the dessert Sakumo quietly confided his fears to Jiraiya and was in the middle of discussing it.

"I don't know Jiraiya maybe I'm not cut out for being a father"

"Well you know Sa-Oh!" he exclaimed "Pain's back"

"Don't worry she's got more liniment" Sakumo said as his wife entered the room

"Oh Pain's Gone!" Jiraiya helplessly exclaimed

Kaori rolled her eyes "Don't be brave. Come on into the bedroom and I'll give you a second coat."

Sakumo watched with amusement as his wife dragged Jiraiya into the bedroom who meanwhile tried to grab anything in order to prevent it from happening.