Viz Translations

Lieyan

Warning: Not intended for those who like the Viz translation, or anyone who hasn't read it yet and doesn't want to be scarred by it.


Benches in a public park, Tokyo

Yushi Oshitori, Kunimitsu Tezuka, Ryoma Echizen, Amane Hikaru, Shusuke Fuji, Ryou Shishido, Chotaro Otori, and Keigo Atobe sat on benches in a public park.

I bet it took you a few seconds to remember who they were.

"I hate my life now," Yushi moaned.

"Hmph," replied Keigo.

"I still think it's hilarious that they mistranslated your name, Oshitori," snorted Ryou.

"They've still got a ways to go," said Ryoma. (The sound he made inside his head was something like "AAAAARRRGGHHHH".)

"…My puns aren't funny anymore," Amane said bluntly.

"Were they ever?"

"That's not nice, Ryou," Chotaro said meekly.

"Whatever. Why is he here anyway?"

"…Captain Kunimitsu," said Ryoma in a sidebar conversation.

"What is it, Ryoma?"

"Nothing. It just sounded weird." Ryoma went back to his Ponta.

Keigo sighed. "Get drunk on my skills… get drunk on my skills… get drunk on my skills… get drunk on my skills… it's just not the same," he complained.

"Really, Keigo," Ryou scoffed momentarily, then brightened. If Shishido can brighten. But this is Viz we're talking about. "Keigo. Heh."

"Stop calling me by my given name," Keigo snarled furiously.

"But I have to." Snickering.

"Shut up."

"Well, I guess it would be all right if everybody called me Shusuke," said Shusuke.

"Ugh," said Ryoma. He made that screaming noise inside his head again.


Seigaku extra practice, street courts

"YEAH, RYOMA! FINISH 'EM OFF WITH YOUR DRIVE V!"

Pause.

"Drive V?"

Pause.

"Um. SEISHUN FIGHT!"

Pause.

"Thaaaat doesn't sound right either."

"Eiji, I think you should save your voice," said Shuichiro.

"Hmph. Hissss."

"You sound awful, viper."

"So do you, blockhead."

"IS THERE ANY POINT TO US LIVING IN THIS WORLD?" Eiji screamed at the sky, falling dramatically to his knees.

"I have discarded all data pertaining to the intelligence of mass-market translators," said Sadaharu disappointedly.

"I'll never go burning again," said Takashi sadly.


Tennis courts, Hyoutei Gakuen

"Keigo's being unnaturally sulky today," remarked Taro Sakaki.

Keigo's shoulders tensed at the use of his name, but he continued to sulk silently in the corner with his raincloud.

"It's a sensitive area," replied Yushi.

"Yushi, Wakashi refuses to play tennis," Gakuto informed his doubles partner. "He's being a brat."

"Just because of the whole 'overthrow' business?" Yushi pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Yup," said Kabaji.

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!" howled Keigo. In his head. Kabaji never said "Yup".

Jiro Akutagawa was still asleep. He was the only one who had not noticed the oddities of the day.

"Hyoutei's gonna win," Gakuto said dully.

"Seishun's gonna lose," Yushi said unenthusiastically.


Later that day

"Echizen, you're being uncharacteristically loud," observed Momoshiro.

"Ya-TTA!" Ryoma shouted, then regained his composure. "Mada mada da ne, senpai."

"What did I do?"

"Che. Mada mada da ne."

Inui dove behind the bushes in a dignified fashion and pulled out a notebook and pen, scribbling away. "Ii data."

"Ffsshuuuuu."

"Nice to know you're back to normal, Kaidoh," he said, still scribbling.

"Hmph."

Fuji popped up behind them happily. Fuji-style happy, not overly-happy. "Saa! Who wants to go curling!"

Eiji popped up behind Fuji. "I couldn't find Ochibi, but I'll come, Fujiko!"

Oishi popped up behind Eiji. "You're all supposed to be practicing, you know!"

As soon as the Seigaku regulars stepped back onto the courts, Oishi was bowled over by a fiery blur.

"MOERUZE BWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGG!"

"Ow," said Oishi feebly.

"Yudan sezu ni—" Tezuka was interrupted by a ringing PHS. "That's mine," he said, although nobody else was carrying one.

He flipped it open. "Tezuka Kunimitsu. How may I—"

"ORE-SAMA NO BIGI NI YOI NA!!"

"…Atobe?"

"You'd better watch out, Tezuka, I have been restored to my former glory! Ore-sama no bigi ni yoi na!"

"………" Tezuka never got a chance to respond, because the phone was snatched out of Atobe's hands on the other end of the line. The noises following sounded like it had been dropped on the floor, picked up by Gakuto, who had gotten slapped and let it drop on the floor again next to a snoring someone.

After a moment, another voice sounded from the speaker.

"Gekokujou da ze. Hehehehehe."

Click. Dial tone.

Tezuka closed his PHS. I think I'll go get some sleep.

END.

--

omake

"Sousa, ore-sama no bigi ni—"

The Hyoutei regulars groaned in unison, except for Jiroh, who turned over in his sleep, and Kabaji, who merely sat stolidly in his spot and wished he wasn't there.

"—naa, Kabaji?"

He'd missed the question.

"Usu."

(owari)


AN. Yes yes, incoherent, poorly structured, rampant rofanji, I hate the Viz translation. Drop me a line for or against, hmm?