Jacob Black laid alone in the dark of his living room, the only sounds that could be heard was his breathing which he was fighting a losing battle to control and the thunderstorm outside, raging on and reflecting his melancholy mood.
His father was no where to be found, actually if one wanted to find him all you had to do was go to where a good portion of the people from Forks and La Push were, at the Cullen mansion watching the unholy union of Bella Marie Swan and Edward Cullen, as they promised each other forever, literally.
Billy had not wanted to go, for so many obvious reasons, but Charlie had begged him. He said Billy knew exactly what he was feeling because he gave his daughter away like her was going and he needed a friend there for moral support. If Billy hadn't of known that Charlie was losing Bella more then he did his own daughter when she married he wouldn't of gone, but he knew that soon Charlie would be alone and heartbroken for the rest of his life and decided to show his support for his friend by going onto enemy lines to view the nuptials, for his best friend's sake.
As Jacob thought about their wedding he took in another sharp intake of breath and balled his fists, fighting hard the urge to change and run away. He needed to be here, just in case, just in case she made the right choice and came here to choose him, if he wasn't here she would think he didn't want her anymore and might go running back to the bloodsucker.
So here Jacob laid alone in the dark thinking about his Bella, how right now she would be having her first dance with the monster she would now call her husband, how she would be leaving Forks soon after and never coming back, or if by chance she did not his Bella, but the monster version her husband would soon change her into.
He couldn't go to the wedding, not only because when people went to wedding it usually meant they gave their blessing of the union between the couple, which he certainly did not, but if he watched Bella marrying someone other then himself, especially a leech, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from changing and murdering her groom.
He hated Edward Cullen more then anything else in the world. It was his fault for why his life was so miserable, he had stolen everything from him. His youth, his ability to control his anger like a human, a part of his humanity, being able to leave La Push, and most importantly his soul mate-Bella. He also knew that if he killed him Bella would never forgive him, and part of himself wanted her to be happy with him, no matter how much he hated him and what he was going to turn her into after tonight. If he would have stayed away like he promised, or died when he should have Bella would be with him right now, the way it should be.
He didn't blame Bella for choosing Edward over him, it was human nature. When a person is given the choice between the pure breed and the mangy mutt, they are always going to choose the pure breed. It didn't matter that the mutt was more loyal, could protect her just as well, could be herself and have great times with, and would never hurt her. The mutt was still no comparison to the pure breed with the shiny coat and flawless features, even though it had a stoic nature and could turn on her and kill her any second. It only mattered that the pure breed was perfect and had better lines, well he would have amazing lines too if he had been collecting and rehearsing them for almost a century.
He never thought of the right thing to say to her where as the leech did and this is why he got the girl. Scratch that, he did think of the right thing to say to her, but it would only happen when she crossed the line back to Forks and was in his arms. He would watch them together and hope the hint of his own scent on her skin would burn the bloodsucker's nose as much as his scent did to him when he'd go to inhale her pretty floral scent when she would first arrive to spend time with him and find it was tainted with the sickly scent of death. Yes he hoped it burned because it wasn't right, they weren't right.
That is why Jacob laid alone in the dark trying to control his anger and waited patiently for something that was never going to happen; her coming back to him. His father told everyone that he went to Hawaii to visit his sister, which would have been true if Billy had gotten his way, but Jacob told his father he needed to be here, just in case. The only people who knew he was here were the wolves and Bella herself, he had told her himself the last time he saw her, the last time he would probably ever see her, she had to know he would be here waiting for her in case changed her mind which he knew deep down she wouldn't.
Jacob shifted a little on the couch and continued to think about Bella. How the next time he saw her, if he ever saw her again she would have topaz eyes, cold hard pale skin, and the sickly scent that burned his nose every time he smelled it. She wouldn't be his Bella, but the monster Edward Cullen's bite had turn her into and he knew that even though he hated bloodsuckers more then anything, he wouldn't be able to kill the monster that was once his Bella.
He figured if he ever saw her again it would be at Charlie's funeral, where they would lay him to rest next to Bella who had died years ago in some freak accident and left Charlie alone, devastated that his only child had died before him, Jacob secretly knowing that technically she did die, but Charlie was never going to see her in the afterlife, the reason he would welcome death.
He had dreamed many times that Bella came to see him on his deathbed, he was old and gray and dying alone, and she was still the teenage girl he had fallen in love with, forever young. She would tell him she would always remember him and she always loved him and always will. She would give him a cold hard kiss on the cheek, and he would die, never to meet with her again. The only slightly comforting thought about her becoming a vampire was that she would remember him forever and look back on their time together with nostalgia. He doubted she would remember him though, memories fade and he couldn't imagine hers holding him forever, especially long after he died, but he liked to think she would remember because he knew as long as he lived which would never compare to how long she will his memory of her will never fade and sometimes he wonders if that is a blessing or a curse.
Jacob turned on the couch and held himself as he sobbed, it was the only thing he could do to keep from changing and running away, he needed to stay here and wait patiently, just in case.
He thought about her wedding again and how beautiful she must look. He had dreamed of Bella's wedding day many times, no not to Edward, those were his nightmares, her wedding to him. How she would walk down the aisle breathtakingly beautiful and how she would stare at him like he was the only person in the room. About their first dance and how they would stare into each others eyes as if they were the ones in the world.
His mind drifted away from their wedding and how he wished that he had danced with her like he always wanted to. After her prom he wanted to dance with her again, but knew he was horrible and awkward the first time, so when his sisters came home for a holiday he had them teach him how to dance just so he could impress her. He had always been too nervous to ask her to, but now he wishes he did because now it was too late.
Dancing with her was one of the ways his mind would play cruel tricks on him. Daily he would hallucinate Bella was there saying it was him she loved all along. When dream Bella first started to appear he would grab her only to have her disappear, so later he started to ignore her and she would twirl around him and sing in her soprano voice "come on Jacob, don't you want to dance with me?" At first he gave in and then he started ignoring that too, knowing once he touched her she would disappear. After that it would be the same routine her smiling saying she wanted him, her twirling around him, and then her stumbling and tripping over her two left feet. He was able to ignore the smiling and the dancing, but never the falling, he always reached out to catch her and she would slip through his fingers and he would be left clutching air. He always reached out to catch her even though he knew she wasn't really there, he promised Bella he would never let her fall if he could help it and he would never break that promise even though he knew deep down it was his mind playing cruel tricks on him.
He never told dream Bella to go away, he was scared to just in case that one time it was really her. He may ignore her, but he figured if it was really her she would get frustrated after a while and touch him, whether to slap him or hold him and he would realize it was really her. Also sometimes he welcomed dream Bella, it was his own personal hell sure, but if that's all he could have of her now then he would take it, it was better then nothing.
His mind drifted back to her ongoing nuptials to the bloodsucker and he choked out another sob. He wondered what she was doing at this exact moment and about how beautiful she must look. He thought about his sister's wedding and the order of things to try to figure out what she was doing.
Ceremony...dancing...dinner...pictures...cake eating...dancing...throwing the bouquet...bride and groom leaving for their wedding night...
Jacob choked on his breath as soon as the thought crossed his mind and he let out a growl. Tonight Bella would give herself completely to Edward...whether it be her purity or her humanity...neither of which acceptable to him.
He choked on another sob as another round of thunder boomed through the room, silencing his anguish, he almost didn't hear the tiny knock signaling someone was at his front door, probably looking for him.
He took the knock being quiet as a sign of nervousness and knew it was one of the young wolves, he had barked a clear order at the whole pack that morning; stay away, but the young ones always had trouble following orders. The order he had given was double edged meaning to stay away from him and mostly Bella, they hated the union almost as much as he did, but he didn't need them ruining her wedding and having her blame him for it.
He got ready to scorn which ever young wolf had disrupted him, but all the anger he had pulsating through him disappeared as soon as he opened the door. Standing there in front of him was Bella in her wedding gown, soaked to the bone, black mascara marks running down her face. Despite all the flaws she was still the most beautiful bride he had ever seen, it didn't matter that when his sister got married she was dry, her makeup was perfectly in tack, her dress not stained brown on the bottom from trudging through mud, Bella beat her hands down in his mind.
She was biting her lip, something she always did when she was nervous or deep in thought, Jacob knew this better then anyone because he knew her better then anyone, it was one of those things someone picked up on when they were madly in love with another person and mentally recorded everything they did.
She kept on biting her lip and avoiding his gaze like a child who was about to be scorned by a parent for doing something wrong, neither of them spoke, Jacob was afraid his mind was playing another cruel trick on him and if he so much as breathed she would fade away and he needed her now, whether it was truly her or a dream. If she disappeared right now he wouldn't be able to stop himself from changing and running away, so he stood and waited for her to make the first move.
Finally after what seemed like eternity of him standing in the doorway trying not to breath and her standing in the thunderstorm putting her thoughts together she inhaled a sharp intake of breath, a sign he took as her resolve to finally do whatever she came her to do. She looked up at him and he couldn't help inhaling sharply as he saw her eyes were still the same bright beautiful color he last saw her with. As he breathed in he noticed that her floral scent tickled his nose, no scent of bloodsucker tainting it and burning his nose while he breathed, she was still his Bella, she wasn't a monster-yet.
"I know I shouldn't be here," she whispered, barely audible, but heard clear as a bell to Jacob over the rain do to his wolf senses and his intense focus on her.
She took a deep breath and looked in his eyes and continued to speak, "I...I passed out in the church...Carlisle said I stopped breathing."
Concern pained him and all he wanted to do was reach out and hold her, but he had to let her come to him, he couldn't reach out only to have her be an illusion.
She breathed and again and stumbled to get across what she came her to say, "I...I realized that even thought sometimes it hurt to breathe when Edward was gone...without you I can't breathe because you are my air...I love you Jacob. I know I am selfish and I am stupid...and I'll try hard not to be I swear."
It was funny how she always knew the right thing to bring him to his knees, actually she need say nothing at all because as soon as he opened the door and saw her he had surrendered himself to her. He watched as she struggled to choke out what she came to say...was she choosing him? It was too dream-like to be real-he waited patiently.
"Part of me is still being selfish though-asking you to be with me after I've hurt you so much, but you have to understand- I was doing what would hurt less...I couldn't stand the pain of losing you when you imprinted...if you ever imprinted with a girl I knew I couldn't, no...I wouldn't hold you back from her and it would hurt so bad, losing you. With Edward there was less of a chance I would lose him so I chose what was easy instead of what was right, but I decided that even if it hurts in the end I needed to make the right choice, you are the right choice."
Jacob continued staring at her like he was seeing a ghost and she continued crying out her speech to him, "Tonight wasn't the first time I passed out from not breathing-I've be fainting a lot since the last time I saw you. I think about our future together and how it's suppose to be and suddenly I can't breathe because I know I made the wrong choice, but I'm trying to fix it now by making the right one. I'm sorry-I promise I'll never leave again...I love you."
Fresh tears streamed down her face, barely visible in the rain as she looked up at him, waiting for his decision, he decided he had to speak, even if it cost him his illusion.
"Bella...I already imprinted," he said, she took what he said the wrong way and her head hung low as she fought back tears. "No Bells that's not what I meant...I imprinted on you."
Her neck snapped back up to give him a puzzled look, one that always made him smile.
"But...that's impossible..I would have known...wouldn't I of?" she asked, her voice thick with confusion.
"Bella...your best friend is a werewolf and you almost just married a vampire...how is my imprinting on you the impossible thing in this whole situation? Besides...how many times has a werewolf imprinted on you?" he pointed out.
She tilted her head, trying to process everything, confusion painted on her face. Then she bursted into fits of uncontrollable giggles, Jacob responded by rolling his eyes and shaking his head then started laughing himself.
"Only the one time I guess. But you said you never-"
"I wanted you to choose me because you wanted me, not because you felt you had to be with me," he told her.
"Didn't Edward see it in your mind?"
"I tried really hard to keep it from him so I'm not sure if he knew or not."
"Oh...so you still love me?" she whispered.
With that Bella wrapped her arms around him and Jacob inhaled sharply realizing she wasn't an illusion. His Bella was here in his arms, she had chosen him. He choked out a sob and held her close, he nuzzled his face into her hair and inhaled her distinct floral scent, untainted by death, they stood in each others arms until the moment was interrupted by Bella sneezing into his chest.
Yes this was definitely love, if someone else had sneezed all over him he would have been disgusted, but the feeling never even came, just a wave of concern. She had been out in the thunderstorm for who knew how long in a flimsy chiffon gown. He sighed and shook his head, thinking to himself about what he was going to do with her, she had probably already made herself sick and if she wasn't she would be if he didn't get her warm and dry soon.
He pulled her into the house and into his sisters old room where he gave her a pair of his sister's pajamas that she had left there when she moved. He led her to the bathroom and gave her a clean towel so she could take a hot shower, before she closed the door she gave him the special smile that was his and his alone.
As she showered he sat against the opposite wall staring at the door, waiting for her patiently. He was afraid that if he went away from where she was when he came back he would open the door to the bathroom and find a dry shower with an unused towel and untouched clothes on the toilet seat and no trace that Bella had ever been there. He knew he was being paranoid and that she was really here, but one minute he was sobbing because she was getting married and the next she was in his arms saying she loved him more, he couldn't help acting the way he was.
Bella finally came out, any trace she was just a beautiful bride washed down the drain completely or uselessly hang drying. Before he had a chance to get up she sat on top of him, straddling her legs around his and wrapping her arms around his neck, smiling all the while. She kissed him lightly on the neck before nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck and shoulder. He smiled wider as he realized how perfectly their bodies molded together, how they were made for each other.
He rubbed tiny circles on her back and rubbed his cheek against hers, his way of marking his scent on her body and in his own way making her even more his. He always liked the way she smelled when she had a hint of himself mixed with her distinct scent, it smelled right...smelled...perfect
She laughed as he did this, "That tickles, you have stubble...I like it," and she rubbed her cheek against his in response.
He laughed, compared to Edward's smooth hairless face his was imperfect being scratchy and all, but he liked it that way, this is what made him human, he unlike Edward was imperfect. Just because he transformed into a dog sometimes he was still more human then Edward will ever be because of his imperfections, he never thought he'd be thanking a higher power for them, but right then he was because it was the reason why Bella was here in his arms at this very moment and not in Edward's perfect ones.
They sat there until Bella's breathing became steady and Jacob realized she was asleep, he held her for a while longer, not willing to let this perfect moment go, but then decided to put her in his bed. He shifted her so when he stood up he would be carrying her as a groom would his bride...was it ironic that he was carrying her like this right now when it was suppose to be the leech.
He laid her gently on his bed and wrapped a blanket around her, he pushed her hair away from her face and stroked her tiny cheek with his giant hand. He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips before unwillingly turning to leave. He wanted to watch her sleep, he didn't want to take his eyes off her, but he thought it would be creepy to watch her as she slept without being sure she was okay with and aware of his presence. Before he could leave though he was stopped as tiny slender hand grasped his wrist.
"Don't leave...stay with me," she pleaded. He never hesitated to centreplate that his bed was too small and uncomfortable for himself, never mind adding Bella into the equation, however tiny she may be. Instead he went back over to his bed, happily sacrificing his own personal physical comfort for the uncomparable joy of holding Bella in his arms all night.
When they finally arranged themselves on his bed Bella was lying on top of him and as uncomfortable as they looked Jacob had never been more content. He ran his hand through her silky hair and she kissed him on the lips one last time before her breathing steadied into a steady rhythm. He watched her sleep for a while, mentally recording her as he had done so many times before. He listened to her steady breathing mixed with the thunderstorm still raging outside and once in a while a murmur of 'my Jacob.' He inhaled her smell and kissed her cheek one last time before resolving to go to sleep himself. He had been reluctant to give up this precious moment, but the comfort of knowing she would still be there in his arms in the morning because he was never letting go of her again. He had let her go and she had come back to him and gave herself to him.
He closed his eyes and soon drifted to sleep, thoughts of Bella on his mind like always. What would the townspeople of Forks and La Push say tomorrow? He could hear the gossiping now, about that selfish hussy Bella Swan leaving Edward Cullen at the aisle for the not even legal Jacob Black and how the Cullens had disappeared in the night. He didn't care though, why should he? He knew the truth and he would defend her and protect her from any harm physical or not like he had always done. He knew this was a hard decision to make and he barely won the fight because the vampire fought just as hard as he did. He had won though and she was here in his arms, not his. It was in this moment he was glad he was so persistent and didn't run, he was glad he waited patiently, just in case.