Title: Foiled Phonesex
Author: LumCheng
Fandom: Death Note
Pair/Charas: Matt/Mello
Challenge: Sorry, wrong number!
Rating: Work Safe
Warnings: yaoi, crack, silly, language, blah
Note: This is part of my german crack-challenge-thingy. I actually started to translate some parts of it and yeah... here's another one. This takes part before the tentacle-sex-thingy...
Beta: Cabbitgirl and after this the whole thing was a bit overhauled by Kelly (aka flagfish)! Thx, sweeties andIloveyou, Kelly!! My sick little bastard, my Mello!!

xXxXxXx

Mello slammed the fridge door shut with his foot, a half-eaten slice of toast in his mouth, the coffee pot in one hand and the milk in the other.
Then the phone rang.
He promptly placed the drinks down on the kitchen table and the toast on a little board beside the sink, and then, still chewing, rushed to the living room and grabbed the cordless phone.

"Yes?", he answered a little rudely. He or Matt never said their surnames, when they answered calls, because firstly they didn't have surnames now and secondly it would be awkward to answer with their aliases.

"Yes, helloooo it's Timo. Well, you're a very naughty boy, hehehe. So bearish this morning?"

The blonde felt his face contort in anger—he didn't recognize the voice on the other end, but it made him feel like smashing the receiver against the wall.
Mello kept a tight reign on his temper.

"I believe," he hissed into the phone, "that you dialled the wrong number."

He hung up before waiting for an answer, and then stood frozen for several seconds, fixing his eyes on a random point on the floor. He shook his head and nearly grinned.
Back in the kitchen, he picked up the slice of toast he placed on the board earlier and ate it, then wiped his hands on his trouser bottoms and left for the bedroom to try waking up Matt again.

"Get up!", he shouted and pulled the covers away from the redhead.

"Ahh! Cold!"

"Go on, now, take a shower and then---"

Again the phone rang and Mello looked out to the corridor, dropped the covers and hurried back out to the living room.

"If it's the same guy as before, then...", he snarled as he took off.

"Yeah?!", he shouted as rudely as possible into the receiver.

"Oh—um—", asked a shy male voice, "is this M&M?"

"What the fuck? No, it isn't. Bye!"

Features contorting in annoyance, the blonde wondered what the hell was going on. Did Matt paint their phone number up on some wall in the city? Or did he lose his cell or something?

"Maaaaaaaatt!", he shouted as he headed back into the bedroom, only to find the young man sitting at the edge of the bed and yawning lethargically as he scratched the back of his head.
Matt grumbled and looked at his friend questioningly.

"Did you lose your cell? Or did you by any chance give our number to somebody you hardly know?"

"What? No, why would I do that? And my cell... it's... right here..."

He pulled his trousers on with his right foot; like his other clothes, they landed somewhere on the floor in the heat of the moment the evening before. He then rummaged through his bag and pulled out the small black thing.

"Here, see? What's all this about?"

Mello had just opened his mouth to reply when the damn phone rang again.

"Right, that's why!", he spat angrily, wildly pointing his right hand toward the direction of the ringing.

"People I don't even know have been calling all day, what in the hell is going on?!"

Shrugging his shoulders, Matt looked after him as he rushed out of the room to answer the call. Mello didn't give the caller a chance to say a word before screaming into the receiver: "You've got the wrong number!"

And then slammed it down right away.

"Maybe someone published our number someplace as a joke, and then people got all curious about it and started calling us?", Matt said, standing in the doorway, but the end of his sentence was interrupted by another ring.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!!"

"Here, let me," said the younger boy as he took the receiver from Mello's hand.

"Yes, hello?", he said in a friendly tone.

"Yeah, hi, this is Mike. So—this early then? I think that's really great. Okay, well, I just wanted to ask first of all, what are you offering?"

The redhead stifled a laugh with some difficulty, and then, running his hand over his mouth, replied: "What is it that you want?"

Mello stood close to Matt in order to hear what it is exactly that Mike wanted.

"Oh—well…I want to be dominated, but before you give me a blowjob and while my ba—"

Bursting out laughing, Matt slammed the receiver down, unintentionally tearing the phone cord out with his thumb.

"Whoa, Mello, they think we're a sex hotline or something like that."

The blonde watched him suspiciously for several moments, unsure whether his friend found this to be shocking, amusing, or just plain wonderful.
Or maybe nothing at all.

"Okay so…what do we do now…?"

"Dunno," the other answered, "figure out where exactly we're listed and then accuse the publisher..?"

"Stop joking around, Matt, I'm serious. What should we do? We have to change our number and let the few important people who know us of the new one."

Matt nodded, almost regretfully, but then the phone rang again, its shrill tone disrupting his thoughts.

"Ooh! Let me!", he said eagerly when he saw that Mello was about to pick it up.

He fell on the couch with a grin and proceeded to answer.

"Yeah, hello? Ramona's Love Nest, who's this?"

"…"

"Hello? I'm here, sweety…and I'm nice, too, if it's your first time. Are you shy? You don't have to be. Wanna tell me your name?

"It's Rod. I wanna talk to Mello…"

Matt's eyes went big with shock and he slapped his free hand to his mouth. He coughed and held the phone out in Mello's direction while the older boy stood silently in the middle of the room, seeming somewhat pissed off.

"Huh? Why do I have to deal with it? Hang up if you don't wanna talk to them."

Matt shook his head, standing up and walking toward Mello, and then handed him the phone carefully.

"Your boss…", he said shortly, then ran into the bathroom and locked himself up.

-end-

Thanks for reading
Lummy