Disclaimer: Don't own Mario.

AN: Okay, I know I'm insane for trying to inject even a little sense and logic into the Mario universe, of all things, but bear with me.


Mario stopped dead in his tracks, terrified and disgusted with himself after realizing what he'd just done. The sheer magnitude of his folly was astounding.

Only moments before, Mario had been happily sprinting along a stretch of open field. There had been no enemies, no traps, nothing but a safe span of ground. It made him careless and, acting purely out of habit, he forgot the danger and jumped, hitting the bottom of the question mark block suspended above him.

The cheerful trill of the block activating paralyzed Mario. He stood frozen with horror, his eyes glued on the deadly fungi as its delicate red and white patterned cap rose from the top of the block. A super mushroom. Oh, how he loathed those things.

True, the mushrooms gave you an energy boost and made you stronger. For that, most of the Mushroom Kingdom thought of them as beneficial. The people who supported them, however, must never have tried a super mushroom for themselves. They didn't know how dangerous the little things were, just as or more deadly than poison mushrooms.

Mario knew, he had learned the hard way. They might make you stronger, but the massive growth spurt you go through after using a mushroom is excruciating. Pain like nothing you could ever imagine! Growing to over twice his size in under three seconds was the most torturous thing Mario had ever experienced, even taking into account the number of times he'd fallen into bubbling magma or been crushed to death. It was not something he was eager to endure again. He still had stretch marks from the last time!

As much as he hated it, Mario knew what he had to do to preserve his sanity. The same thing he did every time this situation arose. Before the mushroom could emerge any farther from the block, he turned tail and ran for all he was worth, hoping to come across some bottomless chasm for the dread fungi to fall into.

Fleeing wildly across the landscape, Mario swore to himself that once he rescued Peach he'd have her outlaw mushrooms forever.


AN: The idea that Mario would be thankful to see a super mushroom is just so normal, so boring and stale, that I had to mix it up. Seriously, if a person had a growth spurt as extreme as the one Mario goes through, they'd literally be ripped in half. It would kill a man!