Atobe-Sensei

Prepare for the idiotic crack you just know is gonna happen.


"Ore-sama is beautiful, naa Kabaji?"

"Usu."

"Ore-sama is the best, naa Kabaji?"

"Usu."

"Atobe is an idiot, naa Kabaji?"

"Usu."

"SHISHIDO RYOU! HOW DARE YOU SNEAK UP ON ORE-SAMA?"

"Pth, I was behind you the whole time." Shishido muttered.

"Anyways... Ore-sama is a--"

"JIROH MOLESTER, NAA KABAJI?" Gakuto shouted.

"Usu."

"Kabaji, Ore-sama orders you to NOT say usu after anyone but Ore-sama!"

"Usu."

"What time is it?" Jiroh mumbled.

"Usu."

"...What is he thinking?" Gakuto asked.

Kaba-chan's mind...

IT'S TOO DARK!!! WE CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!!! WHAT ON EARTH!?

"...Usu."

"Atobe-kun." A teacher called for him. "Can I see you in my class now?"

"Sure, Ore-sama is glad to share his beautifulness to everyone."

"...Pth, showoff." Gakuto whispered.

"Narcissist." Shishido muttered.

A few minutes later Atobe came out.

"What did she tell you? You got kicked out of school for showing off too much?" Gakuto said.

Shishido snickered. "Or you got kicked out for being, as Echizen would say, a monkey king?"

"...Nope. Ore-sama has something even better." Atobe said slowly.

"...YOU GOT MARRIED TO SANADA?" Gakuto cried.

"No. Even better."

"Even better than getting married to Sanada?!"

"Yes. Ore-sama doesn't like Sanada like that anyways."

"..." The two shorter boys exchanged looks. The look as in: "Yeah, right, we so believe you." That look.

Atobe chuckled. "Ore-sama has..."

"GOT RAPED BY JIROH!" Gakuto randomly guessed.

Shishido sighed and rolled his eyes.

"... Ore-sama wouldn't answer that."

"What did you get?" Shishido asked.

"Ore-sama is now... a teacher! Since there is no substitute for the Math class, Ore-sama decided to help. Since he does have the best grades. That also proves that Ore-sama is better than all of you."

"...You kidding right?" Shishido asked.

"No."

"Are you teaching pre-scholars?" Gakuto asked.

"No, fourth graders." Atobe replied. "You will all be awed by Ore-sama's wonderful teaching skills." Atobe set off running to the sun set!

"Somehow I doubt it..." Shishido muttered. (Wow, he does a lotta muttering)

Mukahi nodded. "I agree for once, Shishido, I agree."


Kabaji kicked the door down. Atobe stepped in.

"Be awed by Ore-sama's beautifully prepared entrance!" He said. Kabaji was in the background throwing rose pedals.

The class was silent. No one dare to speak a word until one brave boy whispered to his friend, "Call the cops, I think he's a... you know, looney."

Atobe pointed to the said boy and bellowed, "How dare you call Ore-sama a looney! Run 100 laps!"

"Awww, but sensei, it's math class!!" He whined.

"Ore-sama doesn't care! Run 100 laps now, young man!"

"...I hate you." That was the last thing the boy said before running out the door.

"Anyone else have something to say about Ore-sama?" Atobe asked.

A girl raised her hand.

"Yes, you, the girl in the front."

"Are you a hobo?" She asked. The whole class laughed.

"...go run 100 laps."

The girl started to cry but ran out anyways. She cried out, "I have never been in trouble before!!!"

"Sensei, are you going to make everyone run 100 laps if we get you mad?" Another boy asked.

"No, but if you want to, you can run." Atobe said.

"...Sensei! When are you going to teach?" A boy wearing glasses asked.

"You run 100 laps too." Atobe ordered.

"But... but..." He stammered. "What... what did I do?"

"For asking dumb questions." Atobe replied.

The boy started to cry just like the other girl. He probably never got in trouble before too...

"Anyone else?" Atobe asked.

The whole class was silent.

"That's what Ore-sama thought." Atobe said. He began teaching.

A boy whispered to his buddy, "Hey... I'm bored..."

Atobe twitched. "Ore-sama thought that he made it clear. NO TALKING. EVERYONE RUN 300 LAPS!"

Some people groaned. Some sighed. A few, FEW, cried enthusiastically. (like 5 percent...)

After the laps...

"So class, what have you all learned from Ore-sama?"

"WE HATE YOU!!!" A kid shouted. "YOU MAKE US RUN SO MANY LAPS! WE'RE ONLY 10 DAMMIT!"

"No cursing!"

"YEAH! WE'RE ONLY TEN!" Another cried.

A chuckle was heard. It was Shishido. "I guess you can't teach kids your magnificence."

"...No, these kids loves Ore-sama." A notebook flew towards Atobe's direction. He dodged. "They are just telling how much they love me by trying to hit Ore-sama in the head."

"I doubt it..." Gakuto whispered to Shishido. Shishido rolled his eyes.

A trash can flew towards Atobe.

After School...

"Atobe-kun... I am not happy to tell you this but... you're never going to teach again." The teacher said in a stern tone.

"..."

"Yes, I know you're sad..."

"..."

"You may speak, Atobe-kun."

"WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU FIRE ORE-SAMA!!! ORE-SAMA WILL NEVER WORK HERE AGAIN BECAUSE HE QUITS!!!!" Atobe shouted in one breath.

"...Atobe-kun, you're 15, you can't be fired nor can you quit. You're a student."

"ORE-SAMA CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!! HOW DARE YOU FIRE HIM!!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!" Atobe pointed to the teacher.

The teacher decided to stay calm. She was twitching a bit. "... Atobe-kun... You can be fired nor could you fire me." She shouldn't have followed her sister's job... You know, Miss Akari? That's her sister.

"ORE-SAMA IS OUT OF HERE!" Atobe stomped out the room. "ORE-SAMA WILL NEVER TEACH HERE AGAIN!"

"...I hate my job." She groaned. Who doesn't? This is HYOUTEI we're talking about.


"And then Ore-sama was fired!! Can you believe that Genichirou?" Atobe cried over the phone.

Sanada pulled the phone even farther away then it was already. The phone was more than a foot away from his ear.

"ORE-SAMA SAID, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT GENICHIROU?! ORE-SAMA GOT FIRED!!! FIRED! HOW DARE THEY!"

Sanada sighed. Why did he give Atobe his real cell phone number? He's really using up his unneeded minutes...

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ORE-SAMA?! GENICHIROU!!!" Atobe literally screamed into the phone.

Niou snickered. "Looks like fukubuchou has problems of his own... Is it your wife, Gen-chan?"

Sanada frowned. "RUN 5,000 LAPS!" He bellowed.

"EXCUSE ME?! HOW DARE YOU MAKE ORE-SAMA RUN THAT MUCH! HE IS BUCHOU!"

"..." Sanada wanted to jump down a mountain. Why wasn't he as calm as Jackal? The poor boy seems to be the only one that's still sane in Rikkai.

As if Jackal read Sanada's mind. He ran around screaming, "FIRE!!!"

"...I hate my job." Sanada mumbled.

"--GENICHIROU! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ORE-SAMA! YOU SHOULD BE HONORED THAT ORE-SAMA EVEN BOTHERS TO CALL YOU! THAT'S IT! ORE-SAMA WILL NEVER CALL YOU AGAIN!" Then the dial tone.

"..."

"If you would like to make a call please dial the number."

"..." Sanada threw his phone in the water fountain. "Screw technology." He muttered.

Sanada survived that very day without a call from Atobe. Happy, happy, happy.

"YUKIMURA-BUCHOU!!! THERE'S A PHONE IN THE WATER FOUNTAIN!!! IT HAS 40 MISSED CALLS TOO!" Akaya shouted.

Sanada sighed. He decided to stay home... for the next week. Or month. And maybe never buy a phone again or at least don't give Atobe his number...

Fin.

Look forward to the other versions.