An Average Day in Arkham


"I don't want pancakes. I want waffles." He picked at the soggy blobs of dough on his plate and scowled.

"Pancakes. Just like everyone else."

The Joker looked up at his guard and pointed his fork. "Well, I'm not everyone else. I'm me!"

"Pancakes. Like everyone else."

The Joker sighed. "You're no fun at all. Has anyone ever told you that, Jack?"

"My name's not Jack."

"I know." The Joker's scowl returned. "I'm not allowed to know your name, because if I did, the moment I escaped I'd hunt you down and kill you. For giving me pancakes!" He slammed his fist down on the floor of his cell and then threw his breakfast across the room. "Bah!" He crossed his arms and looked at the mess sulkily. "All I wanted was orange juice, anyway."

He sniffed and looked tragic a moment later. "Is it really so much trouble to indulge me one request?"

"You have serious Borderline tendencies, and I have been instructed not to play into them. You are here to be cured, bot to be indulged."

"Take all that psychiatrist crap and shove it where the sun don't shine," The Joker said. "And get me some coffee."

"No caffeine."

"I can't start my morning without caffeine! What do you mean there's no caffeine? This place had coffee last time I was here! That was a week ago! This place is going downhill in a hand basket! I can't believe this dump! What a waste!"

The guard stared him down. He could do that, considering the new security of the Joker's cell and the many, many armed people behind him. "Your new psychiatrist recommends the elimination of caffeine, as it will only exacerbate whatever conditions you already have."

"You're no fun." The Joker dropped his chin into the palm of his hand.

He giggled a moment later. "Wanna hear a joke?"

The guard promptly left.