Athor's notes

Well, here's another useless, random story. We should be working on Confusion, but we got sidetracked. We have nothing against the Akatsuki (obsessive loves them) but they are so funny! Anyways, here's the story.

Warning: Yaoi, crackness, slight canabolism, some violence

Disclamer: We don't own Cosmo, and if we owned Naruto, the akatsuki would be one big orgy...

A day in the life of the Akatsuki

Kisame has been staring at the wall for the last few minutes. Written there, in large blue paint, was 'FISH ARE FOOD NOT FRIENDS'. Finally, the message sunk into Kisame's brain.

"ZETSU!!!!" He screamed into the hideout. Not waiting for a reply, he ran into the kitchen. There sat Zetsu, about to eat a big, juicy tuna burger.

"I know you wrote that in the hallway! Why?!"

"I saw you last night. You ate Victoria!" He accused in a small, heart-broken voice.


"Yes…my dear Victoria. We had a third date on Wednesday."

Slightly freighted, Kisame replied, "All I had last night was a sal-oh god, you're not serious."

The hurt and angry look on Zetsu's face spoke for itself. "I most certainly am!"

Kisame stared in awe as Zetsu started sobbing. This whole situation was reaching a level of disturbing yet to be reached in his mind. He started edging away from the plant-man. All the sudden Zetsu's demeanor changed.

"We should eat you too. Then we shall never be without Victoria!" He got an evil look in his eyes.

Kisame stared for a moment, and then ran out of the room screaming "ITAAACHIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!"

Zetsu followed, though much slower. Kisame smacked into the wall next to the main room, where most of the Akatsuki was. He got up, then ran into the room, promptly plopping down in Itachi's lap.

Itachi was in the middle of reading Cosmo, when a large blue thing sat on him. "May I ask why you are on my lap, Kisame?" He asked calmly. This wasn't the first time it happened.

"Zetsu's trying to eat me!!!!!!!!!"

"You ate Victoria, didn't you?"

"Wha…Did everyone but me know about this?"

Everyone gave some form of agreement. Zetsu came into the room, murder on his face. Everyone stepped back, giving him a clear path to the fish and weasel men. Itachi sighed.

"Zetsu, you may not eat him. Remember how mad Leader got last time. May Akito rest in peace." He paused, and the others murmured 'Rest in peace'. He said "If you have a problem with him, I suggest you put a complaint in the complaint box."

The complaint box was hanging on Leader's door. It was all ways at least half full, even though he checked it every day. Some of the random complaints were 'Deidara keeps blowing my stuff up', 'Tobi won't respect my personal space, and the ever popular 'Itachi needs counseling!'.

Back to the story! Anyways, Zetsu was about to say something, when a loud moan came threw the wall. All turned to look at the wall in question. It was Sasori and Deidara's room. Looking around, the group realized Deidara and his 'Danna' were missing. The moans increased, and now there was a thumping sound. Everyone tried to concentrate.

Finally Itachi got fed up. He lifted Kisame, who for some reason had not moved, and got up. Walking down the hall slightly, he opened their door. He was about to say something, when a look of pure shock, then fear appeared on his face. He stopped breathing, then fell to the ground, shaking, and yelling.

"AHHHHH!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!! WHY CAN'T I BE BLIND!!!!!!!" He curled into a ball, repeating those words. So now the remaining men were graced with unmuffled groans AND Itachi's girlish shrieks.

Kakuzu started banging his head against a wall, muttering about 'therapy they'll need, and money they can't lose'. Hidan started killing himself, for momentary relief. Zetsu had shut the Venus flytrap leaves, and was trying to turn himself fully into a plant. Kisame was stuffing his head and body into the aquarium, and Tobi was bouncing between them all, saying random useless things. Then Leader walked in.

He took in all the mess, and the various positions his members were in. Rubbing his temples, he walked over to the artist's room and said "Are you finished yet?" Apparently so, because the noise from there stopped. He closed the door, then slapped Itachi and said "You. Are. Not. Blind." He walked over to Kakuzu and whispered something in his ear. Whatever it was, it put an evil smirk on his face. Stepping over Hidan's lifeless body (that would resolve itself), he pried open Zetsu and let him know it was over. He merely looked at Kisame, who was half in the fish tank, with just his legs in the air. Leader tapped on the glass, and Kisame stropped, and pulled himself out.

"Didn't your parents tell you not to tap on the glass?! Fish don't like that!"

Leader gave him a look that said 'I'm the leader of a large criminal organization. Do you honestly think I listened to my parents?' Leader looked them over, and said "One hour. I asked for one hour of peace. This is what I get." He sighed, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You are all S-class criminals. You are feared in all the ninja villages. For the love of Kami, pull yourself together."

"I believe in Jashin." Hidan corrected in a small voice. Suddenly 9 kunai's, coming from all different directions aimed at him. "Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm just saying! Stop it!"

Leader glanced at the clock. It was barely noon. This is gonna be another one of those days.

So...yeah, no idea where that came from. Please reveiw!