PPTH! (A highly insane and silly song)

House, Wilson, Chase and Foreman file into the almost deserted Karoke bar. House is wheeling in the Coma-Guy's bed in front of him. The only patrons are Cuddy and Cameron, both with empty shot glasses and a half bottle of tequila in front of them. Cameron is giggling helplessly at what the guys are wearing. Wilson is wearing the construction worker's outfit, and Chase is wearing the native american outfit. Foreman naturally is stuck with the motorcycle cop outfit. House is wearing the cowboy suit, complete with leather chaps over jeans, leather vest, and cowboy hat. The poor Coma-Guy is wearing the black leather biker outfit.

"I still don't understand House, if YOU lost the bet, how come we all have to sing and dance?" asked Wilson plaintively.

"Bro's before Ho's. Besides, you don't seriously expect me to dance on stage do you? I got a note..." began House.

"Why are we dragging the poor Coma-Guy in with us? By definition, he can't sing or dance regardless of any ability he might have had before!" stated Foreman.

"We need a fifth person. And I certainly wasn't going to wear the black leather biker's outfit." replied House.

"Stop stalling House! Are you boys ready?" Cuddy staggers to the Karoke machine, and selects the Village People's "Y.M.C.A." As the music starts, the fifth of scotch shared between them begins to work. The overhead lights begin to dim, spotlights come on, and the boys begin to strut and dance to the upbeat 70's tune. House grabs the microphone, and begins to sing surprisingly well. Naturally the Coma-Guy just lies there, still dressed in the black leather biker's outfit.

Patients, there's no need to feel down

I said patients, pick yourself off the ground

I said patients, 'cause there's a new doc in town

There's no need to be unhappy

Patients, there's a place you can go

I said patients, when other docs don't even know

You can go there, and I'm sure you will find

They can ex-tend your life-time

You gotta go to the PPTH!

You gotta go to the PPTH!

They have every-thing, all the doctor toys

Even though one guy really annoys

You gotta go to the PPTH!

You gotta go to the PPTH!

Your coming has been forseen

And here is the raw deal

They will help you to heal

Patients, are you listening to me

I said patients, you can be disease-free

I said patients, It's not as bad as it seems

But you've got to know this one thing

Go find Dr. House your-self

I said patient, make sure he helps you himself

Just go find him, at the PPTH

He's work-ing down at the clin-ic today

You gotta go to the PPTH!

You gotta go to the PPTH!

They have every-thing, all the doctor toys

Even though one guy really annoys

You gotta go to the PPTH!

You gotta go to the PPTH!

Your coming has been forseen

And here is the raw deal

They will help you to heal

Patient, I was once in your shoes

Doc said, Your life, you will certainly lose

I felt no man cared if I was alive

Didn't know how I would sur-vive

That's when this guy came up to me

And he said patient, take a walk up the street

There's a place there called the PPTH

They can start you back on your way

You gotta go to the PPTH!

You gotta go to the PPTH!

They have every-thing, all the doctor toys

Even though one guy really annoys

PPTH!

You gotta go to the PPTH!

Your coming has been forseen

And here is the raw deal

They will help you to heal

PPTH!

You gotta go to the PPTH!

Patient, I was once in your shoes

Doc said, Your life, you will certainly lose

PPTH!

As the song finishes, and the lights come on, Cuddy and Cameron can barely manage to clap their hands because of the uncontrollable giggling fit they're experiencing.

"GOT YOU, HOUSE! This is enough blackmail material to last for decades!!" Cuddy jumps up, brandishing a small camcorder she had hidden on the table, covered by her purse. She pumps her right arm, and cackles in glee. Finally she had won a bet against House, and victory was sweet indeed. Cameron falls off her chair, giggling even harder as she finally realizes what happened.

"I don't think so." House's cool and smug statement sobers up Cuddy. House simply points to behind Cuddy, and she sees the entire staff of the Princeton-plainsboro Teaching Hospital behind her. They had snuck in while the boys were doing their number. Most of them are on the floor, giggling or laughing as hard as Cameron.

"Can't blackmail me with common knowledge, can you, Dr. Cuddy?" Cuddy's face falls as she realizes that her elaborate plan of evil genius to blackmail House wasn't going to work. Oh well, there was always tomorrow...