A/N: I guess this adds to the 'strangely OOC Sasunaru fics of DOOM. Except this is Narusasu. Who knows what the next two people to get attacked. Maybe these two again.
The Amazing Narusasu Parody Fic
Sasuke the Emo getting LOOOOOOOVE banged into him by Naruto the Jock in Konoha-Overused-Highschool-Name-High And Full of Stereotypes
Uchiha Sasuke stood in front the mirror, naked and eyes full of hate. Although he was very beautiful and gorgeous and sexy and bangable he hated his body and looks, like most teenagers. But Sasuke was special. How? He was special because he hated himself for not looking good enough to get Uzumaki Naruto, school jock and hottie hot hottie of Konoha (Overused Highschool Name) High(KOHNH). (YES, IT MAKES HIM SPECIAL. NO OTHER TEEN FEELS THIS WAY!)
And since Sasuke hated himself, life, his brother, his clothing, the prices at Hot Topic, his body, his MySpace profile, his grades and puppies, he cut himself. The Uchiha, (or, as his MSN name was, EmoPuppyKicker1234(EPK1234)) was about as emo as the came, right down to his skinny jeans he was currently tugging on and the eyeliner he's already applied.
Sighing melodramatically, he went to over to his---wait for it, I'm about to reveal the brand of his computer, since you care so much—Apple computer. It was already on, and he logged onto MSN to chat.
EPK1234 HAS LOGGED ON. PREPARE TO SPEND THE NEXT PAGE OR SO ON A COMPLETELY USELESS CONVERSATION.
EPK1234: any1 there?
EPK1234: im all alone
EPK1234: all by myself. none luves me
EPK1234: i h8 life
EPK1234: im cuttng while i type this.
EPK1234: oh emo gawd. the bloods makin my keyborde sticky
EPK1234: oh emo gawd. itachi's gunna kill me
EPK1234: w8. i wunna die.
EPK1234: KILL ME ITAAAAAAAAACHI!
SteretypicalItachiUsername(SIU) HAS LOGGED ON IN ORDER TO BE A CREEPY ODLER BROTHER WHO WILL ATTEMPT TO KILL SASUKE LATER ON AND NARUTO WILL COMFORT HIM AND CENSOR CENSOR CENSOR!
SIU: becuz i lyke ur sufferong i wont. dum emo.
EPK1234: shut up goth!!11
That was the very reason the two brothers disliked each other. Sasuke was an emo, and his brother was a goth. Serious competition over what was better going down there.
Anyways, Sasuke stayed there chatting with his brother who was in the next room before heading to school. There he saw Naruto, who was passionately making out with the head cheerleader, Haruno Sakura, who was really ugly and annoying and nobody really like and had no skills yet was somehow head of the team.
Sasuke felt his heart break a little. Though he didn't know why. Since Naruto was head of the baseball, soccer, football, rugby, basketball, lacrosse and swim team, and star of the track, lawn bowling, wall-scaling, girl-banging, beer-drinking, rowing and popularity team,everyone loved him. How he manages to fit all those teams and their practices and games into his life is never questioned. Most people assume he has a Time Turner.
Tears trembled in Sasuke's eyes, and he ran past Naruto to go cut his wrists in the bathroom. He was there cutting emo-ly for about three-quarters of the day before he fell unconscious on the tiled floor, which was covered with the impossible amount of about three feet of blood, so he kinda floated.
So when Naruto opened the door to the bathroom, a bunch of blood stained his new pants he'd recently gotten from Old Navy or Abercombie and Fitch or some other store of such, and he discovered Sasuke lying in a pool of his own blood. Get it?
Naruto was a jock, so he was really muscled and stuff, so he easily picked up the other boy, marveling at how light and tiny the other was for being seventeen. Of course, the had just lost all his blood and than some, so maybe that's why. Of course, Naruto couldn't marvel at much, since being a jock made him absolutely dumb.
Oh yeah. Completely forgot the most important part of high school fics. So while Naruto rushes the other boy to the nurse's, because he's just randomly realized how much he loves the other (so he's heatedly kissing the boy), their clothing shall be described!
Naruto is wearing a pair of orange pants that are the exact shade of orange called 'manly manly tangerine excel twinkly orange', with a black tee-shirt that's color #0001. He's wearing three manly jockish bracelets on his left wrist, and two on his right. He has two earrings in his right ear that are exactly 0.2 mm apart, and one small loop in his left. His sneakers are white and black and have a vertical horizontal elephant stitch.
Sasuke is wearing a pair of dark, tight skinny jeans and a black tee-shirt that's also color #0001, a sign he and Naruto are meant to be together. He's also wearing a black hoodie with the hood up and it's zipped exactly two-thirds up. He has black and white checkerboard shoes on, and his hoodie sleeves are pushed back to show his wrists that are all slashed, and covered with precisely 54.342 scars on the left, and 29.427 on his right. He's also wearing black fingerless gloves.
So Naruto brought Sasuke to the nurse's office and left him there, then went off to discover what the beautiful emo boy's name was. Or, as he'd put it to his friends, "pretty boy. Slashes wrists. Name?" After asking this in a grunting manner, they had informed him it was Uchiha Sasuke, and he shouldn't get involved with him.
But the blond was overwhelmed with his emotions for Sasuke, so he went to find him, only to forget where the nurse's office was, and even his own name. For he he had . . . duh duh duuuuuuuuuuh . . . AMNESIA!
Sasuke had been brought home, to have blood pumped into his from his brother's supply of blood bags, half of which were infected with AIDS. (Why he has these, no one knows.) Luckily, Sasuke got the uninfected half, and was up and at 'em again. But he still wanted to die, as shown through this scene:
"My life a horrible, dark void. Nothing matters." Sasuke complained as he ate the toast his mother had just made while his father read the paper. Yes, his parents are there. What, you didn't think they were dead, did you?
"That's nice dear." Mikoto commented absentmindedly as she pulled, out of nowhere, a cute little frilly black dress. "What do you think? I thought it would look good on my daughter, you, Sasuke-chan!" Most of the brother's emotional issues stemmed from the fact that their mother thought they were girls and their father forgot he had children half the time.
"No mother, I will not wear that dress, no matter how cute it is!" Commented Sasuke in an emo fashion. "I'm going to go kill myself!"
"And I'm going to remain oblivious." His mom replied, waving the dress temptingly. "Come on, I need one of you to wear it. It's too small for Itachi-chan. Please wear it, honey? And eat your toast." The teen had only been picking at it.
"I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF! I WILL NOT EAT MY TOAST! I WILL HANG MYSELF SINCE APPARENTLY PEOPLE DON'T HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO LET SOMEBODY BLEED TO DEATH!" Ah yes, Sasuke didn't know whom his savior had been.
Mikoto sighed, and patted his shoulder. "Just eat your toast and we can try on your new dress later, okay baby?" Sasuke sat down, as he had just sprung up in his burst of anger, and nodded, mumbling a, 'yes mother'.
The dark-haired emo had decided to hang himself at school for shock factor. As he prepared everything (still wearing that dress), the question arises: will Naruto regain his memory, find Sasuke and confess his love, giving Sasuke a reason to live, and save the day?
The said jock was having a conflicting mental battle. A voice kept saying, 'Remember who you are!' in a very Lion King fashion, but the blond couldn't. The amnesia was too strong. But there was one thing that was stronger. The power of love! His love for Sasuke beat back the unexplained bout of forgetfulness, and Naruto took off looking for, "Sasuke!"
The Uchiha was getting ready to kick the ladder from under him, when Naruto came running in. Apparently, after being amnesiac, he'd lost the ability to be dumb, and now had moderate intelligence, which was how he found Sasuke, noose around his neck, the other end tied around the railing while the ladder below him sat at the base of the stairs.
"Sasuke, don't! I love you!" Naruto cried. Sasuke slowed down his kicking foot to a stop and stared.
"Yes!" And then the magic of loved filled the air with an entire choir singing 'Hallelujah!' while unicorns jumped over rainbows and sunshine shone and there were lots of deer and birdies and bunnies. Sasuke began to slowly remove the noose in order to climb down the ladder, when out of nowhere came Itachi, who pushed over the ladder, and Sasuke was hung.
"GOTHS ARE BETTER!" Shouted Itachi before disappearing again. Naruto stared up at the swinging body, blue eyes filling with tears in a manly way.
"Oh. He's dead." Naruto spun in shock to see Sakura, and half the school standing there. Naruto blinked in confusion. What was everyone doing there? "Come on Naruto, let's head to final period. After school we can make out like me did this morning."
That makes sense. This fic was so fast paced, it only covered a day. Oohhhhhhhh.
Naruto squared his shoulders and announced, "I'm sorry, I can't. Now that Sasuke is dead, I must carry on the Power of his Emoness. Off I go, to buy some skinny jeans!" And Naruto took off, and everyone continued to their final period, since the the body was no longer interesting.
After all, it was just an average day at KOHNH, just another average tragic whirlwind romance. Since that's what high school drama is exactly like.
A/N: Yes, I know. WHEE FOR POKING FUN AT HS FICS!