A/N: Hmm… I seem to be running low on material…


On The Back Of A… Turtle? Ooh-kaay…

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 4: On Gods, Death and Frying Pans

Disclaimer: Discworld belongs to His Greatness, Terry Pratchett, Lord of the Disk, He Who Might Be Able To Kick Weatherwax's Ass, etc. Kingdom Hearts belongs to square.

Hey, it had to happen some time…


Riku blinked his fruity-orange eyes a few times. He looked at the rather-undefinitely-appearing… uh, god who called himself Om and said, "Uh, could you care to explain it to me again? Ever since those girls mobbed me, my memory hasn't been doing so well…"

"You're the new god of Angsty, Emo, Yaoi-able Bishounen Semi-Anti-Heroes," Om explained again. He looked a little bit like a turtle now, though there seemed to be a touch on ninja at the corners. "You're in charge of Semes, Ukes, angsty and emo poetry, boy bands, Uchihacest, Yaoi, Slash, the villificaiton of female potential love interests…"

As Om went over the list again, Riku wondered why things like this kept happening to him. You never saw Sora in ambiguously gay situations…

(Of course, the "crying while holding Riku's hand, even though Kairi's right there and she barely gets a hello…" thing still hasn't happened, so he wouldn't know…)


"So, what's the story here, Nobby?" Fred Colon asked as he and Nobby Nobbs walked down one of the many streets of Ankh-Morpork. "Who's this new cat-dog-looking fella on the Watch?"

"Pete? Oh, the usual Sarge. Patrician's idea. Somethin' about representing forners in the Watch…"

Pete actually made a pretty good copper. The trick was sticking him wherever you'd usually see a troll and making sure Detritus was right behind him…



The shade of the person that was and– in a few seconds– would once more be Sora sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "Eh heh heh… sorry about that. It's just a lot easier to die on this world than usual…"

They both looked at the seemingly floating body of Sora with the glowing red, vaguely crystalline heart floating on above it. I WILL HAVE TO TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT, Death said. HONESTLY, YOU'RE WORSE THAN RINCEWIND. AT LEAST HE HAS THE DECENCY TO JUST BE DIFFICULT TO KILL. YOU ARE MAKING A MOCKERY OF MY PROFFESSION!

"It's not my fault, honest!"


The two stood in silence for a while.

"So, uh… nice horse…"


"Oh yeah, while we're here, I'd like to ask… what happens to Donald and Goofy when they die?"


Rincewind and Demyx somehow found themselves in a whirlwind adventure as only happens once in a lifetime. There were debonair spies, beautiful loose women, Dark Lords, unimaginable dangers, sexy vampires, Heartless, and several near-Death (or in Death's case, Near-Rincewind) experiences.

However, the two were too busy to notice, as they were kept occupied by trying to see how many times a second they could keep putting one foot in front of the other and thus achieved land speed records.

Nothing bad happened to the world, by the way.


Tiffany Aching had been going to visit Granny Weatherwax when it had happened. The sky had gone dark, the earth shuddered, and tree-thick dark vines bristling all over with thorns. In the center of it all stood a tall woman with– apparently– horns for hair, a long staff topped by some green thing, wearing a poncho-looking thing too tastefully tattered around the edges to have been worn by use.

Clearly, someone had been hitting the Boffo catalogue's "Neww Aige Secksee Wytch" special order catalogue (not that Tiffany would know, since she was a good girl and wouldn't know anything about that, and that it contained products like 'Akamatsu's Bouncerific Breast Biggerer Cream' or 'Bewitching Betwixting Garters' and stuff like that).

She whacked the obvious lunatic (she was talking to herself, which was just a hair this side of 'cackling') with her safety frying pan until she was unconscious and went on to visit Granny, ignoring the crow that squacked indignantly at her and tried to wake up the unconscious witch.

It never even saw Greebo coming…


"You guys did what while I was dead?" Sora asked incredulously.

"We didn't do it!" Donald cried indignantly, which made it a fifty-fifty chance that they had. "It's just that a couple of vampires saw you get killed and then come back assumed you were some kind of undead and convinced us to have you join their support group!"

"Although they were arguing on whether you were a vampire, ghoul, zombie or mummy," Goofy added helpfully.

Sora thought that over. "Oh. Well, that makes sense… I guess…"


- To be continued...


A/N: Much as I wanted to make Sally and Susan show up, I just couldn't think of a way. Sorry.

Please review, C&C welcome. Flamers will be raped by Greebo…

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.