Chapter 4

For the next few weeks, Severus and Lily spent a lot of time together. They wandered the halls, James snarling and cursing at them every chance he could get, but for some time, kept his distance. Christmas holidays we're drawing closer, and Severus dreaded staying there alone with no one to really talk to. To be away from Lily was nothing he would've liked to think about.

"I'll see you when you get back I 'spose," Severus muttered, giving her a hug goodbye and she smiled softly, moving a piece of his black stringy hair away from his face.

"Goodbye, Sev," she said with another smile and turning away slowly.

Severus watched her leave until the very moment she was out of sight. The time there was surely not enjoyable, but before he knew it, dozens of students were re-entering the school, returning from Holidays. He rushed into the Great Hall to eat dinner, hoping to see his love.

"Evening, Snape," Avery said, as Snape plopped his belongings on the table and sat down across from him, "Good Holiday?"

Severus nodded, grinning to himself slightly as a plate of food appeared in front of him suddenly; after he finished eating he opened his spell books, quill, and parchment and began scribbling vigorously.

"Dark Arts, I reckon?" Avery asked his mouth full of food.

Severus looked up slowly, a strand of his black hair hanging over his crooked nose. He nodded and looked back down, his nose almost touching the parchment. Before he knew it, a hand grabbed the back of his robes and threw him backward against the wall.

"SNIVELLUS!" a familiar voice roared.

A sharp pain was soaring through his head and he stumbled to his feet, coming face to face with James Potter, who was breathing heavily.

James' grip tightened on Severus' robes as he pulled him closer, "You've been messing with Evans, eh?"

Severus turned his head. To his surprise, Lily was standing further back behind James, a few tears running down her cheeks. A pang of displeasure soared through his chest and he jerked, struggling to be released from his grip. His black eyes darted to look over at Avery, who hadn't even noticed what was going on. Like that git would even defend him, anyway. He shoved his hand in his pocket to pull out his wand, but realized it must've fallen out when he was thrown backward.

"So what if I have, Potter?" Severus said, trying to keep his voice steady and strong. "How would you know anyway? Unless…" he looked back at Lily, who was now sobbing. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" Severus roared, finally jerking away from Potter, using all the adrenaline that was pumping through his veins.

He darted over to grab his wand, but as soon as his long, pale fingers touched the side of his wand, he was thrown backward again, going unconscious for a moment but returning to his senses and scrambled up, panting, his wand now firmly in his hand.

"What've you done, Potter? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" Severus screamed. A few people were looking over now, but he did not care.

"Veritaserum," Sirius called, he appeared out from behind James, a wild smirk on his face, "Slipped a bit into Evans' pumpkin juice."

"Why you little-" but Severus was cut off, his was once more dangling in the air, loathing becoming his only emotion as several extras began to laugh. He looked at Lily once more but she did nothing. But it did not faze him; he apparently was nothing to her, nothing.

"See you around, Snivellus," James said, laughing. With a flick of his wand, Severus was thrown onto the floor. He grabbed Lily's hand and walked off, laughing obnoxiously, as he always did.

Severus scrambled up, picking up his books. How he loathed Potter and his friends, he wanted nothing more than to make him suffer, make him cringe and squirm in pain on the floor. He wanted nothing more than to make Potter miserable for taking his one and only love. He wanted to overpower his enemy, make him beg for mercy. Severus sighed deeply and gathered his things from the table and stormed out of the Great Hall.

He walked quickly along a deserted corridor, thinking. Why does Potter always have to ruin everything? I thought Lily had forgiven me, I thought she would stick up for me again, like she used to. You shouldn't have pushed your chances, Snape. She used you, teased you. Filthy little whore- no… she's not. She's my friend… Isn't she?

Severus shook his head, hoping to rid of these thoughts. They were invading his mind, taking him in as a whole. When he came back to his senses, he didn't even know where he had taken himself. He jumped when he heard a voice behind him call his name. He did not turn when he felt a gentle hand be placed on his shoulder. The hand felt familiar, and he jerked away.

Lily Evans walked around to face him, her eyes still glazed with tears. "Severus-"

He shook his head, "Don't."

"Severus listen-"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" His voice echoed throughout the corridor.

She stopped, her mouth hanging open slightly. She lowered her hand slowly, letting it fall by her side. Lily had not expected that he would ever yell at her like that. She took one step back and examined his features. He was breathing heavily, his school books clutched in his hands. "Severus I-" she held up a hand, "No listen to me, I didn't mean to say anything. It wasn't my fault, you know? But James I realized he's not so bad…"

"NOT SO BAD?!" he screeched, throwing his books down, "NOT SO BAD!? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HE TORTURES ME!?"

A tear streamed down her face, but he did not seem to care.

"FOR YEARS HE'S TORTURE ME! FOR YEARS, EVANS! AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO KILL HIM, YOU KNOW THAT? KILL HIM! BETTER YET, TORTURE HIM! MAKE HIM BEG FOR MERCY! AND YOU THINK… HE'S NOT THAT BAD!?" He was breathing quickly now, his insides fuming.

"Severus stop!" she yelled, sobbing now. "Severus, you're my friend, but we're going different ways… I don't like who you hang out with. Your interests in the Dark Arts is not good for you, Sev-"

"Don't… Call me Sev anymore," he said, picking up his books and storming off.

And Lily thought, before he turned away, she saw a tear fall from his face.

For the next few weeks, Severus kept as far away from Lily as he could. He felt as if some sort of Shielding Charm had been cast between them, but he kept it that way. He sometimes watched her as he peered over the top of his book as he sat beneath a tree in the grounds. She was always with Potter, sometimes holding his hand, which made Severus wince with extreme hatred. But he shook his head; she was not worth it anymore. No matter how much he loved her, how much he wanted everything to be alright, he could not come crawling back to her now. It was unimaginable, not even thought of. Severus could not bear to think of it.

Every now and then he thought he caught Lily looking at him from the corner of his eye. But before he could turn the direction of his sight to make sure, she was dragged off by Potter and his friends. But the good thing was, James being so occupied with his new girlfriend, he had been to busy to even think about torturing him.

He flipped through a few pieces of his parchment, looking for a piece to jot some notes down on. A half sheet slipped away from him and as he reached to grab it, he noticed familiar hand writing on the front.

It read, "Because of you, our connection has been severed…"

Severus seized it quickly and looked at it closely, examining every letter.

Because of you, our connection has been severed.

And it was true.

He stuffed the half piece of parchment into his copy of Advanced Potion Making and slammed it shut. He got to his feet and dashed off across the grounds, making his way towards the castle. Stopping suddenly, he looked around frantically for Lily, and finally saw a slender girl with thick, red hair standing by the Great Lake.

He ran over and stopped behind her, trying to move in quickly, but a twig snapped beneath his foot. He froze abruptly in his spot and she turned to look at him. Severus straightened up and cleared his throat, "Hello."

"Hi," she said gently, chucking a pebble into the water and watching it skip across, leaving a few ripples in the water, but they disappeared slowly.

"Doing well?" He asked awkwardly, sitting down nearby.

She nodded.

"I…" he didn't know where to start. "Well I… I found your letter."

Lily turned to look at him slowly, her beautiful emerald eyes examining his features. She nodded, "I see."

Her voice was surprisingly soft, she looked like she had been crying.

He stood once more, and moved to be next to her. He only stared at her for a moment, and she stared back. If he hadn't felt so awkward, he would have figured this would've been the perfect moment to kiss her. If only he could… If only… Severus cleared his throat once more, "You and uh… Potter alright?"

She shrugged, turning to look back at the water once more. "I suppose… A lot of other girls tend to follow him around and flirt with him quite often…"

"Oh," Severus said, moving a strand of his hair out of his face. "Well I just thought… I just thought I'd say hello. I guess I'd better be going."

"Yeah I suppose so," she agreed, and he was surprised.

"See you," he said, hurrying off and walking back slowly towards Hogwarts.

That night he did not sleep very well. He tossed and turned, visions and dreams of a strange hooded figure looming toward him haunting him throughout the night. He looked around and saw that he was standing inside a dark, empty, room, thousands of crystal balls standing innocently around him. Severus turned to look at one of them, but felt something move on his left forearm. He looked down and pulled up his sleeve. Instead of seeing scarlet welts and bruises, he saw the mark… The mark. It moved slowly, moving in slowly towards his face…

Severus leaned straight up in bed, panting heavily, and sweat pouring from his face. He looked around. He was lying in his four-poster, staring at the other boys who were sound asleep. It was surprising to him that he had actually rested for a few hours. But it was no use trying to lie back down. He got out of bed slowly, his pajama pants riding up slightly, revealing his legs.

"Ugh," he scoffed, pulling down the parts of the pajamas that had ridden up. Severus wiggled his bare toes and looked up, and picked up his wand before walking out of the dormitory quietly. Walking along the corridors, he kept his wand lit and many portraits complained.

"Can't you see we're sleeping, you bloody fool?" One of them called and Severus ignored it. He continued to walk, not knowing where his destination was. He kept walking before he found himself staring out of a stained window at the moon. It seemed brighter than ever, the stars dancing around it.

"Nox," he muttered, and the light at the tip of his wand went out. The light from the moon was enough to shine upon him so that he could see himself. He looked down and then looked away.

"Not good enough for her," he said aloud to himself. And he knew it was true, Lily Evans would always belong to James Potter. But he knew deep down, he would never accept that.

Never.